On becoming joyfully AF

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Hi all,
Had extremely limited bandwidth the last week of my consulting gig and now, finally, back in the USA. Happy to report continuing on the path to a joyful AF life.

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Yesterday was wonderful. Getting settled back into life in USA, a little exercise, still lots of work, cooked a healthy dinner and drank copious amounts of seltzer water and lime. Still need some time to catch up on being away from MWO for over a week, but appreciate the words of encouragement from my AF buddies.

[witts end]

On becoming joyfully AF

good for you free
I'm back home again from visiting the new grandson Harvey lee
did you have a nice time away

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Thanks, Witts end, UN, and NS for your regular encouragement. Another good day for me -- was able to go for a long walk with my dog, visit with my neighbors, and run errands.

A little thought of wine this afternoon, but it quickly passed. Happy to report another AF day for me and for that I am grateful.

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Was able to catch up on many threads today (at the expense of blowing off my consulting assignments!). What a treasure this website is. Happy to report another AF day for me -- off to the gym, walk my dog, and then to have dinner with friends.

No thoughts of AL or having "just a glass of wine."

[witts end]

On becoming joyfully AF

good for you free

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

Hi all,
I am writing to say I made a deliberate choice to drink yesterday, and of course, am extremely remorseful today about my destructive actions. I really have no excuse except that I was just very overcome with sadness about a lot of things, some personal, some larger, like the state of the planet. I didn't want to feel the emotions I was having and drank to blot them out. Today, I still have the sadness but also had to look into my DH's sad eyes of not knowing how to help me with this addiction.

While I can rack up 30-40 AF days with all kinds of stresses (flights, business dinners, alone in hotel rooms), I can't seem to get a solid second month of AF life. It's almost as if I deliberately choose to fail at what I know I have to succeed at. So, I will start taking AB tomorrow. Even though I will be backpacking for next two weeks, we will be staying in huts, villages, and camping grounds. I want to remove the option for any consumption of wine.

Please know how much I appreciate all of you and the support you provide me and each other. I will be offline for at least two weeks but plan to report in on August 7 that I have been AF since July 19th. Thanks, all.

[witts end]

On becoming joyfully AF

don't worry you will get there maybe this time
keep trying .....rome wasn't built in a day

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

A quick note to say that I am still AF even though wine is a big part of the hut to hut hiking culture here. The endorphines from all this exercise are kicking in and I have no idea what is happening in the wordl for a change. All positive. Now if I could just figure out my blackberry and how to respond on MWO. This is my third entry but each time, the font size is -300 percent.

[witts end]

On becoming joyfully AF

good for you
Blackberry ????? i know it's to do with the phone or music or something when I get my new Phone I'll look it up also bluetooth ?????
at least im better than my husband he is hopeless can't get to first base ... the mind dosn't want to
hiking that sounds good
my lot just went on there usual camping trip but I stayed home this time needed time to myself (ended up babysitting ) oh well I had a sort of rest .... made a baby quilt .... now have to syke myself into the next one activity quilt on how to do butttons laces clips etc ( have to design it first and work it out from there )
Oh well it will all click soon I hope

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

A quick note to report that I am back from holiday and am on day 18 AF. Feeling wonderfully grateful to have had time with my DH and to be hiking in glorious surroundings.

[woofer]

On becoming joyfully AF

WTG on 18 days! I admire your handling of the situation with the wine that you poured for yourself. I've never actually survived (lol) one of those experiences, if I am tempted and the AL is in the glass or in my hand I've always given in. That took an immense amount of willpower and you should be proud of yourself for that. Nice to meet you!

[RitaNow]

On becoming joyfully AF

Glad your back! I missed your posts!!

[free at last]

On becoming joyfully AF

negotiating the AL river of life

Dear All,

Been thinking about how life is like a white water river trip, and how alcohol is the pretty much the main current of western society. This really hit home during my recent hiking holiday where wine was ever present -- in the huts, along the trails, in the campsites. So, here's my take on negotiating the white water of the AL river of life.

First rule of thumb for most boaters. Always face the obstacle you are planning to avoid. Most of us are stronger if we are pulling away from danger, rather than turning our backs and pushing away from from the danger (biceps stronger than triceps) So, look at the danger head on and keep pulling away from it, always mindful of when it is safe to fully enter back into the main current. (Once, when staring at a huge ledge in front of me, I pulled away too quickly, entered the main current and nearly was pinned against the bottom part of the ledge because the current was headed for the last part of the danger zone, not the first part).

Second rule of thumb. Recognize the difference between a wave you can run (and have fun with) and a hole you need to avoid at all costs. In a 5 class rating system, one can usually "run" though class 1-3 rapids and come out exhilirated. Higher class rapids usually require scouting, experienced skillful boating, focus, calmness, and strength. For me, this means knowing what various classes of rapids look like: Class 1 AL situation: dinner out with my husband or certain friends. Class 2 -- meetings with work colleagues in social situation. Class 3 -- free wine in airport clubs or on the planes. Class 3+ complimentary wine in my hotel room. Class 4 -- social situations with certain friends or family members, or completion of a major project and the desire to celebrate. Class 5 -- sudden death of a dear friend or family memeber. (to name a few examples).

Ideally, when learning to row, we start with class 1 rapids and then work up to the scale to harder situations. We learn to row class 4s by watching others do it and by developing skill and confidence with a lot of smaller rapids. But many of us (myself) are trying to negotiate an AF life and are in the midst of class 3 and 4 Alcohol situations. I think this is why some quits take for some and for others they don't. It may not be a lack of willpower but a lack of skill. We need to negotiate a class 4 AL situation but haven't haven't honed our skills with class 1-3 situations. Or, we have so many consecutive class 2-3 rapids with no eddy before the class 4 water. Please know I am not making excuses for myself (or anyone), just thinking though this process.

Sometimes you need to stay in the current to get around the obstacles, but other times, if you look closely, you will see another stream of water that will take you safely near, but not through, the rapids. For me, this is the MWO website. If I can ferry my way across the AL current to this steady MWO support stream, I can usually safely avoid the dangerous water.

But what if I can't get to the MWO support stream (no internet access) and there is a class 4 or 5 rapids on the horizon, then I need to look for ways of avoiding the danger. That could be asking for a better boater to row the boat (if possible) -- i.e. asking my DH to join me in a social situation and for him to be the person going to the bar to ask for a selter water and lime for both of us. Or, if the rapids looks too dangerous, opting to portgage the rapids, which can take a lot of time, is a pain in the neck, but sometimes the prudent decision -- i.e. choosing not to be involved in the AL situation at all costs. Or, it could be asking for two passengers to help by using single paddles in addition to me guiding with the oaring frame. For me, this was how I would describe my recent use of Antabuse. I was going to be in a situation with 14 days of wine being available every afternoon and night. I knew I had strength for the beginning of this rapids but was not certain I was strong enough for two solid weeks of negotiating this AL white water. The antabuse, in my view, gave me some extra muscle power.

And, what about the class 2 or 3 rapids that is not in the guide, that appears out of nowhere that you can't hear in advance? Perhaps in a recent storm a big boulder landed in the river resulting in a new, unchartered rapids just around the corner. How to handle this unplanned obstacle when you have no warning, no chance to prepare or scout it? In this case, you have to summon all of your past experience--both good and bad-- to respond quickly, intelligently, and in a focused manner to get through the rapids. I have seen excellent boatmen and women flip, or lose their passengers, in a class three rapids (that they knew was approaching and in other cases when the rapids was unknown) because they did not quickly analze the situation and set their boat on an appropriate course through the rapids.

Finally, not everyone will choose to go down a class 5 river. Some people, may know that class 3 is as much excitement/danger as they ever want to experience. For others, canoeing flat water may be the most they know they can handle. But, the reality is at any point, the AL river we are all working to journey down can take an unchartered course and we may be faced with a rapids of any size at any time.

Best wishes to everyone on this journey with me.

[NoSugar]

On becoming joyfully AF

Free,

Thanks so much for taking the time to write that -- what a perfect metaphor! It would be a great addition to the Toolbox. It seems like it could be such a useful tool for you to use each time you have to make a choice about AL -- picture yourself in the analagous white water situation, where you know you have the knowledge, skills, and competence to do the right thing.

This especially struck me: "I think this is why some quits take for some and for others they don't. It may not be a lack of willpower but a lack of skill". A couple days ago, Sunflower wrote about how we are not correctly educated about the risks of alcohol and do not know the signs of addiction to be on the lookout for. I think she's right - and we get so many cues that drinking is desirable and normal, we are in fact being mis-educated. No wonder so many of us lack the necessary skills!

Maybe that is part of how MWO works -- we teach one another how to navigate this churning water we ended up in.

:h NS