Starting AGAIN...

[NJSailor]

Had a "bad" night last night. And for no "good" reason. Felt okay. Exercised. But once I started drinking, I knew it was just going to be all down hill. I really admire all the AF people here and really want to do the 90 days AF, but I just can't seem to get myself motivated. And I'm REALLY worried what all this alcohol has done and is doing to my brain. My mom is dying of a brain tumor now, and I read so many posts here about the bad stuff alcohol does to the brain. If only I could scare myself into doing something about this. Any advice on getting motivated to take the first step and STOP? Please pour on the advice!

Becca

[irishlady]

Starting AGAIN...

Hello NJ and welcome to MWO,

First of all, you can't scare yourself into giving up alcohol.. Fear is a negative emotion, it just won't work...

You have to WANT to stop drinking by thinking along more positive lines...

I remember 17 years ago, my father who was a heavy smoker all his life was diagnosed with throat and lung cancer... I saw him waste away before my eyes, I was smoking heavily myself at that time... Yes I was scared of going the same way, but it didn't stop me smoking, as a matter of fact it had the opposite effect, the fear made me think more about cigarettes, and consquently I smoked more.... It was almost ten years later that I finally stopped smoking, only because I wanted to not because I was scared...

Now you say you felt ok last night, you exercised but then you drank.. Try to think back and find out why you felt the need to drink, what triggered it off.. If you knew it was all going to be down hill you must have had a pretty strong reason to start and have that first drink..

Also, you mention doing 90 days AF, well if I were you I wouldn't even begin to look down all the time to the end of the next 3 months and think to yourself ## I can't have a drink for 90 days ##.. A lot of the success I had in giving up was to tell myself I DIDN'T want a drink right now, instead of saying I CAN'T HAVE A DRINK...

Take it one day at a time, sometimes even one hour, count the AF days behind you, never look too far ahead.. If you get a craving try to ride it out, distract yourself, exercise, read, go for a long walk, even take all the clothes out of your closet and re-arrange them, sort them out, anything rather than give in to that craving, especially as you know it won't stop with one drink... And remember, a craving WILL NOT kill you. ALCOHOL WILL..

Have you looked at what the Health Store has to offer here.. Its full of supplements to help you not only beat the cravings but also to help build a healthy body after long term alcohol abuse... I would recommend the Kudzu highly, that stuff helped kill my cravings stone dead....

Another important factor is this site itself... Keep on posting and reading, the help, support, love and advice you will get from the members here is second to none.. You see we have all been there, and we are all now at different stages of recovery, there isn't a single question you can ask that won't be answered by someone on here..

Lastly I come to the very sad part of your post, it breaks my heart to hear about your mom, I am sure you are carrying a very heavy weight at the moment, but please don't let that be one of the triggers to make you drink...
You need to spend as much time with her as possible now, and it needs to be quality time, both for her and for you... Now don't think that if you are not successful in stopping drinking at the moment that you need not come back here, I think that you should, because eventually you will find the strength to give it up... So as I have already said, keep on posting and reading, we are all here to help you..

Good Luck,

Love, Louise xx

[NJSailor]

Starting AGAIN...

Louise, thank you SO MUCH for sharing your wisdom with me. It means TONS and TONS. You're right, of course, about scaring myself into not drinking and, instead, wanting it, period. I think my triggers have to do with being alone and not knowing what to do with myself. I seem to have a lot of idle time at night after work. My husband travels and even when he is home he works late at night. I can't seem to quiet down, read a book or magazine, listen to music -- all of which I enjoy emensely -- in the evenings. Instead I reach for a drink, plop myself in front of the tube, and drink 6-9 glasses of wine before crashing in bed. It's awful and its been going on way too long.

I do take the supplements, listen to the CDs (usually early in the morning when I can't sleep), exercise, meditate (before going to work), take no caffeine or refined sugar, and eat only good, healthy food. I don't take the Kudzu, but I have it (from MWO) and will start taking it today. You know? I think I'm also going to meditate this evening, too, and maybe listen to the CDs before bedtime. At least it's worth trying...

Louise, thanks again for all of your advice. I'm gonna keep it with me today!

Becca

[lorisunshine]

Starting AGAIN...

Hello and good morning LJSaylor,
As always, Louise, our mother superior has just about said it all.
I just want to ad that it's ok to take baby steps. Start with one craving at a time, then it's an hour, then it becomes a day and so on and so on.

Also, I am so very sad for you and your mom. Do try to spend as much time as you can with her. I lost my mom just before Christmas and I am still sorry for all the time that I could have and did not spend with her. I still pick up the phone wanting to tell her something, but she is gone.

So give yourself some slack and take care of yourself.
Come here and read and post. This is the best place to get it all of your chest and there is always an encouraging pat on the back for you.
Hugs
Lori

[irishlady]

Starting AGAIN...

NJ, I was exactly the same as you, so much I loved to do but it was easier to sit in front of the TV with one or sometimes two bottles of wine, drink myself stupid and crash into bed..

Do start the Kudzu, you will find it helps so much with the cravings, and as for meditating, I do that now on a regular basis and that is another tool which helps me to fight the craving...

You may want to go to the main forum page, you know, the one with all the boards listed, and look at two of the boards listed there, the first is called HOLISTIC HEALING, and the second one a bit further down is called WHAT WE BELIEVE.. Click on both those and you will find some very interesting posts there about meditating...

Also if you go onto the General Discussion board, right at the top is a thread I started called THE SWIMMING POOL... Have a read of that, its a sort of analogy of MWO, see if you can find yourself in there..

Am thinking of you,
Love, Louise xx

[Guest]

Starting AGAIN...

Becca, I can't give you any better advice than what you just read. Are you still a sailor? My friends daughter is and I know the pressure in the milatery. Dad was a navy guy . Tale care of your self. Post often it helps. Even when you think no one is listening they are
Smiles
Mary

[aquamarine]

Starting AGAIN...

NJ- Sorry to hear that you are struggling. I can't offer any better support than Irishlady except to let you know that you are not alone. Hang in there. It can really be hard to get motivated to start again but you can. Don't let your fear and disappointment in yourself hold you back. Look forward , yesterday is the past, today is a new day. So sorry to hear about your mother- I will say a prayer for both of you. Take Care! Aquamarine

[Guest]

Starting AGAIN...

Becca, it's an every day struggle. We've all become so accustomed to drinking that it's a bad habit we have developed. It's going to take work and there will be so many moments of temptation; it is much easier to give in then to fight back. We've all fell down and managed to pull ourselves back on. This site and these wonderful people help so much. Keep coming here for all the support you need, you are not alone in this.

I am very very sorry to hear about your mom; my father passed away with brain cancer as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

xoxoxoxox

[888Katie888]

Starting AGAIN...

i'm in same boat as Becca-AGAIN-so sorry to hear about your mom. must be lots of pressure. there is lots of great advice here, every time i think drinking is under control, i lose it over and over, say stupid things, behave stupid. now drinking more and more, i feel like crap, my health is going down the drain, trying again today, will follow advice here, feeling lost, lonely, but i see here i'm not alone. stick with it Becca, it will help me too, thanks all-i really want to quit

[Arial]

Starting AGAIN...

Hi Becca and Katie - can't add anything to what has already been said so eloquently by Irish, so just glad you're both here and trying again - it's an onward journey and we're here to support so keep at it, keep posting, talking, sharing and try everything until you find what works for you.

My thoughts are with you and your Mum, Becca, - do make each moment count - memories last a lifetime.

Many :l

[NJSailor]

Starting AGAIN...

Hi,

I'm here again. Have been drinking but MUCH less than normal (which was 6-9 glasses of wine a night). I'm not at AF although that is my ambition. My husband gets home this evening from his business trip. It will be great having him around: when he is, I rarely get in trouble. Funny how being alone is such a problem for me....

888Katie888 -- please keep posting. It really helps me hanging out with other struggling folks! I'm not a saint, but I am an honest struggler!

Becca

[Mags]

Starting AGAIN...

DearNJ Sailor
Are you a sailor?? I love to sail - that is one of my greatest passions in life, although I haven't had a boat now for abour twenty years, But I used to be good at crewing and sailing my own boats. I always liked the little fast boats such as the Ligntenings, the Moths, (practically death on water - BUT FUN) and crewed on Rhodes and Stars. I also owened a few Hobie Cats and was hell on water with them.
My father had Parkinson's Disease for 13 years and we all chipped in to help him out (my brothers and sisters). He died last August. It doesn't matter how bravely we face these things- they are always terribly difficult.
There are so many trials we must face, from the illness of a parent, to dealing with our children, colleagues, and family.
We can face them with much greater strength if we face them without the false promises of strength that we think that alcohol sometimes gives us.
You have so many friends already at MWO, and we are all here for you.
Keep loving and keep triying - we are all here with you.

[Guest]

Starting AGAIN...

Becca, I don't know why I asumed you were in the milatary. I guess with the world situation. I agree with Mags being on the water is peacful, but heaven knows I love to drink while boating. Don't know why. Were you drinking because you were lonely I've done that too; while my husband is traveling. But you are making strides and that is important. Post often let us know how you are doing. And that we all support you
Smiles
Mar

[NJSailor]

Starting AGAIN...

Getting it to stick

It's Tuesday morning (April 10). I did okay over the weekend. I drank but not too much. But yesterday... well... I sort of self-destructed. I saw on another post this morning about that nasty voice inside of you that beckons you on to drinking. I know that voice well and I always succomb to it. I don't seem to have the strength that the rest of you do. I just don't seem to have the commitment and drive. I don't understand it. I really want to stop drinking and get better. But I just can't seem to get it together. I guess I don't have any choice but to keep trying and just pray that one day it will stick. LIke the swimming pool analogy, I'm on the side of the pool with my feet in the water...I know how to swim and want to, but I'm just not taking the plunge. Why?

Any one else have this problem?

Becca

[runnergirl]

Starting AGAIN...

Take the Kudzu, I think it is a very key part of the program. Also, I try not to think I can't drink for 90 days, that thought just kills me, I think, no way!!! I don't want to not drink for 90 days. So last night was my first night of not drinking, the thought of even going 30 days with out a drink, was overwhelming, so I said to myself, one day at a time, just think of getting thru the evening. Staying busy last night really helped too. Today I think day 2, just get thru the day. My parents are flying in this week, Thursday, I will cook a great dinner, we usually have wine, I am worried about that night, but I push the thought from my head, just get thru today. One day at a time.
Good luck! today is your day, just one day with out alcohol!