The Folly of MS

[Unwasted]

The Folly of MS

MS, popcorn is a staple for me - glad to see you're finding some al replacements. I often eat it with fruit so it's not so junky, but whatever works. I then follow up with ginger chews or chocolate with almonds and sea salt! :H

So sorry about your husband's grandmother - the same was true for my stepdad too, though. At some point we are lucky to go if we're not healthy.

xx,
UN :lilheart:

[free at last]

The Folly of MS

Hi MS,
End of Day 5--just checking how my quit buddy is doing. Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Stay strong.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Thank you everyone for the support. Thank you Free, for checking in... even while you are on vacation.

I'm a big fat failure today. I had such high anxiety after my German lesson yesterday... I stopped and Aldi's and bought two bottles of wine and... drank them both. OMG, how stupid could I be. Of course I feel like shit today and I'm completely mad and hating myself. So today is my new day 1. Not giving up, but hate that I did that.

[NoSugar]

The Folly of MS

Hi, MS

You are not a failure. You are a wonderful person who made a bad choice because you are addicted to alcohol.

Somehow you need to learn how not to make the choice that you so much regret later. I know you truly want to do this. If you didn't, you would leave and none of us would hear from you again --- and that is a very sad thought. I'm so glad that deep down, you know you are worth it, no matter how hard it can be.

And it is hard - I don't think anyone here would deny that. But it is much harder to live a drinking life than a sober life, once you get over the surmountable hurdle. The support you need is here MS, as are the tools -- the trick is to identify the right one.

I harp on and on about posting before drinking, posting a lot, etc.. Maybe that isn't the one that would work for you. Maybe you need to call someone. Or always drink a specific AF beverage instead. Or ... or... or... there are so many better choices than buying and drinking what for you is poison.

Can you think of what you could have done instead after your language class? Maybe looking back on past choices and rewriting the scene could help you prepare for future events. Having a specific plan in place is so important.

I'm sorry you feel awful today. You don't have to feel this way because of drinking ever again :l.

xx NS

[Unwasted]

The Folly of MS

MS, just wanted to stop by and lend some support. Like NS says, it seems like you really want this, or you wouldn't continue to come back and post.

I don't pretend to be an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but here are some layperson explanations about what I've learned.

Because we've created these grooves, or pathways that have memory - the memory that it's only alcohol that can make us feel better - happier, less anxious, have more fun - you name it (since we used it for EVERYTHING)........we have to basically reprogram our brains by creating new pathways. SO, when you have the compulsion to drink, you have to stop and first of all recognize the craving, and THEN do SOMETHING DIFFERENT. At that moment, stop and talk yourself through it - telling yourself that it's happening and then DO something like (here are things I did at the beginning - I'm not having too much trouble at all right now, but originally I would):

• Pick up a book about addiction I'm reading and read
• Take a warm bath
• Eat something (even if it's a little junky) but always balance with good food laterWatch a TV programPlay a video game I can be really immersed inPlay with my pets

OH, and perhaps most important - DO SOME KIND OF EXERCISE.

AA wasn't my cup of tea, but I have been to meetings and they did help me some. I think if I lived where I had a choice of meetings, it would be different but I was limited to one, and it ended up not being something I wanted to continue. HOWEVER, I think just being around others not drinking who understand the struggle is INVALUABLE. And, if you're in a large enough city you might have access to Smart Recovery or Women for Sobriety.

It seems obvious that you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone and try some different things.

Just wanted to see if any of this might help you. Also, the last thing I'd like to say is this: every expert's testimony and research I've read says you cannot drink or use once you've crossed the line into addiction. So, you're either faced with living like this (miserable) or struggling at the beginning to be sober, and then having the world open up to be a MUCH better place. It's worth the fight but just doesn't seem so at the moment. It's a life change, but one that's doable if you're willing to really try.

Wishing you the best. I believe you can do it!!

xx,
UN :lilheart:

[NoSugar]

The Folly of MS

Hey, UN - THAT is toolbox-worthy!! xx - NS

[FallenAngel]

The Folly of MS

UnWasted- great post! I agree with NS, that is toolbox worthy.

MS-
You have a choice of how you will use today. You can spend this day beating yourself up about yesterday, make yourself feel worse, and dig yourself further into this addiction hole,
OR....
you can use this day as THE DAY you changed your life around.
That is the wonderful thing about life... At any given moment, we can choose to redirect the course of our life. Any day of the year can become the most important day of our life... that's absolutely magical, don't you think?

Right now, at this very moment, you can draw the line in the sand, and say "this far, and no further". Today can be the day that you will forever look back on as the day you took that very first step on your journey of recovery.

The hard part of getting started is that there isn't any weight to our decision yet, and when the witching hour approaches later on today, it doesn't feel like that big of a deal to drink because we can always start tomorrow. The problem with that is, all those tomorrows have become our todays.... and when we keep thinking there will be a better "today" to start, this is what ends of being our entire life.
Decide that today is the day you will change the direction of your life! Do whatever you need to do to get through this day. Tomorrow when you wake up, you will have one solid day of sobriety under your belt... you have put your first footprint on the path of your journey. If you can do it one day, you have proven to yourself that you can do it again! And that's what you do.. stay determined & add another footprint. Now you will have two. That is something to be very proud of! Keep doing this MS, the more days you add, the more you will protect your quit, because you want to protect what you have worked so hard for.
Every one of us does this the same... one day at a time. We all had to start with that first step.
Make this day, a day that will change your life.

[free at last]

The Folly of MS

Dear MS,
I second the comments by NS, Fallen Angel, Unwasted and others. First, you are struggling like all of us to change you life in a big way, for the better. It took 15 years for me to become someone who could drink a bottle of wine every night and I know it will take time to become a nondrinker.

Stay with us on this path. We are quit buddies and in this together. Sending you strength.

[hadit]

The Folly of MS

Well said Guys. I took 40 years to get to a bottle or 2 of wine a day! I no I am not going to mend things over night. I have had many slips, but when I look back to where I was a few years ago and where I am now, I am in a much better place and am SLOWLY winning the struggle. Thanks everyone and keep strong!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Wow you guys are great. Thank you for sharing your stories with me, as well as sending me suggestions and strength. Coming here always makes me smile.

I did have a good weekend. Last Friday I was crazy busy with work so I didn't get a chance to check in. The cravings hit around 5:30pm, big time. The trigger was my self confidence and I can say this will complete certainty. We were having a marketing and sales discussion about our new cloud software applications and I was feeling a bit helpless. My job is not sales and marketing, but, I began to feel like I should be good at that as well (I'm not). So once these "hateful" feelings against myself crept in, so did the cravings. I immediately made a huge bowl of popcorn and... as a treat... added melted butter to the top. So good! And so much for my "no sugar" plan I've been trying to enact... sigh. But the cravings passed and I spent the evening on the couch with my dog, reading magazines and watching a show I've been following on Netflix (Weeds). I was actually proud of how I handled myself even so it was not easy.

Fallen's post last week resonated with me. I began thinking of myself in a selfish way, but not the pity party/drink a bottle of wine selfish way, but more in a "treat myself" sort of way. After I ate the popcorn on Friday, I began thinking "what would be a nice thing for MS right now?" and I decided on a nice cool shower (it's very hot here in Germany at the moment) and some of my favorite smelling lotion. It was a cleansing, literally... LOL. So I tried to take care of myself selfishly in a GOOD way, not in a depressive hurtful way. I'm going to make it my goal to keep this mindset for the entire week.

I hope you all had a great weekend! Hot and stormy in Germany today. I'm grateful for the rain because the grass in our yard has not been looking good.

Free, NS, Fallen, hadit, UN and everyone here (sorry if I missed some names)... I'm so grateful for you all.

Much love and strength to you all today.

[hadit]

The Folly of MS

Hello MS, I had a great weekend thanks and woke this morning ready for work without that dreaded hangover. You sound very positive. Well done. Life is so much better with out alcohol. Catch up later.:goodjob:

[NoSugar]

The Folly of MS

Hi, MS

It sounds like you are treating yourself the way you would treat a friend - and we all need to be our own best friends :l. It is fun to rediscover things we enjoy - alcohol is so powerful, it somehow can become our one and only source of "pleasure". With that out of the way, even simple things can be so enjoyable.

xx-NS

[Mein Sonnenschein]

The Folly of MS

Thanks hadit and NS. You are right that AL takes the pleasure out of the regular things in life. Not only that... the wine binges are not good for the waist line. I stepped on the scales this morning and I am not happy with the number. Not that I monitor the numbers regularly but drinking ALWAYS leads to unhealthy eating. And one of this days I would like to be as close to sugar free as possible like our friend NS. No drinking = more thought conscious eating.

[NoSugar]

The Folly of MS

That is true! I used to eat Edy's ice cream straight out of the carton after drinking too much .

[3June2013]

The Folly of MS

Mein Sonnenschein;1537702 wrote: Wow you guys are great. Thank you for sharing your stories with me, as well as sending me suggestions and strength. Coming here always makes me smile.

I did have a good weekend. Last Friday I was crazy busy with work so I didn't get a chance to check in. The cravings hit around 5:30pm, big time. The trigger was my self confidence and I can say this will complete certainty. We were having a marketing and sales discussion about our new cloud software applications and I was feeling a bit helpless. My job is not sales and marketing, but, I began to feel like I should be good at that as well (I'm not). So once these "hateful" feelings against myself crept in, so did the cravings. I immediately made a huge bowl of popcorn and... as a treat... added melted butter to the top. So good! And so much for my "no sugar" plan I've been trying to enact... sigh. But the cravings passed and I spent the evening on the couch with my dog, reading magazines and watching a show I've been following on Netflix (Weeds). I was actually proud of how I handled myself even so it was not easy.

Fallen's post last week resonated with me. I began thinking of myself in a selfish way, but not the pity party/drink a bottle of wine selfish way, but more in a "treat myself" sort of way. After I ate the popcorn on Friday, I began thinking "what would be a nice thing for MS right now?" and I decided on a nice cool shower (it's very hot here in Germany at the moment) and some of my favorite smelling lotion. It was a cleansing, literally... LOL. So I tried to take care of myself selfishly in a GOOD way, not in a depressive hurtful way. I'm going to make it my goal to keep this mindset for the entire week.

I hope you all had a great weekend! Hot and stormy in Germany today. I'm grateful for the rain because the grass in our yard has not been looking good.

Free, NS, Fallen, hadit, UN and everyone here (sorry if I missed some names)... I'm so grateful for you all.

Much love and strength to you all today.

I think this was an epiphany for you MS, and I think I can learn from it as well. In the book Heart of Addiction he talks a lot about the urge, and where it comes from. He thinks helplessness is the cause a lot of the time. That's exactly how you described your feelings at the time. It makes sense, we feel powerless but changing our mood is within our power. We can have a bath, or a bowl of popcorn, or a run, or a cup of tea. We don't need AL who can not empower us at all.

Thanks for sharing that moment with us, we all learn when we share.