Lurker coming out of the shadows

[True_Potential]

Hello,

I?ve been lurking on and off for about 9 months. I am a mid twenties woman, happily married with 3 beautiful children, middle class income and 2 dogs. I stay at home. I have multiple fulfilling hobbies that I enjoy. I am pretty happy or I should be. I have undiagnosed PTSD stemming from traumatic childhood events. Other than that, I am very satisfied in my life. I have anxiety that comes along with the PTSD which leads into my drinking problem.

I started researching last year because I desperately wanted to quit. I found these amazing forums and started Baclofen. After a month, I was able to go from drinking every night to being completely sober for almost 3 months. I slowly went off the bac as I had the classic mentality of ?I?m no longer drinking, I no longer need this medication?. Then I slowly started drinking again (over the course of 3 months) and 3 weeks ago completely started drinking every night again. I started bac 30-40 mg per day about 2 weeks ago and today just got a new shipment in. I think I need to be on this long term. I got overly optimistic when I was able to quit.

I am a DIY person at heart and have a serious mistrust of doctors plus I don?t want to end up on a ?list? somewhere. I decided that I no longer want to do this alone. My husband is an amazing support person but honestly, he has no idea what I go through with my drinking and PTSD. I have some close friends, but they also, would not understand and I do not feel comfortable putting a burden on them. It feels a lot better to get this off my chest.

My drinking is bad but so far it hasn?t affected my life beyond not living up to my true potential (hence, my screen name). I get up in the morning hungover or not and do what needs to be done and then some, but I know I would be 10 times more productive and alert sober. My kids are younger 7, 3, 1 and they are not aware that I drink. I drink when they go to bed. I never drink and drive and do not drink around anyone but my husband. In fact, he?s the only one in this world that knows I have a problem!

Is there anyone on long term baclofen? It did work for me until I stopped taking it. I?m just wondering if this is something I need to be on for the rest of my life. I hate taking medication but I will take it forever if need be.

I apologize for the novel. It might take me awhile to respond, as I have a lot on my plate with my family. Thank you all for this forum, you all have no idea how many people read these boards and get support just from lurking. Again, thank you!

[RunningCourage]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

Hello True :hallo: and :welcome:

Someone who is bac user will no doubt be along shortly - don't use it myself - but just wanted to say welcome and as you've been a lurker for a while, i'm sure you'll have heard of the Newbies Nest and Tool box - find these as both are wealth of info and support.

In the meantime, all the best and see you around the boards

RC

[Guitarista]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

Hi TP, and a big welcome to you.

Have a read of our toolbox. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

It is packed with useful info and strategy's. For me, it is crucial that we get our thinking to where we want it. Gratitude thinking as opposed to deprivation thinking is your most powerful tool.

Best wishes on your journey.

G bloke.

[Unwasted]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

TP,
:welcome:

In addition to the Toolbox and Nest which have been suggested, I would go here:

Topamax, Campral, Naltrexone, Baclofen, other meds - My Way Out Forums

I'm really hoping you can do this for yourself and your kids! They deserve a sober mom. :lilheart:

Best to you,
UN

[Pinecone]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

Hi TruePotential,

That is one of the worst kind of pains, not living up to who you should be. It is a very vivid memory for me, unfortunately. Kind of a dull ache, or lump in your throat like wanting to cry. Your post really rings true for me. I don't have any experience with meds, just wanted to welcome you and give you some support. There is such a relief available to us in getting rid of that awful conflict. I hope you stick around and join in the newbies nest when time allows. :welcome:

[3June2013]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

Hi true, welcome! Congratulations on taking the first step and for having the nerve to come out of the shadows! You have a lot on your plate, yes, and I am sure you're right, being AF will help you to accomplish even more. I can't help you with the baclofen, I don't really know what it does, but there are lots here who can help. I also think at some point you will want to address the root cause of your PTSD, but all in good time. Keep us close we want to help!

[True_Potential]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

Thank you all for the support, it is very much appreciated.

It feels good to get this all off my chest! Like I said, I do not like to put my burdens on others and my husband is the only one aware of my drinking. He is also the first and only person to know the cause of my PTSD.

My kids do deserve a sober mom, which is why I?m here. I get up early and get everything done that needs to be done but a lot of times I feel like a zombie and I know I?m not as alert and receptive to them as I should be.

It was quite a relief when I was able to quit this year! I felt so free and got overly optimistic and quit my meds. I was devastated when I slipped back into the habit.

There are a lot of emotions I feel regarding my drinking. I feel so angry and frustrated that I have such a beautiful life yet I can?t enjoy it fully because I can not stop drinking! I am a goal oriented person, I like to accomplish new things but drinking is hindering any real progress in my life.

I also seem to ?punish? myself in the morning by running. I run on the treadmill for about 45 minutes before my kids get up. Is this common?

Are there any boards or threads that deal with PTSD/anxiety? I really think that?s the key to my drinking. If I can get this under control, I think I will have more success in kicking the habit for good. Thank you all for your help!

[Gardener]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

Hi True, Glad you are feeling better. There is a website, www.MDJunction that deals with all sorts of issues, I think that they have a PTSD section.

Good luck on your journey and see you around.

[sparkles143]

Lurker coming out of the shadows

True Potential I can really relate to you, I am going on vacation next week and must not overindulge in front of my kids, when they were your kids age I did drink in front of them but they had no idea. Now they are 11 11 and 8 and they have noticed. I have been doing so well when they are around of late.
I feel a million times better after I havent had any AL for even 3 days, amazing actually. I joined this site a couple of weeks ago and was AL free for about 9 days and I felt euphoric. Now i am starting over again. Lets keep in touch.