Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

I went to a CR meeting last night...lovely and moving testimony. I just got "Jesus Calling" today....I've only flipped through it. Looks great.

Miley are you going tomorrow?

I've got to start a regular eating/workout program. Looks good on paper, just need to follow through. I plan to change it up step by step. My main goal is to get good sleep. With good sleep everything else falls into place.

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

SunFlower....I wasn't able to change my appointment tonight so I will have to go next Wednesday. I am dissapointed because I feel like I REALLY need the extra support. The good news is I go to my counselor again this Saturday. She is a Chrisstian counselor and very supportive of the CR path. I am encouraged by your experience with CR so I am really looking forward to it!

I have a pretty good exercise program but my diet has been less than great. I got the MyFitnessPal app and it helps me stay on target for calories and exercise. Sleep I find is very important. I have a hard time fallin asleep sometimes but the waking up in the middle of the night has gotten better. I find that reading in bed with the TV off has helped me.

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Miley....sorry you had to miss it, but those things happen. Awesome service, lesson and group tonight.

I was feeling rather pissy today. Hubby got the brunt of it in a nasty email from me. It's the only way he will shut up and listen! Every time I get there....just walking through the doors calms me. Now I am feeling rather unchristian like....gosh the poor guy is human. He hasn't even read the email yet:upset:

Been reading sections of Jesus calling....it is so good.

Going to CR....I had very little God or Jesus in my life. I really don't know the Bible. And I just started to attend church regularly. I am learning. My kids love it.

It's really awesome to be on this path with them. I think they already know more than me.

By Wednesday I am squirrelly and bitchy. CR hits reset for me. I have to get better at incorporating it into my actions and words.

Our group has a new FB page. TPC Recovery....you don't have to like it....but it is good to look at. Not many likes....due to people being anonymous.

[RitaNow]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Just got home - from a LOOOONG but good day! I promise to update tomorrow! Started my nutrition plan ... I'm excited ... I'll share tomorrow!

Miley - don't worry - I have to believe you will arrive at CR EXACTLY when God has it planned out!

SunFlower - CR for me Thur night! Excited and Scared!

Gotta go to bed ... it's late!!

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

SunFlower......I was getting a chuckle out of you having to send an email to your Husband to get him to listen....I have to do the same thing. Talking seems to go nowhere. I find that me being annoyed, anger is a trigger for me also so I am trying to learn to deal with it in different ways. I used to give thought as to whether I was being unchristian, as well but then I realized that there is no such thing as a good Christian....if there were, Christ wouldn't have had to go to the cross. So sometimes I just embrace my inner bitch and know that God still loves me and probably has a better understanding than I do of why I feel that way. I am still learning to read the Bible myself and I am still looking for a church. I am hoping CR puts me in the right direction. I am going to check out the CR Facebook site you recommended.

Rita - can't wait to hear more about how you are doing and how CR goes tonight....I also can't wait to hear about your nutrition plan.

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Rita I can't wait to hear about your CR meeting! I am going to kick start my work out plan and eating plan this weekend....I always think I am going to start on Monday:H.

Miley....actually the first CR meeting I went to....I had an upset stomach and only stayed for 20 minutes. I did not go back for a month....but I truly believe that God had a plan....something about that night I was not going connect....and probably write it off forever. But I heard enough to intrigue me. So when I went in June, that night was night I was supposed to be there.

Today I just started to ask my sponsor about Bible things I don't understand....one of them being about the whole dying on the cross deal. We had a good talk....some stuff came together that I was not understanding. Others she is calling her brother a pastor in how to answer them.

The Life Recovery Bible is an easy read.....I think because of the side notes and how it relates to recovery.

In last nights meeting it was about sponsorship. One girl I was going to ask said things that I just would not have tolerated ( very AA mentality). The woman I asked is perfect for me. The night I asked her she was hesitant because she had take just taken on a new one. She asked me to pray about it and so would she.

So home I go to pray....and I got to laughing. God could not have pointed her out any better than to put a flashing light on her head! Her name and mine are the same. Our phone numbers are the exact same....except for the last two digits...which are my birth year. God and I had a good laugh that night I prayed.

Anger is a huge trigger for me as well. I guess that is why I feel the need to write it all out to hubby and hit send! Need to get it out.

In going through some paperwork over the weekend I got a huge lesson in "will this really matter in ten years". Ten year old paperwork over issues.....that don't mean a thing to me today. I try to keep that perspective at work. I am not changing lives with my job, but I ain't ruining any either

So glad I found you two. It is a blessing.

[RitaNow]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Sunflower - I laughed when I read you sent your hubs a MAD email .... I've actually never done that in fear my Hubs Company monitors his e-mail .... (He knows I'm crazy, but I don't want his company to think I am!!!) :H He knows I'm mad when I won't respond to his text messages, (He is the texting King).

I went to CR last night. Like you on your first visit Sunflower I was going to sit quietly as an observer. That didn't work out so well as they had a fellowship time first. I knew a couple of people (I already knew they went to the group) and I recognized a few other people, although I think they knew who I was, more than I knew them. (My husband used to go to this Church before we were married - since we've been married we go to a different Church - but they all know who I am). THAT WAS SCARY - but in a good way. No one asked me why I'm there - which obviously I didn't offer, but don't want to even go there yet - as I know I might be one of those up front giving a testimony!! The Testimony given was good. My biggest fear with the group is the 12 steps -- I know that sounds crazy, but I need to work through that. I just have never felt I was powerless -- I feel I had a choice, but continued to make the wrong one. BUT with that said - obviously what I've been doing hasn't worked, so I humbly open myself up to the possibility that that route works. Obviously it does for so many people. The thing I LOVED was that they did a short worship time. I just really felt emotions surge through me that God has said - IT"S TIME.

S.F. - What Miley said about our "Inner Bitch" is SO TRUE!! I HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT AT LEAST A THOUSAND TIMES!!!!!!! :H It's SO TRUE!! The truth about Christianity is that is is a Body of People who KNOW they are sinners through and through. (Well .... some don't .... but that in it's self is sin). We sin in our thoughts and words before we hit 10am everyday!! That's why GRACE is SUCH a BIG deal!!! I could write for hours on that subject! If there is anything I KNOW - it's that I am a sinner saved by grace. In dealing with an addiction, I have at times felt very guilty about how a follower of Jesus Christ could continue in this lifestyle for 20 years after becoming a Christian. Well - God continues to press on me that we are SAVED (Justification) and then the life long journey is getting cleaned up (Sanctification). He's the one who cleans us up - but he wants our partnership in it. That's because he is a gentleman and doesn't force anything on us like a dictator would. He knows we would be happier, healthier and fulfilled if we are living in line with His plan - but is gentle and loving.

Sunshine - I love just reading the Bible and letting God speak to me. Sometimes I don't understand what I've read, and other times I read a verse that I've read dozens of times and it hits me between the eyes brand new. I am not a theologian but I think I have a fairly good concept of the Bible. If you are stuck on something - maybe I can help point you to some answers? If you look at it like it's FOOD - that is how it works in our life. You taste it (read the actual words) and once it's IN you - you don't know exactly how all of it gets broken down and used, but it does. The Word of God is living - and powerful - just like food. It's not a novel - or fiction. I've seen the living power - and I always notice that if I'm in a bad way (drinking) I avoid picking it up for a read. I think my conscience is convicting me at those times and like a naughty Child, I don't want to listen.

Oh I've gotten off track and now I have to go to work. I am going camping for the weekend so won't be on the computer until I get back. But I am packed with my cooler full of sparkling waters, etc. and am looking forward to an outdoor getaway!

Miley .... I started my new eating plan FINALLY yesterday. It's an experiment of sorts. In June I wrote a diet that combined the concepts of 3 different diets. It's basically a moderate low carb - Coconut Oil diet. If you want a copy PM me. I lost 10 pounds in June and in July when I went off the edge of the earth I gained 5 back. But I gave it to a friend of mine who has been faithfully on it for 6 weeks and has lost 20 pounds!!!!!!!! I spent HOURS putting it together (research wise) and then I didn't stay the course :upset: I could have been close to goal by now. But this is my "learned my lesson" start.

So today .... Day 10 in my AF journey - I am feeling confident (Humbly so that is).

Have a SUPER WEEKEND!!

Rita

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

SunFlower.....very interesting about CR...I didn't realize they have sponsors. I guess I have a lot to learn. I have a counseling appt. scheduled for next Wednesday but I am changing it because I am going to CR come hell or high water! I love your thoughts about "will it matter in 10 years" I need to keep this in mind, especially when I am getting angry about something.

Rita - I am so glad you enjoyed your experience at CR. I am definitely going next Wednesday. I need it! I really like what you said about God wanting us to be a partner in our recovery. I think what I have done in the past is just give it to God and then expect it to magically go away, without actually making an effort myself. I don't like having this affliction at all but I know that we are never tempted beyond what we can handle. I know that the only way I can have freedom from this addiction is by the grace of God. I, in my human nature, am unequipped to handle this. I am sending you a PM to get the diet....I am interested!

I love the Jesus Calling daily devotionals. I am so blessed to have connected with the two of you. It is like my prayers have been answered!

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Rita so glad you liked it. No need to offer anything up. Just commit to go six times before writing it off. That was key for me. And you never have to give your testimony or do it.

I'll take the Bible a step at a time. Right now I constantly ask Jesus to come into my heart. I get a sense of calmness....as if he is working on staying there. Only I can push him out....and I am not going to that.

Miley....I was not aware of a lot things about CR. Had I known that they do have sponsors (but only if you want one) and work the 12 steps (but have a correlating scripture)....I never would have went. My experience in AA was a nightmare. I often say I am in recovery from AA...but that is only my experience. CR truly is different than AA, even though some of it seems similar. You don't have to get a sponsor or do a single step. It was after a couple of meetings I changed my mind.

I think sometimes we get hung up on words...such as powerless and unmanageable. You don't have to agree with it. Or your powerlessness was different than what someone else's was. For me if I had power....I would have quit years ago. But no the beer did not magically get in my body. Unmanageable....all that means to me....I did not like the way I was living. More of an inner turmoil.

Hubby has a gmail account. I erased the message via his phone....but, he had read it. We haven't spoken about it, but he is acting better.

I have actually started to write my testimony. It's for my purposes only....just some stuff needs to get out of my head.

Went to a retirement party at a bar after work. I was nervous. I looked at people's drinks....and they had no effect on me. I just felt neutral...I did not care to have one....nor did I feel negative towards people drinking them. I just did not care.

Send me the diet!!!!!!!

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Wow.....how awesome to go to a retirement party and not care one way or another about what people are drinking! I appreciate the advise about CR....I am going to make the commitment to go to six meetings before I make a decision. I did a little reading about the Cocunut Oil Diet but am waiting to hear from Rita on what she is doing.

The addictive mind is such a strange thing. How easily I forget how awful it feels to be hungover, the depressed way I felt the next day after drinking the night before, the calling people after having too many, how I can never stop at just one, and all of the other stupid things that I did while I was under the influence. I have been taking the time each day to take a trip down memory lane so that I don't forget why I don't want to drink anymore.

[NoSugar]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Hi, Miley

I think one of the reasons people who have been AF for a long time succeed by staying connected here or with a group such as CR is that they are constantly reminded where they've been and where they could easily return.

It is great to hear you sounding so good! :l NS

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Miley.....I really think you will like what you find. It does take a couple of meetings to understand it. I love that we read the serenity prayer in full. Why cut out the most important part

For me with CR.....it was more of the feeling I got after going. Like there was a presence. I simply can not explain the calmness and happiness I felt. I can tell you things about the meeting....but I can not explain the feeling or how I see things a differently. The way they are explained just resonates with me....vs. reading something and not liking a word. I come to understand through scripture how that relates to me.

I don't remember how it felt to have a few drinks. I know that I liked it too much....but, I don't remember it. I do remember how a hangover felt though. I remember how I was walking through life basically dead....because I was just trying to get through the day not feeling well. I see now how much I was missing.

I know that I have the power to reignite how al felt. Just have a drink. That would send me right back to the hell I was living. No thank you. So for me....now....and it took time....I don't remember the feeling of al.....thank you Jesus. It was not that long ago....it still had a hold on me even though I was not drinking.

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Wow SunFlower......what a testimony! I can't wait for next Wednesday.

I have been reading the Jesus Calling daily devotional and then going to the scripture it quotes at the end of the day. I find this to be helpful for me and it gives me peace and hope.

I am heading to the gym and then we are cleaning carpets and doing work around the house. I wish I had something more fun planned for today but at least I am making progress on something that desperately needs to be done.

Have a great AF Day!

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Stayed up late writing my testimony. The beginning was so sad, middle was just.....what a waste, but then when I got to the end....I realized there was a happy ending

Stayed up also reading Jesus Calling....and the Bible. Who would have thought this would have been my idea of a fun Friday night! Late at night is when I feel most connected. So not a morning person.

Rainy day....but that is not stopping me from having a fun day. Out to see a few songwriters.

Feeling so blessed to connect here.....

Have a great day!

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Well Ladies....I blew it. I made a decision to drink last night, after an especially painful counseling session yesterday. I was very upset this morning but I am more determined than ever to be rid of this addiction and I know that with my Lord and Savior, anything is possible. I will keep reading the Jesus Calling devotionals, I will go to CR on Wednesday and I will continue going to counseling. God is good!