was this my rock bottom

[Old Grey]

Hi everyone, i've been lurking on here for a couple of months now. I've had a really intense year last year which resulted in my daughter being estranged from me (her husband tried a hostile takeover of my business and he failed) and it has left me miserable and drinking more than ever. I've been drinking for 40 years on a regular basis and it has gone in spurts of intensity, but I've always been able to say no thanks and just quit for as long as I'd like. I was always a fun drinker and extremely high functioning. I've built company which is now worth millions and I've done it while continuing to drink. I've noticed in the last year that I've gone from a bottle of wine every few days to 2 bottles every other day. The other thing that is so alarming is that I've not really experienced a bad hangover in a long time.
Well last night I was at the bottom of my second bottle and after bringing the steaks in from the bbq my kind, loving, tolerant gentle wife of nearly 40 years had the nerve to complain that her steak was a bit too rare for her liking. I lost it and erupted into a tyrate of abuse that was really scary, even to me. There were alot of other things (not concerning her) that probably led up to it, but she became the focus of all of my frustation. (not physical but very loud and verbal) Totally out of line.
In all the years i've been drinking, I have never woken up with such a sense of shame and self loathing. It was so out of character for me that it really scared me. I love this woman with all of my heart and tell her every day.
I've seen a lot of chat on here about hitting a bottom that will make the quit stick. Hopefully this is the one for me. I don't think I've ever been this shaken by something I've done. It's day one. Wish me luck.

[NoSugar]

was this my rock bottom

Hi, Old Grey

Please let this be your rock bottom - why on earth wait for something worse? Even if you aren't feeling it, alcohol is toxic at those doses so health wise, quitting is a good idea anyway.

You would be welcome over in the Newbies Nest - see the link below.

You say that not drinking is fairly easy for you. How long do you stay away from it each time? Do you know why you start again?

Hope to see you in the nest!

[Old Grey]

was this my rock bottom

I've gone anywhere from a week or two to a couple of months. Why did i start drinking again? Because I never really saw it as a problem before this year. I have a wine cellar full of very good wines that would be the envy of most good restaurants. Up until this year, I've never had a problem with "normal" drinking one or 2 and not wanting more. Now i have to finish the bottle and then I'm "interested". My wife drinks too, but usually one or 2 glasses with dinner most nights. The weird thing is that she is such a wonderful woman that she can't understand why I'm so discussed with myself...it was just a bad night and so oout of character. right!

[Byrdlady]

was this my rock bottom

Yes, Molly, this place does save lives and I'm one of them.

Welcome Old Grey...I'm sorry this has happened to you, but let me assure you that you can turn this around. Your relationship with AL is as good as it's ever going to be...I say 'as good' because it can sure get worse....ALK is a progressive disease and it doesn't heal itself. If you are sick and tired of the hamster wheel, we can help you get off of it!

Please join us in the Newbie's Nest it's an active thread and always someone around. The Tool Box alone is worth the price of admission around here, be sure to check it out, too. Glad you finally posted. We are here to help!

Byrdie

[NoSugar]

was this my rock bottom

It sounds like you are paying close attention and recognizing your problem much earlier than most of us do. That is wonderful! Whenever someone thinks they have a problem, they probably do.

What was your motivation for stopping for up to a couple months in the past since it is only in the last year that you've had a problem with it? Or did you do that recently?

Normally, people try to abstain for a week or a month to see how they feel without alcohol. Unless your 2-month quit was recent, perhaps that would be a good place to start now that you feel like you don't have tight control of your intake.

Your concern for how you treat your wife is very touching - you sound like a nice, as well as very self-aware man.

Welcome to MWO!

[NoSugar]

was this my rock bottom

It sounds like you are paying close attention and recognizing your problem much earlier than most of us do. That is wonderful! Whenever someone thinks they have a problem, they probably do.

What was your motivation for stopping for up to a couple months in the past since it is only in the last year that you've had a problem with it? Or did you do that recently?

Normally, people try to abstain for a week or a month to see how they feel without alcohol. Unless your 2-month quit was recent, perhaps that would be a good place to start now that you feel like you don't have tight control of your intake.

Your concern for how you treat your wife is very touching - you sound like a nice, as well as very self-aware man.

Welcome to MWO!

[Old Grey]

was this my rock bottom

Yes, i realize it's not cool when you can't stop till the bottle is gone. As far as stopping in the past, i've always been a bit of a fitness freak. I'd be training for a martial arts event or working on some sort of fitness goal. In the past year, i haven't gone more than a couple of days without drinking.

[NoSugar]

was this my rock bottom

Well then, you definitely should join us in the Nest where several great people are trying to gain or maintain an AF life !

[mylife]

was this my rock bottom

Hi OldGrey,

I think everyone knows inside when there is a problem. I know I looked to other people to tell me that it wasn't serious - even when I knew it was - or was getting there. I also think everyone has their own Rock Bottom - for some of us it's just that we know we're headed on a path that will only get worse - so why walk that path when there's an option not to?

It sounds like you're a very wise person and you're headed in the right direction - which will save you and those you love a lot of pain. Good luck with your AF journey!

[Turnagain]

was this my rock bottom

Welcome Grey!

You've come to a great place and you're asking a lot of good questions.... and you're thinking. There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about alcohol. Our social set up doesn't make it easy - we are accustomed to using alcohol to celebrate, relieve stress and lubricate social situations. We think of this as being 'normal.' But the fact is, alcohol is a toxin and is harmful to our system in any amount. So, it really isn't 'normal' to drink...it's just common and generally acceptable.

The cumulative effects of drinking has an inevitable outcome. Throughout the years, that outcome has been viewed as everything from demonic possession, a lack of willpower, a genetic defect or a disease. Science defines it objectively as the body/brain adaptation to a toxic substance. Our bodies build tolerance, organs are stressed and neural pathways are altered in our brains - even with small amounts of alcohol. There's no denying this - although we work hard to ignore or minimize this.

Once I understood and finally accepted the irrefutable facts about alcohol, I was finally able to deal with what had become a physical addiction to drinking. Today, I no longer 'miss' drinking. Life is just too good without it. It is possible to get to this place and stay here....happily. Keep going, Grey. It's good to deal with addiction before you have a load of regrets or irreversible damage.

[Pinecone]

was this my rock bottom

Hi Grey,

The topic of rock bottom is a great one, so thanks for starting the discussion. I believe that our acceptance of an event or situation is what defines it as rock bottom to the individual. It is subjective. You do not have to end up living under an overpass on a highway somewhere. That kind of perception can be damaging because it allows problem drinkers license to keep going ("I'm not that bad..."). I think it is subjective, but there is also an element of work to it; what are we willing to do with this event. Quitting drinking has been an extremely positive event in my life. It allows us to be free of the conflict between who we should be and who we are when drinking. There are so many benefits of this path, and I'm glad you are along with us.

[Old Grey]

was this my rock bottom

Thanks for the encouragement. It's funny you put it that way because in a way, the reason I have lurked for a few months here is because I really didn't know if it was a problem or I was being too proactive. I spent many times reading this forum and thinking just like you said...I'm not that bad. I think the big thing for me is that I'm feeling that it's getting out of control and I pride myself on being in control always. It's going to be a bit of a struggle though. It's only day 2 and I spent all day in the garden and I'm thinking wow a cold beer would be perfect right now. (don;t worry I won't cave) and i think the worst part will be my lovely wife. Last night we were out for dinner and she couldn't decide if she wanted to start with a drink and when she asked me, I said point blank that after last night I don't think I should drink for awhile. She said "well that;s no fun, you're not going to quit altogether are you?". I said I think I may have to. She thinks I'm taking it too far. Luckily for me, I don't think it's too far at all. I'm stubborn as all get out when I decide to do something. In this case I'm going to stop even if it upsets the ones I love.