I made it to the 24th of June. Then friends from Australia came to visit (I'm in Spain) and - hey presto - I suddenly decided that surely, I could manage a few drinks without a problem.
I managed a few bottles.
Then the next day I had a couple of drinks with tapas.
Made it another week (during which I felt like hell and didn't do a scrap of work, having been working brilliantly for two months) - then broke again two days ago.
Yesterday a friend pulled me up short and showed me exactly what I've been doing. So no more lies, to myself or anyone else.
I'm an alcoholic. I have been for over twenty years. I can't do it alone anymore. I'm going to a meeting tonight (the last time I went was twenty years ago). I can't drink moderately, and I can finally see that - all this time I thought that perhaps I could, that this was just a break to give myself some breathing space. The reality is that this bastard thing controls my life if I give in to it. And I can't allow it to anymore - it has stolen too many years and my creativity too many times.
Thanks for always being here - I should have stayed calling in every day, as you advise. I really can't do this alone.
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