Wow...I messed up!!

[JingleJo]

Well, after 6 months of no alcohol and a healthy mind and body, I f**ked up!

I ran a marathon 3 weeks ago (can't believe I achieved it and I felt so proud), but what did I do after it to "celebrate"? Yup, took a drink!! What was only meant to be 1 refreshing cider, turned into me being in a pub in the city I ran the marathon in until closing time knocking back drink after drink, shot after shot. My other half came through to pick me up as I missed the last train and I could hardly stand or walk - i can't even remember this or getting home.

I suffered majorly for 2/3 days afterwards - worst hangover of my life and suddenly I was riddled with anxiety and a terrible low mood again.

Did this stop me? Did it heck. Drank 3 days in a row a few days later and then went to a festival last week and drank myself stupid again resulting in me breaking down yesterday and feeling like I was going insane!!

Wow, just wow!! Can't believe how stupid I was and also cannot believe how quickly it takes you back to where you were :upset:

[sweetpea29]

Wow...I messed up!!

Hey JingleJo :l

First off well done to you for running a marathon:goodjob:

Don't think you qualify as stupid :no:

I can imagine the high after running a marathon could lead to one feeling like feck-it I deserve a drink now... As we all know one drink is never enough though and leads to the slippery slope.

Don't beat yourself-up, you have done this before and can do again, this time with this experience as an extra tool in your box xx

[RunningCourage]

Wow...I messed up!!

Yo JJ... wow...

Umm... I think you've put another lid on me thoughts of what might happen if I had a drink. I'm about the same time as you - 6 to 7 months. (And recently ran a marathon too).

So... what's the plan? You know we're here to support you. And may I ask whether your post marathon drink was a spur of the moment thing, or had you planned it (even deep down kinda planned it)? And the week after with the drinking was that like a "fuck it, I got pissed once, might as well keep going" sort of thing?

Sorry for all the q's... but yer a Scot, similar age, with similar AF time to me (and you ran a marathon) so just intrigued.

Take care JJ

Oh and you didn't mess up. Fact is you are here and explaining what happened. Maybe you had to do it. It is a journey after all. You'll be the wiser for it

[paulywogg]

Wow...I messed up!!

use it as a learning experience jinglejo,picking up that first drink is always gonna lead to a shitty dark place,im proud of you for coming back here and congrats on the marathon

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

Sweetpea29 - thank you.

RunningCourage - I remember talking to you months ago on this and it is the same marathon we were doing! Well done to you - hope you were pleased with your time. Och, I'm so disappointed in myself. Tbh, I think deep down I was attracted to the idea of having 'just 1 cider' as a celebration and actually thought I would leave it at that. The whole 'moderation' thing had passed through my mind the week before. Felt as if I was in a safe place and alcohol could never take over me again and that i would never "want" to drink a lot again. How silly of me. God knows how I managed to drink for approximately 10 hours after running 26.2 miles and only eating 3 packets of crisps!! Mental!

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

Paulywogg - thank you! I really can't believe how quickly it took me back to that dark place - unbelievable!!

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

Oh, and I also can't believe how quickly my general mood and disposition changed - I've been an agitated, irritable and snappy git - at work, at home, everywhere and felt like I was at my wits end on several occasions. A a doctor also had to come out through the week to give me an anti-sickness jag as I must have poisoned myself drinking over the weekend at the festival and was in bed for days puking. Crikey.

For anyone else thinking about perhaps dabbling again. Don't, it's really not worth it and it's true when people say, it'll just dig its claws right back in again!!

[sweetpea29]

Wow...I messed up!!

Thanks for sharing this Jingle and well done for coming back here so soon.

It will help me for one when those stinkin drinkin thoughts arise, 'just one wont hurt' Yeah right!!

Hope you can get back on track and feel better soon xx

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

Thanks!

Maybe, in a strange way, it's been a lesson I needed - it's really highlighted to me just how good my life was without it! x

[sweetpea29]

Wow...I messed up!!

JingleJo;1519612 wrote: Thanks!

Maybe, in a strange way, it's been a lesson I needed - it's really highlighted to me just how good my life was without it! x

Yeah Jingle, I guess that's the way to look at it, take the positives and be grateful that you didn't fall further.

Again, thanks for sharing xx

[RunningCourage]

Wow...I messed up!!

JingleJo;1519598 wrote: Sweetpea29 - thank you.

RunningCourage - I remember talking to you months ago on this and it is the same marathon we were doing! Well done to you - hope you were pleased with your time. Och, I'm so disappointed in myself. Tbh, I think deep down I was attracted to the idea of having 'just 1 cider' as a celebration and actually thought I would leave it at that. The whole 'moderation' thing had passed through my mind the week before. Felt as if I was in a safe place and alcohol could never take over me again and that i would never "want" to drink a lot again. How silly of me. God knows how I managed to drink for approximately 10 hours after running 26.2 miles and only eating 3 packets of crisps!! Mental!

Wow - on both accounts: that you could handle 10 hrs drinking after the marathon and on only 3 packets of crisps (!) and that the return to drinking heavily was so quick.

The latter reminds me of when I decided to drink back in November after 7 weeks AF... and similarly within about 5 days, I was back to my usually after work beers and my nightly bottle of wine. This second quit was with a determined effort to change aspects of my life - not just the drinking, but to become a stronger person and face everything i needed to face sober. Still working it. I have to admit - i'm open about this on the army thread - that I do think "perhaps i am in a place where I can change my old relationship with AL - just have one or two now and again, but never return to the nightly assault of booze." But as yet haven't tempted that.

Your post today has opened my eyes a bit wider - for me to be a bit more wary. Thank you.

As for the marathon: 1) :goodjob: 2) Thought about doing a second marathon?

And if you did the one 3 weeks ago that I did, then that measn 3 MWO peeps did that same marathon that day :wow: We should start a running team!

[Byrdlady]

Wow...I messed up!!

JJ, I have often wondered where you were and how you were doing! Thank you for sharing your story. It's one we've seen over and over again here. You just cannot reprogram addiction, no matter how long a time it's been. It's not a failure if you learn from it! I'm so proud of you for coming right back to the place you know can help you get free again. I'll be looking for you around the boards. Hugs dear lady!! Byrdie

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

RunningCourage;1519616 wrote: Wow - on both accounts: that you could handle 10 hrs drinking after the marathon and on only 3 packets of crisps (!) and that the return to drinking heavily was so quick.

The latter reminds me of when I decided to drink back in November after 7 weeks AF... and similarly within about 5 days, I was back to my usually after work beers and my nightly bottle of wine. This second quit was with a determined effort to change aspects of my life - not just the drinking, but to become a stronger person and face everything i needed to face sober. Still working it. I have to admit - i'm open about this on the army thread - that I do think "perhaps i am in a place where I can change my old relationship with AL - just have one or two now and again, but never return to the nightly assault of booze." But as yet haven't tempted that.

Your post today has opened my eyes a bit wider - for me to be a bit more wary. Thank you.

As for the marathon: 1) :goodjob: 2) Thought about doing a second marathon?

And if you did the one 3 weeks ago that I did, then that measn 3 MWO peeps did that same marathon that day :wow: We should start a running team!

I have no idea how I managed such a marathon drinking sesh after an actual marathon lol - ridiculous isnt it.

As for running another one - never! haha. My knees were giving me so much bother during the training and actual run (patella pain), but I was so stubborn and didnt want to give up. Managed it in 4.30 which I was proud of :-) I'll defo be sticking to 10ks, half marathon at a push. Altho it was an amazing experience running over the finish line...will never forget it! :-) Are you going to do another one? :-)

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

Byrdlady;1519624 wrote: JJ, I have often wondered where you were and how you were doing! Thank you for sharing your story. It's one we've seen over and over again here. You just cannot reprogram addiction, no matter how long a time it's been. It's not a failure if you learn from it! I'm so proud of you for coming right back to the place you know can help you get free again. I'll be looking for you around the boards. Hugs dear lady!! Byrdie

Thank you.

I think I need to keep my eye on the ball and stick around here this time - it was this site that helped me get dry in the first place after all and then when I stopped logging in I drifted away and thought I had conquered it. How wrong was I?

Thanks for all the support folks xxxx

[RunningCourage]

Wow...I messed up!!

JingleJo;1519629 wrote: I have no idea how I managed such a marathon drinking sesh after an actual marathon lol - ridiculous isnt it.

As for running another one - never! haha. My knees were giving me so much bother during the training and actual run (patella pain), but I was so stubborn and didnt want to give up. Managed it in 4.30 which I was proud of :-) I'll defo be sticking to 10ks, half marathon at a push. Altho it was an amazing experience running over the finish line...will never forget it! :-) Are you going to do another one? :-)

Yer madder than I! :H

I've been getting into 10km's recently - I like them cos they're so much shorter!! But planning 2 more marathons this year - one in Sep and one in Oct... unless me legs go on strike (which they've threatened to do on a number of occasions :H)