Working up the courage

[Sake123]

I am not sober yet...but so sick and tired of being sick and tired! And really concerned about the ticking time bomb of daily drinking. I'm very concerned about my health. Long story short, I am 44 years old..have a 7 year old daughter and a loving husband. I spent 8 sober years in AA starting at the age of 20. I lost my mom (very beloved) little over 2 years ago. I have been drinking for years. But for the last year I am drinking daily. Every night I have no less than 6 shots of vodka w/mixer. I know I need to quit! I just am having a hard time finding the desire to quit. As soon as I start drinking, I am relaxed. The rest of the day I'm a stressed out anxious freak. The first step was talking with my doctor yesterday. She is researching declinol and I will be following up with her shortly. I also came clean with my therapist today. My husband doesn't drink much but doesn't see my drinking as a problem. I don't drink and drive and I wait until my daughter is in bed to start drinking. But I don't need anyone else to tell me it's a problem...I know it's a problem and it's weighing heavy on my heart right now. I have no desire to go back to AA for several reason but do need support. So I thought I would give this site a try.

[Miley]

Working up the courage

Sake...I just wanted to say hi and welcome to MWO. This is a great place with lots of support and resources. I too had the same issue with people not thinking my drinking was a problem (including my counselor....go figure) BUT....it was a problem for me.

I only have 12 days under my belt but I'm sure those who have a lot more time/experience will reply soon. In the meantime, there is a toolbox full of really good information and the Newbies Nest is always a good place to post.

I find that posting daily (sometimes more than once) has helped me tremendously. Welcome and I wish you the best on your journey.

[witts end]

Working up the courage

hello Sake123
I also don't have the desire to go back to AA
I would start at 5 pm everyday and just drink wine was my preference and would black-out and have no recollection as to what I did the night
so I have decided to turn my life around and get back what I have lost respect from those around me
sorry not having a good day to-day hopefully you can stick it out expecially with the doctors help

[Live_Love_Learn]

Working up the courage

Hi Sake-it takes courage to speak up when you want help so congratulations!
I tried AA years ago, wasn't for me.
I've been told I don't drink much! HA! Thats coming from people who don't see all the empty bottles hidden around in bags and drawers!!!!!!!!
You know in your heart if you need help, it may not seem like you drink much but believe me, I thought I only drank a few every night and made excuses that I was stressed, it was hot or I'd eaten healthy or anything I could come up with to make me justify it. Needless to say the couple of drinks grows to a point where you don't want to count how many you are having!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay close to MWO and good luck, you are doing the right thing XO

[Turn Around]

Working up the courage

Welcome to a community of endless support. I first came here July 2011 after waking up to no recollection of the night before, bruises all over my body, and an abusive man I knew I had to escape from. One of these days I'll have the time to sit down and write about just how awful that previous night was. Ironic thing is I did not drink myself into a blackout. It was the first time I was violated by being drugged by the man I was with, who is the father of my son, and no memory of what he decided to do to me.

For almost a month I read more then I have ever in my life it seemed.. Anxiety and panic attacks hit me hard. My support was this site, and the members who encouraged me and others to keep fighting. In it I discovered that the courage was already in me... I believe it is in all of us. I believe it is there and just burning to come to the surface. Fear and unfamiliar feelings may be what keeps it covered. Just know it is already there.

Not anything particular needs to happen on the outside to know you need help, change or a new path in your personal life. It's starts inside and you've already come to that decision that you want it. I knew it long before I stopped completely.

You know how people say along the lines "Good can come from anything that is bad" or "You can always find a positive in any negative." When you have days to weeks, months to even years under your belt sober, the good and positive start revealing itself and the courage begins to surface little by little stronger and stronger. Sometimes courage sky rockets at times you most need it. Sometimes you feel weak and frail.

This is coming from my own experience, coming up on two years without a drop of AL. I am at a place where I would not have my past changed at all, including misery I endured and every ounce of AL I consumed.I am so much stronger and humble from it. Not only that but my past experiences with abuse and addiction has led me to have more knowledge and personal growth growing through it rather then those who have just studied it. (Don't get me wrong, I studied and educated myself also) The personal experience has changed me for the best person I believe I can be right now. Come tomorrow I strive grow deeper. That's my day by day. If I never made my decision to stop my cycle...I believe Id be dead.

There is a very serious healthy fear that I keep close to me, or in me. That fear of knowing, feeling and utter reality if I make the decision to take one more drink again, I'm back to 2 years ago. That enough keeps me sober now. I programmed my mind to have that my 1st response if any temptation comes. Time can suck and time can be your best friend also with this.

Remember, the courage is already in you. This site and outer help are the tools to get you where you want.

[JakeC]

Working up the courage

Hi Sake

I am at a similar place. I drink everyday; not necessarily to any given excess. Some days more than others. I don't drink and drive (anymore) and while I sometimes drink in front of my kids 4&6, I don't get drunk in front of them.

I know I have a drinking problem. So does my wife. She is supportive; which is great. She does not enable as much as she allows me room to fix this.

I am new to this site. I recently entered into therapy to address my abuse of alcohol.

AA was suggested. I can't do AA, because I cant do the first step. I refuse to admit that I am powerless and must give myself to a higher power. So that is my issue with AA.

We can talk if you like.

[kronkcarr]

Working up the courage

Hi, Sake123,

Welcome! Wow! Where to start? You're here and that's wonderful and you came clean with your therapist and saw your doctor. These are huge steps. Congratulations.

I, too, had people tell me I didn't drink that much, but what they didn't and couldn't see was that voice in my head that told me, "You need more. Have another. Figure out how to get more without being obvious." Turn Around said it so well--when I'm not over drinking I'm aware and have space and time for PERSONAL GROWTH. What else are we here for?!

Thanks for bring declinol to my attention. I checked it out but couldn't find the herbal ingredients listed anywhere. I was surprised that it was almost $700 for 60 days worth. This would be a huge investment and motivator for me.

I'd been to AA and RR in the past and I wouldn't return to either. The folks here can and will support you.

[ApocalypseM]

Working up the courage

Hi Sake, I've only been here a few days myself but the people here are most certainly supportive. It helps a lot with the anxiety to read the posts, even if you're not participating yourself. Just a week ago I was averaging 20 drinks a night, and that's an average. I've already cut that by a third and hope to make it an even half today. You're not alone out there, it just seems that way. Plenty are here to help.

[witts end]

Working up the courage

hi! sake how are you going to-day