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Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

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    #1

    Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

    Ive been doing really well up until now. I have been AF all week but found myself in a situation this afternoon that didnt seem like it would end well. I was with some friends at a BBQ and I was being pressured to drink. Everyone there was in couples and I was really missing my boyfriend that the only sober person in my life (we are in a long distance relationship). I felt super vulnerable and lonely so I left.

    Now Im at home, struggling with not fitting in and starting to get a lot of anxiety. I feel pretty alone in this and not sure how to continue getting through the days when everyone around drinks constantly. Bored out of my mind and missing some human contact with real people that understand what I am going through.

    Any advice on how to get through this? When does it get better? I would like to think I can be around alcohol without feeling such torture.

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    #2
    Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

    This is exactly why my social life is limited when I am not drinking. I know how you feel. Just think how will you feel if you cave in vs going the distance. There are going to be struggles either journey you decide to take. But I know which one will reward you far more the longer you go.

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      #3
      Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

      Well done getting through that social situation/BBQ sober Lost soul. It's totally natural that you will feel fragile and anxious in early sobriety around people. Don't forget , at a week AF, and especially for the first few months or so (and beyond), our body and mind is healing itself, re-wiring itself, and relearning how to NOT run on alcohol as it's main fuel.

      You have to just try to relax and push through at this point. Just simply keep racking up the AF days, putting more time between now and that last drink and you will see the benefits and the big limitless, endless treasure that awaits those of us that embrace a sober life and all of it's magic.

      You are doing a great job friend. Keep it going, and keep talking here, and in real life. Think positive and try to turn your thinking around to an attitude of gratitude, grateful that you have had the guts and the good sense and self respect and self love to take back your precious life.

      G.

      'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

      Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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        #4
        Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

        we all feel lost when around others
        I have a lot of drinkers around me and either leave them and go watch tv with the kids ( sat through 3 repeats of cars last friday night )
        there is sometimes one or two people who don't drink around (Pregnant or driver ) so stick to these
        Leaving like you did was good because you may have been tempted to cave in
        next time you will feel stronger

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          #5
          Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

          Lost,

          You might want to consider a new hobby or circumstances that would put you in contact with a new group of people who don't drink. I am not suggesting dropping your current friends, just adding to the mix so you have some social occasions that do not have that stress.

          These are early days, don't project too far ahead. As Mr. G says, take it slow and easy.

          Congrats on the early days AF. You are on a fresh journey.

          Love,
          Cindi
          AF April 9, 2016

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            #6
            Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

            Thanks guys. I really need to hear your words of encouragement. Couldnt do this without you.

            I actually am proud of myself and will take your advice and look into a new hobby...there are a bunch of things I want to try out and will use this time to get more active at it. Hopefully, I will meet more like-minded individuals in different settings as well.

            I am going to go for a walk now and get inspired.

            Thanks again

            Comment

              #7
              Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

              Hey Lost, I felt like the 5th wheel for quite a while. I was always the life of the party...it was a world of difference when I wasn't able to drink my courage anymore, but you know what? Each and every time you exercise THOSE muscles, they get stronger. It doesn't happen overnight, but it DOES happen. I can go to parties now with anyone and be comfortable. What I thought was giving me 'power' was actually making me loud and obnoxious. The 'YOU' that you thought AL brought out is still in there....it will find its way out, too. It just takes a little time. I struggled badly until I hit Day 13, something happened on that day in my thinking that made me realize this really IS something I can do. Between now and Day 30, your emotions will be all over the place....please know this is normal. When you feel yourself throwing a pity party, put yourself on a task to help someone else. Bake someone a cake and take it over. WRITE someone a letter (on paper!), take your dog to a nursing home....if you put yourself to the service of others in the early days, it really helps. It's easy to get bogged down in the 'Poor Me's'.....don't fall for it, What you are doing isn't to be pitied, it is to be envied! Hang in there, I promise it will get easier with each passing day. You are doing great! Don't give in no matter what and no matter who! AL will not take one more day of our lives!!! Byrdie
              All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
              Tool Box
              Newbie's Nest

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                #8
                Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                This is a normal way to feel. I now know the days I can attend these events without temptation.....but, I am aware of times I should avoid them. Early on is a great time to try out all those things you did not do because you had a hangover

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                  #9
                  Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                  I felt awful the first week AF, and spent most of my time in bed. It's been 5 weeks now and I'm feeling fantastic, have got through a few social situations without caving in (just tell people you're on antibiotics and can't drink, that'll get you some breathing space). It does take a while to get it out of your system but every day is a step closer, and just think you won't have to go through it again if you can just keep going. I had a pretty stressful day yesterday, and when I got home I didn't even feel like a drink- I just dealt with how I was feeling, it was an amazing achievement not to have to battle with myself! Hope you can make it through the tough times, you're in good company here

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                    Hello Lost Soul
                    well done on no booze week!

                    Bryd and Gman give sage advice.

                    I JUST got back from a wedding. I was so concerned I might drink that it wasn't till now that I did the roll call here. But I did not while everyone else was ,and really there was no pressure to have one, thank goodness, cause there was potential for it to be so. The band was great and I even got up and shook a leg. So it is possible to enjoy and know that tomorrow there'll be no hangover, no regrets. And you're really not alone, there's lots of caring people here.

                    Best to you
                    SS
                    Liberated 5/11/2013

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                      Lost - I am on day 9 today and know how awkward it is right now. There are decisions to make about friends, social settings etc. But right now the best decision is the one you made and didn't drink. It will build strength and confidence. Proud of you
                      Put your hands over your heart - and tell yourself that you are going to guard this essence of who you are with everything. Alcohol opens us up to darkness and depression instantly. You choose love today. Guard it by keeping the poison out of your body. It IS poison.



                      NF - May 2, 2013 (cig free Jan. 25, 2013)
                      AF - July 31, 2013
                      :lordhelpme:

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                        Lost - you are also feeling the loneliness of being at a social situation without your boyfriend. I also find that when I am lonely in social situations (without my family) it can be much 'rawer' than when I had AL as a buddy. So partly what you are going through has to do with the adjustments to an AF life but its also the normal stuff of missing loved ones. Long distance relationships are very trying and bitter sweet.

                        Its often best to walk away gracefully and try not to dwell on it - and then distract yourself - send a message to your BF - or just ride out the day/night.
                        It all passes and so goes on to a new day...and each day you remove AL from the mix, it gets easier - but its not a sudden miraculous shift and you will still feel sad/lonely/different to others at times...

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                          #13
                          Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                          It may be necessary to make some tough, selfish decisions this early in recovery. Going to social functions where you know alc is involved may need to be cut off temporarily. Some friends may need to be let go. I have had to change my phone number to cut some of my drinking buddies out of my life. Not suggesting that anyone do that, just giving an example of some of the drastic measures i have taken. I self rehabbed for 3months. No parties, work and gym....lots of gym.
                          Its for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and DO NOT let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Gal 5:1

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                            #14
                            Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                            Thank you all! Today is a new day and I feel great.

                            Byrdlady, you are so right! I experience social anxiety and would turn to the bottle to help me feel less awkward but I am aware I was only making a fool out of myself. The joke was clearly on me. I like the idea of being at service to others; Ive already joined a few non-profit groups that are very near and dear to my heart but being at service in our everyday lives is very important especially during this time. Will make a point of this. Thanks

                            TheSunflower, that is so true. The amount of things I have tackled in the last few days would have taken me a year had I been drinking. Will keep at doing new stuff as well.

                            Downunder, congrats on 5 weeks! You are an inspiration!

                            Samstone, thanks! Good to know I may have the courage to dance in public sober. One day Good for you!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Day 6 and starting to feel like I dont fit in

                              Also,

                              RitaNow, thank you for your support. I am also rooting for you!

                              Treetops, I agree that feeling lonely also doesnt help the situation but I know in my heart of hearts that this too shall pass. I am getting stronger and stronger and look forward to each day AF

                              Lizker, I am going to have to follow your lead and pull back from people that dont belong in my life right now. Maybe later on, but it is me time and I, for once, come first (wow, Im really embracing this new found mindset). But seriously I, too, am self rehabbing and need all the energy and positivity to get to where I need to be. No room for toxic, draining people. I have also started working out daily; I find it really helps with my anxiety. Thanks for this

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