This is simply a message to say thanks for such an informative and loving forum. I have had a very hard time lately.
I did manage to stop drinking, had really tough withdrawals, shakes and muscular spasms at night they were so strong they terrified me, myclonic jerks in all parts of my body, ectopic heart beats and occasional sensations of blood rushing to my head. I did ask doctor for Librium etc but she refused, it is the policy of many GPs in the UK not to give it..... anyway I got through it, after about a week it got easier, the spasms eased.
During this time my doctor was supportive in that she saw me every day, heart and blood pressure were fine whenever she tested them. I could do this as I took a weeks holiday from work as I knew I would have tough withdrawals. During the day I had lots of twitches.... up until about day five AF, but every night for about six was horrendous, lots of twitches and the big spasms made me frightened to go to sleep.
At Day four my doctor reassured me that I would not go into DTs I began to relax more, I trusted her as she knows all about my background, so then when I would twitch or have a night time muscle spasm I would not panic so much.
I started to have weekly counselling, with an excellent counsellor, things were going pretty well, very well I was appreciating so many things, nights of restorative sleep, even the dawn chorus,laughter with family and friends, not having to hide anything, efficiency at work, I got three weeks AF. But for about the last 4 days of the third week was feeling snappy and irritated and lusting after booze, even though I was eating well, exercising and taking vit b etc. I began to fantasise about wine.... then I caved in and drank.
I felt gutted, but I drank heavily for two weeks, during the week only drank in the evenings because of work the next day, but weekends were horrific, sometimes drinking throughout the day. My counsellor was very helpful, also this website has been very helpful to me.
This last week I have been tapering off as I was determined not to go through such horrendous withdrawals as last time. I have done it very steadily decreasing the amount of wine each night and starting later each eve. I am now nearly at the end of the taper. Tonight I had a large glass of wine at 10.00pm. Tomorrow hopefully nothing at all, if necessary one small glass of wine at 11.00pm.
Although I have been tapering I have had withdrawals but mild ones, sweaty, a tiny bit shaky, a few little twitches in the night but nothing like what I had before.
Feel determined now to get really well, in the past I was AF for nearly three and a half years so know that I can do it again.
Also I will go back to AA, ultimately I do not feel that is the way for me, but at this stage I need all sorts of different tools.
I have found this forum very interesting and read a lot during the times when I felt I was in that dark place, so thank you very much
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