I am finally ready but I need help.

[witts end]

I am finally ready but I need help.

don't beat yourself up we all have had a few goes at it .......
hey pick yourself up and start again ......you will be more determined next time

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Thank Witts. I am just so disgusted with myself right now. aaarrrgh. What was I thinking?

[Nelz]

I am finally ready but I need help.

MossRose;1517372 wrote: I drank. Dammit!

I'm sorry,
MR

Been there, done that. You still had some AF days, its just not consecutive......big whhoooop, be proud of the time you did have


Get up here and try again

[NoSugar]

I am finally ready but I need help.

MossRose,

As you know from reading here, making a mistake is no reason to give up.

Do you know why you decided to drink? If you can figure that out, you can make a plan to avoid this in the future.

You can get back what you had going last week and your friends here want to help you.

:hug: NS

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

NS - I can tell you the excuse I used, I went to a graduation party today. It was the first time in almost two decades that I have had to fly solo to an event. I haven't gone to any parties or gatherings since my divorce started .When I got there, I realized that I didn't know anyone except the hosts, and they were very busy. It seemed like everyone was a couple. I felt very uncomfortable. I managed to make some small talk, and then a kind soul offered me a drink. I thought that I could handle one. Oh shit. And, I was doing so well. I did manage to stop after a couple and come home. But the damage is done. Day one starts again tomorrow!

[NoSugar]

I am finally ready but I need help.

MossRose;1517412 wrote: NS - I can tell you the excuse I used, I went to a graduation party today. It was the first time in almost two decades that I have had to fly solo to an event. I haven't gone to any parties or gatherings since my divorce started .When I got there, I realized that I didn't know anyone except the hosts, and they were very busy. It seemed like everyone was a couple. I felt very uncomfortable. I managed to make some small talk, and then a kind soul offered me a drink. I thought that I could handle one. Oh shit. And, I was doing so well. I did manage to stop after a couple and come home. But the damage is done. Day one starts again tomorrow!

Tomorrow can be your last day one, MR!

You've learned something really important - you have to be ready for a variety of uncomfortable social situations. Some people take the hermit approach for the first several weeks (I did). Others choose to put themselves in challenging environments and gain strength from their successes. If you are going to be around AL, you need to have at the ready several ways to say " No, Thank you " that just come right out - no mental anguish about whether you do or don't want a drink.

What happened to you is completely understandable but it's not the outcome you want or worked hard for last week. I'm glad you came right back!

:h NS

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

NS - I had a good day today. I have decided not to give up. Spent an absolute fortune at the health food store this morning buying more supplements, but I am determined not to fail again. Then I spent the rest of the day with my parents. They are elderly and I want to enjoy every minute I have with them. Sober!! I didn't see them often enough during the dark, drinking days. I was too ashamed and selfish. Now, I am trying to make up for lost time. Seeing them so happy that I am finally coming around again made me even more resolved. This is the LAST "Day One." As always, thank you for the non-judgemental, loving support.

[NoSugar]

I am finally ready but I need help.

You sound great! Have a plan, stick to it, and you can do it!

Like you, I spent time with my parents this weekend. I have a virus or something and was weak or dizzy most of the time I was there. When I was leaving today, I told my mom I was sorry I hadn't been able to do more for her on this visit. Turned out she loved having me "stuck" on the couch chatting and mostly listening.

It is great to finally be truly present for our families, isn't it?

[free at last]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Hi MossRoss,
Just a note to say that I have been there -- when I chose to drink and regretted it the next morning, or even during the evening. The good thing is you are here, working your way toward sobriety, like all of us. I understand about being present for our parents. My mom is visiting this week and it will be the first time in many years she has not seen me drinking wine with dinner. Stay close, you can do this.

And No Sugar, love the quote in your signature!

[NoSugar]

I am finally ready but I need help.

free at last;1518119 wrote: .
And No Sugar, love the quote in your signature!

I have loved that quote forever and recently I have started to believe it -- there finally is some light .

I found the avatar image when I put the Rumi quote into Google images -- some of the pictures that came up were really beautiful but this one seemed right for an avatar.

Glad you are back, Free. It will be good to catch up with you.

[Peanut]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Hi Moss,
Hope you are doing well. I happen to agree with Nelz. You had AF days, just not consecutive. There seems to be an obsession with getting consecutive days, and if you slip up, you have to start from zero. It's like all the successful days you already had are blown. What if you slip up on day 10 and day 21 - by the end of the month you will be on day 9 AF, yet you had had 19days AF prior to starting at zero again. Is that failure??? I don't think so. No damage has been done. You are still on the journey.
I am feeling quite ok. 9 days out of the first 10 days of June I have been AF, and I feel pretty good about it. You should too.
xoxox peanut

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Thanks everyone for reminding me that it was a dangerous slip but not absolute failure. I'm back on track and feel hopeful again. I just scared myself. Really thought I was stronger than that. It will be a while before I put myself in that situation again.

Glad to hear how well everyone is doing. Isn't it wonderful to spend quality time with our families? That term is so overused and cliche anymore, but I truly can't think of a better word. First time in years that I felt proud of my behavior after a day with my parents.

Thanks again for the encouragement and support.

[MossRose]

I am finally ready but I need help.

NS, Hope you're feeling better.

[NoSugar]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Thanks, MossRose

Unfortunately, I'm not perking up as fast as I would like but today was better than yesterday, so things seem to be moving in the right direction .

I've been thinking about the day-counting issue. I agree that being AF for 9/10 days or 28/30, etc. is something to be very proud of and should not be minimized. Plus, some people find the activity adds stress to what is already a challenging process so it clearly is not the way to go for everyone.

The consecutive streak can be a very powerful tool, though, especially for some personality types (e.g. Mine :H). When faced with making a choice to or not to drink, the thought of being on day 1 vs day 9 the next day, as Miley recently wrote about, can tip the scales in the right direction. Once numerous consecutive days have been lived with all of the daily ups and downs of normal life, a new challenge can be viewed in the context of all the previous, uninterrupted successes, making the better choice easier --- you've done it X times before and so can clearly do it again...

After awhile it isn't as important for many people to count each day - especially when not drinking is the New Normal. But, it is a powerful tool to help you get to that point, especially if your ultimate goal is never to drink again.

[Peanut]

I am finally ready but I need help.

Hey NS - I agree that the counting can be an excellent tool and motivator. I use the drink tracker for exactly that. I think I just get a little distressed when somebody does slip and there is so much guilt and feeling like a failure, etc. Just last week this happened - I can't remember who it was - but I felt so sad that this person was berating herself so badly, when really, there were positive, AF free days already for her which DO count for something and should never be discounted. I know everybody is so good at reassuring each other when the slips come, and that is the best!!!!! During my absence from MWO, I went through periods where I would keep a calendar to mark the days I drank and the days I didn't, and was very proud when I had so many 'stars' on it - so yes, counting does help, but feeling as a failure for not having a certain number of days in a row I find quite distressing.

Anyhoo - another AF day here, and even my BF is not drinking!!! Thanks goodness for that, as I find him rather intolerable as a drunk when I am sober!!!!! I'm sure it works the other way around too

This fatigue these days is getting to me - I want to go to bed at 9pm every night!!!
Until tomorrow gals and guys!
xoxoxo peanut