Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

The thing to hold onto to....there is hope. Many have gone before us showing us it can be done.

I count my sobriety from the day I went to CR. I knew I was headed towards relapse....and I was still struggling with thoughts and cravings. CR....does not magically make them go away.....but, at day 55 of leaning on Jesus.....I rarely have any real thoughts of al being consumed by me.

I was in church today and got to thinking....if someone had told me 55 days ago I would feel this free....I would have thought they were plain nuts. 55 days is nothing compared to the years I struggled and battled this thing.

Sometimes I feel like Jesus is holding my hand. I also found out other things about my sponsor....Jesus could not have pointed her out any better than himself being there to introduce us.

Never eve give up.

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

SF

I have not intention of giving up. I am looking forward to CR on Wednesday. I KNOW that I can't do this on my own and it is only through the grace of God that I will get rid of this addiction once and for all. I do believe that He will put the right people in my path (he already has on MWO), so that we can grow from this.

I am so happy you have a good sponsor....I am praying for one, as well!

[RitaNow]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Just a very quick check in on my lovely ladies!! Camping is going great ... but will be ready for a dry, clean bed at the end of the week! Can't wait to catch up with everyone!!!
R.

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Rita....camping is so not my thing. My kids think camping is the Holiday Inn:H. Then we do outside stuff.

Miley I know you are not giving up. No reason to when you know you have the highest power in your cheering section.

As I mentioned I am new to all this faith stuff. In church they say, "like Peter and Juda"......who??????

Today I got "know your bible"....gives you the cliff notes. It's not to replace the Bible....but I don't see me finishing the Bible anytime soon. May try to locate the mini-series as well.

Also picked up "the praying parent" and "the praying wife". Easier to learn to pray for the kids....and that includes a sober Mom.

Hubby and I are out of sorts. We were before I stopped drinking. Now that I am learning about Jesus our wedge has gotten bigger. He rejects all things God. So we basically co-exist for the moment.

The kids have absolutely taken to church. When I don't feel like going.....they insist on going. But having a mom learning and a dad who rejects it....is really confusing to them.

I also located an amazing yoga teacher. She teaches "holy yoga". If you have any interest in it "google it". A yoga class based on a bible teaching. Her class is always full.

Miley....wishing you many blessings tomorrow.

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Thanks Sunflower. I will be lifting you and Hubby in prayer. My Husband and I are also at odds right now. It is really challenging dealing with this stuff sober. My Husband is a person of faith so at least I don't have to deal with that but.....I want to join a church and he doesn't see the need to so I think I might have to go without him.

I have never read the entire Bible and agree that it can be difficult to understand. I got the Charles Stanley Life Principles Bible a couple of years ago and it gives explanation in layman terms, so it has helped me tremendously.

Thank you for reminding me that He is in our cheering section. Sometimes I forget. I have been feeling tired and cranky lately but I think it must be part of the process.

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Well, I went to my first Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight. I was so nervous, I felt like a kid going to the first day at a new school. I drove in the parking lot, turned around and drove out, got down the strreet and I know God was telling me to go...it is time. So I turned the car around and went back (I must admit that I felt like an idiot and probably looked like one too). I went in and sat by myself and a few times I felt liike leaving but something made me sit there. I am so glad I stayed. The love and acceptance that was shown to one another was incredible. The empathy was amazing. They split us into smaller separate groups where we were able to share and it just felt so good sharing with other people, that even though they might not have the same type of issue, have an understanding of what it is like to be burdened by either addiction or other issues.

This morning was a bad morning for me....I was feeling depressed, hopeless and angry. I believe that a relapse was coming again. I felt like crying but I got myself together and went to work. I feel like I made it to CR by the skin of my teeth and I plan on going again.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Miley....you made me laugh about driving away and going back. I know the feeling.

Love, acceptance and empathy is amazing. I do believe we get it here, but there is something about seeing it in person. We have a female group just for chemical dependency.
That is the only group I have attended. But as other habits and hang ups are revealed....I think I may benefit from attending another group. Meaning I don't battle with booze thoughts 24/7 anymore.....and it may be time to work on the other areas....so they don't lead to booze thoughts.


I too will keep you and hubby in my prayers. For me there were just things I turned a blind eye to because everything was easier to deal with when I was numb. Which meant I really did not deal with them. Guess what? They are here full throttle. And they need to be dealt with.

Tonight was my first bad CR meeting. It was a testimony that I simply was horrified by. A homosexual man....that is battling his feelings for the same sex. I just do not think homosexuality is a sin.....and hearing him tell his story about how he is now married to a woman....while he still is attracted to the same sex. I wanted to leave, but did not want to appear rude. My sponsor was out of town and I was texting her. Also, I wrote out the 101 reasons to get a divorce.

Went to my group....and just did not feel a connection. Probably because I started to shut down during the testimony. Funny, because before going in the pit of my stomach it was telling me not to go.

I walked out almost in tears. Today my husband and I were at each other. Crossing the line of no return. Coming out of CR....I realized that the most important thing to me is not only my kids....but, our family unit.

The kids came out of their Wednesday group fighting and at each other. Wonder were they got that? We had a long talk about our family being broken and each of us had to work harder. By all rights....we look great on the outside. We all need to heal and it's not all Al's fault.

So in the end....I think God purposely sent me to a bad CR meeting to draw out emotions. Not having my sponsor there....I did not speak and had no one to lean on.

At the end of the day.....God is cheering for this family to heal. And I have been absorbed in recovery, being with the kids, my job.....that I have been neglecting the one person who has stood by me through this addiction. Of course I just want this all fixed yesterday. But, now I have the real work of recovery ahead of me.

Thanks for letting me vomit all my crap all over you.

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

SunFlower....No worries....I will probably vomit on you at some point as well (LOL). Gosh I can so relate to turing to AL not to deal with marriage issues that are now staring at me smack in the face. I am afraid if I don't deal with the AL issue first, I will keep turning to it to numb myself. It is a blessing that you realize the need to protect your family unit. The enemy is hard at work trying to tear families apart. Keep lifting them in prayer...the power of God is amazing.

I had a similar incident in CR tonight where I thought about running out when one of the guys sitting next to me was talking about sexual addiction. To be honest, it freaked me out. I made the choice to hang in there and it worked out to be good but it was a little dicey for a few minutes.

Thank you for the prayers and I will lift your entire family in prayer and pray for protection of your family unit.

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Miley....yes the enemy is hard at work at tearing families apart....and he is using God to do it. God has become a big part of my life and I can't talk to hubby about it. Hubby was complaining that I have shut him out and I have no interest in what he is doing. I told him it was a two way street. As soon as I brought up God...he walked away. And we have been at each other ever since.

We have a live band that plays at our group. I remember the first week one of the players saying he struggled with sexual addiction. I nearly fell out of my seat. I don't know why almost everything else under the sun doesn't bother me....the sex stuff does.

I agree that you have to deal with the al issue first. It needs to be firmly out of your life as possible. It will never go away completely.....but you will get a reprieve in time. Trying to deal with marriage issues too soon....would have sent me right back to the bottle in a blink of an eye. And the enemy would have justified the whole thing.

We shall lift each other up in prayer. God is the only one who can protect us from the enemy. And the enemy comes in many forms.....but, so does God. And I get to decide which to focus on.

[RitaNow]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

I am back home - unpacking wet camping gear and ready to take a hot shower and crash - but I had to do some catching up here - reading all that I've missed over the past few days.

So much going on ...

Miley - just hang in here with us sweetie. If you look back on my posts - I had a relapse in early July after 3 full weeks of being AF. The main this is that you will NOT give up, you will not leave us here, and you will find a sliver of hope ... knowing that we can work this out ... one day at a time. It isn't easy. It isn't fun -- but I have to believe we too can find peace, freedom and the clear path we so deeply desire. Big hugs to you hon.

SunFlower (Sorry I've called you Sunshine in the past ... if I do that, just know you are a little sunshine in our lives!!). I am so glad you have encouraged us to go to CR. Even though tonights group was not what you'd hoped for ... overall I have to believe it's worth it. I read, reread and read again your thoughts about being "powerless" etc. You really helped me think that through. Who am I kidding ... I'm POWERLESS when I drink. I am. It is all such a mystery to me - but it really is my denial that speaks out when I'm on a rant like that. Thanks for your thoughts.

Tomorrow night is CR for me. I am going to have a few busy days at work catching up, but I will get the diet details out for whoever wants to try it.

Hang in here - we will feel our way through this whole process called recovery. :h

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

You guys are awesome and we are blessed to have found each other!

Rita.....you go girl with the whole camping thing! I don't think I could take more than a few days! I am glad you are back and had a good time.

Sunflower.....hang in there and keep fighting for what you want for your family. Be patient and take peace in knowing that God is with you every single minute of the day. I think sometimes it is hard for spouses to accept things when we change (sometimes drastically). I know my husband used to tell me I didn't have a problem with AL. It made things so much harder. Now he can see that I have a problem and it is helping him change his way of thinking. He is still on the fence but he is getting there.

Have a great AF Day Ladies.......

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

So nice to have you back Rita. Yes, some of those words draw up an emotion in us. Nobody wants to think of themselves as "powerless" and the first reaction is to fight against it. But I do think the words are important. It's not an overnight process....but when you begin see where you are "powerless" it doesn't become a big deal. The only real power I have is not to take that first drink. I also can't control the weather either

Miley....it is hard for our spouses to accept that we have a problem. The whole thing has such a negative connotation to it. When we begin to see how many people are affected by this....it really becomes easier to accept. Al is a drug period and it is natural that some people will become addicted to it. Ambien is "habit forming"....and I am sure some people can use cocaine and not become addicted, while others do. It's all this shame surrounded by the most celebrated drug that I believe the enemy uses to keep people in a cycle of hell.

Went to my "holy yoga" class, uplifted me....even did a headstand at the end as she kept saying...."the power of Jesus is with you". The teacher is in CR for an eating disorder....for obvious reasons her and I have a great connection.

Wonder if the rest of the board is getting irritated with our 3 way conversation....and our talk of Jesus. This all started because Rita mentioned she was a woman of faith.....and look at us now!

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

I don't think anyone else is reading our board....and I believe we are allowed to express how we feel. For me, Jesus is the way, the truth and the light and he is holding me through my struggle to work this out. He knows everything about us, indluding why we drink and He will see us through this. AL addiction is such a serious problem around the world and because it's legal, people just continue to ignore it.

Something occured to me this morning while I was doing my daily devotional. I have ALWAYS had a problem with AL, from the first time I ever drank. I have never had a shut off switch. I didn't used to drink with the frequency that started after my divorce but when I did, I went all the way. I never sat down and had just one beer or a glass of wine or one drink. I was predisposed to be addicted to alcohol. This actually helped me accept that I do have an issue with the substance of AL. All these years I spent tine trying to figure out why I was drinking when it occured to me this morning that I drink because I am addicted to the substance. This revelation for me is going to help me find ways to combat my cravings.

[TheSunFlower]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Miley I never used al as a beverage. I used it for the effect. I liked the effect so much I over drank and drank nearly every night.

I had a hard time with acceptance because my Dad drank heavily for 20 years, quit for 30 days and for the next 20 years he became a normal drinker. Surely I could follow in his footsteps. I forgot that my grandfather died of alcoholism when I was 11.

I heard two moving things today. I always wondered if God had a plan for my life this must be it. God has a plan and so does the enemy....which one are you going to follow?

I saw an interview that spoke about spiritually filling yourself. They mentioned that al and drugs did not kill Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson. It was pain and shame....drugs were merely their way to cope. I saw such nasty comments posted about that 70s star who died....it was so pathetic to see the lack of understanding.

I have started a sort of reinvention of myself. I want to live on a higher level....and being drunk does not fit into that picture. I don't even want to act the way people do after one or two.....their inhibitions have already started to drop. No thanks. Al just doesn't fit into my picture.

I never wanted to be clouded by a hangover.....wasting precious days of my life.

[Miley]

Sweating it out .... I'm quitting this insanity

Wow....what you posted about spiritually fulfilling yourself really resinated with me. I never thought of it like that before, I am also trying to reinvent myself......I don't like the way I feel after one drink anymore and part of living on a higher level for me is not dumping poison into my body.