The Folly of MS

[Tess-2]

The Folly of MS

NoSugar;1509799 wrote: No one except people on MWO and the million or so lurkers :H know the extent of the problem I had. They now think I'm being weirdly over-the-top about what I will and will not eat or drink and chalk it up to "those issues"... It might be an interesting poll (oh, BYRRRRR -DDDDIE!!!!!) -

For the most part, did you over-consume alchohol
1. only in a social setting.
2. only in private.
3. any opportunity that came my way.
?

My answer would be # 2 because I would get home ASAP after 1 or maybe 2 drinks in public and over-consume. So, except on a couple isolated occasions that can easily be dismissed as 'tying one on' no one would "ever have known it to look at me or to listen to the way I talked".

Good observations, Tess. What is this new career you're embarking on? Counseling, I hope :h .

Hey No Sugar,

My degree is in healthcare administration. Not exactly counseling. But in a way, all of life can be the giving and receiving of counsel that helps each of us on our path. I don't know. I'm just a kid, of sorts, trying to find my way. Not yet 30 but feel about a hundred years old... Ha!! No Sugar, I always feel a sense of calm when I read your posts. Thank you!!

K9 - thanks for your support!! I know that you will have an awesome time away with family -- and with yourself. You give so much. You've earned a well deserved rest. We will keep your twigs warm for you. Hugs!!

Goodnight and Sweet Dreams to All. ~

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Thank you for the responses guys.

Tess... "things are not always what they seem to be". So true. I've often wondered if my drinking buddy colleagues also struggle the way I do. Or if some people just drink because they enjoy it? I'm so jealous of people that can enjoy that way. One glass of wine is definitely enough so why do I NEED more? I actually have tears in my eyes as I write this because being honest with yourself is so difficult.

NS, I thought I was only a private drinker but if I'm totally honest with myself, that's not true. I drink in public and I drink at home. I prefer to drink at home alone but when I'm faced with a social situation, I NEED a few drinks to get over my social anxiety. I love to be around people but I have no idea how to talk to people. When I was younger I could calm the social anxiety with one beer but now I just keep drinking until I'm completely wasted. What an asshole addiction is.

Sorry, I'm rambling like a crazy person today. I'm just so very frustrated right now.

Thank you all for listening to me.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Hi All, happy Monday to everyone and Happy Memorial Day to my friends in the USA.

Today has been a tough day for me (and it's only 9:15am!). This is one of the USA holidays where I truly miss my friends and family back home. The remembrance of those who have lost their lives serving our country in the military along with the celebration of family and friends has always been important to me, so being in Germany (on a dreary, COLD day) makes me sad. How long does it take an ex-patriot to NOT miss these holidays? I've been living in Germany for over two years but it still kills me to be so far away.

On a happy note... I had a successful weekend remaining (almost) AF! This past Saturday there was a big sporting event in Germany (and around Europe)... the final game of Champions League Soccer was being played in London and it was two German teams competing for the title. One of the Teams (Bayern Munich) is my husbands FAV team so of course this was a big deal for him and his whole family. We invited a few people over to our house and for once in my life, I actually watched a soccer game rather than getting smashed and going to bed early. I did slowly sip one beer but I was very careful to NOT get drunk. Needless to say I was very proud of myself and at the end of the evening I felt like I could have gone without ANY beer and stuck to water instead! So I call that a successful Saturday. Yesterday I had major cravings but I busied myself with cleaning and organizing the house. The fact that I went to bed on Saturday night feeling sober definitely helped me to keep away from the AL on Sunday. I can't say that I didn't think about the AL, but at least I did not drink any. Today I am so grateful to wake up sober... even if a little sad and homesick.

And this is the point for me to remember... how good I felt waking up this morning. Sure, I complained about how cold it is in the house, how crappy the weather is, how I miss home... but I did all of my complaining sober which makes a tremendous difference! This may sound crazy... but it feels better to be a bit sad and homesick rather than hungover.

Much love and strength to you all.

[Wine-no!]

The Folly of MS

Sorry to hear you are feeling home sick but huge congratulations on staying AF.

It's pretty impressive that you tipped that second beer down the sink too.

Sch?nen Tag!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Thanks Wine-No. Luckily I am not homesick everyday (like before) but the big family/friends oriented holidays are still difficult for me. Here is the bright side... since today is not a holiday in Germany, I am at work and not thinking about AL. I'm sure if I were in the USA or sitting by myself at home in this dreary cold weather, the temptation for AL would be greater.

I was just thinking about something... about how my bad habits influence my husband. The back story is that lately I have been hiding AL again. I went back to my old bad habit of the wine/JD bottles hidden in the closet. Why do we think we are so slick when we do this? When will I learn that this NEVER works and I always get caught by my husband? This morning he offered to pick up groceries from the store (which he usually NEVER does) and I know the reason that he offered is so that I will not go to the grocery story by myself and buy/hide any AL today. How sad is this picture. The bottom line is that (and we all know this) AL does not just affect us, but it also affects the people around us... no matter how much we may think we are careful in hiding our problems.

[Byrdlady]

The Folly of MS

MS, that is exactly why it is so important to adopt a Zero Tolerance Policy towards AL. As long as you are 'using' you are under the pull of AL, IT is still in control. It's only when you cut the cord that you will find freedom. If you are honest with yourself, you know that for us, ONE drink is too many. It only leads to more. Sorry, I would love to have different news, but this thing will drag you around mercilessly until you sever the ties. Unfortunately in this set of circumstances we are in (ALK), you are either sober or you're not. (like being pregnant!) Cut it loose completely and you will NOT regret it!

You can do this!! Byrdie

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Was just extremely frustrated by my husband. He is very supportive of me not drinking, but that is where the support ends. He left to play golf and instead of running for a drink, I ate a bowl of pistachios! LOL. Now I'm completely full and sober and ready to do some German language homework. Sigh. One day at a time.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Byrdie... as always, you are a great support! Thank you!

[Unwasted]

The Folly of MS

MS I didn't hide al from my husband but in order to continue drinking and not tempt me (he doesn't have a problem but likes one or two in the evening) he would hide his from me. I would always see it or accidentally run across it which was a problem for. Now we have no alcohol in our home and he has completely stopped drinking when he's with me. It's making a huge difference. I'm not sure if your husband drinks around you? I know you have the dicey work situation but just wondering about your husband. Sorry if you already talked about this and I missed it.

Oh, and I'm having to really learn how to think differently about boredom. I'm redefining it as peace.

Best to you,

UN:l

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Hi Unwasted! My husband is completely supportive of having no AL in the house. He has no issues with giving up AL all together. In fact, he usually does not drink a full-AL beer; his drink of choice is a German "Radler", or beer mixed with Sprite or Lemonade. So from an AL in the house perspective, he is fully supportive. I do have that going for me.

Most of our arguments revolve around where we live. I moved from a somewhat "city" lifestyle in the USA... to living in a small village in the German countryside. While this might sound beautiful and exciting, let me tell you, it definitely is... for vacation or a short period of time. Living here permanently is a COMPLETELY different story. I really started binging on hard liquor and wine a few months after we moved to this small village. I was in such culture shock and so homesick, AL was my only comfort (unfortunately my husband was not so supportive while I fell apart from homesickness). This is a big part of my struggle... getting over the association of using AL to cure my loneliness.

Yesterday was a bit struggle for me. It was killing me to see pictures on Facebook of friends and family at the beach, at the lake, grilling, spending time together in the WARM weather. The weather in South Germany is SHIT right now (cold, rain) and I have to tell you, I am a warm weather person! But I was proud of myself... instead of running for AL... I ate tons of random crap we had in the house. LOL. I've probably put on a few pounds from that binge, but, at least I'm sober this morning.

We did book a warm weather vacation for next week at an all-inclusive resort in Spain. I need the sunlight! Luckily this is a very sports oriented resort so there will be plenty of things to do outside everyday. Right now I don't feel the temptation for AL (since my husband does not care to drink) but we will see what happens after we arrive. I am hoping that this vacation makes me stronger and that the warm weather re-charges my batteries. I hope I do not offend anyone on MWO, but I don't understand how to live without sunlight and warm weather for so long! This winter has definitely been a challenge for me.

Sorry for the venting. The feeling of being homesick and lonely is definitely a big contributing factor to my struggle with AL. So this is PART of my journey that I battle with everyday.

I hope all is well with everyone today! Much love and strength to you all.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Unwasted;1511427 wrote:
Oh, and I'm having to really learn how to think differently about boredom. I'm redefining it as peace.
UN:l

So true! I am also trying to figure out how to deal with "down time". I'm not used to that. When I lived in a city there was always stuff to do... work, shopping, sports, friends, food, drinks (at a moderate level). Now that I live in a completely different environment, I have to learn not to use "down time" as "drink time". I'm pretty sure I did that constantly for the past 2.5 years. My German teacher has suggested meditation but I'm not sure if I'm up for THAT much down time yet. LOL. So I'll try to think of some suggestions for boredom. If you have any please let me know as well!

[Wine-no!]

The Folly of MS

Hausaufgaben - ugh! I am also studying German. What level are you studying?

I didn't want to say too much as am paranoid of being recognised by people I know but I guess if anyone I know came on here, they would have a problem with AL too!

I live in neighbouring Country Switzerland :-D I have been here almost four years. I had no idea of the impact emigrating would have.. Having to learn a new language and way of life.. It took me three years to really settle.. I have always liked it here but I mean for it to feel home. Now it does. My kids (6 and 8) speak fluent German (and Swiss German) and are settled in the Swiss school system. Sometimes it can be hard though - like you said yesterday on holidays in your home Country or when a relative is sick etc.

Anyway. Just thought I'd share that with you x

[Unwasted]

The Folly of MS

MS, "boredom" is something I've grappled with too. What's helped me is redefining what is supposedly "fun." My whole life used to revolve around socializing, partying, being around people all the time. To make a long story short, my life has changed dramatically and I am now in a much more remote setting - many of my friends have moved - and I find myself in what some would define as isolated setting. I'm not completely devoid of socializing, just dramatically less of it in my life.

Over the past few years I've been reading books on Buddhism (not a religion by the way - some think it is) and finding comfort in their teachings about mindfulness and meditation and how our lives go from expansion to contraction (discussed by Eckhart Tolle in his book The Power of Now)

Anyway, it's been a gradual process that I'm still working on - trying to find peace, contentment and happiness from within rather than thinking it's "out there." I'm still learning and working on things, but I've made great strides in the sense that I'm not looking for other people or things to complete me or fill in the voids.

Not sure if any of this helps you, but I do think that we have to somehow find a way to be content within ourselves because external things are ALWAYS TEMPORARY.

Best to you,

UN :lilheart:

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Hello Everyone. I apologize profusely for not writing sooner. I'm actually on vacation in Spain with very limited access to the internet. And the week before my vacation I was working roughly 12 hours per day to finish up some projects before I left for vacation. Whew! So before vacation it was difficult for me to have any time for my personal life. And now that I'm on vacation, that's all I have to think about. This is good and bad. I'm guilty of thinking too much often.

So... I'm at vacation at an all inclusive resort, which of course means access to AL all day long. But I do have motivation not to drink... and that motivation is not only how I feel, but also golf! I have a golf lesson every morning which is definitely helping with my motivation not to drink (as I want to play well and not feel like crap every morning). So far so good. I've been focusing on eating the good food, soaking up some much needed sunshine... and being good to myself.

I hope you are all doing well. I miss this community! I will be back in full force next week once I am home and have better internet access.

Much love and strength to you all. :l

[kuya]

The Folly of MS

Well done MS......so good you are having a break and awesome that you have found a healthy way to stay well.