Life can be beautiful...

[moni]

So, I'm coming up to my 6 months mark in the next week or two. I've had my ups and downs since giving up alcohol. I've sometimes seriously struggled with whether it was worth it or not. I can't thank people here enough for their support and encouragement during those times.
In the past few weeks I feel like I've turned a corner. For the first time (possibly in my life) I'm content in myself and finding enjoyment in life. This to me is a massive breakthrough as prior to this I just 'existed'. Things aren't perfect by any means but I can see the light and hope to now begin improving the areas of my life that need improving.

So to anybody just starting out, stick with it. It's a rocky journey but the destination is well worth the bumpy ride.

[spiderwoman]

Life can be beautiful...

Well said Moni, at almost five months clear of the poison I m really beginning to enjoy life too.

[kuya]

Life can be beautiful...

Around four months sober seems to mark a turning point.......my energy returned, drinking thoughts were minimal and it all seemed quite normal.

Glad you are happier Moni ( and you Spidey )

[sweetpea29]

Life can be beautiful...

moni;1501052 wrote: So, I'm coming up to my 6 months mark in the next week or two. I've had my ups and downs since giving up alcohol. I've sometimes seriously struggled with whether it was worth it or not. I can't thank people here enough for their support and encouragement during those times.
In the past few weeks I feel like I've turned a corner. For the first time (possibly in my life) I'm content in myself and finding enjoyment in life. This to me is a massive breakthrough as prior to this I just 'existed'. Things aren't perfect by any means but I can see the light and hope to now begin improving the areas of my life that need improving.

So to anybody just starting out, stick with it. It's a rocky journey but the destination is well worth the bumpy ride.

Hi Moni

This is great to hear and im delighted you feel like you've turned a corner,
hoping the same will be case for me,
Best wishes xx

[jenniech]

Life can be beautiful...

I SOOOOO needed to hear this right now. The past few days I have been swimming in AL thoughts and it is driving me crazy!! I have no intention of drinking, but I can't stop thinking about drinking nonetheless which is very dangerous and will only lead to trouble if I don't do something about it. So I am reading posts, admitting my feelings, going to meetings and taking it one day at a time. It is working, but the thoughts are making me very cranky because I don't want to be thinking this way.
I could go on and on.....
So reading your posts ladies, has given me the medicine I need for today...

[kuya]

Life can be beautiful...

jenniech;1501100 wrote: I SOOOOO needed to hear this right now. The past few days I have been swimming in AL thoughts and it is driving me crazy!! I have no intention of drinking, but I can't stop thinking about drinking nonetheless which is very dangerous and will only lead to trouble if I don't do something about it. So I am reading posts, admitting my feelings, going to meetings and taking it one day at a time. It is working, but the thoughts are making me very cranky because I don't want to be thinking this way.
I could go on and on.....
So reading your posts ladies, has given me the medicine I need for today...

Jenni I was so cranky, often for four or five days at a time, for no obvious reason. People got on my nerves, I was tearful, felt disconnected and angry. Then it would lift and I was fine again.......for a few days. I found it hard but just kept reading and talking, PMed, and slept a lot.

It is the brain resetting itself I believe.

The way I see it is the effects of alcohol over our lives went in steps not a steady slope of decline. I remember the drinker I was in my teens and twenties acted and thought differently to my thirties and forties. If the damage occurs this way so to will the repair.

I have had four easy months and am now going through another 'healing phase'. I am irritable again, bored and finding it hard to focus. I choose to welcome it as a better me seems to emerge from these internal upheavals.

[kuya]

Life can be beautiful...

Also Jenni, don't try to not think about drinking, KEEP thinking about it till it bores the pants off you !

You will actually find if you actively try to focus on a subject your mind naturally drifts off to other things.

When we come to the forum we are constantly bombarded with talk and thought of drinking, yet the self same act STOPS people actually wanting to drink.

Bizarre but it is the way the mind works.

[jenniech]

Life can be beautiful...

Huh....OK, I will try that today Kuya....When my head goes to thoughts about drinking I will just let it and see where it takes me. That is actually a very interesting idea.....because I will think out the entire process and, based on my experience, I will think it through until the next day when I am full of self disgust, loathing and sickness.

In between, I will fill my head with gratitude...
thanks.

What do people do who do not have MWO to help them????????

[jenniech]

Life can be beautiful...

I just realized something. I went through a phase these past few weeks here where I felt obligated to help all the newbies. I was posting words of encouragement and advice. I was proud that I had been sober for so long (hahahahahaha) and wanted to help others. The problem is, I really haven't been sober that long.... arrogance is close to how I was acting but that isn't quite it. It has just dawned on me that I am still quite vulnerable and I need to start licking my wounds again. I need to internalize my focus and continue to reach out for help.

I need to work on being more honest about how I am really feeling and that is hard for me to do. It is only when I can be really really honest with myself that I will be able to trust myself and my sobriety. Who cares if I am a cranky bitch through the process? If that is what it takes to find the honesty and trust in myself then so be it.

[JingleJo]

Life can be beautiful...

Less than 2 weeks till I hit the 6 month mark too!

Can't believe how different my life is now compared to 6 months ago. I honestly thought it was going to be an ongoing struggle constantly fending off the urge to drink or feeling downright deprived and annoyed at not being able to drink. Alcohol was at the centre of my world and I just couldn't imagine life without it and fully expected it to play heavily on my mind forever in some shape or form!!

I'm not saying there hasn't been moments like that, especially near the start, but I can honestly say that, as time goes on, thoughts of alcohol get less and less until one day I suddenly realised that it was no longer at the centre of my life or thoughts and that life was GREAT without it. I always thought that, even tho I was told life could be good, that there would still be an element of feeling like I was lacking in something and missing out on stuff if I stopped drinking. Absolute bollocks. I've never been happier, as confident, as motivated, enthusiast and passionate for life.

Big thanks to this site for helping me majorly move forward when I first started on my journey :h:h:h

[kuya]

Life can be beautiful...

jenniech;1501109 wrote: I just realized something. I went through a phase these past few weeks here where I felt obligated to help all the newbies. I was posting words of encouragement and advice. I was proud that I had been sober for so long (hahahahahaha) and wanted to help others. The problem is, I really haven't been sober that long.... arrogance is close to how I was acting but that isn't quite it. It has just dawned on me that I am still quite vulnerable and I need to start licking my wounds again. I need to internalize my focus and continue to reach out for help.

I need to work on being more honest about how I am really feeling and that is hard for me to do. It is only when I can be really really honest with myself that I will be able to trust myself and my sobriety. Who cares if I am a cranky bitch through the process? If that is what it takes to find the honesty and trust in myself then so be it.

Actually Jenni I think it is important to express exactly what you are feeling WHEN you are feeling it. I have periods of great confidence when I want to jump in and help everyone, then I have down periods when I am cranky, sensitive and withdraw for a few days.

Wasn't it us constantly trying to act like invincible beings that got us into this mess? Now when I feel like crap I don't drink it away I tell myself and others how I really feel..........and, voila, I no longer feel the urge to drink!

You weren't being arrogant......you were being honest. Now you can advise people that there are ups and downs and to go with the flow.

[Byrdlady]

Life can be beautiful...

I don't know how people get sober without MWO or some intense support program to help them. We are really swimming upstream on this lifestyle and it's not always easy. Getting sober was one thing...staying sober is yet another!

I was 3 months ahead of Nelz according to the calendar. He would write posts about how well he was doing and I thought, "I wonder what's wrong with me that I'm not feeling as good as he is?" He seemed to be getting it and I was still lagging behind mentally. By my accounts, I lagged behind most people by about 3 months in changing my thinking and accepting this. I think it is sheer dumb luck I didn't fall at 6 months. My quit buddy fell then, and it shook me to the core. I thought relapse was inevitable. How could I, just a regular person, ever find the strength to live this lifestyle? If my quit-buddy fell, I was doomed, she was stronger than I was!?? I am so thankful I stuck it out. I just STUCK IT OUT. Acceptance only comes with time. I can look at AL now for what it is and not LONG for it. It's like when you are older and you can see how an old lover USED you and left you hanging out to dry. My thoughts now are more like "How could I have ever let that happen!" "What was I thinking?" I am one drink away from Day 1 and I know it. THAT keeps me going.

I'm not saying that everyone has to have Intensive Care when it comes to stopping drinking, but I don't see how folks like me could do it alone. Just being able to say you are having a bad day and someone saying...'so am I, but we'll get thru it' is a huge help. I really worry about people when they wander off from our site....when they return it's usually not under good circumstances. The world out there is telling us something totally different than what we must do. Friends, family, tv, FB, celebrities....everyone is doing and loving this thing we can't participate in. It takes ongoing support to maintain this lifestyle, I think. Would I like to get on with life and never think about AL again? Sure, but I can't. I need reassurance that what I'm doing is right. I find that here.

What a great thread! I wish it had been around when I was going thru that 'in between' time. I just kept at it, I knew that was the right thing to do. It paid off in spades. I am so glad there isn't that constant war in my head anymore. I took that choice off the table. There is peace up there now, thank goodness. MindPeace IS the reward.

Not sure what got me off on that tangent, but apparently it needed to come out...thank you for giving me a space to do it. Have a great day, everyone! Byrdie

[jenniech]

Life can be beautiful...

thank you byrdlady....your post has really helped me...

[NoSugar]

Life can be beautiful...

jenniech;1501326 wrote: thank you byrdlady....your post has really helped me...

Hi, Jennie

I saw that Byrdie lost her quit buddy -- that would be tough to handle.
I don't want to lose mine and I don't want you to lose yours !

Love you, NS :h

[NoSugar]

Life can be beautiful...

Being In Between

This was originally posted by Fallen Angel in the Encouragement Thread. It is one of my favorites and I've sent it to several people in other parts of my life.

In-between
by Melody Beattie

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

One of the hardest parts of growth is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for them to be filled.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in-between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need first to let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and growth. We can be in-between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in-between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life such as care-taking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we're in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from there to here. It is not the destination. We are moving forward, even when we're in-between.