365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

[mylife]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Great post bestlife!

Nursie - sending you strength. Just remember you never have to go back to "horrified"... I know I never will! I'm right there with you on this 365 day journey. Let's find out how good things can get and how it feels to live life without ever feeling horrified by something we've done under the influence of Alcholo. :l

[witts end]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

well nurse we have another day to add
Felt like a drink last night but went and had food that wasn't on my diet instead
feel heaps better for my decision

[Nursie]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Day 5- it took years for me to get to this particular day 5. Childhood trauma, being the co-dependent in an alcoholic relationship, abuse, escape, my mother's addiction, my brother's addiction, my brother's death. Then and only then did I finally begin to see my own addiction as a separate issue, and not a result of everything that "happened to me". My own addiction is no longer my escape or my problem, it is hurting people. It is affecting my work, my family, and my child. It will take years before I know if what I have done has scarred him.
I went to my first Church Recovery meeting tonight. It was a good meeting, (not AA) but for all types of addiction. I did get a lot from the meeting and there are steps to work through. However, I felt like the only alcoholic. The other women shared that they had co-dependency issues. Some said they overcame alcohol issues once they faced the root of their problems. I don't know the root of my problem? I will keep going and see where this takes me. It seems the key is honesty and accountability.
Today I am thankful that I am not alone, and that alcohol is not my only problem. Alcohol is just one of the problems in the fabric of my life, and one that I can correct.

Thank you everyone for your responses and great job Wit for holding back on that craving!
Best life and my life, thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I don't know if the cravings ever leave, just like the grief for my brother will never leave. But I can grow and heal beside the grief and above the cravings without climbing back in.

I do really wish I had a Boston Cree donut with chocolate on too right now though. That is a craving I would totally give in to!

[mylife]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Nursie;1528855 wrote:
I do really wish I had a Boston Cree donut with chocolate on too right now though. That is a craving I would totally give in to!

:H:H That sounds so good!! LOL. Yes, there are some cravings we can still give in to now and then. I'm working on trying to develop some healthy cravings - but now and then a good doughnut and coffee are just what the doctor ordered!

[allswell]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Bestlife, a very powerful post that sums it all up.

Hey Nursie, good on 5 days. We all have this problem which is simple (just don't drink) and complicated (what do I do for fun?, all my friends drink, I'm bored, I'm sad, Let's celebrate, etc). We also know the inner peace that comes from no alcohol clouding our every day.

BTW, have you been training for any extreme races lately?

[witts end]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

good for you nursie
I think it's boring also when others are drinking so I now walk off and leave them
and yes it is great to wake up and have a clear head

[Nursie]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Day 6-
Allswell, I haven't trained in a long time, since before my brother died. It's odd now, that the sum of my life is now "before and after". But I am ready to start living my life again. Now that you mention it, there's a new race in NY called Rebel Race. Crazy barbed wire and fire mud race. Maybe I will entertain the idea! Thanks for reminding me that I like those! Haha
Sometimes it's hard to remember what used to make me happy. Even when I thought I was having a bad time, I still had my brother. Now the concept of a bad day is so much different.
I'm still grieving, and I still hurt. I am still haunted by the night he died and how it all happened so fast. How I couldn't see him to kiss him goodbye. How I saw it coming like a freight train and I was powerless to stop it.
Today I am thankful that he is no longer suffering with his demons, and that he died quickly without hurting anyone else. Although my sober journey is for me, I like to think I am being sober for the both of us.

[mylife]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Hi Nursie,

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry about your brother - and I'm sure he is happy that you are being sober for both of you.

I lost my Dad a couple of years ago - he fought a lifelong battle with AL - but during periods he was sober he and I were the best of friends. He was sober the last two years of his life and I like to think that my sobriety now is partially for him - to let him know he didn't waste his time here and he taught someone something. Life is so much better without AL - why did we waste all that time?

Sending you peace and strength. :h

[witts end]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

sorry about your loss Nursie I don't think anything prepares us for death and we all grieve in different ways

[Nursie]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Day 7-
Thank you all for your support. Death and grieving affects everyone differently. I think as a society we don't handle grief well, ours or other people's. so when we add being sober, which is also a pretty freaking new concept for some of us, it is life changing. It is transformational. It is beautiful, ugly, terrifying, cleansing, aching, yearning, and mystifying.
I went to work today and had a good day. But on the way home there was an accident that was holding up traffic. I immediately started to panic, because- the lights and sirens, the waiting traffic, the whole scene comes back to me like a brick to the face.
Turns out, it wasn't an accident. Just traffic control for the Fourth of July travel home. Here I was crying my eyes out and it wasn't what I thought.
Today I am thankful that it wasn't an accident, and that everyone was ok. I'm thankful for the little signs I get from my brother that tell me he's not that far away. And I will be REALLY thankful if I can dream about hugging him tonight.

[witts end]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

day 40 to-day I have 325 days to go

[Nursie]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Awesome Witt!!

Day 8-
Work is quite challenging lately. Lots of changes going on and everyone is a bit on edge.
The drinking me would buy wine every night and/or find excuses to go out with co-workers to drink away our worries and stresses of the day. And the drinking me would probably do, say, text, something inappropriate that would inevitably make things worse.
The sober me sees challenge as an opportunity, and change as growth. Without the cloud of a guilty hangover, I don't take things personally, and I don't make everything about me. The sober me is more productive and more humble. Vulnerable is good because it keeps us humble.
Today I am thankful for being humble through the vulnerability of a wicked relapse after all that sober time. I am thankful for facing life's challenges with a clear head and an open mind.

[witts end]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

good for you Nursie
day 41
it's great being sober and remembering what you have done and said ......it's great

[Nursie]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

Yes Witt, it really is! A fog lifts that you didn't really see until it lifted.

Day 9:
It's always hard to move. We are looking for a new home because our rental was sold. We have a month to find a new house and it is very daunting! I don't want to decide on where I'm going to be spending the next however many years in a rush because I have to be out of here. I don't want to leave the home that I have so many memories of my brother in. The BBQs, him mowing the lawn, him coming to help every time I needed him. I'm terrified of packing and sorting and coming across the things that will break my heart all over again. A lot of emotions get stirred up when you move.

But it's also very exciting to move. A new home, a new opportunity to make a new start. Set it all up nice and pretty and plant some flowers. Change is scary but it's necessary to grow. Right now I'm being nudged out of my comfort zone and onto something new. I would never be able to pull off a move if I was drinking. I'm moving to someplace I have never drank before. A virgin house!

Today I'm thankful that although I have to leave my home, I trust that I am being led to a home that's right for me and my family. And I'm also thankful for all the CRAP I will purge while doing so!

[witts end]

365 Days of Being Thankfully Sober.

hi! nursie
sorry you emotions are really giving you curry
it's all part of the withdrawls and to be grieving to
grieve really is hard and effects everyone differently
you may need to go to the doctors for some help with the nerves
but your doing great hey double figures to-day day 10 congratulations
moving I hate looking for rentals I have had to try and help my son on a couple of occasions and it's so stressful .... I don't envy you
have a good day to-day