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    #226
    On becoming joyfully AF

    Thanks, Wine-no and NoSugar. I guess I figure I can stress about the change to my plans/schedule or I can go with the flow. Being AF and getting exercise helps me stay calm in an unpredictable environment.
    Free at Last
    "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

    Highly recommend this video
    http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

    July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

    Comment

      #227
      On becoming joyfully AF

      Happy to report another AF day for me -- refrained from the wine in the airport lounge, on the plane, in the hotel lounge, and the minibar in my room. Man, it is everywhere! Thank goodness for antabuse!
      Free at Last
      "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

      Highly recommend this video
      http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

      July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

      Comment

        #228
        On becoming joyfully AF

        You inspire me. If you can stay strong with all you are dealing with I have no excuse whatsoever!
        Newbies Nest
        Toolbox
        My accountability thread

        Comment

          #229
          On becoming joyfully AF

          Really good to hear, Free, that you are handling so well everything being thrown your way! I'm happy your husband will be able to join you!! And that you've made the decision to take the antabuse more often-- sounds like a lifesaver. In just a short time you'll be out in nature, hiking the trails.:l and look forward to having you around more next month!!

          Comment

            #230
            On becoming joyfully AF

            Thanks, June and Lifechange. This has been an intense 20 months of my 30+ year career. The other day I calculated that in the past 20 months, I have made 19 RT trips to Africa (which involves two 8 hour flights with layover in Europe and same for the return home) plus 19 trips to other locations (Asia, South America, Europe, other African countries) for this assignment. I now recognize other million mile passengers in the airport lounges and the flight attendants all call me by my first name -- how crazy is that!

            Just back from another good, long day that ended with a work dinner. These days I don't even crave wine during the week, especially when the intensity is cranked up. It's when the intense 3-5 day period is over, when I no longer have to be "on" that the mind chatter starts. So now I take an AB on Thursday and Sunday and that seems to get me through the work week and the weekend.

            Thanks for your support.
            Free at Last
            "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

            Highly recommend this video
            http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

            July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

            Comment

              #231
              On becoming joyfully AF

              free at last;1571620 wrote: As I am approaching 100 days AF, I have been having all kinds of thoughts of "at 90 days I will have this under control" or even "at 100 days, I can test the waters with a glass of wine," I know this is not an option for me, but the thoughts are there, every day. One of the threads (about having withdrawl symptoms for up to two years) led me to a site that said you have two stages before a physical relapse -- the emotional stage (in which you are not taking care of yourself, eating right, exercise) and the mental stage (in which you start to plan out when and how you will drink, often hiding your drinking from the people who you have told about your efforts to stop). All of this to say I feel as though this addiction voice is still very strong, trying to lure me back.

              Talked to my DH about it this weekend and he said, "That one, half pill of AB every 7-10 days helps you with the mental issues. Why are you resisting taking it?" I think it is because I think if I really want to quit, I'll be able to do so without the pill. So, I went another day without to see if I could resist temptation. The universe responded because I ran into a girlfriend on the way home from the grocery store. She was in the local wine shop participating in a tasting. I went inside and waited while she finished tasting and bought her wine. We went back to my apartment and I opened her wine, poured her a glass, and we chatted. Poured her another glass, and we continued to chat while I am drinking, I swear, the 12th glass of seltzer water and lime for the day. Sent her home with her wine and then asked my husband, "Do you think XX knows I am trying to quit drinking?" To which he responded, "duh? you opened a bottle of wine, poured her two glasses, and sent her home with the bottle. I think she gets it."

              This morning, am feeling pleased that I was able to resist incredible temptation but not willing to push it much further. Since I am getting on a business flight tomorrow, then turning down the bottle of complimentary wine in my hotel room, and walking past the free wine in the VIP lounge, I am going to take my half dose of AB and put the mind chatter in the closet for the next week.

              I once wrote that this struggle is like being on a white water rafting trip. Feels as though I have been through some class 3 and 4 rapids and now need some time in an eddy to catch my breath. Thank goodness for AB, the support of my DH, and MWO.
              So glad to read this and see that you are still around. THIS is why I did start drinking again. I quit TTDP. Why? I don't know. Like you said, I thought that I couldn't have this licked if I was still using the pill as a crutch. hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm....... Have you found your happiness yet?


              AF since 12/26/13

              "...........just put one foot in front of the other and move forward. One step at a time." Chris McCombs

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dJ97Vwoup4

              Comment

                #232
                On becoming joyfully AF

                I believe I will never have control and will be battling AL cravings my entire life. I have finally been able to face this truth and will do my best to come to grips with my AL addiction, but I can't beat myself up, if and when I slip, I just try to get through every day AF! Keep on your awesome path Free, 100 days are coming up, just one thought WOW!!!! Love it!!!:l
                On a mission, and the only option is success. My family and I deserve a better life, an AF life.:h

                Comment

                  #233
                  On becoming joyfully AF

                  free at last;1590241 wrote: Thanks, June and Lifechange. This has been an intense 20 months of my 30+ year career. The other day I calculated that in the past 20 months, I have made 19 RT trips to Africa (which involves two 8 hour flights with layover in Europe and same for the return home) plus 19 trips to other locations (Asia, South America, Europe, other African countries) for this assignment. I now recognize other million mile passengers in the airport lounges and the flight attendants all call me by my first name -- how crazy is that!

                  Just back from another good, long day that ended with a work dinner. These days I don't even crave wine during the week, especially when the intensity is cranked up. It's when the intense 3-5 day period is over, when I no longer have to be "on" that the mind chatter starts. So now I take an AB on Thursday and Sunday and that seems to get me through the work week and the weekend.

                  Thanks for your support.
                  You have the craziest schedule I have ever heard of. I have no idea what it must be like. Through it all you have worked out this plan, and you're succeeding! Don't ever doubt that you are amazing.
                  Newbies Nest
                  Toolbox
                  My accountability thread

                  Comment

                    #234
                    On becoming joyfully AF

                    Hope you are doing well Free!
                    On a mission, and the only option is success. My family and I deserve a better life, an AF life.:h

                    Comment

                      #235
                      On becoming joyfully AF

                      Hi Overit, Halo, and 3June, thanks for your support. I actually wrote you all a couple of days ago but the internet was taking forever to post my note and then the internet burped and I lost everything. The joys of working in areas with limited bandwidth/cellphone service.

                      I am doing well though I have been pingponging across the continent (4 times in the last ten days). Long days and limited email but did get to spend Thanksgiving with my husband, here in Africa.

                      Am hoping I'll be able to post more in the next week as I should be in one place for 10 days now.

                      Overit--TTDP (take the damn pill) has been a saving grace for me. I don't consider it a crutch, but rather a useful weapon in fighting this wily beast.
                      Free at Last
                      "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

                      Highly recommend this video
                      http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

                      July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

                      Comment

                        #236
                        On becoming joyfully AF

                        Just have to say that I love waking up in the morning with some much gratitude for my life.

                        Managed to get to the gym and pool two consecutive nights -- nothing outrageous, a little rowing, a little stretching, and a lovely swim in the outdoor pool, watching the sky turn black and listening to the call to prayer.
                        Free at Last
                        "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

                        Highly recommend this video
                        http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

                        July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

                        Comment

                          #237
                          On becoming joyfully AF

                          Hey Free, good to hear you are still doing so well. And that life might settle down for
                          you soon.

                          Comment

                            #238
                            On becoming joyfully AF

                            Hi Quakegirl -- great to hear from you. How is your mom doing? And, how are you doing?

                            Five more days for me on this gig and I have an entire month off. Will be traveling for two of those weeks, but for pleasure -- no work.

                            Was up in the VIP lounge having dinner with "those thoughts" started to enter my head. Quickly took a half AB tablet and now I have another 4-5 days of being able to push the mind chatter away. So ready to be away from the daily exposure to wine.

                            Thanks for checking in with me.
                            Free at Last
                            "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

                            Highly recommend this video
                            http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

                            July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

                            Comment

                              #239
                              On becoming joyfully AF

                              Another day of exercise, stretching, swim, and a good dinner. Not even stepping on the scale until the weekend. Here's hoping I am at least not gaining weight!
                              Free at Last
                              "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

                              Highly recommend this video
                              http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

                              July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

                              Comment

                                #240
                                On becoming joyfully AF

                                Free glad to hear you are taking care of yourself! Exercising is helping me battle the cravings, in fact sweating is becoming my new addiction! Trying to get in the best shape of my life and that means absolutely no AL. It's always a battle, but is easier to achieve when there is a goal in place. Hope you have a great holiday, hard to go to the parties, so many to attend and they all have AL present and waiting. Must focus and make sure a plan is in place. Sending positive vibes your way Free! :l
                                On a mission, and the only option is success. My family and I deserve a better life, an AF life.:h

                                Comment

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