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    #1

    I can do this

    Hello!

    So this morning marks day #2 of my sobriety. I got rid of the rest of my wine last night and informed everyone I know that I will no longer be drinking. I know that is where I have gone wrong in the past, being too ashamed to own up to my addiction I didn't tell anyone I was quitting. With no way to be held accountable it was impossible to stay sober. So, here I am, checking in for the day. My plan is to check in everyday from here on out and post updates on my progress.

    Yesterday I was pretty depressed. My husband isn't convinced yet that I will stay sober. I've broken so many promises in the past that this isn't surprising. I suppose I can only prove to him through my actions at this point that I am sincere. I feel more hopeful today, though I would be fairly content to just stay in bed indefinitely... My self-esteem and self-worth are almost non-existent at this point. I feel I can't even trust myself at times - though those were almost always times when I was drunk, so hopefully that will change.

    Well, time to get some coffee and get to work. Thank you for all the support on my initial post yesterday - I need all I can get!
    Tags: None
    #2
    I can do this

    Hi Mkiser!

    Welcome to day 2! You sound determined, and I know you can do this. Your feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth are the work of the Beast alcohol. I promise you, once you get rid of him, your opinion of yourself will improve! Alcohol stole my money, time, energy, self esteem and value. I have since taken it all back from him. You CAN too! Just focus on NOW...one day, hour, minute, or second at a time. Don't worry about people "believing" you right now. Let your actions speak for you. Stick close. I look forward to getting to know you better!

    K9
    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

    Comment

      #3
      I can do this

      Thanks K9Lover. The mood swings I am having today are insane; at the moment I am feeling really anxious and terribly ashamed of myself. I can't focus on much; I think it is more the preoccupation with quitting that is getting to me more than any sort of withdrawal. I feel like such a failure for not being able to be a normal drinker. I keep reminding myself that the people who care about me are not going to view me that way, and that they will be more likely to view my coming to terms with my problem as a success.

      One day at a time, right? It is just so hard to turn off the million negative thoughts that are running through my head. I think I might give meditation a try tonight; I used to relax with a glass of wine but that obviously isn't an option anymore.

      Comment

        #4
        I can do this

        Hi MKiser! Don't beat yourself up. All those million negative thoughts are AL trying to lure you back. Don't let him!

        Forget the failures and regrets of the past. You don't live there anymore. Let's focus on right now. Right now you aren't drinking. Celebrate that little success. Celebrate it every 5 minutes if you have to. All those milestones add up.
        Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.

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          #5
          I can do this

          Hi, Mkiser

          I think the miracle is that anyone can be a normal drinker! The stuff is highly addictive and almost all of us try it at one point or another so there's the thing AL needs to hook us: EXPOSURE!

          We get the message that drinking is cool, sophisticated, mature, relaxing, healthy (what a crock although I used that one to justify my drinking for quite awhile ), etc. etc. Frankly, the day I realized that my goal was no longer to be a "normal" drinker but rather, to be a proud nondrinker          , was the day I really started making progress. That transition occurred as I read and posted and read and posted ad nauseum here.

          Please don't feel bad about yourself or that you have failed at something. Hard as it is, try to let the past stay there. Take it a day at a time and as those AF days add up, you'll be PROUD of yourself!

          Stick with us -- it can work for you, too!

          :h NS

          Comment

            #6
            I can do this

            Hey Mkisser

            The moods and emotions are all a result of alcohol, and it may be a while before you feel completely stable. Learning to live sober is hard, but an amazing journey.

            I can understand your husbands misgivings, people around us get used to so many broken promises you can hardly blame them but in time they will come around with sustained recovery.
            I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

            Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

            AF date 22/07/13

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              #7
              I can do this

              MK,

              I think meditation is a great idea. I quit drinking for 7 months with that and the support of people on this site. It does get better - and you can see if you read a lot here many are having great success. Most of us fail because we think we can moderate. But, really, by the time we get here most of us can't. So, if we can accept that, it's half the battle as they say. The roller coaster of drinking is a nightmare. Being sober is WAY better.

              Best to you,
              UN:l

              Comment

                #8
                I can do this

                mkiser;1509062 wrote: I feel like such a failure for not being able to be a normal drinker.
                Well, since drinking poison isn't normal, why do you feel like a failure for not being able to do so? I am proud that I don't HAVE to drink the poison to have a happy life.

                Withdrawals only last a couple of days (if you have them at all)...it's the mental mind game that can get you. Next time you feel a craving, be honest and think about what alcohol ever really did for you. Sure, you might have gotten a buzz that was fun for about an hour, but I bet the misery sure outweighed that! Fast forward to the day after, and suddenly the "buzz" doesn't seem like such a good trade off.
                :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                Comment

                  #9
                  I can do this

                  Hi mkiser

                  It sounds like you're off to a good start. As the days go by, it all becomes clearer and clearer that life is better without the booze :-)

                  Try not to look back - concentrate on the here and now. You are doing a great job xx
                  AF since Halloween 2016

                  Trying to kill my Wine Witch! :smileyb:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I can do this

                    Great job!! Your emotions will be all over the place for a few days...just try and keep it in the road and you'll be ok! Sometimes you just have to tell those voices in your head to shut the F up!!! Dig your heels in and stay the course! You will NEVER be sorry!! Byrdie
                    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                    Tool Box
                    Newbie's Nest

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I can do this

                      Hi MK, I'm on day 3 and it's a million emotions but it's a nice change from waking up with a hangover!!!!!
                      I went to my doctor and got Campral and it seems to have kicked in straight away and I don't have any cravings to drink, it may be something you want to read up about?
                      Good luck! People are fantastic here so it's a great place to get support!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I can do this

                        Way to go on day 3:goodjob:

                        It only gets better from here.

                        Stay close and stay strong.
                        JDG
                        Making the quit stick! since 02/27/2016:victorious:

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                          #13
                          I can do this

                          Day 3! I indulged in a huge New York Strip steak dinner last night. Unfortunately, sleep wasn't easy to come by and I was up rather late. I haven't noticed any signs of physical withdrawal though I do think going to my doctor is going to be necessary at some point. I have a very emotional relationship with alcohol. My heavy drinking initially began to deal with social and general anxiety, and then depression. I've been on again, off again with my habits for the last 8 years, often going 3 days without drinking or only having one or two. It's the nights when I can't stop which scare the crap out of me, and they seem to be getting more frequent again. I can drink a bottle of wine and only feel a little drunk but around that point I either stop or lose it completely. I often blackout on those nights if I keep going and do things I would normally never do.

                          But back to today... I am feeling quite good this morning! I know tomorrow is going to be difficult, day 4 always is for me.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I can do this

                            Great job on getting to day 3! I know how hard day 4 is (for some reason)...maybe because you feel physically okay and think you can drink again. It's easy not to drink when you feel like CRAP from a hangover, but once that goes away the mental aspect is the hard part. Just remember WHY you are quitting. Remember the blackouts and the stupid actions and the hangovers. A craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you'll never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before.

                            Hang in there my friend!
                            :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                            Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I can do this

                              K9Lover;1509588 wrote: A craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you'll never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before.

                              Hang in there my friend!
                              Oh that's true! I have never in my life wished I had drank the night before!

                              Well done on day 3. Keep on going - it just gets better and better and easier too xx
                              AF since Halloween 2016

                              Trying to kill my Wine Witch! :smileyb:

                              Comment

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