Hi all. I just wanted to give an update and send out once again my many thanks for the support here. I could not have done this without all of you here. So a HUGE THANKS to all of you.
I am 28 days in today. Funny because I must have missed a couple of days updating my signature as I was at 26 days today. I got out the calendar and counted, and sure enough I have 28 days AF. It is still my intention to moderate after my 30 days of abs.
Just a couple of things I have learned...
I still do not feel like I will be able to just have a drink, without thought and careful planning. Therefore, I will not have drinks at home alone, unless hubby is having one and he makes it. I tend to pour large and drink fast. If he pours it will be less, and if he is paying attention I will go slower. I will have to seriously plan each occasion and plan limits.
If I should go to a place where I feel I am losing control, I will again go through a 30 day AF period.
There came a time, probably after 15 days in or so, when I felt like I really wanted a drink and was almost willing to abandon my goal to have one. I managed to talk myself out of it as I was truly determined to get through the 30 day period. But just a note on abandoning my goal... I can honestly say that if I had had drinks, I would have been making a very conscious decision to do so and therefore would not have been angry at myself later. Even if it is a bad choice, it is a conscious choice. How can I clearly make a decision to do something and then beat myself up the next day? A huge part of this problem for me was beating myself up every single day, feeling like a failure and feeling lost and out of control.
I believe for me the self-loathing was and would have been more destructive than making a decision to drink and then doing it. In a round about way, what I came to learn is that I make the decision ultimately. Not alcohol. I decide to have a drink, I am aware of my choice, and I live with that - no matter what. With luck, I will make the right decisions, or at least better decisions. I know that once the first drink hits the mouth, all self-control might be in the toilet. That takes me back to drinking alone. Must make sure that hubby is with me at first as he is aware of my situation and will help me to enforce making better decisions when it comes to alcohol. I don't know how long I will need the crutch but I am going to use it as long as necessary.
I feel very confident that I will make my 30 day period as I am on day 29 now. I don't feel confident that I will make all the right choices in the future yet, but I am hoping that will come.
Prolonged use of alcohol has/had me suffering from low self-esteem, injuries, terrible skin, brittle hair, poor quality of life, beating myself up, and has made me extremely vulnerable.
28 days in, I feel better, I look better:alf:, I am happier, I am healing, I am stronger :boxer: , I am almost injury free, I am faster, I have more confidence:crazymonkey:, I am clear minded, and I like this person I have become - I am going to stick with her... she's pretty darn OK
inkele:.
Thanks again everyone. I hope to feel strong enough in the future to support more folks on this site.
Wishing you all a very happy and in control day.
I am 28 days in today. Funny because I must have missed a couple of days updating my signature as I was at 26 days today. I got out the calendar and counted, and sure enough I have 28 days AF. It is still my intention to moderate after my 30 days of abs.
Just a couple of things I have learned...
I still do not feel like I will be able to just have a drink, without thought and careful planning. Therefore, I will not have drinks at home alone, unless hubby is having one and he makes it. I tend to pour large and drink fast. If he pours it will be less, and if he is paying attention I will go slower. I will have to seriously plan each occasion and plan limits.
If I should go to a place where I feel I am losing control, I will again go through a 30 day AF period.
There came a time, probably after 15 days in or so, when I felt like I really wanted a drink and was almost willing to abandon my goal to have one. I managed to talk myself out of it as I was truly determined to get through the 30 day period. But just a note on abandoning my goal... I can honestly say that if I had had drinks, I would have been making a very conscious decision to do so and therefore would not have been angry at myself later. Even if it is a bad choice, it is a conscious choice. How can I clearly make a decision to do something and then beat myself up the next day? A huge part of this problem for me was beating myself up every single day, feeling like a failure and feeling lost and out of control.
I believe for me the self-loathing was and would have been more destructive than making a decision to drink and then doing it. In a round about way, what I came to learn is that I make the decision ultimately. Not alcohol. I decide to have a drink, I am aware of my choice, and I live with that - no matter what. With luck, I will make the right decisions, or at least better decisions. I know that once the first drink hits the mouth, all self-control might be in the toilet. That takes me back to drinking alone. Must make sure that hubby is with me at first as he is aware of my situation and will help me to enforce making better decisions when it comes to alcohol. I don't know how long I will need the crutch but I am going to use it as long as necessary.
I feel very confident that I will make my 30 day period as I am on day 29 now. I don't feel confident that I will make all the right choices in the future yet, but I am hoping that will come.
Prolonged use of alcohol has/had me suffering from low self-esteem, injuries, terrible skin, brittle hair, poor quality of life, beating myself up, and has made me extremely vulnerable.
28 days in, I feel better, I look better:alf:, I am happier, I am healing, I am stronger :boxer: , I am almost injury free, I am faster, I have more confidence:crazymonkey:, I am clear minded, and I like this person I have become - I am going to stick with her... she's pretty darn OK
inkele:.Thanks again everyone. I hope to feel strong enough in the future to support more folks on this site.
Wishing you all a very happy and in control day.
I want you to know, and everyone else out there who is struggling with not know who they are on the other side... it's not so bad. I can live with myself sober. I didn't think I could before. Turns out I can and it's not so bad.
Comment