Facing the giant

[justyo]

:new:

So Here goes my story. Reluctantly I am posting but I have come to accept ... I am not Wonder Woman and I do need support. I am been a casual wine drinker for years. Started out as one small glass once a month or less. I have always enjoyed the flavors of Merlot or Cab...and a few others. My marriage started to go south and I started drinking a bit more... a glass or two few times a month. Then my husband left, filing divorce and with two small children... a glass of wine became my comfort. I for many years began drinking a bottle a week. On Friday, I'd get off work and run to the store to get my party in bottle for one. That was 15 years ago.

Several years later.. I was still drinking a bottle of wine a week, once in a while I'd have mix drinks but mostly just wine. Then I met my second husband and we quickly became drinking buddies. My one bottle a week became two very fast. I was drinking away the pain of a difficult relationship, and the depression that came with that. I have been married to my currant husband for 6 years ( we are separated, but working on the marriage) He says he stopped drinking.... and I really want to. But I have failed many times. I have cut down and back to 1 bottle a week, but always want more. I want this control out of my life. I do recognize I am not a "heavy" drinker... but to my system it feels as if. I know for the life I want to lead.. I have to stop drinking period.

Wine has been my friend for many years... red red wine.. I so get that song I do want to end this relationship (with wine, and alcohol in general) It feels like it has a control on me.. and I don't like being controlled (hence my marriage status :H) I am a strong women been through a heck of a lot in my 47 years. Its time.. to stop the madness of the uncorking in my life

I can and will do this... I just have to realize...minute by minute. I am NOT wonder woman. I do need help and support. Today is day one. I have gone a month before recently... I want to be done. No turning back.

[JackDanielsGirl]

Facing the giant

Welcome,

Sounds like you have your mind made up. I too recenly quit (day 11) after years of spending my life n a bottle and also almost lost my family. We separated for about a week and then started counselling, we are still working on the marriage.

You can do this! You are in a good place this website has helped me more than anything. Try out the newbies nest there are people there in all stages of recovery, and the people here are very positve, uplifting, and offer lots of love and support.

So stay close, read and post often.

Good Luck and hope to see you around.:l

[Tipplerette]

Facing the giant

You could be me, Justyo! I was, until recently a red wine drinker who started out very slow and easy. When my daughter who is now 25 was in her teens, my marriage broke up and she was rebellious and my drinking amped up. My new hubby loves to drink and we began the cycle of polishing off a bottle a night and this went on for years. Now, it's been a month with no drinking and I have stopped obsessing over it and have began to LIVE. You can too. Try to read as much as you can, get lots of advice and post often. Before you know it, you'll feel accountable to us all and even more importantly, accountable to yourself.

Welcome and I look forward to getting to know you better. By the way I am female, 56, Canadian, mother of three and Granny of 1 with another due today and another due in August. So many good reasons to be sober.

[NoSugar]

Facing the giant

Hi, Justyo

You came to the right place! :welcome:

I was a wine drinker and although I drank more than you, I drank less than others. But none of that matters if it is negatively affecting your life. (One thing to be careful of is NOT to compare yourself to others and think, Oh, I'm not that bad, I don't have to quit entirely... It doesn't sound like that is what you have in mind but early on, those thoughts crept into my head as I read posts here).

Anyway, I'd like to welcome you to come on over to the Newbies Nest. People at all stages of this journey are there and very eager to help one another. The link is given below as is one to the Toolbox where there are all sorts of useful, encouraging posts.

If you've done it for a month already, you know you can do it!! (And in the Newbies Nest, that will get you a fabulous prize :H !).

Glad you are here, :h NS

[Janice]

Facing the giant

Welcome to MWO Justyo!!

Having to control how much we drink is far too complicated ....its much easier to be totally alcohol free. It doesnt matter whether you're drinking a bottle a week or a bottle an hour, its not the amount thats the problem, its the need -knock it on the head completely and set yourself free!! Good luck Justyo!

[justyo]

Facing the giant

Thank you. I do feel determined. It's hard as I get testy after a few days but I can do this and I feel this is my time. I just don't want to drink anymore. For me its a road to no where. I appreciate your support and words of wisdom. :l Hope to see you around :thanks:

JackDanielsGirl;1505489 wrote: Welcome,

Sounds like you have your mind made up. I too recenly quit (day 11) after years of spending my life n a bottle and also almost lost my family. We separated for about a week and then started counselling, we are still working on the marriage.

You can do this! You are in a good place this website has helped me more than anything. Try out the newbies nest there are people there in all stages of recovery, and the people here are very positve, uplifting, and offer lots of love and support.

So stay close, read and post often.

Good Luck and hope to see you around.:l
NoSugar;1505494 wrote: Hi, Justyo

You came to the right place! :welcome:

I was a wine drinker and although I drank more than you, I drank less than others. But none of that matters if it is negatively affecting your life. (One thing to be careful of is NOT to compare yourself to others and think, Oh, I'm not that bad, I don't have to quit entirely... It doesn't sound like that is what you have in mind but early on, those thoughts crept into my head as I read posts here).

Anyway, I'd like to welcome you to come on over to the Newbies Nest. People at all stages of this journey are there and very eager to help one another. The link is given below as is one to the Toolbox where there are all sorts of useful, encouraging posts.

If you've done it for a month already, you know you can do it!! (And in the Newbies Nest, that will get you a fabulous prize :H !).

Glad you are here, :h NS

[justyo]

Facing the giant

Thank you. I appreciate your words of encouragement. Congrats on a month..thats no small task :goodjob:. First month is the hardest. Wine I find is tricky.. so socially acceptable and so widely used to be that of a sophisticated slow addiction. But once it has you... hard to let go. All my circles drink wine.. socially of course but none the less they drink. I seemed to drink more and faster. It got weird for me cause I knew it was no longer about taste.. it was an alcohol addiction. I could easily be a 4 bottle a week drinker.. I just tell myself NO and pout, get cranky :upset: cause I cant have more. But I always want more.

When my husband and I separated, 3 months ago... we were drinking so much.. I am sure I was close to 3-4 bottles for a few months before we split. It was about the only thing we agreed on

Around 5pm is the hardest. One day down.. tomorrow will be two and on June 14th I will be at a month sober. It will happen Has to :nutso:

Hope to talk more with you. :l

Tipplerette;1505493 wrote: You could be me, Justyo! I was, until recently a red wine drinker who started out very slow and easy. When my daughter who is now 25 was in her teens, my marriage broke up and she was rebellious and my drinking amped up. My new hubby loves to drink and we began the cycle of polishing off a bottle a night and this went on for years. Now, it's been a month with no drinking and I have stopped obsessing over it and have began to LIVE. You can too. Try to read as much as you can, get lots of advice and post often. Before you know it, you'll feel accountable to us all and even more importantly, accountable to yourself.

Welcome and I look forward to getting to know you better. By the way I am female, 56, Canadian, mother of three and Granny of 1 with another due today and another due in August. So many good reasons to be sober.

[justyo]

Facing the giant

Thank you, great advise on not comparing. I have been there done that... and well got me more addicted and more depressed. So I agree that mindset does not work. Thank yo for the links... I will check them out. I really appreciate the response. It helps a lot to know I am not alone. :nutso:

:thanks:

NoSugar;1505494 wrote: Hi, Justyo

You came to the right place! :welcome:

I was a wine drinker and although I drank more than you, I drank less than others. But none of that matters if it is negatively affecting your life. (One thing to be careful of is NOT to compare yourself to others and think, Oh, I'm not that bad, I don't have to quit entirely... It doesn't sound like that is what you have in mind but early on, those thoughts crept into my head as I read posts here).

Anyway, I'd like to welcome you to come on over to the Newbies Nest. People at all stages of this journey are there and very eager to help one another. The link is given below as is one to the Toolbox where there are all sorts of useful, encouraging posts.

If you've done it for a month already, you know you can do it!! (And in the Newbies Nest, that will get you a fabulous prize :H !).

Glad you are here, :h NS

[justyo]

Facing the giant

Thank you. I agree.. I tried moderation.. LOL doesn't work for me.. moderation got me thinking that a few bottles a week was ok.. then 3 then 4, who knows how much I could get to, I know if I don't stop.. it will be the end of me.. I see it in my family of origin. Ramped, sadly. Thanks again. I appreciate the support. :thanks:

Janice;1505499 wrote: Welcome to MWO Justyo!!

Having to control how much we drink is far too complicated ....its much easier to be totally alcohol free. It doesnt matter whether you're drinking a bottle a week or a bottle an hour, its not the amount thats the problem, its the need -knock it on the head completely and set yourself free!! Good luck Justyo!

[kuya]

Facing the giant

Hi Justyo and :welcome: to MWO

It sounds like you are clear about becoming alcohol free, that will make it much easier.

From what you have written I wonder if there is unresolved stuff from your first marriage that caused you to drink.

I personally carried a lot of anger towards my ex for leaving me as a single mum and causing me such financial heartache. It was very toxic.

[justyo]

Facing the giant

Well yes there is, was. He left to pursue a gay relationship. I had no clue. So I'd say yes. I did get a lot of counseling but... the feeling of not being good enough where huge!. Still deal with that a bit.. and have resumed counseling. Crazy roller coaster. :thanks:

kuya;1505739 wrote: Hi Justyo and :welcome: to MWO

From what you have written I wonder if there is unresolved stuff from your first marriage that caused you to drink.
I personally carried a lot of anger towards my ex for leaving me as a single mum and causing me such financial heartache. It was very toxic.

[Siren136]

Facing the giant

Hi Justyo!

You mention that 5 PM is the hardest time for you but you are determined. Sometimes determination just isn't enough. Visit the Toolbox and read through there for many tips on how to defeat cravings and 'the witching hour' when you would normally drink. Planning in advance how to deal with your triggers will be an invaluable tool in achieving your sobriety.

[justyo]

Facing the giant

:thanks: I have visited the toolbox.. great place to be inspired. I will visit there often. :h

[kuya]

Facing the giant

justyo;1505768 wrote: Well yes there is, was. He left to pursue a gay relationship. I had no clue. So I'd say yes. I did get a lot of counseling but... the feeling of not being good enough where huge!. Still deal with that a bit.. and have resumed counseling. Crazy roller coaster. :thanks:

Maybe I have an odd mind but I would be feeling super attractive if a man normally attracted to men was soooo attracted to me he married me!

All relationships that end are painful but you shouldn't feel like you weren't good enough, you just weren't a man. You were obviously an amazing woman though!