The Folly of MS

[NoSugar]

The Folly of MS

Hi, MS

How have your first 3 days of your "Month-all-about-Me" been going :H? I hope you've found some sunshine and, as Byrdie calls it, Mindpeace.

:l NS

[free at last]

The Folly of MS

Dear MS,

I, too, am keen to hear how you are doing. We care for your well-being and want to hear from you!

Warmest,

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Hello... I've decided to come back to this thread. I need a place to vent and blabber on without clogging up the topics in the Newbie's Nest, which is my second home for now.

RRRRR... I'm a bit frustrated right now. Day 2... and still feeling a bit hungover from my binge two days ago. I decided that I was strong enough to drive to the Obi store (Germany's Home Depot) and I was fine while shopping. But on the drive home... I started feeling the pull of the grocery store. I started bargaining with myself... "oh, how nice would it be to have a glass of wine while I'm taking down the Christmas decorations (my task for the day)"... "I'm sure that THIS time I can only drink one glass". Or, "just a small bottle of whiskey... I'm sure that I can only mix one drink". Why do we play this game? After all of the pain I have been through with AL... after all of the pain I have put my body through... why do I actually think that I can talk myself into a drink? While this conversation was playing out in my head... I kept thinking... stay strong, stay strong... this isn't going to be easy. So just stay strong. I'm actually upset now that I don't have any AL at home, but relieved at the same time. This road is going to be long. But I'm going to stay strong.

[NoSugar]

The Folly of MS

Mein, You have to stop having that conversation with yourself -- it is an argument between your primitive brain (that AL controls) and your rational brain (which knows what you need to do to start living the life you deserve). This mind chatter is addressed often in the toolbox -- reading that whole thread could keep you out of trouble for a good long while :H and I think you'll find some techniques for shutting off that voice right away. Think of it as an immature, whiny child -- you really don't want to engage with it! Take the drinking option away and you're forced to find other ways to deal with emotions, extra time. etc. We've known each other a year and I am convinced that like me, you just can't drink. Don't even give it a moment of thought.

There are so many people where you are right now in the Nest so I'm glad to see you are planning to stick close there.

I saw you posted on the LOAM thread. You'll get support if you speak up there. People just don't always read these individual threads and it can be demoralizing not to get a response. We want you to be MORALIZED :H!

Anyway, Welcome back! :l NS

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Great idea NS. I am going to take some time and read through the entire LOAM thread and the tool box. That will keep me busy and keep my head in a good place.

The entire time I was having this conversation with myself, about buying AL, I KNEW it was wrong. I knew it! Ugh, you are so right that this type of thinking has to stop. It has to. It is exactly this type of thinking that pushes me in the wrong direction. I hope that by sticking close to this wonderful community and reading some good books will help. I just downloaded "Yellow Tale" and "Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife" so I plan to start reading these later this evening.

Time for me to grow up and deal with this head on. Thank you for all of the support!!! :l

[K9Lover]

The Folly of MS

Hi Mein!

We have ALL had that inner battle. We know what alcohol does to us, but we still want it. It really makes no logical sense, but most alkies do not run on logic :H You fought through the craving and you WON. That means next time it will be a bit easier, and the time after that a bit more easier...

I used to think I could only accomplish things with a drink in my hand (clean the house, do laundry, cook a meal, etc). Turns out I actually do these things better without the damn alcohol. Yeah, it took a while but my brain finally caught on to the fact that I was changing my routine. I even cleaned (deep cleaned) the bathroom the other day without having a cigarette as a "reward" (yet another addiction I'm working on).

Take it slow and easy and remember WHY you are doing this. Alcohol has obviously caused you a great deal of stress and anxiety in the past. Focus on that and do not let your brain romanticize drinking...a night of drinking for us alkies never turns out warm and fuzzy. For me it ended up in handcuffs and DUI's.

Hang in there my friend! :l

[K9Lover]

The Folly of MS

Cross post Mein!

Here are your big girl panties: :grannypants:

Slip 'em on and show alcohol who's BOSS!

[Overit-still]

The Folly of MS

Mein-I'm just crawling back again also and that stupid voice drives me crazy. I honestly don't know how you do it without meds. I take Antabuse so I CANT drink. Otherwise I know I would talk myself into it. Hang in there. You're my hero!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Hi All. So happy and grateful for you guys today. It's evening in Germany (6pm) and I'm just done today. I woke up feeling very sad, cried throughout my shower this morning, then spent most of the day on the couch with my pup. Ugh. For some reason my depression has taken this form lately and my usual response is to run for the bottle. I did ANYTHING I could to not do that today... took a walk, watched TV, ate some food, stayed away from the grocery store. The weirdest part is that I have no reason to feel sad, it just comes on everyday now. Usually the feelings don't come until the afternoon so I have the morning to be productive, but I guess today is a special case. It's a feeling of nothingness, of despair. I'm just so frustrated and want to feel normal!

Right now I could really use a drink but I'm staying strong and telling myself NO. What good would a drink do? NONE. Maybe I could temporarily calm my mind and feel "better", but would I really feel better or just dull my senses? We all know the answer to that. So I'm here ranting like a crazy person... LOL. Ugh, really hoping that tomorrow is better.

[free at last]

The Folly of MS

Hi Mein,
You know in your head and heart that drinking will not make anything better, only worse. Are you getting exercise? Those endorphins can help elevate your attitude, along with a good dosage of sunshine. As I recall, your area is rather foggy, yes? Can you make certain you get outside and some exercise every day? Sending you thoughts of strength.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Hi All, Happy Sunday!

Overit... I wonder sometime if I should be on meds, but I think I just need to grow up and stop letting myself give in.

Free... I've been trying to get outside and go to the gym. But the depression had me down last week so it was difficult even to leave the house. I'm really hoping next week is better.

I am going on a walk soon with my husband's mother and aunt. His mother is not doing so well at the moment. She's not going trough chemo again... yet... but she's very weak and lately her back has really been hurting. Her sister, my husband's aunt, takes very good care of her, cooking lunch for her most days and going with walks at least twice per day, especially since her husband stays scarce... but that is a whole other story.

I've got to run for now and get ready to meet the girls. I'm hoping that the walk will do me some good as well!

Much love and strength to you all, I will be back later.

[mama bear]

The Folly of MS

MS-
have you seen a doctor about depression?
Sorry just popping and have not read entire thread.
The sunset blues and crying all day describe me perfectly when I am not on meds...
Hugs