7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

[free at last]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi all, just checking in. The neurobiology of addiction films sound great. Unfortunately, the bandwidth here is terrible. It's hard enough to navigate MWO -- anything on u-tube is out of the question. Will check it out when I am stateside.

Have a big international meeting, then another remote village trip, and am home next week. So ready. Will try to post when I can, but happy to report that I am enjoying an AF life.

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi everybody,

Wow, great posts as usual!

Free - sounds like you are in some very exotic locales! I hope you are finding some time to enjoy yourself as well!

NS and UN. I have also read a load about addiction and seen videos, utubes etc on the subject. I think they were very important for me to finally accept this wasn't a problem that was just going to go away on its own. Then, I had to deal with the stage of "putting off dealing with it" for lack of a better term.

Alls - you do sound like you're in a great place. I feel like I'm finally getting there as well. I have shifted my focus in a lot of areas - relationships and work - slowly but surely. In my readings I did come accross how important it is to pursue new goals and it sounds like you have figured that out!

I do feel like slowly but surely I've been lining up my priorities and AL just isn't going to fit in the picture anymore. I also have a small feeling of excitement that a lot of wonderful new opportunities may come along without that beast blocking my path anymore. For now I'm just stepping along the path, but I really feel I've finally mustered the stength to kick that stone out of the way.

Have a great AF day all!

[free at last]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Great day for me -- my first day off in 10 days. Lounged over breakfast, worked out, dinner by the pool, and a short swim. No thoughts of AL and for that I am grateful.

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hey Guys,

Wow, everyone sounds so great!

Just a quick stop in for me right now. Had a wonderful day and nice dinner out. Glanced at all the people with their wine and then ignored. I didn't lament or wish to be able to drink. A huge step forward for me!

Free, I know anonymity is important but can you tell us what you do for a living? Sounds so intriguing, just had to ask. But, if you'd rather not divulge, I totally understand. . I'm so impressed that you're staying strong during your travels. Way to go!

ML, I meant to mention the other day how lucky you are to not have started drinking early. I think you (statistically anyway) have a better shot at staying stopped when you don't start at a young age. That certainly works in your favor!

NS, not sure if you will be stopping back in, but I watched all 5 episodes and came away feeling enlightened. I thought that presentation really explained things well, and I very much appreciate your posting the link!

Well, gotta run for now everyone. Sounds like we all just need to keep pursuing the paths we're on. I have some exciting things happening (potentially) too. It really helps to have things going on that not only don't revolve around alcohol, but work better without that whole scene! I think we'll look back some day and be aghast that we spent our lives that way. Fortunately there's still time to make the latter part of our lives worthwhile. Hopefully what we went through can make us just that much more appreciative of our new sober lives!

Hugs,
UN :lilheart:

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

I love this thread, UN! Everyone posting here seems very open and honest, interesting, and kind. And, we all share a really important goal!

I'm glad you thought the videos were worthwhile. It has been only in the last couple weeks that I've felt strong enough to really face and learn the science. Now, of course, I'm obsessed .

Today I came across interviews that Bill Moyers did with 3 addiction researchers, including Koob. They cover a lot of territory in relatively short interviews and are easy to read:

Close to Home - Science: Interview with George Koob
Close to Home - Science: Interview with Alan Leshner
Close to Home - Science: Interview with Steven Hyman

The more I understand, the less mysterious and scary the whole addiction business seems. It is very sad, though, that what most of us have gone through was entirely predictable. On the other hand, the more we understand about the part we are in now - abstinence - the better equipped we will be to avoid relapse because it, too, is very predictable under various circumstances.

I hope you keep this thread going, UN!

:h NS

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

No Sugar,

Thanks for the kudos and also the links. I hope you'll stop in regularly because your posts are golden and extremely helpful. You have a way of putting things that really gels for me. And, similar things are working for all of us here. Your new brain obsession parallels mine, so our timing, and the things that are making a difference to us are tracking. I think whenever people are on parallel journeys, they relate and then can "get" what the other person is experiencing. It's funny, because I've been reading about the addicted brain for a long time, but it's only NOW really embedding into my consciousness. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but it's sinking in at this time even though I've been exposed to it before. Why is that? I'm not sure, but as they say, timing is everything and it's sure true for me. TO BE SELF AWARE and catch ourselves when we're in the midst of thinking we want to drink, and STOPPING. Rather than just saying F it, and blundering into that magical thinking "I can moderate" mode, we can now regroup, distract ourselves, fast forward to our good night's sleep and feeling wonderful tomorrow....go through the drill in our minds that will save us from ourselves!

So, in a nutshell, understanding why I drank in the past despite KNOWING the consequences would be dire helps me overcome shifting into an intense, narrowed focus, a loss of usual judgment, and a temporary blindness to consequences (the characteristics that define addiction). (a definition from my latest book)........

Also, I'm trying to look more at WHY I drank. This current book talks a lot about how every alcoholic has an underlying reason they drink. You hear that a lot, and I think it's true. I definitely wanted to blot out the things I don't like about the world - things I can't control and the pain it brings (think the plight of animals, as an example). So, again, knowing that and recognizing it helps me not run to go grab a bottle with which to obliterate my pain. And, interestingly, I can deal with these things so much better now, and they don't depress me as much because the depressant, alcohol, is out of my system. Jason Vale talks a lot about how alcohol creates the very ills we think it's helping us cure! That everything we think about alcohol is basically the opposite of its reality. SO TRUE!

Well, I've rambled A LOT, and hope I've not bored you all to sleep.........Just think it's really important to get this stuff OUT and hear your feedback and experiences as they relate.

Have a great day everyone.

UN :lilheart:

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Good morning everyone. Another sober Sunday morning and it's starting to feel like the new normal for me.

Great posts UN and NS. I hope we do keep this thread active, because there is always so much food for thought here.

NS - I also viewed the videos you recommended. I am in learning mode here so they were very helpful and interesting!

I was recommended a DVD by a counselor a couple of years ago which I thought was very good as well. It's called "Pleasure Unwoven: An explanation of the Brain disease of addiction" by Kevin McCauley and Jim Clegg. It really helped me to accept that this is a disease and not some sort of mental problem I could somehow get over. It seems so silly now that I ever felt that way, but I guess it's a stage some of us have to go through!

NS - how are you doing with the "No Sugar" thing. Have you given up sugar as well as Alcohol? I think I'm going to have to face that one at some point. I do believe that sugar could become an addiction as well...I haven't been too hard on myself about it so far as getting rid of Alcohol has been my primary concern - but I do want to tackle the sugar issue at some point too.

UN - I have been around in circles in my mind with why I drank in the first place. I think I defnitely used Alcohol as a "de-stressor" and a way to escape problems. However, I don't really feel like I became an addict to avoid problems, as much as my alcohol consumption took on a life of its own and became the problem itself. Don't know if that makes any sense. Anyway, I've spent a lot of time thinking through these things as well!

Free - I'm impressed you're doing the consulting thing. I don't know if I could handle the uncertainty of that - but my hat is off to those of you who successfully do this! It sounds like it keeps you very busy and on the go! It must give you a real sense of accomplisment.

More work travel for me next week - but only a couple hours away to DC - and I'm trying to adopt a new attitude with work that I can only do so much and I'm not going to stress over it anymore. Well....it's a work in progress - but I think I'm getting there!

Hope you all have a wonderful AF Sunday!

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Seems like the people posting here have several things other than an addiction in common, which certainly is nice! We are so much more than that but towards the end there, it started to seem like that was all there was to life. What an awful way to be.

That "why I drank" question has been the thing that has plagued me the most. The act of not drinking has been a snap compared to forgiving myself for what seems to have been a horrible choice I made. I guess that is why my recent exploration of the neurobiology of addiction has been so helpful. I made the choice to drink and allowed it to become a regular part of my life but at some point along the way, processes over which I don't have conscious control took charge. Understanding how that happens helps. I guess I can be more dispassionate about and tolerant of receptors, neurotransmitters, synapses, and the like than I can be about not taking personal responsibility and changing something I knew was awful.

The only "whys" I can come up with are commonly heard on MWO (perfectionism, pleaser personality, need for control, fear of loss, unwanted change) and frankly, don't seem sufficient to me to have resulted in this addiction. BUT- in a person who is susceptible, it all can insidiously spiral out of control. As far as I can tell, that is what happened. A key element - that alcohol damages the executive functioning of the brain (resulting in the bold text in your post, UN) - makes me understand better why I could not make what were to me clearly necessary changes. I knew about the effects of AL on dopamine/reward but it seemed to me that my thinking brain should be able to control the feeling brain. Guess not . Anyway, I'm glad you guys are interested in the science, also. I do believe that knowledge is power and fortunately, this is an area of intense study and many of the data are out there.

MyLife - I was able to find that DVD at Amazon. Do you know if it is available to rent for online streaming?

You asked about my giving up sugar. That happened a couple of years ago and improved my health immensely, including getting my messed up blood glucose stabilized. By no sugar, I mean added sugar and products such as bread, pasta, etc. I eat sugar that is in fruits, vegetables, etc. I also eat very few processed foods or seed oils (corn, soy, canola, etc.). Also avoid grains and GMO foods. (Don't worry - I do eat! ).

Sugar acts on the same dopamine receptors that alcohol does although the magnitude and duration of the effect is less. It makes sense that people crave sugar after they give up AL in an attempt to reproduce the reward. I was a carbs-kid -- I couldn't get enough and preferred them to anything else. There are some data suggesting a cross-sensitization of sugar and alcohol. All I know is, when in my 30s sometime that I started drinking at all, I didn't crave carbs when I drank a glass of wine. Over time, I think I justified a glass of wine as sophisticated and "healthy" and a good substitute for dessert. By sometime in my 40s, I preferred wine to carbs and deliberately chose it. In fact, I remember not wanting to indulge in a dessert or other carby food because I knew I wouldn't enjoy the wine as much. I also liked to drink on an empty stomach. What a mess!

Well, that is enough rambling. I've been in a very low, worried mood this morning - what a gift to have found a place where we can talk about things that are really important in our lives. Just typing this stuff has made me feel a little better. Thanks for being here.:l

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi Nosugar!

I'm sorry you are feeling low. And it's great we all have a place to come and vent when we're trying to sort out this problem! I have been going through ups and downs myself but I just keep telling myself it's part of life and I need to get used to doing all emotions sober.

I could have posted your comment on the wine as a substitute for sugar. You know, thinking about it, I didn't drink in my 20's but I had a real sweet tooth back then. I thought I had "gotten over it" but in retrospect, I think I switched sweets for wine in my 30's. I figured it was more sophisticated as well, and lower calorie. Initially it was until I started downing a bottle a night sometime in my late 40's!!

So, here I am full circle trying to cut sugar out of my diet - but there's no more wine substitutes in my world now! I also preferred to drink a glass of wine on an empty stomach in my 40's - so now I have a bad association with feeling slightly hungry...argh. Oh, as for the video - I ended up buying it. I just felt it was important enough that I should own it - and I've watched it several times and even made my husband watch it LOL.

Hope you and any others who drop by have a great AF evening.

[allswell]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Great thought provoking posts here. The question of why I drank is starting to become clearer to me, at least the initial reasons. I have a tendency of doing things full on or not at all and I associated drinking as down time where I didn't have to think about things I dealt with or the pressures of work or everyday life. It was a way to get away from the anxiety that life throws at you, of course now it's all nonsense. The anxiety and desire to get away from it all was caused by alcohol. When we have a clear mind we can find healthy ways to get away that don't involve 3 day benders and anxiety ridden recovery.

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

NS, Iwanted to mention that I read the first of the three links you sent (the Bill Moyers interview) and it was incredibly detailed and informative. I need to not forget the other two and will get to those. Sorry you're having a bad day, but glad you were able to get some "therapy" here. There is something important about talking things out to others - helps us find clarity, I believe. I had one of those days today too. I felt this huge feeling of loss and like I wanted to be able to drink again. I know it's a phantom, lying self-deception so I'm not going to cave into it. But it was there, which was disheartening. I want so badly not to have any preoccupation with the thought of drinking. Trying to stay focused and think long term. I think I told you guys that we just bought a little cabin and I'm hoping once we get to the mountains I'll be able to shift my focus to being much more "outdoorsy" and less tied to being inside. I just haven't had the drive to exercise, and I don't know why. Well, I'm having a couple of issues that are keeping me from being able to do my little 3 mile run. So, there's that. But, I need to get motivated to get on my elliptical machine - my new goal - just haven't done it. Not sure if you exercise, NS, but I think it would help. Now I just have to practice what I'm preaching.

it seemed to me that my thinking brain should be able to control the feeling brain. Guess not .

WISH I HAD AN ELECTRODE TO JUST ZAP MYSELF WITH IN ORDER TO CONQUER THIS DILEMMA!!:H

ML, I feel like you in that I think my drinking just took on a life of its own, and I don't really feel that I was using alcohol to cope with some deep-seated problem. The book I'm reading now says otherwise - that underlying it all is a sense of helplessness or need for control over something we feel we can't control. Really, though, who doesn't have that? I will say that there is one event I can point to that was catastrophic for me and I know that my drinking escalated severely during that time. Maybe that is what catapulted me into alcoholic drinking. And, maybe now I'm coping better with it all and therefore able to handle things? Who knows.

Alls, this was a prevalent feeling for me - that desire to completely get away from stress and let the alcohol melt it away. Too bad it doesn't work, eh? That it causes so many more problems than it cures! Kind of like having a chigger bite, scratching it, and then itching even more furiously afterward!! :H

Free, hope you're still enjoying some leisure time!

Well, off to chow down.........

Take care everyone and have a good evening.

UN :lilheart:

[allswell]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hey UN,

I remember the chiggers when I used to pick blackberries in a big wide open field as a young child. They were the absolute worst in the ankles and privates. Ouch! But yes, letting the Al get back only makes things worse tenfold.

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hello everyone.

Okay, today I have that feeling. The feeling that I would LOVE a glass of wine after a long stressful day. I know in my rational brain that would only make things worse and I'd feel AWFUL afterward, so I know I won't do it, but that lure is still there. I hope someday that thought won't enter my mind at all. I know for sure I won't give in to it today, and hopefully tomorrow it will be gone. Meanwhile it was great to read all your posts. Such a wise and insightful group of people here.

UN/ALLS - I've never had chiggers, and you have both made me hope I never do! LOL.

UN - that cabin sounds great. I am jealous. I really think it can't help but to change your environment and get into that wonderful outdoors environment! The whole idea sounds great to me!

ALLS - thanks for the reminder and the truth. "letting the AL back in only makes things worse tenfold" it is so very true and obvious. I can never forget that.

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi, MyLife

I think that the KNOWING you won't drink while you are WANTING to do so is proof that we really can interrupt/fix those damaged circuits. Before we did whatever we are doing here on MWO, there was no functioning brake. There are plenty of things we want to do but we don't do them because we think about it and realize, really bad idea!. The deal is, we aren't addicted to those things! We may be to AL but we're finally getting the strength and tools not to let him have his way .

:goodjob:

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi Everyone,

No time tody but will post tomorrow. Shite day but didn't consider drinking.

UN :lilheart: