25 years old - weekly binger

[3June2013]

25 years old - weekly binger

How's it going today Londoner?

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Now the challenges start. Summer had finally arrived in London.

Tomorrow is a day where drink is present in vast quantities. Barbeques coming up. Beer festivals.

Will have to stay strong here.

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Thanks for the care June. It's going good ATM. Ready for the challenge

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Today was challenge numero uno. I was out all day in the Summer sun with a couple of mates. They both got through a bottle of wine and beers at the bar we were at. I was asked plenty of times to have an alcoholic beverage. The usual 'oh please have one, just a beer.'

I thanked them but refused. They asked again. I refused. They asked again and so I explained why I wasn't drinking. They know me as a party boy.

I told them that I am stopping drinking alcohol. One today may be okay, and it may not lead to another but it will give my brain the message that it is okay to drink in the future when I'm out. And that will lead to another one, and another one. That will lead to RD's, excessive partying and spening. I will lose motivation for working out and staying fit, and eating healthy. I will not want to socialise without alcohol. Ultimately my body will be hit for six, which will result in an unhappy me.
I said that I am trying to learn to get high off life again and be truly happy.

They stopped asking after that and seemed pretty happy for me.

They proceeded to get fairly drunk, showing me another reason why I should not.

One down, a million to go

[Samstone]

25 years old - weekly binger

glad that you hung in there Londoner.

Friends I play music with look at me astonished that I don't want a drink when playing, but they are good enough not to press. It is all about the social thing, but I can not turn it off and stop.

It is kinda weird watching folks get drunk, knowing they'll feel like hell later.

SS

[paulywogg]

25 years old - weekly binger

i hate when they put the pressure on with the "just one"crap! cripes if i could just drink one,i wouldnt come to mwo or be on supps,irritating

[Samstone]

25 years old - weekly binger

paulywogg;1530108 wrote: i hate when they put the pressure on with the "just one"crap! cripes if i could just drink one,i wouldnt come to mwo or be on supps,irritating

Never were truer words written!

[allankay]

25 years old - weekly binger

Hi Londoner,

I have just come across your post. Knowing that you are not alone in this is very important. And you are not!

I live in London and have a similar attitude to alcohol. I used to have 2-3 pints on a Friday after work, innocent right? This would lead me to going to strip clubs, casinos, dodgy places, spending money on complete strangers. The worst was not the hangover it was checking my bank account following a night out.... Saturday would be spent in shame, guilt, remorse... But this is not the end. Feeling like crap, would lead me to repeat the same on Saturday night. Sundays were my recovery days, which I would spend under the covers hiding from the world.

After a few years I lost ability to deal with stress working in the city. Collapsed, went to the A&E, thank god they didn't find anything wrong with me.

Moving forward to today...I am almost a year sober. I have completed the London Marathon, I work out 5 times a week and in the best shape of my life. I started a professional qualification. I handle stress much better, I smile more, I laugh more. So even though I go through the same challenges as before I believe I can navigate though them alot better and make better choices.

When it comes to the company you keep. From personal experience I had to let go of some people in my life. Some people will simply not accept a sober person in their circle and feel that it spoils their good times. I can totally relate, as I used to hate non drinkers when I was getting smashed. Not sure why but it's a fact. Also you will find new things to do on a Friday/Saturday nights. Like have a movie night with friends, travelling (you can do a lot when you don't drink on weekends), poker nights....trust me there is plenty of stuff to do. You just need to open yourself to it.

Anyway I just wanted to show my support and say that having pride in yourself is a feeling that I forgot until I quit alcohol.

Allan

[3June2013]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner I'm just so so happy to hear you're still AF, and that you're working out, feeling good. Telling your friends gets easier and those who don't want to hang with you weren't your friends anyway. I am proud of you! Hang in there!

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

allankay;1531035 wrote:
Feeling like crap, would lead me to repeat the same on Saturday night. Sundays were my recovery days, which I would spend under the covers hiding from the world.
This was me when I would get uncontrollably drunk on a Saturday. Wouldn't answer phone calls, felt like I had made a tit of myself and that I was the centre of attention. Had been in fights and heard sirens the next day and thought they were coming from me.

allankay;1531035 wrote:
I can totally relate, as I used to hate non drinkers when I was getting smashed. Not sure why but it's a fact.

Again, that was me. Weird. I would rip on people who didn't drink. Call them boring etc. - exactly what people are doing to me now. Alcohol does not make me a nice person. It creates a false version of myself.


Bingeing has caused me to never know the true me. I have felt like an actor for too long, worrying about what others thought and trying to live up to what I thought their expectations were. I would also feeling that I was looking at reality through a looking glass - I felt detached. Not so much now.

Does your brain chemistry change from just a once weekly drinking session? I seem to be waking up as it were now. My relationships with people are changing - some getting far better and some disappearing. I want things now.

I know I need to take this seriously as I have gone a month or two before with no booze. All it took was one weekend of drinking to spiral uncontrollably back to where I started - an empty shell of a person who had no motivation for anyone or anything.

AF coupled with back on an exercise regime and getting plenty of nutrient dense food has transformed me in a short time frame, but I know there is still a lot of healing to do. I drank heavily for a reason in social situations - it was a cover for a lack of confidence. And the continuation of drinking heavily meant confidence and personality dropped even more which snowballed into bigger sessions each week. Time to confront my fears and start living life and building myself up as a person.

Really appreciate anyone reading this thread. I have random ramblings that come from my head - but this is a great way for me to let it out.

Oh and 4 weeks tomorrow AF, and I have actually been out in social situations that I wanted to be at in that time. I am more focussed on my work too

[allankay]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner,

you made me laugh very hard when you mentioned the sirens. I thought I was the only one.
I used to smoke too (gave up at the same time as AL) and my biggest fear was accidently dropping a cigarette outside a petrol station when I would go out for food in the middle of the night, completely wasted. The next day (with a hazy memory of the night before) - may be week I would avoid checking the news as I thought I caused something terrible... Anxiety was overwhelming.

Congratulations on making it almost a month sober. I recommend posting your daily count on "Roll Call" thread, just to keep count and to stay accountable. Also if you need to get a quick response from MWO or read about others in the same position as you check out the Newbies Nest thread. Everyone there is really welcoming and full of Wisdom.

Final point I wanted to mention. Around the 30 day mark, your brain tries to convince you that you have overcome this addiction and can try to moderate or whatever. It happens to a lot of people and including myself. I usually open up a photo album and look at my drunk/overweight self to keep those feelings at bay. Fear (of relapse) can be a healthy thing

Glad you found this forum. Hope you have some plans for all the extra cash you will have now

Best,

Allan

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Well, I went to the first bbq of the weekend and have just got on, thought I would post am immediate update here. The day went okay. Everyone was drinking around me. The people there that I did not know were very persistent in asking why I was not drinking. They said how they wanted to give up, although I could tell they were in of false comments.
Some of them proceeded to venture onto narcotics. At that point I left.

I could hear many subconscious egging me on to have just one drink. To be sociable. To loosen up. To be more accepted.
I know though if I just have one that in the long term it will slowly builds up to back how I was.

I left feeling a bit empty. Was a bit anxious at the event. Did not really socialise too well. That is where I normally turn to drink, to numb myself to social situations. I know I must face them to better myself.

Our was funny listening to the others talking about how they 'need' booze in social situations. I realise that these substances are more comforting and important to them than theithere friends are.

So another social event without any mind numbing substances, bit still very early in my well improvement journey.

[3June2013]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner that's fabulous! I find the same, when I tell people I've quit they start looking at their own addictions. You are doing great, and I agree, we can't have just one, or we wouldn't be here. Now we need to find new ways to have fun and new ways to be sociable, you're smart, you started young on this self awareness, some of us kept at it for another 30 years before we stopped!

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Hmmmm. Toughest test yet this weekend. A lady friend of mine is down who I haven't seen for ages. She wants to go for drinks...... tough tough tough!!!! Can't not see her though....

[allankay]

25 years old - weekly binger

The key statement here is "she wants to go out for a drink"!!!

Does she want to see you or does she need someone to get drunk with. You can talk over sushi, see a movie... Its your choice