25 years old - weekly binger

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Thanks BH. I have got to accept I have an addiction, which is worsened during times of procrastination and when my self worth is lessened.

I cannot say I will never drink again. Or try RD's again.

What I can try is to get through October unscathed.

I am off to bed soon. Had drunk a shed load of water to try and rid my body of the toxins that are undoubtedly still circulating around me.

Starting to feel somewhat normal again.9 pages of rubbish on my part. Time to stop acting like a kid with no commitments in life. Time to commit to something that actually means something to me.

[YouKayBee]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner;1563406 wrote: Thanks BH. I have got to accept I have an addiction, which is worsened during times of procrastination and when my self worth is lessened.

I cannot say I will never drink again. Or try RD's again.

What I can try is to get through October unscathed.

I am off to bed soon. Had drunk a shed load of water to try and rid my body of the toxins that are undoubtedly still circulating around me.

Starting to feel somewhat normal again.9 pages of rubbish on my part. Time to stop acting like a kid with no commitments in life. Time to commit to something that actually means something to me.

One Day At a Time

Discussed worthlessness in my counselling group yesterday, interesting most of it came from a child place.

Good move re your friend, people who help or assist or you associate with drinking I found had to be ditched. I also think you'll find your circle of friends changes as you get and keep sober.

Please don't be down on yourself, use it to keep strong it's your choice and a good choice.

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Okay, I really want to thank everyone for their support over the last few days. It is only today that I am starting to feel human again and get in touch with with reality. I can look back on the weekend now and know that my brain was altered by chemicals, and that was not the real me.

Today is day 1 again and I want to keep a slightly more regular journal in this thread. Whether or no anyone reads it is not a big deal to me but my ramblings will help keep me on the straight and narrow.

Day 1

I have highlighted areas of my life which ultimately sap happiness from me. So my goals for this week are:

- Cut out caffeine & processed foods/sugar from my diet. For some reason I use these as comfort.

- Get back into my regular sleeping pattern of 11pm-6am. Cut out electronics in bed and get reading every night. Hopefully I can pick up some work for the 7am slots as this will ensure I stay on track.

- Cut out mindless TV watching and internet surfing. Again, I watch this when I am not pursuing a goal.

- Take up a new hobby - which will be Muay Thai. I need something that is disciplined and will also take my own strength training to the next level.

- Plan the most important tasks of each day and get them done before I do anything else.

All of these together will add the structure to my life again (which has been missing for a few weeks) and bring back a sense of worth.

It has been horrible being the moody person who hasn't been connecting with real friends and family.

[3June2013]

25 years old - weekly binger

Hi Londoner it sounds like you've got a good plan on the go! Glad to hear it! Stay in touch, I think it really helps to keep you focused.

[free at last]

25 years old - weekly binger

Hi Londoner,
Saturday night and I'm sending you some positive thoughts about staying strong. You can do this.

All best,

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

I thought I would update this in here, as I see it more as my diary for my records.

October and starting into November was a terrible month for me.

I had 4 out of 5 weekends going out and drinking way too much (one beer is too much for my psyche) and pulling all nighters. By all nighters I mean not hitting bed until 2pm on a Sunday afternoon.

I really set myself back a long way in the last five weeks. The knock on effects have meant my work ethic has taken a back burner, I have procrastinated by watching TV shows, spent too much time in bed, eaten rubbish food, spent way too much time just laying in bed dwelling on the past.

I am in a rough patch for sure. Wondering what the point of everything is. Have I progressed in life since I left school 7 years ago?

The question of the chicken or the egg - has my shyness led me to alcohol, or has alcohol increased my shyness?

Anyhow I have got to start progressing and become a MAN who can stand up for myself. I'm currently shot financially - drunken weekends would mean I spent ?200+ easily on cabs, alcohol etc. without a second thought. So that's another thing I am paying for now.

So, what do I have to do to pull myself out of this rut? I want to be feeling fine for a great family Christmas this year. I want to be feeling naturally high on life like I was a couple of months ago - not relying on chemicals to make me feel 'good' one evening each weekend.

I feel guilty. I feel lonely. I feel selfish. I have let my friends down, blowing them out in favour of being out partying. The substance abuse is starting to show big time now. I have not lost friends, but I have certainly lost contact with a lot of friends.

Here is my current list:

1) Give up alcohol 100% (I would not be out partying if I did not touch that 1st drop)
2) Eat natural, whole foods. Do not rely on sugar as another substance to temporarily elevate my mood.
3) Exercise - make sure I get 4 strength & 4 conditioning sessions in per week.
4) Sleep - constant sleep of 7 hours at a regular time.
5) Stop using a screen as a source of entertainment. Limit computer use to work and TV cut to 1 hour per night. This should see me wanting to be out socialising more as I would be bored at home.

The big thing for me is, when I live the binge drinking lifestyle I feel guilty. I cover my true actions with white lies. I make out everything is okay, but it is not. When I live the AF style, I do not have to tell lies. And that is one big factor that leads to a happier me.

Well, thanks for reading. I really hope for my sake that I can pull myself out of this rut, as I know my health and well being is slowly being eroded by my once a week lifestyle. I spent Nearly 18 hours in bed yesterday for Christ's sake!

[lifechange]

25 years old - weekly binger

hi Dear Londoner, I'm sorry you're feeling so down.:l Why did you decide to go out on Saturday night? Can you pinpoint the exact reason? How you were feeling when you decided to go. I'd thought you'd made the decision to stay in--that's why I ask.-- Your post today is very similar to one you wrote 1 month ago and it seems it would be to your advantage to figure out exactly what your triggers are and then how to change how you normally react so as to have a different outcome. I see how this lifestyle is really getting you down-- it would be great if you could, one day at a time, come here for support. Stay here the whole day, if necessary. Do you have a group that you could go to near where you live? With some good AF time under your belt you WILL feel like you remember feeling a couple of months ago. We're all here for you!:h

[lifechange]

25 years old - weekly binger

Me again! I don't know if you've looked in the Nest today, but 3June posted to you yesterday and it could be helpful to you-- also, Byrdie posted another great one which I'm going to copy here for you-- motivating and with thoughts of the holidays..

//Quote//You know, what I can see so clearly now (that I couldn't when I was in the throws of it) is that the goal here is to NOT feel the compulsion to drink...right? To finally break away from the NEED we have to get zoned out...to DEAL with our feelings and situations, right? Here is an amazing truth: If you feed this thing, you own it. The only way to break free of addiction is to STOP feeding it. We have to learn other ways to cope with life....betrayal, heartache, loss, celebrations, the whole 9 yards. As long as we keep turning BACK to AL, it's ours to keep....you can trust me on this one! I DID it. It's the whole Pavlov's Dog thing....positive reinforcement. You have to change to break this dam cycle...You MUST find another way to cope. Is it easy? NO. Is it do-able? Absolutley! I look at the long termers on here and they have heartache and tragedy and celebrations and they find other ways...that means I can, too...and I have! We just tend to take the path that we know and that is EASIER at the time. In retrospect, it's not easier at all...it's 1000 times worse, we just can't see it.

We are now officially approaching the holiday season. If not now....when? There will ALWAYS be an excuse for us to drink. BREAK the cycle or you will remain on the hamster wheel. Just deal with the days one at a time....each situation as it comes and you can do it. Don't give up your quit for anything...NOTHING is worth it. My quit comes before ANYTHING OR ANYBODY. It is my foundation and without it, everything else crumbles. I will NOT lose one more day of my life to AL! Byrdie//

[broken halo]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner, that sounds like a plan. But what happens when Saturday night rolls around again? I know you really want this, but it seems to be Saturdays that are your downfall. Can you maybe start thinking about having something AL free in place for this weekend that will take you past that Saturday night temptation? Wishing you well my friend

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Saturday I decided to meet a friend out locally for a couple of beers. I was meant to be working Sunday, but after the usual of 2 drinks turning into 4+ I cancelled.

I feel irresponsible. I mean at my age and running my own business I should not be doing that.

I then get a text from a friend - we are a very bad influence on each other - and decide to meet him. I knew where the night was going from there. And it went that way.

Next thing I know it is 2pm on Sunday, and a girl I met is trying to convince me to carry on partying. Luckily I caught myself in a mirror and realised I look a mess. I went home and literally slept until 7am this morning.

Problem is, I start to lose touch with reality when I go through spells like this. I live for the weekend. I scrape through the week, not really caring about much and quite happily isolating myself from everything - it's far easier that way.

Why do I do it? I do not know. Once it happens it is a blur. I guess Saturdays are the time when I can dwell on my current situation more. My brothers are out, I'm home alone and I have no work. It's kind of like a, what else am I supposed to do situation.

Thanks for the feedback.

[NoSugar]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner,

Can you get in-person support? We obviously can't make you stay online all weekend and have no other way to reach you. Until you have been AF long enough to be seeing everything clearly and making good decisions, maybe you need more assistance than we can offer. MWO could stay your second line of defense but I just hate to see you repeating this over and over. Then, after you clear this hurdle, you might be able to use MWO alone to maintain your quit.

Please don't think I'm trying to push you away - I'm just really concerned about what you're doing to yourself. You're around the age of my kids - maybe I'm getting all maternal on you.

Anyway, please do whatever it takes to put this behind you. You can have years of good living ahead of you if you take care of it now while you're young. You've been smart enough to recognize the problem and now have an opportunity that many wish they'd recognized early.

Please take care of yourself.

[j-vo]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner,
Looks as though you have great goals in place. Don't try to put to much on yourself. When I do that, which I tend to do, too, I end up failing because I put too much pressure on myself. Just like quitting smoking and drinking at the same time sets one up for failure, Not everyone, but lots of people. And the wonderful thing is that you're so young, you know that you need to make changes and you are. You know what you need to do, so take it ODAT. Good work!

[Londoner]

25 years old - weekly binger

Okay, so I thought I'd update here in a bit more detail again.

It's Wednesday, and I am only just starting to feel human again.....just. Brain fog is here which I hate. But today I have woken up in the mindset that I need to fix things. If I keep putting it off day after day, those days will turn into months and those months into years.

Ultimately the last 4 weeks have been a lie. I almost feel bipolar. Drink turns me into this person who is not really me. I grow a false set of balls. But when I go through spells of not drinking, I feel sorry for people that go out drinking all the time. I'm a walking contradiction.

So I am setting myself a lot of goals. I know from my experience in my work that realistically you need to work on one or two goals maximum at a time for success. But for me, I seem to mesh multiple goals that feed into one another.

So here are the things I need to work on:

1) No Alcohol. This is the destroyer of almost every positive aspect of my life. When I get into the habit of drinking every weekend everything goes to pot, and the lie of alcohol grasps me. So it needs to go. It will also stop my wild expenditure on nights out and stop me using RD's when I'm in a drunken stupor.

2) Sleep. Quality sleep - 7 hours per night at a regular pattern.

3) Kick sugar, grains and caffeine. I need to stop using food as a comfort. So I will go back to Mother Nature and only eat fruit & veg, rice/potato, meats & eggs. Also, get back into an intermittent fasting style of eating. This will stop me waking up and eating crappy food.

4) Exercise - both strength training and cardiovascular. I find the cardio really improves my mindset as well as taking my physique and fitness to a much higher level.

5) Stop sitting. As weird as this sounds, I am far more productive on my feet. So I will aim to be on my feet as much as possible during the day.

6) Cut down Facebook, games & TV usage. This ties into number 5, but they are a complete and utter waste of time and stop me from connecting with other people.

7) Start saying yes to social situations. I always have an excuse not to go if alcohol is not involved - time, money, time etc. So I need to start getting out more and connecting with people.

8) Schedule my work time better. So instead of mindlessly surfing the internet I will schedule article writing, marketing etc. into set blocks each day.

9) This is the most important, and will only happen if I work on the previous 8 points. I want to be a person I can look in the mirror and be happy with. I want to live by my morals and no one else's. I want to be an honest person, that doesn't have to make up hundreds of white lies to cover up my lifestyle.

So why wait for New Year's Resolutions? It is 55 days until New Years. If I can set myself that record, of 8 weeks of no alcohol, I can be the happiest I have ever been.

[Eloise]

25 years old - weekly binger

Londoner;1520937 wrote: Thanks for the replies everyone. I feel positive, but I always feel positive at the start.

I just hate the feeling of going through the 'boring' part again after I have had a binge - as all my hormonal levels start to balance again and my brain fog starts to fade.

I have neglected relationships too long, real relationships, in favour of alcohol. Time to start building a proper life, and if I need to lose those buddies who will tempt me to drink, then so be it.

I read a post on here yesterday with lots of quotes - that has helped me already.

Good for you- key is don't give up Londoner. If it takes a while to get the hang of it, it also took a while to get you where you are so, be kind to yourself.
Awesome that you are recognizing the problem now, and not 20 years from now. Puts you in a different category man. Kudos to you.

[lifechange]

25 years old - weekly binger

Super plan with everything in place-- you can do it, ODAT! Come back to the sugar free thread! Since cutting out gluten and dairy a couple of days ago, the sugar thing is much easier! You are so right that everything here is intertwined.