Question To Those With 30+ Days

[Miley]

I am very early in all of this....only Day 12 for me. I've been trying to go 30 days for years and haven't made it. This time, I feel different and I can't explain why. When I started, I had planned on going 30 days to clear my head and then try to moderate (vacation is right at 31 days). I am starting to re-think all of this and now I'm not really sure I want to drink at all. I have to admit that since I started, I feel better about myself but I'm not that ball of energy and health I had envisioned. I know....it's only been 12 days and Rome wasn't built in a day but I thought I would feel a lot better physically by now.

My question to those of you with time under your belt is....what difference did you notice between 30, 60 or 90 days? I'm beginning to think 30 days really isn't enough time to see the benefits of being AF, although it's a good start.:thanks:

[Byrdlady]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

It isn't really enough time, Miley, but it's a start. Truth is, that your relationship with AL was as good as it's ever going to be the day you got here. It is never going to improve...no matter how many times we try. You only get one brain and it knows where you've been. Surely you have seen folks return here after having been sober for months and years!

So 30 days is the gold standard to see for yourself where you are. Many get there and decide to stay AF because they know in their heart of hearts moderation can't be done. Remember, moderation even on these boards is supported with heavy duty meds to help. If you are like most, you'll see that life is just better without AL...12 days is a lot different than 30....30 is different from 60. The good news is that you feel progressively better at each stage. I think it actually takes about 6 months to get to a place of complete confidence and self assurance, and to reap the benefits of being AF, the weight starts to fall off, and the mind peace is awesome. It takes time to heal...if there were a pill that could help me moderate I wouldn't take it. I HATE AL and what it's done to me and my friends here. It is a one way ticket to hell.

Day 13 was a game changer for me. That was the day I KNEW I could do this. I hope it's that way for you, too! Hang in there, you will never regret being sober (but I have plenty of regrets about drinking). Byrdie

[Pinecone]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Hi Miley,

From day 1 to day 30 is a HUGE difference in your overall quality of life, and you are right, it is a great start. I think I heard angels singing every morning that first month when I woke up everyday without a hangover.

I noticed some other benefits much further down the road though. Around 4 months, my moods just kind of "stabilised." I had always kind of had some anxiety/stress/very minor occassional depression issues in the past. Ironically, I often drank because of those issues. I know now that the alcohol was CAUSING those issues, that I was drinking because of! Hellish, awful cycle...Getting alcohol entirely out of my system for that long I got a sense of myself slowly reappearing.

I think it takes a good long time to heal from what most of us put ourselves through. I am so grateful for being able to finally get off that awful ride. I also know what one tiny little sip would do to me, and I'm not going to play any games with that.

30 days is huge here, but there are alot more great things down the road. I have never, ever even one tiny little bit regretted quitting.

Edit to add: I don't know if you have seen this post or not, but wow, she said it pretty damn well! https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...out-77510.html

[Tess-2]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Dear Miley,

May I suggest that you go to the Toolbox (link is in Byrdlady's signature line) and read accounts from people who have been sober for 30 days.

Sobriety is much more fun than moderation.

Moderation is a slippery slope.

Keep posting, Miley. You are loved!! :huggy

[hadit]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Miley, Thanks for that post. I could have written it. I am 35 days af with one tiny slip....a couple of wines. But I to am wondering what next? I love being af and not having awful hangovers everyday. But there is still something missing. I don't really feel fantastic like others have. I just don't seem to be excited about life like I anticipated. I think after years of having a relationship that now no longer exists this feeling of loss is perfectly natural and I am hoping will just improve in time. I guess its not much different than a breakdown of a marriage. Good morning Byrdie and everyone. Freezing here again today. Sorry to be a bit negative,but it is what it is.

[Byrdlady]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

I put this in the Tool Box a while back, maybe it's appropriate here....

After the 30 days.....Now what?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So you've done the 30 days AF!! But then a feeling of 'now what do I do?' sets in...it's a real LULL in your emotions and is difficult to explain. What I do know is that this is a natural stage in our progress. Everyone experiences it....I describe it below as progressing thru the stages of grief.


As I mentioned to a response to Allan yesterday in his thread....he'd reached his 30 day goal and then felt like a bride coming back from her honeymoon...NOW WHAT? I was explaining to him that breaking free of alcohol is, in effect, ending a relationship. And I mean a long-standing, hard-core, abusive, solid relationship. In essence you are going thru the 5 stages of grieving. Anger (what brought you here..."I'm SICK of this crazy life!"), Denial (Maybe I'm not all that bad! What was I thinking? Other people drink as much or MORE than I do' I think this is where the biggest Pity Party is thrown...it comes after the first 2 weeks and before day 30), BARGAINING ( why don't I try to moderate? Other people are able to do it...if I could just have one precious glass of _____ I'd be ok, THEN I'll get right back on track..), Depression (Is THIS all there is? Where are the balloons? Is this as good as it's ever going to get? ' Well shit...'.) and finally, acceptance. Let me tell you, this is where it's at. You finally are able to accept that, NO, you CANNOT drink ....AT ALL. Not one, not ever.....and you are ok with this. This is the stage where you can see AL for what it really is....a DRUG. Some people abuse drugs and some people don't. We do. Each stage in grieving is very important. Once you can see what is going on and that you aren't going crazy, it helps...at least it did for me. What you are going thru is the natural stages of loss. If you stay the course, I promise it will get better....I can also make a promise the other way, too....if we stay on the path we were on....well, you get the picture. I can assure you there will be a day where you don't even think about AL! As hard as it is now....it seems hard to believe. As hardcore as I was, I can now come to the end of an evening and think...I'll be dam, I didn't even think about it. THAT is amazing! You will get there...it just takes some time. Please hang in with us...you can do it! If I can do it, you can too!!! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Miley,
I was the same as you when I started. I commited to doing 30 days AF with every intention of moderating afterwards. Half way thru those 30 days I asked myself - am I honestly ready for just one or 2 glasses of wine? The answer was a resounding NO & I realized then that it would be smarter, healthier & just damn easier to remain AF

I'm probably a lot older than you but it took me a good six months or more to really start to feel better, healthier. We all heal at our own rate & probably depends on how much we drank & for how long we abused ourselves. Developing new habits along the ways helps too in terms of diet & exercise. And don't forget your spiritual self ~ you've abused that as well.

Hang in there, just keep doing what you've been doing. You are a work in progress

[hadit]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Thanks Lav and Byrdie, Am sure it just takes time.

[Cinders]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Byrdie and Lav, what wonderful posts. :l:l

My psychiatrist told me not to even expect my brain to start healing until six months or so.

Of course, like Lav, I am older, I have drank a long time and I drank huge quantities.

I just figure, wth, I am along for the ride anyway, since drinking is not an option.

Cindi

[Miley]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Thanks for the posts everyone. Byrdie and Lav...your wisdom is more helpful than you know. Reading your old post Byrdie really hit home with me. I think I am in between bargaining and depression. At least I know this is normal. It is so good to know I am not the only one that feels this way. I guess I expected to instantly feel great and this is a process that doesn't happen overnight.

[jenniech]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

i am trying for acceptance...the cravings have all but vanished (except when in a dangerous place....with wine around) and I am not really depressed....Each day is another baby step for me. I drank HARD for a very very long time so I am trying to be patient with this. One thing I know for sure....the more time you have under your belt, the more motivated you are to protect your sobriety...I know absolutely without a doubt that if I did drink, I would in the very least regret it and HATE myself for it. I don't want to hate myself. I am going to protect this quit and make it my last!!!

[Peanut]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Miley - I thank you for asking that question.
I have had 30 days plus in the past, a couple of times, and didn't feel all that super, just rather fragile and afraid of what was coming up next. Then I just think, what the hell!!! I think that it must take quite a while, like everybody here is saying.
I was soooooo tired last night, and I said to my BF, why am I so tired? to which he responded, quite seriously, 'because you're healing'. Hmmmmm...... That healing process must take a while!!!! Right now I tend to feel so sleepy and groggy all day, as I have been taking half a zoplocon to help me sleep, and am afraid not to take it as I just lay there all night, then I'm sleepy and groggy all day anyway. I will have to give sleeping on my own another go soon. But I am super happy to be off the everyday wine thing, and I really don't want to fall back into that pattern, even though I am still a tired, sleepy head all day anyway!
xoxoxo peanut

[Guitarista]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Miley;1518589 wrote: I am very early in all of this....only Day 12 for me. I've been trying to go 30 days for years and haven't made it. This time, I feel different and I can't explain why. When I started, I had planned on going 30 days to clear my head and then try to moderate (vacation is right at 31 days). I am starting to re-think all of this and now I'm not really sure I want to drink at all. I have to admit that since I started, I feel better about myself but I'm not that ball of energy and health I had envisioned. I know....it's only been 12 days and Rome wasn't built in a day but I thought I would feel a lot better physically by now.

My question to those of you with time under your belt is....what difference did you notice between 30, 60 or 90 days? I'm beginning to think 30 days really isn't enough time to see the benefits of being AF, although it's a good start.:thanks:

Hi Miley,

For me, at 31 days AF, I feel good, but not always. I get a bit tired also, interspersed with great AF energy. I know my body and spirit are healing and i know I need to let it heal in it's own time. I can help the healing with good nutrition and a healthy positive mind set and headspace. I know I feel much better at 60 days, and much better again at 90 days, and I agree with the others that you'll usually really start to take off and settle after a good solid few months AF.

I'm not interested in moderating. Done that. Even a couple of drinks in my system throughout the week take my special G man edge off a bit too much for my liking. I much prefer to be present, sharp, lookin goooood, and vital!

Hang in there Miley. You are doing a great job friend. 30 days for me is a fantastic starting point to assess my relationship with booze (I already know what that is), and decide which way I want to go with a clearer head.

All the best whatever you decide.

G bloke.

[Miley]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

G - 31 days is awesome!

Thanks for the responses everyone. Actually, for the first time this morning, I noticed a big difference in my morning run. I was able to run faster and it felt better. I think I might be starting to take a turn for the better. I know it's a long road. Next thing in front of me is vacation at Day 31 My husband is already planning a trip to the liquor store. I honestly think although it will be 31 days that I am not going to want to drink. This will be fine with him and if I don't he probably won't drink as much either so it will be good for both of us.

[Samstone]

Question To Those With 30+ Days

Miley
when I started here reading MWO my plan was to quit for once and all. I really did not look at the 30 day thing till I started getting close. Then it dawned on me how quickly that time went and how focused I was on getting things done around here. The hardest part for me will be the social engagements that have a lot of drinking.... weddings, Xmas parties (I know, it is early). I'll take them as they come and try to view it as "I don't drink any more".

I really do like and enjoy the non-hangover feeling!

good luck to you, you'll be fine
SS