WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

[goofygirl]

It's been a few years now... It started very innocent. Just a beer or a glass of wine on the weekends. It turned in to a bottle of wine plus a beer or two. Just by myself drinking my self to oblivion. Now I can't even do my laundry without having a drink first. And, oh boy, have I become so creative in hiding it and sneaking my booze so my live-in boyfriend of two years does not find out about my addiction! I just can't stand myself anymore. I've tried to quit, trust me. I have even been successful in limiting booze to the weekends only. But it's always the same. I'll start drinking on Friday or Saturday after work and do not quit till Monday night. The depression sets in. Lately, I become aggressive... Not good. How on earth do you stop?! Please advise. Any suggestions or feedback will be very appreciated. Thank you.

[Siren136]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Hi goofygirl! Welcome to MWO! :welcome:

I know what you are going through. I have hidden my addiction from my husband and hidden bottles so he wouldn't know how much I've been drinking. Sneaking off into the bathroom where I had stashed a bottle of wine so I could have a drink he wouldn't know about. Does your boyfriend drink?

The easy answer for how to stop is to get rid of all the alcohol in the house now, while you're resolve is strong, though that might not be possible. If you can go for a couple of days without drinking then you probably can safely withdraw without dangerous side effects. If you are a daily drinker, though, you may need to taper in order to safely quit.

There are many tools to help you quit in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html. Also, I would recommend going over to the Newbie's Nest as there are many many others in various stages of quitting, from Day 1 to old-timers. It's a great place for caring support.

Take care and see you in the Nest!!

[Live_Love_Learn]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Hi goofygirl, I've been there!! One partner tried to politely tell me that when I drink wine I really smell so could I stop drinking so much!! I sure learnt!! In the last few years I'm a scotch and vodka drinker!! Then I wonder why I have no money!! I actually had a boss that would sit with me and we would make jokes about the amount of alcohol we consume, we would even have a spreadsheet that calculated the amount consumed, spent and calories!!!! Talk about bad encouragements for each other!!! Yeah, we'd look on the websites for the definition of alcoholic then spend our tie trying to disseminate it and justify why we weren't!!
So we all have guilty moments but I think for me, if I'm going to move forward I need to stop hating myself for the past and live for now, now for me is 8 days sober and a feeling of clarity and a joy of not feeling hungover!! Everyone is different though, I broke down at the doctors and admitted I needed help to stop, he put me onto Campral and I haven't looked back.
Stick with us here, everyone has a story and everyone knows how you are feeling!! I hope you start feeling better, stay in touch xo

[goofygirl]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Hello Siren!

Thank you for the kind words. And your advice. I'll visit the pages you told me about. I can't believe your reply made me cry. Must be my depression. No, my BF does not drink at all. I also used to have a small bottle of alcohol in the washroom... Not anymore though. Was too risky. There is no booze in the house at all except when I buy it. And hide it. I can go with out for days and I'm fine. But then I start again. No self control at all. The problem is that I learned to behave like I'm sober so no one can tell I had a drink. It makes it easier to hide the habit.

[goofygirl]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Hello LLL!

Thank you so much for this. I was thinking about going to see a doctor, but have no regular family physician. Perhaps a walk in clinic? I have to try. I know the good feeling of non drinking cuz sometimes I go without for days, but i always slip anyway. Why do we have to drink and what makes your brain to crave it? If I could only figure that out. Need to see a doctor for sure.

[JackDanielsGirl]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Welcome goofygirl,

I could have wrote your same story, before my quit. Seeing a dr is important, I too battle depression and anxiety which made withdrawls worse. Afterward the antidepressant made a world of difference, no anxiety or depression in over 3 weeks now.

This disease is beatable as others have stated check out the toolbox for tips, and the newbies nest for loving support.
JDG

[mama bear]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Welcome Goofy. We are all here for you

[kuya]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

The good thing is you can go days without it. You may have high anxiety that you do not realise.....see a doctor. The alcohol also causes anxiety and depression.

There are many supplements you can use for anxiety also. Inositol, GABA, tryptophan and melatonin, valerian and St. John's wort......to name a few.

You CAN beat this

[goofygirl]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Thanks guys for support and advice! :thanks: Anxiety, yes. Who doesn't have it nowadays? Just living in a city and working full time may make you in to a fruit loop! I've been on antidepressants (Effexor) over a year ago and gained over 15 pounds total. Few years ago was prescribed Paxil and I did well on it, but it also stopped working for me. Lost it all, but it's been a struggle. Can't take GABA or melatonin, but valerian works for me well. Only for a while though and then it stops. Sometimes I think I should tell my BF, but he always freaks out if he sees me not well. He worries. I don't want him to know how pathetic I am and don't want it to be his burden either. I've been suicidal before and when I'm really drunk it just feels so easy to end it all. Too easy.

[bcp2013]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Wow,go to the doctor ,you are worth it,just tell him or her what you are doing,you will be okay,check in here always,l am 58 days sober today,Lt is great,please get help and your diet may be affecting you,try to cut back on sugar and eat lots of protein and veggies,eat often will help with cravings,you will do great,keep up the good work and keep on this site ,read a lot,might help being honest,of you quit the guilt goes away and you will feel amazing,drink lots of water okay,good luck on your journey!!

[goofygirl]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Thanks BCP

I'm really happy for you. It feels good to be sober. It does. You are so totally right on this. Guilt will go away and days w/out booze feel so so much better. I love the light feeling and self worth it gives you. My diet is not bad to be honest. I have all you've mentioned above plus lots of vits and supplements. It's just this damned booze! I feel bored and blah and stupidly think if I'll drink some, my day will be more exciting and fun! Right. For the first half an hour. I know that it's just BS to think it will take away the boredom, but still reach for that bottle! Today will be my first day of total sobriety. Thanks guys for all your support. I'm so very happy I found you! :h

[Siren136]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

We're glad you're here, Goofygirl!!

[bcp2013]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Hey if your bored ,read a book take a walk talk to your neighbours,phone a friend,paint ,anything,clean your house,organise your closet,there is no need for boredom,you will be fine,keep busy,LTS not really boredom ,l found it's just your so use to drinking you let everything else go so think of things you wanted to do,but the drink got in the way,remember alcohol makes you feel like your in a love affair with it,Lt was always love hate for me ,like an abusive relationship,which l never had with a person,only myself,l said this before but why do you want to be going through life drugged up on alcohol,like your in an institution,but by choice,think of it that way,that's my husbands advice,makes sence.anyway you will do it,it,s just a thought and it will pass after a few mi utes,so ride out the feelings when your thinking about the drink,remember,how many times it hurt you mentally,like hangovers and headaches,well you may get a headache for a few days ,that's just normal,Lt will pass,this weekend just passed l felt great no thoughts ,was freeing,it's not easy but it does get better,seems like l cry every Friday after work,don't know why but than l feel fantastic!!! Hope your day is fab,.!!!

[goofygirl]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

Thanks so much BCP for such wise post. The day I spoke to you guys I felt like shit. Went to work and couldn't concentrate on anything. Headache and nausea. Next day went by much better. I was less depressed and could get ahead with my work. I tried to log in on to the forum, but I think the server was down. Today was sooo much better and although I have no cravings just yet, I know that when Friday/Saturday comes, I'll be drawn to a liqueur store like I had a huge magnet attached to my front. It's only Wednesday night... I'll keep you posted! I'll stock up on my fav food. I guess.

[Siren136]

WTF Am I Doing to Myself???

If Friday/Saturday is your trigger, then make a solid plan for staying AF. Figure out when you would normally start drinking and then plan for what you will do instead. The old saying "you don't plan to fail, you fail to plan" is very true in these instances.