my first 11 days...hmmmmm

[buckledown]

i havent checked in for the last few days as i came home from the country on sunday ashamed as i gave in on my grand goals of 30 days AF and drank....i dindnt drink as much as i usually would but still much more that i would of liked ...especially with my children...we had a nice time but i came home beathing myself up...i began again monday and have 2 mare days AF under my belt...so today i took an overall look at the last 11 days....8 were AF and 3 were DEFINITELY not....i'm not sure how i feel about that as my goal was to not not to drink during the week and then to drink on the weekend....but i guess that is a better place to be than where i was when i started 11 days ago - drinking 3 bottles of wine evryday for who knows how long....i am still having the OVERWHELMING sadness and anxiety that i just cant put my finger on...anyone else?.....i really want to define where i want to be and where i am going with this drinking thing and my plans seem to of all gone out the window:upset: ....i upped my topa yeserday to 50mm so maybe that will help...how do you all take your dose? split it duirng the day or all together at one time of day....thanks as always for reading and giving any posts you might have time for....:new: :thanks: buck

[Breez]

my first 11 days...hmmmmm

Hi buck-

That's a great start. As long as you're working toward your goal & following a plan you haven't failed. Every step forward is an accomplishment. It was better then what you did before. So what if it wasn't perfect. Maybe instead let's focus on smaller goals. Rather than taking a week~let's do days. Today I choose not to drink. Smaller goal. Smaller steps. Don't look at a week at a time just yet.

When I was at 50mg my Doc had me taking them at bedtime(he thought I might be tired from them). I'm at 100mg. 50mg at waking/ 50mg at bedtime. I'm staying at this dosage & do not take any supps. I'm at 100+ daysAF.

[bbanks]

my first 11 days...hmmmmm

Hi Buck,

This is mt first posting. I just started the program this week and I have been reading many people's experiences and comments. I hope to maintain 30 days of abs as well, but know that it will take a LOT of conscience work. I felt I had to respond to you because of your deep feelings of sadness and anxiety. I t ought you may want to look into the website Women for Sobriety and order the book Turnabout by Jean Kirkpatrick. She is the founder of the organization and wrote this book detailing her amazing (nightmarish) struggle with alcohol and her recovery. While their philosophy is total abs, I think you may find some solice and insight to your feelings. The thirteen steps of acceptance and "the program" starting on page 144 really might be a great excerise for you to try. While I do not have a problem as life-thretening as she, I could easily drink everyday and will struggle to get a grip on my cravings and missing my time to unwind at night (which started to lead to relieving the hangover the next morning). Anyway, I have found that the book to be a real catharsis to my own thinking about myself, esteem and how I want to live my life. Give it a shot. it can't hurt. PS I am still waiting for my Topa, but hoping the supplements, cds and excercise will keep me steady. Take care and let me know what you think if you do decide to check out WFS.
bbanks

[Barbie Ellen]

my first 11 days...hmmmmm

buck,
Dont beat yourself up as you are doing an outstanding job, I am sure most of us have slip ups and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Do you think you would have had more if you would have stayed home by yourself? You are doing great and you are still here. As seabreeze stated take it day by day, dont overwhelm yourself. Keep on posting we are here for ya!

[aquamarine]

my first 11 days...hmmmmm

Buck- Think positively. Yes, maybe you didn't quite accomplish what you set out to do but you did accomplish something. Those days of AF are huge. I really think we ( at least I know I do) sabatoge ourselves in our recovery by getting focused on our failures. It really can prevent forward progress. Forgive yourself and move on . You are only human and dealing with a exceedingly challenging problem. Each time you start over you can get stronger. I know what you are talking about with feeling so down and sad. I could never quite pinpoint what exactly it was. Part of the problem though is that the alcohol can actually be contributing and really causing these feelings. It's really hard to fish out what is causing what. Hang in there, keep trying , and keep your goal in mind. Take Care Aquamarine