Husband not believing in me

[ronnie]

Does anyone else have the problem that thier partner does not believe them when you say you are trying to do something about your drinking.
My husband and i had words this morning about my drinking and i told him that if he had paid any notice he would of realised that i have not had a drink in 4 days and that it would be nice to have a bit of support from him and all i got back from him was laughter then he said "well give it week then you will be back on it again"
Whenever i have gone a/f it has usually been for a few months i never drank everday and when i did i always kept myself to myself
Each time i have gone a/f i have never had any support from him even when i have asked but then thats my hubbie for you (very selfish)
Anyway i just thought i would put the question out there to see if anyone has the same problem and maybe offer any support.
Thanks for reading
I have set myself a goal of 30 days so far
Xxxxxxxxx
Ronnie x:h

[byebyebridgetjones]

Husband not believing in me

Ronster!
Good to see you back gorgeous!
What a shame hubby can't back you up a bit. Does he not see you drinking as a problem?

[ronnie]

Husband not believing in me

Hi honey
Yes hubbie does see my drinking as a problem but proberbly not as much as i do
I dont think he understands addiction and its very hard to explain to someone when they have not been there themselves, plus i know he would not be interested in listening but hey. ... Thats men all over. ... Lol
Only joking about men as i know that there are many decent men out there xxx

[YouKayBee]

Husband not believing in me

Some partners can be afraid of change, whilst you are drinking still they know what to expect and the idea you may get sober, grow and be stronger, well they worry it might take you away from them.

Then there's co-dependency.

[myhappyplace]

Husband not believing in me

Aw...Ronnie love...have one of these :l not sure how you get this one across to him, maybe although he wants you to change, he's afraid of that too?

And nice to see you too btw...

[myhappyplace]

Husband not believing in me

X-post UK! same thoughts I think...

[ronnie]

Husband not believing in me

Hi uk & happs
You might have a point there as i used to be very strong but as time has gone by i have let him take over, i must admit he was a bit taken back when i stuck up for myself this morning
Well he will have to get used to it as i am on my way back to being that very strong women i once was. .... Lol
Thanks guys your responces have already helped me xxxxx

[byebyebridgetjones]

Husband not believing in me

ronnie;1515200 wrote: Hi honey
Yes hubbie does see my drinking as a problem but proberbly not as much as i do
I dont think he understands addiction and its very hard to explain to someone when they have not been there themselves, plus i know he would not be interested in listening but hey. ... Thats men all over. ... Lol
Only joking about men as i know that there are many decent men out there xxx

So, I suppose the best bet is to find other support elsewhere?
Here is the obvious place, but is there someone in the 3D world who could be your sober buddy also?

[ronnie]

Husband not believing in me

There is someone but im going to get a few more a/f days behind me before i tell them, although they do know that i drank far to much so they wont be shocked
Thanks for your support hun xx

[Nelz]

Husband not believing in me

Ronnie,

I know that before the quit finally took hold, and I would have small 3 or 4 day AF days, my wife wouldnt even notice. I think they are so used to seeing us in the other state, that drinking or not, they think we are.

But Im guilty of that as well. When my wife slows down/quits the cigs, I seldom notice.

He is probably basing his decision of your past attempts, most people do. As unfortunate as that is, you can always turn that around, and use it as your motivation. I REALLY like it when someone tells me I cant do something. It quickly becomes priority 1 :H

I LOVE the thirty day idea........."but" break it down to smaller goals that increase with time.

This is always my suggestion Goal 1 Day one Goal 2 Day seven Goal 3 one month

That way you are actually reaching your goals, instead of sitting around and counting the days, minutes, hours, and seconds to the thirty days. And THEN when your hubs sees you collecting Nelz stars........well........he will probably change his tune


Go get em


PS A nelz star is awarded at day 1,7, and 30

[ronnie]

Husband not believing in me

Thanks for your post Nelz, hubbie is in a lets ignore the wife moment as he has not said a single word to me since he has come home, but hey at least i get a peaceful night:H
NELZ wheres my day 1 star honey xx. ... Lol

[Cinders]

Husband not believing in me

Ronnie,

It takes a lot of sobriety time for others to see we are not just going to go back to our old ways.

In my case, I simply don't blame my family for not trusting that "this is it." I've had a lot of "this is its" under my belt.

Sobriety is your gift to yourself. Guard it carefully.

Cindi

[Miley]

Husband not believing in me

Ronnie

Don't worry about the hubby. I am having some issues myself but I think it's because they have seen us drinking for so long. I have only been married for 4 years but I've been drinking the whole time. My husband doesn't think I should do 30 days because he thinks it's too big of a goal. Just hang in here with the rest of this and let his comments bounce off of you. This isn't about them, it's about us!

We can do this...especially if we stick together!

[bcp2013]

Husband not believing in me

Your right,Lt is you who counts,you are doing this for yourself,as well as your health,once you keep going your spouse will be on board. They may be afraid you will see them for who they truly are if your sober too long,l don't know ,but they should support you in your journey,just keep being sober,your mind and body will thank you,you are worth it.keep up the good work.let's not easy I'm 65 days sober today,l said l am quitting for life,first l was just gonna do it for a little while,than l read how once you go back to drinking you go back to your old ways. I am worth more than that so ,no thanks thank you very much!!! Have a great day we can stay sober,keep on posting and get support here,have a great Tuesday!!

[witts end]

Husband not believing in me

Ronnie i have the same problem with my hubby they don't believe that we can do it...they are waiting for us to cave in again ......I stopped before and gave in when we went out to dinner and he just ordered my drink not even asking if I wanted anything ......which started me off again....wont happen again I'm prepared to hand it back to him next time ....some one said to have a plan before hand..
My husband dosn't know how to go without a drink .......so i leave him and go and watch tv and have started my knitting again .......
I really want to stop this time
i also have a thermos of green tea and lemon and ginger ready to pour out instead of waiting to boil the kettle.....so I don't get distracted and pour a glass of wine
I'm giving my husband space as I know he copt a lot from my drinking....
My husband developed bi-polo depression and wouldn't get any help.......just blamed me for everything that went wrong... so i drank.......only used to have the occasional one if we went out.....now i cant leave the bottle empty.......so I'm taking control and stopping I also made it a goal to be sober for june