A man who's decided he can't do this alone

[3June2013]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

4thekids;1524707 wrote: MLB: I am starting the AF life again today. Today is my Day 1. I had over 40 consecutive days in February and march and then allowed my belief that I really could moderate get the best of me. Perhaps you Andy can be buddies on this ride. I feel the same way about wanting to be a better person. I felt so much better about myself when I wasn't drinking and so much more in control of my life. I hate this feeling of no control and total helplessness over something so silly. When I wasn't drinking I couldn't believe how easy it really was not to drink. I promised myself that I never wanted to have to start over....yet here I am again! I did not try Antabuse the last time. Just Kudzu and vitamins which I thought really helped. I think I am going to stick with that route but let's try to start this journey together. You have a few days on me but I will catch up


4the kids

Welcome 4thkids! And congrats on starting over. You already know the drill, one day at a time, best thing is you know what to look out for now! PS do it for you, the kids will reap the rewards!

[NoSugar]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

4thekids;1524707 wrote: MLB: I am starting the AF life again today. Today is my Day 1. I had over 40 consecutive days in February and march and then allowed my belief that I really could moderate get the best of me. Perhaps you Andy can be buddies on this ride. I feel the same way about wanting to be a better person. I felt so much better about myself when I wasn't drinking and so much more in control of my life. I hate this feeling of no control and total helplessness over something so silly. When I wasn't drinking I couldn't believe how easy it really was not to drink. I promised myself that I never wanted to have to start over....yet here I am again! I did not try Antabuse the last time. Just Kudzu and vitamins which I thought really helped. I think I am going to stick with that route but let's try to start this journey together. You have a few days on me but I will catch up


4the kids

Hi, 4theKids

Welcome back! Maybe you could spend some time in the Newbies Nest, too (link below). It is a great place to receive the support needed for getting and staying on track!

Hope to see you over there !

[4thekids]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

No Sugar: Every time I click on the link it says fatal error. Any other way to get there?

[NoSugar]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

Hi,

Copy and paste this without the ' ' marks, put it in the URL line and it should work!

'https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-3737-30074.html'

Then, go to the last page for the most recent post or read back a bit to get to know who is actively posting these days.

Have you read the toolbox? It also has great stuff (don't copy the ' '):
'https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-28-27556.html'

Hope to see you over there!

[Persephone1]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

Hiya Man and 4theKids & :welcome:,

MWO is such a wonderful place to begin your healing. I know if feels impossible, but You and your families/friends are worth every bit of effort.

Man, if you take the plunge, go with the AB and get some sober days under your belt you will NOT regret it. I promise you. The first few weeks are tough, I won't lie, but its do~able. And with the AB the choice is made for you and your brain naturally gravitates toward other things to do cos alcohol just ain't an option...but you know this right? Thus the aversion. In just a few short weeks of AF time, things start changing rapidly and you will wonder why the hell you waited so long to Love yourself to Freedom.

Promise its worth it man, nothing but great things lie ahead, waiting for you. Both of you. Quit buddies are awesome.

Welcome aboard friends. YOU GOT THIS!

Keep reaching out, we're here for you!

All the best, P.

[witts end]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

hello good for you makelifebetter
4the kids well done on day 1 you can do it
Keep trying everyone

[MakeLifeBetter]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

Persiphone - your post really moved me. Thank you. So I've been checked out for three days - no posts. And bad reasons for it. My yelling-inclined ex-wife called and blamed me for mortgage interest rates going up, so she is afraid she can't refinance the house! As if I can control that!! She knows I can't, but her immediate reaction is always to blame me for everything/anything. Any way, it rattled me, and I drank a bottle of Cabernet with dinner. Next night - hugely embarrassed to say, I did it AGAIN WITH 5 COORS LIGHTs AFTER.
My ex-wife is by far my biggest, most-lethal trigger. I can't ignore her, as our kids live with her and I gave her the house in the divorce (for the kids sake). Our kids are 10 and 16 and I adore them both so much. Sorry, but thanks for letting me vent. I WILL kick this Al thing!!! Like all drugs, it provides a short reprieve from underlying issues that always have to be dealt with to be truly happy.

[little beagle]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

mlb keep trying. Don't give up. When you feel like drinking, come here and read and post first. That might buy enough time for the craving to pass. Good luck.

[Persephone1]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

I hope you keep checking in with us and working this all out. My most significant relationship (at the time I quit) was my biggest trigger as well. They don't ever fully disappear and I thought I'd not be able to manage alcohol free. But I did. And I do. Rather effortlessly most days. Nothing will ever be perfect, but it's so much better when YOU are in control of your life. Alcohol driving the ship always ends in disaster and its no way to live.

I drank myself into a hole for 10 years. Lost mySelf. It only took a few weeks before the fog lifted and I could feel me again after quitting. I hope you make the decision to take the AB and start your journey. We will be here for you. And more importantly, you will be there for YOU!

Stay connected, k? and take care. P.

[MakeLifeBetter]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

persephone, little beagle, I am so alone - I did 48 hours and then felt "good" so bought a bottle of "fine" wine to eat with a "gourmet" steak dinner. I am obviously in denial as I have a little bit of AntiBuse, but ... I don't take it!!
I fell so strongly that I can stop this with a support group that wasn't AA. I feel, if I'd had a hug tonight there is NO WAY I would have bought that bottle of Cabernet. And what can you do! You already did so much in your posts!! Thank you!
The next week will be good, because I will have my kids, and I NEVER drink in front of my kids - better than AB!
So why do I drink in advance - I told myself "no drinking for a week so better load up"
God I wish we could have a virtual hug !!

If you don't hear from me for the next 7 days, it means I'm with my adored children, and I am not drinking. If I post - JEEZ - I would love immediate help thank you!

[MakeLifeBetter]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

I am summarizing my response to a PM I received yesterday that really helped me out (thank you PMer!!) because there are two things - a book and a movie - I wanted to pass on.
I spent a joyous 6 days with my kids, but now they are 800+ miles away again. I feel "I prepared and planned" my entire life to NOT be in the situation I'm in now, but here I am. Alone, fearful of the future, dreadfully afraid of AL and still not AF for more than 5 or 6 days max and very unsure of myself.

I read on MWO about a book called "The Heart of Addiction" - I bought it for Kindle and have not finished, but WOW! it resonates. The basic premise is that we drink in excess because of feelings of helplessness. Helplessness can take many forms (and many case studies are in the book), but it rings so true for me. Helpless to have any career advancement, helpless against a (now ex) wife who became not only unloving, but unsupported in anything that was important to me (including, at the top of the list, never leaving my kids).
Another thought, I've been really into the Dick Van Dyke show on Netflix lately (his character and family life personifies my unrealistic wishes of who I always wanted to be). So I was researching his and Mary Tyler Moore's alcohol issues online. I never knew about that, but came across a TV movie (rare - it's on YouTube) starring Dick Van Dyke as successful man who becomes horribly addicted to AL - so real and the ending is SO sad. It's called "The Morning After". I feel they should show it in High Schools. (Maybe not - but it might have been good for me.)

[MakeLifeBetter]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

Have any of you ever found real, local (anonymous!) support groups that are not AA? I did AA for a couple months and it really helped, but after that the whole "you have no control over your life" thing drove me away. There has got to be another way - no !? I've heard of Smart Recovery, but they only meet one time per week (before I get off work, too).
Sorry - I think I'm "grasping for straws" but .. can't hurt to ask.
Honestly, I think a local "AntiBuse buddy" would help - but how on Earth could that happen? Other than this forum, I have still told no one.

[free at last]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

Dear MLB,
Is there one friend you can tell about your struggles and your desire to be free from AL? I know the more time I spend on MWO the less I think of AL.

[3June2013]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

MLB I found being here online helped me through the toughest times. The very beginning. The more I read, the more I knew what to do. When I read about others drinking and feeling shitty about it, when I read of people finding ways to get through stressful times, or just drinking trigger times, I learned. There is a wealth of information here and just reading and posting can be enough for some. If you want face to face maybe you can search your area for a "meet up" group? Or maybe try getting involved in other groups, walking, biking, running? Something totally different that has no AL involved? I'm reading Heart of Addiction too, it has a very interesting approach. We can learn all about it but the hard work is deciding then sticking with it. Quit and don't look back. You will survive it!

[Sharky]

A man who's decided he can't do this alone

MakeLifeBetter;1532857 wrote: Have any of you ever found real, local (anonymous!) support groups that are not AA? I did AA for a couple months and it really helped, but after that the whole "you have no control over your life" thing drove me away. There has got to be another way - no !? I've heard of Smart Recovery, but they only meet one time per week (before I get off work, too).
Sorry - I think I'm "grasping for straws" but .. can't hurt to ask.
Honestly, I think a local "AntiBuse buddy" would help - but how on Earth could that happen? Other than this forum, I have still told no one.

Not sure where in Cali you live. Try Smart or Mod management as places to explore as well. Several chapters in SoCal are. Use the links page on MYO. Worth a try. I'm going to start with these as well - when back in town for extended period.