Planning Ahead for a Family Event

[3June2013]

I have two family events coming up. These will be my first challenges as so far I have managed to hide away and avoid such temptations! I was thinking of not going but firstly I love my family and don't see enough of them, and secondly I have to learn how to cope with social events sometime!

So next week end is a coed baby shower for a niece. She is AF since long before she was expecting. My sister (this is for her son's wife) is hosting, we will stay over Saturday night as she lives out of town.

My sister moderates her drinking consciously. Her husband drinks a lot. The niece and nephew crowd are younger (30ish) and will be drinking.

I have told my sister and my niece I am AF so they will be supportive I'm sure. My husband will be with me and he doesn't drink.

I know my sister will provide non alcoholic iced tea, and I am going to offer to make a non alcoholic punch.

Any suggestions on what else I could do to plan for a successful AF week end?

I'd love to hear your ideas, thanks.

[3June2013]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

Going out today to buy a punch bowl and I've been googling alcohol free punch recipes. My brother and sister in law were drinking mojitos last I spoke to them on skype so I am looking for recipes that include mint (they claim they're trying to use it all up)

[NoSugar]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

If your sister, niece, and husband all know you aren't going to drink, it sounds like the main people who might have an opinion or would comment are already on your team !

You'll be surprised how few people care what is in your glass if they're happy about what is in theirs! However, it isn't always smooth sailing, and we have to be ready.

On a business trip a couple months ago I had a couple awkward situations where 'toasts' were being made and pressure was put on me to participate. One time I faked it by bringing the glass to my lips but not drinking. The second time it was easier to arrange just not having a glass near me when the toast was made. The elaborate theater of the whole toasting thing bugged me, and I was mad about being pressured, but I just tried to act like none of it was a big deal --- and in the greater scheme of things, it really wasn't. If I had bowed to peer pressure and sacrificed ~ 90 days AF, starting over would have been so hard. So, even if the situation is awkward or you are being made to feel like you're out of it because you're not drinking - just ignore it and move on.

If you have a smart phone, go to the restroom and get on MWO. I don't, so I texted an MWO friend and received supportive words back. Connect with someone who understands where you are and what you need to do. For me, not feeling alone in this has been key. So -- set up those safety nets and always have a plan.

I have found social events to be more fun now because I'm not worried, self-conscious, or eager to leave so that I could secretly consume more AL alone. Plus, I remember everything that went on, plans I made, etc.

Overall, life is just so much EASIER!

[witts end]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

I agree people don't care what you drink as long as you have a glass in your hand
I have water or as I can't drink fizzy drinks
some -one said they told eveyone they were doing a detox and no-one blinked an eye lid
It's good you have a plan in place

[Lavande]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

June, pack up a big heaping dose of my famous 'LAVAN-ITTUDE' :H :H

I simply say No thanks & offer no explanation! What's in your glass is no one's business but yours
I don't allow anyone to question me, I don't wait for comments. I simply decline, turn & walk away

Works great

[Byrdlady]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

It sounds as if you will have lots of support and AF options so you won't feel funny or out of place. My best tip would be to EAT! Bring a snack, too. Do not let yourself get hungry that's a big trigger for us. I always get my own drinks, just to be on the safe side...and I always have one in my hand. It is amazing how little attention most people pay to your glass. I can't imagine there will be any toasts or anything at a baby shower, so you are prolly ok there. I just had a company meeting and there were 2 toasts during the evening... I held the glass and clinked it, I was not about to drink it...I just sat it down and no one said boo about it.
Keep your belly full and have your excuse ready if it comes up.
If Oprah Winfrey offered you a million dollars to stay sober 30 days, I bet you could find a way to do it...approach this the same way! You will make it no matter what and no matter who! You will never regret being sober!! Byrdie

[3June2013]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

Thanks to you all. I realized a lot of the guests will be my niece and nephew's friends so I will practice saying "I don't drink" to them. And my family will support me I'm sure. It will be fun and I will likely be helping more than socializing so I don't even have to fret about how to socialize sober. I think that's another thing I worry about. I always had a few drinks in me and found it easy to be social with anyone in that state.

[little beagle]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

When feeling uncomfortable at a social gathering, I just sit back and listen to everyone else talk. Most people just want an audience, especially when they are drinking. It works gore me.
I really like Lav's thing. I tell those who are trying to pressure me into al that I just don't want to.
Good luck. After the first af social event, you will set a precedent and it will get easier.

[3June2013]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

There are a lot of situations that will be awkward AF for me, but having a plan really helps. Everyone here has such great insight and I am so thankful to you all for taking the time to help me through.

[Miley]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

Thanks for starting this thread June....I am preparing for vacation and the tips were helpful to me....especially "Lavitude"! I can do that!

[NoSugar]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

I agree with Lav's approach for 99% of the situations we'll find ourselves in. These are our bodies and our business -- No explanations, excuses, or faking a drink required.

However, you do have to be ready for ones like I mentioned above where social obligations really do have to be met but in a way we can live with.

A group of ~ 10 people I work with but see only once per year (so who don't really know me all that well) was standing around the table at a fancy-pants restaurant for a thank you, congratulations, and good wishes toast to a retiring colleague. This moment, clearly, was not about me and what I want and need.

When I turned down the server's offer of the champagne being poured (planning to raise my AF glass of SW&L), the person giving the post said, Oh come on, NoSugar (:H), it's bad luck if you don't give a toast - lighten up.

Obviously, this person was out of line, especially because she alone of the group knows I have decided not to drink. But, that aside, this was not a moment to stand my ground, make a point, embarrass her, and bring everyone's attention even more on me, given that I had other options. So I faked it.

I didn't greedily gulp the glass of champagne just because it was so close at hand (lips). I just tipped it and put it back down.

With what we've learned here and the strength we have gained -- we can do things like this! We are much more powerful than a liquid made of what, for us, is poison.

Have a plan for when a simple' No, Thank you' just doesn't work like it should.

[3June2013]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

Thanks NoSugar that's a good plan, and well done having AL that close and not drinking it. Wow that's way off base of your colleague eh? What gets into people?

[3June2013]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

The weekend is upon us, and we're armed with planned responses and determination. Tomorrow will be the first time I've been around Al since I quit. I know there will be moments when I will struggle. I know my brain is pretty good at justifying pretty much anything. I also know I can't drink any more. I don't drink any more. I don't want to drink any more. I will eat and I will socialize and I will help with the party. I will have fun without Al. I don't drink. This is my chant. LOL

[NoSugar]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

Just wait --- you'll see how good it feels to say No, Thanks! It makes me feel the same kind of pride as when successfully learning a new, challenging skill --- which is what I guess this is.

Have a great weekend, June. You are such an asset to MWO - so glad you found the site!

[3June2013]

Planning Ahead for a Family Event

First night was a great success. Before dinner drink was hibiscus rose hip tea with soda water and lemon. With dinner soda water. After dinner another test- we went out to a local music hall for some great live music. Exactly the kind of event I've been afraid of. Drank a diet coke then switched to cranberry and soda delicious and no anxiety no stress. Great music and felt totally comfortable not drinking booze. Thrilled. Tomorrow is the baby shower and I am so not worried! Thanks for helping me plan ahead and slay the dragon!

PS I think in America you call it seltzer not soda water, right?