Wow...I messed up!!

[Struggles 106]

Wow...I messed up!!

Hey Jingle

Congrats on the marathon-no easy feat! The longest race I ran was 15 miles, the first 6 were hills. I'd like to be in that shape again-LOL

As for the drinking-I know! It's amazing how quickly you can fall back into the abyss!
It's like a big black hole waiting for you to stick your toe over the edge and it sucks you right in. That's one thing keeping me sober-I KNOW what would happen and it scares the hell out of me.

Happy to see you back and not going on that ride for a longer period of time. Six months is great and you know you can do it now.

Take care

[spiderwoman]

Wow...I messed up!!

Congratulations on the marathon, that is something I would never even dream of in any of my lifetime, I'm far too lazy for running, but I would have given you a run on the drinking marathon this time last year.

Thank you so much for posting what happened. Like everybody else on here I often wonder what the outcome would be if I went out for a social drink - in reality I know very well exactly what the outcome would be in that I'd be back on the treadmill of vino every night and anything else I could get my hands on. It must have taken a lot of courage to come back and post about it. I too am just over the six month mark and wonder if I am officially out of the woods.

[Miley]

Wow...I messed up!!

JJ

I just wanted to say congratulations on running a marathon! I can't imagine running that far. I also wanted to say that you are not stupid....you made a mistake. We are only human. I want to thank you for having the courage to post because it helped me and I am sure it helped others as well.

I am sure you will get back on track. Best of luck!!!

Miley

[witts end]

Wow...I messed up!!

Jinglejo we all fall and it took courage for you to come back so soon
I agree take it as a learning experience I know if I have that one drink I'd end up like you .....drinking again....
Glad your back and like sweetpea said look at the positives
and like miley congrats for getting back on track
welcome back

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

Wish it were the case that I was back on track, but finding this time a hundred times harder than when I first gave up. I don't know why but the cravings seem to be stronger and the alky self-talk more powerful than it ever was.

I'm disappointed/ashamed to say I have given in 3 times and drank since I first posted this thread a week ago. Each time I've ended up doing what I used to do - sitting drinking alone while my future hubby is on night shift. Same habits sneaking back in. Same consequences rearing their heads - not making work, making work but in the loo spewing most of the time, irritability, anxiety, cancelling commitments etc etc etc :-(

I remember reading on here on more than one occasion that when you go back to AL after a period of abstinance, it's claws dig in deeper and now I have learnt that is true the hard way. Cannot believe I wasted 6 months of feeling great and no ball and chain on my ankle to go back to it.

Right now I feel so f**king scunnered with it all.

[Byrdlady]

Wow...I messed up!!

JJ, please don't beat yourself up. THIS is the power of addiction. Can this be Day 1 for you? You know what to do....get all the AL out of your house. Surround yourself with things you love to do and eat. Keep your belly full. Try not to throw a pity party while doing it, that can derail us! Try to be grateful that you are alive and have a second chance to do this! It doesn't get any easier....you may as well start right now! Be sure to read thru the Tool Box. I know you can do this. I believe in you. Byrdie

[RunningCourage]

Wow...I messed up!!

Hey JJ - yeah, as Byrdie says read through the tool box. I really tried to work the tool box - esp the first page or two when i did my second (this) quit. It just supports and helps reinforce what you're really thinking deep down - and not what you hear when the voices in the head take over (and they can, as i'm sure you realise, far, far too easily).

Don;t think about tomorrow - that will deal with itself. Just about the day you are in. Today.

And don't beat yourself up - yer wasting good Scots energy and you sure as hell don't deserve to beat yerself up. :l

Dunno if it helps - but the marathon did seem a focus for you... could you get back to running, or a new venture that could help you avoid AL? After my first ever half-mara, (last May) I drank heavily every night for a week because i thought i could have the "week off" :H but then wanted to do the marathon so tempered the drinking (though not completely until i came here)... but the focus of the marathon helped.

One last thing - accountability... MWO is great for this, as long as you post regularly... but what about yer future hubby? Have you confided in him about where you're at? WOuld this help? (Sorry if it sounds a bit like i'm being a nosey arse... just thinking what might help)

Let us know how you get on JJ - really sorry that this is a hard nut to crack, but hell yer scottish, a marathon runner and smart - you CAN and WILL do it.

[lizker]

Wow...I messed up!!

The beauty of building that many days is that the skills and coping techniques you learnt to keep from drinking do remain intact. Once you get past the mourning stage and get back into the abstinence mode, you pick up where you left of. The demoralizing effects are quite nasty. You did it once, you can definitely do it again. Credit your self for all the days you accumulated, jus.subtract the ones you messed up so you won't feel like you are back on day one.

[witts end]

Wow...I messed up!!

JJ you did to before you can do it again
think of the plans you put in place that made you succeed before
you know you can do 6 mths

yesterday is history.........forget it
tomorrow a mystery ..........no- one knows whats in front ........so why stress about
to-day it's a present .......be glad we all like presents .......if your sober 1 day......heh thats better than none

so you have to start again .........good for you at least your starting be glad about that
sure it's going to be hard .......nothing any good is easy

[Londoner]

Wow...I messed up!!

Your success is not about how you respond to a relapse or failure. Do not get stuck in the past. Concentrate on the now.

[JingleJo]

Wow...I messed up!!

Ugh, don't know what to say other than thank you for your kinds words of encouragement - they mean a lot, they really do.

I've not been back on here since my last post a while ago - I'll give you one guess as to why? ugh, ugh, ugh :upset:

I know what I need to do, I have proven that I can do it, but it's just so hard this time. Feel like I've been sucked into a black hole! It's bloody horrendous...worse than it ever was! My sneakiness and lying and desperation to make sure the one thing that nearly destroyed me before is included in my life is tenfold worse. Intake is worse. Consequences are worse. Grip is worse.

Please, I urge anyone who has managed to escape it for the first time to never believe you can go back to it and keep it under control (well, maybe some people can, I dunno). Cherish your sobriety like the beautiful gift that it is.

I know I need to give myself a shake and stop the pitiful crap and look to the future etc, but it's just so hard this time.

Hopefully the next time I am on, I'll have more positive stuff to say. I just wanted to post to maybe help others thinking of giving it another chance to think twice about it. It's hellish!

Love to all xxx

[sweetpea29]

Wow...I messed up!!

Jingle, really sorry to hear you're struggling to get free from the grip of booze.

Why don't you stick around here? Read and post, read some more. Maybe the positive reinforcement from reading others' stories will help you get free. Whatever you do please don't give-up. You have done it before and you can do it again:l Stick around and get some support:l

[witts end]

Wow...I messed up!!

Jingle, so you fell off the wagon it's how you get back on that counts
yesterday forget it it's history can't change it
tomorrow a mystery no-one knows
but to-day it's a present ....enjoy it we all like presents

[BNRS]

Wow...I messed up!!

Hi Jingle

I really want to thank you for the last post. I am on day 26 for the first time ever in 23 years . I had a few close calls on social occasions and thought about it and held fast but did think for a minute that 1 or 2 would not hurt. I really now believe that total abstinence is the right way to go.

[Unwasted]

Wow...I messed up!!

JJ, boy can we all relate. I'm sorry you're having to relearn the lesson but hopefully it will help solidify your new resolve. You might want to try reading The Heart of Addiction. It's written by an addiction psychiatrist and helps you figure out how to understand the "why" of your drinking. Someone here recommended it, and I found it helpful.

Thanks for the warning. You never know who you might have stopped from taking a drink today. Thanks!

Best to you,
UN