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Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

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    #1

    Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

    I went to the doctor and told her everything. The drinking, how much, how long, how badly I need to stop it. She was so helpful and understanding. She talked to me for a long time, put me on an Ativan taper and Campral for outpatient detox and I'll see her again in a week. All day I craved alcohol but the Ativan stopped me from shaking and the Campral seems to be subtly doing its thing. There's still a ton of alcohol in the house (stupid I know, but it was expensive and I'd rather give it away than pour it) and while if I think about it, a glass of wine sounds fine, it doesn't feel like a life-or-death "I have to have this" sort of thing. The Ativan has me calmer than I've been in months. I feel like I can think. I am terrified of all of this, but I need my life back. I want to remember my evenings with my kids and family. I want to be pulled together at work. I want to be able to deal with bad feelings without reaching for a bottle ... and if the bad feelings are fake, the result of brain chemistry gone bad, I want to fix that, too. I want my life back. F*ck you, wine, for taking so many years from me. I'm getting angry and it feels good.
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    #2
    Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

    Hello Vib, I could have written that post about myself. I to have just decided to try again to get the beast off my back and out of my life.....forever!!! Just been to the doctorr.He was SO understanding and I have commenced AB this morning. Good Luck with your meds,really hope they work for you. There is lots of information on MWO about drugs used for alcoholism. There is a post on Nalatraxone,Campral,AB and Baclofen all of which have helped many who have struggled with this disease. White wine, Sav Blanc has taken so much from me,I have been drinking the crap for 40 years!!! It really is a wonder I am still alive with the amount of al I have consumed. It is not going to be easy. I am not sure what advice I can give you, but to just say welcome and keep trying. You have made the most important decision in your life to stop drinking.Many others have found peace and freedom from the grips of al. Good Luck and please keep posting and reading . AND YES, F.......K you wine you bastard!!! You will not take anymore of my life!! :welcome:

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      #3
      Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

      Hi Vibeke and welcome. I just passed the two week mark and am on day 15 now thanks to campral. It's effects are subtle, but combined with a motivation to stay abstinent, I think you will quickly find yourself indifferent to alcohol, as I did. In the past, this is about when I'd start to crack under the cravings, and booze right now is way off my radar. I passed on the ativan during my detox and I really wish I hadn't. It was misery. Anyway, best of luck and keep us posted on your progress.
      In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood, as I had lost the straight path. It is a difficult thing to speak about, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood is. Just thinking about it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death, but in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there. --Dante, paraphrased

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        #4
        Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

        Day three. I feel really, really good. I assume that's due to the ativan. I feel clear-headed and calm and like life might be manageable again for the first time in months. I hope I can keep this going after the ativan taper.

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          #5
          Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

          Vibeke,

          You sound good. I just saw your thread and want to welcome you and cheer you on. It's possible to have the life you want with your family. I'm living proof. It gets better and better.

          Happy weekend!

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            #6
            Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

            Yesterday was tough. I really craved it. I spent a lot of time sleeping and felt really anxious even with the Ativan. I held on, though. This is day five.

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              #7
              Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

              Today was better. I'm having a hard time weaning off the Ativan, though. With the Ativan and Campral, I'm tired but in great shape. When one or the other wears off, the cravings start and I get super cranky and anxious, like my feelings are gnawing their way out from the inside. I know I can't stay on Ativan forever so I am looking forward to seeing my doc on Wednesday night to see if there's something we can do longer-term to keep me on an even keel while I sort out my life.

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                #8
                Day one. I don't feel ready for this, but I told my doctor. No going back.

                welcome vib and great job!

                I to am recently detoxed, i'm on day 10. I remember the first few days were really, really awful. In reference to the ativan, I was put on an antidepressant (Zoloft 25mg once a day). This has really helped with the anxiety. I have dealt with anxiety for years.

                Hope this helps and stay strong.
                Making the quit stick! since 02/27/2016:victorious:

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