7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

The Heart of Addiction

Hey Everyone,

Back and feeling much better today.

OK, I'm going to recommend this book because it's a different slant that I think is helpful. Someone on this site recommended it, and I have to say, it's worth reading.

The Heart of Addiction goes into the why of our drinking. I've heard lots about how if we don't understand the deeper drive we stand more of a chance of relapsing. I'm not sure I could figure my issues out without major counseling, but the book alone is a pretty good tool. Parts of it are a bit tedious, but overall there are some pearly tidbits.

ML, I'm so excited about the cabin! Many years ago (former life) my ex and I owned one in Telluride. I've always wanted that experience again and now I'm going to get it. We go up in early August, just after closing, to take our first round of "stuff." It's tiny, tiny, but just perfect for little getaways. There's something so zen about the mountains (and ocean). Lots of beautiful streams and rivers there too. Breathtakingly beautiful!! I feel so lucky. Finally, all our years of hard work paying off. Now, if our health just holds out so we can enjoy our later years!!

Hope you were able to ride out that craving!!! Just NOT worth it!!!!

Alls, yes the chigger bastards love the privates. The little pervs....:H:H

NS, great post as always. We ARE learning to overcome those weak times. It can be done and we're always happy the next day that we didn't act on the impulse. And, like you've said before, every time we're successful, it makes us stronger for the next temptation. I'll just be happy when al is a very distant memory.

Day 54 for me today - YAY!!

Guess that's about it in my little world everyone. Have a wonderful day.

xx,
UN:lilheart:

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hello everyone!

Well, yes I did ride out that craving - and it's not gone today, but I know from all my reading here sometimes people just have bad weeks. I can deal with it and I do realize it's just another thing I have to say "no" to. I don't eat gigantic ice cream sundae's even though they look good, I don't eat a whole pizza, I don't just lie down and go to sleep whenever I feel like it...and I don't drink Alcohol. Because none of those things are good for me and I rationally know that.

UN - that cabin sounds amazing. I am looking forward to doing something similar in a few years with my husband. Can't wait! And even better, I'll be doing it sober so I'll really enjoy it. Thanks for the tip on the book - I will definitely add it to my list!

Hope everyone is doing well today! Sending hugs to you all. :l

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

NoSugar;1530274 wrote: Hi, MyLife

I think that the KNOWING you won't drink while you are WANTING to do so is proof that we really can interrupt/fix those damaged circuits. Before we did whatever we are doing here on MWO, there was no functioning brake. There are plenty of things we want to do but we don't do them because we think about it and realize, really bad idea!. The deal is, we aren't addicted to those things! We may be to AL but we're finally getting the strength and tools not to let him have his way .

:goodjob:

You are so wise no sugar! I am happy to report I am in damaged circuit repair mode! :thanks:

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

You are very kind , MyLife :l. I think the real deal is that I really dig in once I've made a decision and learn everything I can about the subject. Lucky for us there is a wealth of knowledge and experience available right here on this forum .

I hope tomorrow is a breeze for you!

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi Everyone,

NS, the information really is all out there just waiting for us to embrace it, isn't it?!

ML, the cabin represents a lot to me. Not just fun, recreation, a totally new landscape, but also a chance to start fresh with my new, sober life. Nothing there that I associate with my drinking life. I don't know if that will make it easier, but it seems like it might help not to have any of those "old" associations.

Free, guess you're out of pocket, but if you check in - just want to say I hope you're well and kicking al's ass!

Have a great day everyone,

xx,
UN

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hello Everyone!

Just checking in!

NS - I wouldn't say today is a "Breeze" but I'm so busy at work I haven't had time to think about AL.

I was on a plane last night - delayed AGAIN. If I get offered one more cocktail on a flight....***$$%%@@!! So I sipped Sprite Zero and of course I was happy for it this morning. Oh, and I have to say my husband did the nicest thing...when I finally got home (almost midnight) and it was dark and I was tired, he met me at the door with a kiss and two Black Currant and soda's on ice for us to drink together. I almost cried. I was so happy at that moment I had chosen not to drink on the flight!

UN - I love that idea of a new life without AL or any associations with it! While we sipped our "drinks" my husband and I talked about trying to find someplace in the mountains here in the US or possibly in another country when we retire. It's a couple years away for me, but it sounds so enticing to just start over! In the meantime I'll enjoy it vicariously through you!

My plan this evening is to head to the gym for a good endorphin buzz going! I think I need to just get on a treadmill or something and get all this stress out of my system.

Hope you all have a wonderful AF day.

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

ML, awww, your hubs story was so sweet. That's true love. Sorry you had to endure such a shitty flight with the delays, but don't you feel proud of yourself?

I'm kind of getting this "superior" feeling now when I overcome a drinking obstacle (well, not really because I know the nature of the beast is that I could be struggling at any given moment but you know what I mean).

I was in the grocery store a couple of days ago. I was at the bulk nuts section where there was this huge cashew spill all ofer the floor. This young girl was sweeping them up and made a comment to a guy working nearby - something to the effect of 'I wish I had a margarita' (it was 10:30 a.m.). Made me sad to think of the struggle she might be setting herself up for.........

Oh, before I forget....re the book....I skipped many of the stories I wasn't interested in and fast forwarded to the summary at the end of some of the vignettes. Just a warning because its a bit too much info at times. The basics are good but just a little overboard on specific stories about the author's clients.

Had insomnia last night ugh. I effing hate that! Tonight will be better. Getting keyed up with all the house stuff.

Have a good day everyone.

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

UN I had insomnia last night too! I'm hoping it means a great sleep tonight! Your house will be great...think of the great sleep you'll have in the mountains!

Thanks for the book tips. I will be reading it!

I notice all sorts of drinking behaviors now too. It makes me wonder how bad I looked when I'd had a few glasses of wine...hate to think of it!! I'm so glad I choose not to be that person anymore!

Have a great evening all!

[allswell]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hello folks,

Just back from spending a couple of days in Nashville on business. Just like the trip to Vegas recently, I had to deal with a bunch of F'ing kid brats that decide 3am is the time to continue the party in the room next door. I guess daddy's credit card spares no expense for the spoiled brat et al when the rest of us have to go to work the next morning rested and ready to be productive. Man, I'm getting sick of it. I'd love to hear Mylife's take on it since I know ML travels a lot. Just got back from driving 300 miles on a couple of hours of sleep, sorry to vent.

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Good to hear from you, Allswell (you might need to be AW!!)! So you had interrupted sleep, also. That is so annoying and can really affect how a person feels. I hope you are sleeping better ML and UN. (And, Hi to you, Free :l )

I had an experience last night that was disturbing but also really interesting.

No one in my house has been drinking wine around me all these months - primarily because it usually just my husband and me and if he has anything, it is a beer (which for me could be bleach - I've never consumed it). I've been around wine at other peoples houses, at parties, restaurants, etc. and it terms of wanting to drink it, have had no real problems for several months.

Anyway, last night I was cooking with my SIL in my kitchen and when I came into the room at one point, there sat a little jelly jar of red wine on the counter by the stove. BOOM! That image fired all those primal neurons -- favorite beverage in my favorite kind of glass in the room where I routinely drank while cooking -- Sitting right where I always put it. It raced through my mind that I could just take a sip of it and that no one would know. I could feel that "ache of wanting" in my chest. So, I left the room, got onto MWO and posted this in the NN:

NoSugar;1531582 wrote: I am posting right now because a family member has a glass of wine sitting in the kitchen while we cook and sneaking a little sip is just so tempting. Who would know? I WOULD! And then you all would when I had to post tomorrow. So I'm doing this instead. It would NOT be worth it!

ALWAYS POST BEFORE DRINKING!

Just getting out of the room and getting online took care of the whole thing but it sure was a surprising experience. I think part of it was because it was unexpected -- and then there were all of those environmental triggers - at exactly the right time of day.

Anyway, take away message is that I think breaking the circuit (with getting on MWO and posting being one useful tool) is really critical. I am so so glad to be posting here today that I am on day 171, not day 1!

Be ready for surprises!

Hope all of you are having a great weekend. :h NS

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Alls, something similar happened to me on July 4. People living near us shot off fireworks until 3 in the morning. I was so pissed I could have screamed (in fact I did - almost had a melt down as it was the second night in a row of 2 hours of sleep for me). We've lived here 7 years and that's never happened. They have always stopped by 10 or 11. Really, there should be some kind of ordinance against this kind of shit (and there probably is), but good luck enforcing. Anyway, I vowed never EVER to stay here again on the 4th or NYE. I'll be checking into a hotel (will probably then run into someone partying like what happened to you). :H Hope by now you've caught up on your sleep and are feeling rested! Oh, and PLEASE don't ever apologize for venting. I think that's exactly what we should feel comfortable doing here!!

NS, it's strange how unexpected temptations come out of the blue. I find myself thinking similar things, but haven't acted on any of those thoughts this time. I'm counting on these fleeting incidences going away eventually! Appreciate your posting this story here and REALLY glad you thwarted the temptation!!

I think overall, my deal now is that I feel sort of empty and bored at times - like something's missing. I understand why they say stopping drinking is just the beginning. It truly is more like finding an entirely new way to live life.

ML, I did in fact sleep great last night - you're right -- we can count on that being the upside of a bad night. And, better than EVERY night being a bad one (for me when I was drinking). It's rare for me to have two bad nights in a row (unless some rude a&$@ole is detonating explosives!

As for an update on my daily happenings - we are in the throes of getting ready to relocate to the cabin while we try to sell our house. SO STRESSFUL TRYING TO PUT IT ALL TOGETHER! We know the house will take a VERY LONG time to sell. It's beautiful but extremely remote, so we'll be lucky if it happens in 1-2 years. Seriously. We'll see.

Hope everyone has a super day and evening.

UN :lilheart:

[NoSugar]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi, UN

All that advice we've read about developing new habits and interests turns out to be needed, doesn't it? With our passive past-time gone, we have to be more active. I look back and think of the hours I wasted watching talking heads TV - ridiculous! I mostly like all of the projects I'm back to doing, the conversing, the exercising, the socializing, the volunteering, and the books I'm reading but once in awhile I think how nice it would be to just r-e-l-a-x and watch those stupid TV pundits. But, without AL, I can't stand them :H !

It probably is good that you have this big move to occupy some of your thoughts, time, and energy (as long as you don't turn to an old friend when it gets stressful - turn here instead :l!).

Hope everyone had a great AF weekend, NS

[mylife]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Wow, some good posts here as usual!

NoSugar - what a challenge you had and what a great outcome! I know you are so glad you didn't have that "one" little sip and you are now that much stronger. Kudos to you! My husband is really the only one who's been around our house and both he and my sister - the two people I see the most - know I'm not drinking anymore. So they don't try to tempt me and in fact both support me a lot.

Alls - luckily I am traveling almost exclusively in business Hotels with other business people - so there really aren't a lot of kids around. Which is good because I don't have to be woken up by partying at 3am but bad because all the "adults" hang out at the bar every night and it's really hard to avoid getting asked to "come along for a drink". So far I've been lucky and when I can't sneak up to my room and order room service I've been able to get ice tea or something else without drawing any attention.

UN - moving is stressful no matter what the circumstances are. I feel for you. Just maybe try to focus on the fact that things work themselves out - and sooner or later you'll be in a wonderful new home with a fresh start! Oh, and I had the BEST sleep Friday night after my bad Thursday too. You are so right about being sober - we might have a bad night now and then but at least it's not EVERY night like it was with AL!

I went to my inlaws over the weekend - we're going through elderly parent issues on both sides right now. After my rough week last week I popped an antabuse on Friday. I just felt like I needed to as there were too many thoughts of Al floating through my mind last week at various times and I could feel AL trying to sneak back in. So, it was an insurance policy. I think it was a good one, too, because my in-laws keep a full bar and with everything we're facing with them and work etc. - I just think it was a good idea.

Have a great rest of the evening everyone and hopefully a great AF week!

[Unwasted]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

I think how nice it would be to just r-e-l-a-x and watch those stupid TV pundits. But, without AL, I can't stand them !

NS, it's a whole new world, isn't it? Alcohol changed my personality in a pretty big way -- almost created a split personality in me. I'm much more even keeled now and less dichotomized. Sounds like your sober self is a bit more admirable, eh? I never could stand the talking heads, but they definitely were more tolerable when drunk. :H

ML, it's so great that you have the support of your husband and sister. If my husband weren't on board, this would be very difficult for me. You often hear how it's almost impossible for a smoker to quit if their spouse doesn't. I think drinking is like that too. BTW, I didn't know that you were occasionally taking Antabuse. I also have some for "emergency" situations but haven't taken one. I plan to always have it on hand, though, for those times I might be tempted. I'm very respectful of it because of what I've read and know I wouldn't drink if I took it. Have you taken it more than once? The thing that concerned me is that I would forget and do something like have a salad dressing that would react. Did you feel anything after taking it, and how many times have you done it? Just curious if you have time to write about your experience.

Free, assume you're out of pocket traveling. I saw your "joyful" thread and posted a greeting to you there. Hope all is well.

Going to have a busy day today readying for our big transition. NS, you're probably right about my needing to have a project - just hope the stress doesn't undo me. I seem to be fragile in my old age. I just have to keep my eye on the end product - a better life in the long run.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

xx,
UN :lilheart:

[free at last]

7 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY BLOWN

Hi all,
Just now back among the internet connected -- terrible bandwidth my last week in W Africa, the long flights and upon re-entry into USA, i try to pay attention to my DH so am only now on MWO. Won't be able to fully read posts until tomorrow, as I am under deadline for work. Just wanted to say I am among the living and continuing on my path of AF living.