7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi Un - yes the reading is a huge help. In many of the books I've been reading it has taken the sober person years to accept the fact they are an alcoholic and figure out how to stop. In all the books I'm reading they DID stop ultimately.

I agree with the reading and posting. It's really a mindset and changing the thinking. I am really envious of people who seem to just "get it" right away and are able to see AL clearly for what it is and be happy it's not in their lives anymore. Overall I feel that way about AL - it's just harder to adopt that mentiality 100% of the time for me.

I do have to say this last NYE I was sober and it was the best NYE I've had in years. So, I'm starting to get there with the thinking. My vacation was great without AL - however I wil say there were a couple of days I really wished....just one. But obviously did not.

Have a great AF day all.

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

mylife;1522576 wrote: . I am really envious of people who seem to just "get it" right away and are able to see AL clearly for what it is and be happy it's not in their lives anymore. Overall I feel that way about AL - it's just harder to adopt that mentiality 100% of the time for me.

Most people who find their way to MWO likely have had plenty of day ones, either before or after joining. So while they may seem to get it right away, that may not really be the case. At some point they have done the hard work. Plus, even though I am done, and am very happy about that, it isn't always easy and I don't take it for granted - that is why I spend a great deal of time on MWO .

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi NS - I agree - most of the posts I read here are from people who went through plenty of day ones! Congratulations on your success here, by the way! You must be feeling great.

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

ML,

however I wil say there were a couple of days I really wished....just one.

To have just felt this a couple of times out of a two week period is huge progress. If you're like me, at one point you could never have even imagined a sober vacation. The whole point of vacation used to be staying pretty sloshed. I think we've come a long way. I felt the twinge a couple of times too when on my trip, but they passed pretty quickly. I figure I can handle a little discomfort now and then much better than the mental torture of always wrestling with drinking.

As I look back (not that I'm that long AF but it seems like it), it used to be that most of my day was (1) recovering from a hangover, (2) trying to function with a pounding head and dread, anxiety, depression (3) telling myself I wouldn't drink that day, (4) drinking that day, (5) waking up at 3 a.m. swearing off again, (1) recovering from a hangover, (2) trying to function with a pounding head and dread, anxiety, depression (3) telling myself I wouldn't drink that day, (4) drinking that day, (5) waking up at 3 a.m. swearing off again, etc. etc.

When I think of the REALITY OF WHAT ALCOHOL DID TO ME versus MY ROMANTIC NOTION OF THAT LITTLE WARM FEELING THAT LASTED AN HOUR OR TWO, I know it's over for me. And, beyond that, I had started doing some weird things like you described.....saying things that embarrased me when I thought about them the next day, worrying about what I would do the next time we went out and I was around people.

I feel really lucky that I've been able to stop on my own. There has been a definite shift in my thinking that wasn't there before. I know this now as I look back - didn't really realize it at the time.

Anyway, I'm rambling but just wanted to kind of hash things out here. I want to always remember what alcohol does to me. I don't want to ever have to go through this terrible struggle again.

I don't have the "thrills" I used to have. But, I also realize how fake they were. At least now I have pride and self-respect. The desire to drink is truly leaving me in a very fundamental way. My life isn't perfect but I can deal with whatever it throws me know. My anxiety is pretty much nil and it used to RAGE!!

No Sugar, you really are sounding solid in your sobriety. Thanks for stopping by.

ML, I hope this is your quit!

Free, I think you're doing well too - doesn't really sound like you're still struggling??

Alls, where are you??? Hope all is well and that you're just busy running your little legs off!

Hope everyone has a super day today.

xx,
UN

[free at last]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi UN,
You sound great. Unfortunately, I am still struggling pretty much every day with thoughts of AL. Just before Father's Day, I had a setback -- family reunion with emotions running too rampant. But, I immediately got myself back on track and am working to get my head wrapped around the fact that I really don't want to drink, even when the voice is saying "come on, just one." I would say I am doing well, but it is a daily struggle of me against this beast. Coming here sure helps.

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hello Guys,

I'm back to work today after my 2 weeks of vacation. THAT's always an eye opener! I'm hoping my work/stress triggers don't kick in and start to make this quit more difficult than it has been. I feel bad saying this as some people are really struggling - and believe me I know what that's like - but I really have not been struggling much at all this time. I just feel like this is it. I don't drink anymore. I think today is day 30 for me - but I really have not been counting as I figure there is no point. I just don't drink.

Last night - my husband and I ran to a little specialty store nearby to get dinner. Half the store is devoted to beautiful displays of wine - so I usually avoid it - especially if I'm feeling weak. Anyway, we walked around the shop and I had all my defenses up because I was Hungry and Tired (two biggies for me in the H.A.L.T. scenarios) but I truly did not feel the urge or temptation for the wine. I even stopped and looked at some of the displays and thought of all the times that poison had got the better of me - poison that is so cleverly disguised. It did not look good to me - it looked like a headache, dry mouth and anxiety in a bottle. That's really what I saw and felt. We got some food and left. And at home, I made myself a cranberry and soda and really enjoyed it with dinner.

Free - I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I have been there so many times. AL has been a huge part of my life for so long I know it will really take years to get it out of my system - so I clebrate every day that I'm not struggling with romanticizing it. I think one of the last illusions for me t let go was that it would relax me or make uncomfortable situations better. When I thought back - it really has never relaxed me and as my last "family reunion" pointed out to me too embarassingly - drinking to alleviate family stress just made things worse in my case.

UN - I can SO relate to your drinking/anxiety/hangover scenarios. I think that is another thing that finally got to me. If I play that tape in my mind it really clicks in my brain "Oh yeah, WHY did I think that was fun???!!!" And if I really think through ONE glass of wine, which is always what I had tried to tell myself I'd drink - I know that will just never be enough for me. As an old drinking friend of mine once said "That just sounds irritating!"

Okay, that's my morning ramble - thanks for listening. And I hope everyone has a great AF day.

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Big Life-Changes Happening For Me

Free, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I haven't had time to look around the Boards, but I hope you're reading and posting a lot. Seems to help. I don't pretend to have answers because I know this struggle is different for us all. Please post here any time to just vent, rail, whatever. We get it!

ML, we're about at the same time - 39 days for me. I'm not logging in and counting, but every now and then I look at the AA sobriety calculator just to see how I'm doing. I'm a little more peaceful about it all if I don't count. Counting was really helpful for me initially but I think now I need to just think of myself as a non-drinker, as you say.

And, really, it should be this simple and can be once we're gotten sick to death of the roller coaster:

it looked like a headache, dry mouth and anxiety in a bottle. That's really what I saw and felt. We got some food and left. And at home, I made myself a cranberry and soda and really enjoyed it with dinner.

We just have to remember that we can never stop at one drink, and one drink only is what it would take for alcohol to not be a problem for us. One drink is just irritating; it flips a switch and starts that terrible craving, which CANNOT be contained.

I'm romanticizing about alcohol less and less with time, so that gives me GREAT hope! I think I miss the contrast if that makes sense. But, I'm accepting that I'll have to create the contrast with other healthy things.

So, just wanted to note here that I have some huge life-changing things going on. We just bought a cabin in the mountains (closing in August). We're going up just after closing (which we'll do by mail) to spend another week. I'm thinking this is my chance for a fresh start - that when people we meet there offer me a drink, I can just say I don't drink anymore. NO MAKEUP AND NO ALCOHOL - MY NEW MANTRA :H

Also, other BIG NEWS is that we are ultimately selling our home and moving. The cabin will be a transitional place until we sell this place and then we'll buy a bigger place. Actually, we'd like to downsize so if the cabin doesn't drive us too crazy (it's really tiny); we may jazz it up and stay there.

Anyway, BIG stressful stuff. I'm determined to do it sober.

Take care everyone. I'll check in daily. Hope to hear from you guys too.

xx,
UN

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Unwasted;1523831 wrote:


We just have to remember that we can never stop at one drink, and one drink only is what it would take for alcohol to not be a problem for us. One drink is just irritating; it flips a switch and starts that terrible craving, which CANNOT be contained.
Nanette had a great saying in the Nest today: If not one, why not none?
Like you said, NONE is such a better choice than that miserable, unsatisfying, binge-producing ONE!


So, just wanted to note here that I have some huge life-changing things going on. We just bought a cabin in the mountains (closing in August). We're going up just after closing (which we'll do by mail) to spend another week. I'm thinking this is my chance for a fresh start - that when people we meet there offer me a drink, I can just say I don't drink anymore. NO MAKEUP AND NO ALCOHOL - MY NEW MANTRA :H

That sounds wonderful! You don't even have to include the 'anymore' when you turn down a drink -- you just don't drink! Dumping the make-up sounds good, too. I started wearing less several years ago when I realized how downright scary my older friends looked without make-up vs their normal, perfectly made-up faces. I figured it would be better to minimize the contrast between with vs without and not frighten people who would think I was really sick or something :H !

[free at last]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi all,
Just a note to check in with you all. Arrived safely at my international consulting gig -- even managed to tell the hotel clerk that the complimentary bottle of wine was not something I want. (In the past, I poured them down the drain.) I am armed this trip with vitamins and LGlutamin and hoping to get a regular exercise regime going -- that always helps.

UN and My Life -- you are doing so well and No Sugar is rocking through the months. I have a big birthday (55) coming up in the autumn and my goal is to have been joyfully sober for several months. The joyful part is something I am working toward.

UN -- your big changes sound wonderful. My DH, dog and I go hiking in the mountains every chance we can. What a great way to start anew.

Ok, time to hit the pool.

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

NS, so great to hear from you.........you made me laugh about not scaring people with your no makeup look. You know, it's funny, but the more I don't wear it, the more natural I feel without it. And, the "funnier" people with it on look to me..........I'm going to think of it as "I'm finally getting real all the way around." The real me (who doesn't now hide behind being drunk and the new me who doesn't cover up what she really looks like).

However, having said that..............my life lends itself to no makeup. If I had to go function in the "real world" of offices, or any other setting that made me feel uncomfortable, I'd cave and wear it. It's only because my life is the way it is now that I can avoid it. ONE MAKEUPLESS DAY AT A TIME LOL.:H

Oh, and I don't mind saying "anymore" because I think I'm to the point where I want to have the conversation about how alcohol crept up on me and the problems I started having as a result of drinking. It's funny, a realtor and his assistant came to our house yesterday and long story short - they both (unsolicitedly) talked about how alcohol bothered them these days. My story wasn't even in the conversation, and it was just a quick comment by each. I think there are TONS of people like us - who used to drink normally - developed an addiction and are now kind of baffled at how shitty they feel when they drink. Anyway, I'll play it by ear and gauge it on each situation, but I'm really kind of impressed with myself at not being able to drink!:H

Free, you deserve a lot of credit for being in what I consider high stress situations (traveling and doing business while traveling) and not drinking. Really proud of you. You should be too!

Have a peaceful and sober day everyone.

Hugs,
UN :lilheart:

[Guitarista]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hiya UN and y'all!

FAL is doing an amazing job I reckon.

I stopped wearing makeup years ago. Good to see you back UN, and the cabin sounds fab. Maybe you could build on an extenson later if you need more room, or an outhouse or something. Great to hear you sounding so positive.

All good here. Take care everyone.

Yo!

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hello Guys,

Free - I have to hand it to you, you are doing a great job. I also travel a lot for business - but thankfully I'm not having to turn down bottles of wine that often. I have a hard enough time going to the airline lounges at the airports these days - I always used it as an excuse to get a glass of wine in the past. It's so hard to unlearn bad habits.

Un - that cabin sounds fantastic. My 2-week vacation with my husband was spent in the mountains doing healthy outdoor stuff. It felt so great to be sober for that. The hard part was at the end - we stayed at a bed and breakfast that served wine in the late afternoons... Ugh. I'm with you on the no makeup though. I spent that whole vacation without it and it was great!

NS - that is so funny about your friends/makeup. I feel like as I get older (50 this year) it looks worse and worse to wear a lot of makeup - maybe I'm just fooling myself for an excuse LOL!

Guitarista - great to hear from you. No makeup either, eh? :H

Have a great AF evening all. I'm traveling this week too and plan to use the Hotel Gym tonight - it's boring but passes time without thoughts of AL.

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Mr. G. You're a crackup. Sure you gave up the makeup but how bout the lingere and stilettos? :H

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

ML x post.

Wow, I love hearing how many of us enjoy the mountains. They are so Zen, aren't they? I didn't realize that you travel too. You and Free are heroic in my books for pulling that off. Well done ladies. And I think you're right on about the makeup! Maybe someday we can have a no makeup no al reunion in the mountains. Mr. G., you can come too.

[Guitarista]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Unwasted;1523883 wrote: Mr. G. You're a crackup. Sure you gave up the makeup but how bout the lingere and stilettos? :H

Yeah, this was the challenge. But look, I just went within, deep within and discovered I was only pleasing others. What did I want?

Now it's just comfy boots and Levi's and t-shirts.

Hi Mylife! Good to see you.