On becoming joyfully AF

[mylife]

On becoming joyfully AF

Great post FAL. I agree with Nosugar - I really like the "lack of skill" analogy. When are we ever taught how to deal with AL in our whole lives? Really, we are not.

I have an observation there - as a matter of fact. My husband grew up in a family where wine was often at the table for dinner. However, it was a very small amount that was poured into each glass (small sized wine glass) and one bottle lasted his Mom/Dad a week or two. From the time he was a teenager, he was invited to have a small glass as well. However, to this day, he doesn't think that more than one glass is necessary, and like his parents before him, a small glass of wine is nice with dinner sometimes but that's it. Is that something he "learned" by their good example? Or is it just that he got good genes?

I, on the other hand grew up in a household with NO alcohol on the table as my father had been an alcoholic and my parents divorced while I was very young. It was seen as someting "bad" by my Mom, and so when I "learned" to drink it was through friends - many of whom were probably NOT the best example....

Anyway, great post and I love the whitewater analogies! Thank you for sharing.

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Thanks, No Sugar and MyLife, for your responses to my musings.

Like you, MyLife, I grew up in a house without alcohol. Had no experience with it (except for one occasion in high school) until I went off to college. When I think back on my early days of drinking, even then I had no "off" switch. My first weekend in college was a "mixer" in which we went from dorm room to dorm room trying all kinds of mixed drinks. I didn't stop after one or two drinks because everything tasted so good. After a year of struggling with weekends of too much alcohol, I turned to running and outdoor activities, which I pursued daily (it was probably my addiction) for several decades. When exercise was no longer a daily stress reliever (joints were giving me trouble, not enough time, etc), I allowed alcohol to creep in.

Ok, time to do the killer 7 minute workout!

[NoSugar]

On becoming joyfully AF

free at last;1541665 wrote: Thanks, No Sugar and MyLife, for your responses to my musings.

Like you, MyLife, I grew up in a house without alcohol. Had no experience with it (except for one occasion in high school) until I went off to college. When I think back on my early days of drinking, even then I had no "off" switch. My first weekend in college was a "mixer" in which we went from dorm room to dorm room trying all kinds of mixed drinks. I didn't stop after one or two drinks because everything tasted so good. After a year of struggling with weekends of too much alcohol, I turned to running and outdoor activities, which I pursued daily (it was probably my addiction) for several decades. When exercise was no longer a daily stress reliever (joints were giving me trouble, not enough time, etc), I allowed alcohol to creep in.

Ok, time to do the killer 7 minute workout!

Good grief, Free -- are you doing it 2 days in a row??? I've never been that brave :H.

We have a little group here -- I grew up in an AF family and no one in my biological family drinks to this day (and those in my current family drink little if anything). I had a very occasional drink in college and my 20s and early 30s (Free, I also had alternative addictive behaviors, including exercise and overeating sugar-producing or sugary carbs during those years). I have never personally known anyone with alcoholism while they were actively drinking - and know only a couple recovered alcoholics, who I don't know well enough to discuss this with them. Friends who I think drink "too much" don't acknowledge a problem so that is kind of a dead end, too. In my real life, I really don't have any peers in terms of this.

Gosh, what we don't know can kill us!!

That reminds me that last night I dreamt that I drank a single glass of wine -- the whole thing was very detailed in terms of where I was, who I was with, and how I felt about it, which was bad, but I still did it. It didn't lead to more drinking in the dream but I was so sad because I wasn't going to come back to MWO and while still dreaming, I was really upset about losing all of you - my virtual peers - who truly understand. I must have awakened shortly after the dream because I woke up sad about the huge loss. It kind of messed up my sleep but a strong reminder of what I would lose if I were to drink is welcome. (And I hope that in real life, I would have the guts to come back here -- I don't know why I was such a big chicken in the dream...).

Let's all have a fun, AF weekend! :h NS

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Hi No Sugar,
Haven't made it to do the 7 minutes yet today. First goal is to finish work and get the house in some order. Then, I'm hoping to add it to my "take time for yourself" activities.

Your dream is telling you something, might want to write it down and reflect on it a few days from now. You would, however, come back to MWO because you are such a valued member and I know you gain strength from others here who are working to achieve a sober, joyous life.

While I grew up in an AF home, all of my siblings now drink, some to excess. And, most all of my friends (except those on MWO) drink, though no one seems to drink on such a regular basis as I did. But, more and more, I am hearing from similar aged friends that the red wine is not helping their sleep so they are cutting back. As for me, day 22 here. Just plodding along, grateful that I am far away from 3 weeks ago.

[NoSugar]

On becoming joyfully AF

I think you're right, Free, that I would come back. My goal is not to run that experiment!! I did write down the details of my dream (It was very clear, which is atypical for me). Maybe with time it will teach me something I need to know.

Your phrase 'though no one seems to drink on such a regular basis as I did.' really struck me. I suspect that there are many, many people like me who hide it -- I have probably consumed too much AL in a group only twice in my entire life. The regular overconsumption was strictly at home.

Several women our age that I know also have stopped drinking red wine but they just switched to white .

Well, I hope you found a whole 7 minutes of free time :H ! I think that is one thing I like about this. It is so easy to be "too busy to exercise" but I would be hard-pressed to convince someone that I didn't have a spare 7 minutes in my day!!!

Talk to you all later, NS

[cynthialynne]

On becoming joyfully AF

Hi NS or Free~

I saw the link yesterday to the 7 minute workout, but can't locate today.
Would you mind reposting? Thanks so much!

Have a great, AF weekend. =)

[NoSugar]

On becoming joyfully AF

Hi, Cyn

Here is the article: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/0...-workout/?_r=0

Here is the app I use: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/7-minute-workout/id650762525?mt=8

Have fun on your hike Sunday - I love that part of your state. :h NS

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

made it through all but the last two exercises. This is a killer workout. Time to stretch my muscles by walking the dog. Have a great, AF weekend everyone.

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Monday morning here in the city. Let's see, how I did not drink over the weekend.
1) Friday evening dinner with PBS news hour. In the past, I would be asleep midway through Gwen Ifil (sp?). Sipped my seltzer water and lime and remembered most of what the talking heads discussed.

2) Sat walk with the DH and the dog. In the past, a one hour walk would have been a good goal because the night before would have been wasted. Took a three hour walk and then added another hour walk so the DH and dog could swim in the nearby lake.

3) Sunday in the park so dog can have some outdoor time. In the past, would have looked for an excuse to have brunch at a nearby restaurant so we could have champagne. instead, sipped my seltzer water and lime and remembered what I read. Time to see a movie, what a novel idea.

4) Sunday evening BBQ with friends. In the past, would have consumed too much wine. Instead, sipped the seltzer water, remembered my conversations, and noticed that most everyone was drinking less or hardly at all.

5) Monday morning, up at 6:15 to walk the dog and start the day. Still struggling with thoughts of wine but coming to terms that the affair is over.

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Just read this and thought I would share. Not the reference to the 7 minute workout.

10 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science - The Buffer Blog

[NoSugar]

On becoming joyfully AF

free at last;1542836 wrote: Just read this and thought I would share. Not the reference to the 7 minute workout.

10 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science - The Buffer Blog

Thanks for the link, Free (actually, the whole blog looks interesting!). I think you know me well enough now -- I love it when the scientific underpinnings are explained !

Since I'm avoiding getting to work, I decided to see how I'm doing on the 10 ideas.

Hadn't really considered these and should:
7. Practice smiling
8. Plan a trip

Have been working on these the last few months but need more discipline:

1. Exercise more (good to see the 7' workout praised)
2. Sleep more (this is so difficult!)
4. Spend time with friends and family
5. Go outside
9. Meditate (go Pinecone!!)
10. Practice gratitude (thanks, Lav!)

Doing ok here:

3. Move closer to work (can't get any closer than down the hall).
6. Help others (I'm glad 100 hours is the magical #: 2 h/wk x 52 wk = 104 h)

Nailing this one :H: Getting older

[Pinecone]

On becoming joyfully AF

Hi FAL,

I posted in the nest too, but this is really a great article. Thanks for finding it for us! This is right up my alley right now. I have been thinking alot about my life and trying to "fine tune" things for "best results." It's kind of like doing things the opposite way I did when I was drinking. Before, I passively dealt with life, with negative results. Now, I try to actively put things in my life that will tip the whole thing in a certain direction. It's great to see so much of those things tied to happiness being preached here for a long time for help in recovery! These are powerful ideas because they call us to take responsiblity for our life. Thanks again!

NS, it's interesting to me, but the book I'm using as a guide to meditation (Miracle of Mindfulness, by Thich Nhat Hanh) mentions smiling intentionally in times of stress. It does seem to have some effect. Agree 100% on the sleep issue, ARRGH!

Have a great AF day!

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Hi Pinecone,
Have you been exploring Thich Nhat Hanh's walking as meditation? It's been a great source for me.

That said, I may go walk/meditate with my dog for 20 minutes.

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Am off for a 3+ week consulting gig. Feeling very good and grateful to have 3+ weeks AF time under my belt. Ready for the airport lounge (seltzer water and lime, no red wine), the 8 hour flight (SW&L thank you very much said four times with a smile), the second airport lounge (cafe au lait, not champagne), and a six hour flight (SW&L again said four times with a smile). Oh yes, upon checkin to the hotel -- no need to bring the complimentary bottle of wine, but I will take the fruit.

Feeling joyful, which I know comes from removing the toxins from my body and mind.

Warmest,

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

One flight and two airport lounges completed. Ready for the next flight. Clearheaded and can remember the movies I watched last night, even though they were quite unmemorable!