I registered for this community today, and I would like to introduce myself.
In July 2010, I realized I had a drinking problem. I wasn't keeping track, but in retrospective, I'd guess I had crossed the line from heavy drinker to alcoholic, though I would never have admitted that at the time. I researched AA, but never got the courage to go. I then found an online group that taught moderation, and in Febraury 2011, I joined the group. I will never forget the day, as it was the day after drinking way too much at a Superbowl party. I'm sure I made a fool of myself yet again, but I can't recall much of that day due to the amount of alcohol I had consumed.
At first I thought I could moderate. I worked aggressively on a moderation plan, and after 6 months, I was mostly drinking moderately. I still had my times when I went over my allocated drink limit, or my BAC was too high, but I made such incredible progress I was sure I was cured. I even had a stretch where I went 30 days and another stretch where I went 45 straight days without drinking.
By January 2012, I had gotten complacent and stopped counting and caring. I would relax my guidelines, allow a little more here and there, a few extra sips, a few extra beers, a few extra shots. Soon I was back to heavy levels of daily drinking.
By Demember I had decided that I would quit entirely starting January 2013. By the end of December, I had done enough research to realize I wasn't ready and it wasn't going to be that easy for me. I came up with an alternate plan that would gradually lower my drinking days. Depending on the month, I would drink that fewer number of days that week. So, for example, in January, I would pick one day per week not to drink. In February, two days per week not to drink, etc. By July, I would not drink seven days a week, or effectively be full-time sober.
I faithfully stuck to this plan until June, and things started to fall apart again and I had a pretty bad month. The thought of never drinking again scared me and I handled it by drinking. July started out well and the first 12 days I had no alcohol. Then on day 13 I started drinking again.
That leads me to today. My number one reason for quitting is that I am scared that if I don't stop I will die. That is crazy, I am 39 years old, I should not be worried about having health issues or dying. The thought of not being here with my wife and for my cats scare me.
I realize my error is that I was doing this on my own, even though everything I read says you will be more successful with some kind of support system in place. I guess I was too stubborn to ask. I will sit down with my wife tonight and ask for her support. I will also reach out on here, because the posts by those who remain sober are encouraging.
I know there's a long journey ahead of me still, but I'm tired of drinking. I'm tired of hiding alcohol and lying to my wife. I'm tired of lying to my family and hiding my drinking problem from everyone. I'm tired of the hangovers and withdrawals, and I'm tired of not being productive at work, and ruining my health. Drinking is no longer fun.
So, thank you for hearing me out. It is nice to be able to share my story with people who understand.
In July 2010, I realized I had a drinking problem. I wasn't keeping track, but in retrospective, I'd guess I had crossed the line from heavy drinker to alcoholic, though I would never have admitted that at the time. I researched AA, but never got the courage to go. I then found an online group that taught moderation, and in Febraury 2011, I joined the group. I will never forget the day, as it was the day after drinking way too much at a Superbowl party. I'm sure I made a fool of myself yet again, but I can't recall much of that day due to the amount of alcohol I had consumed.
At first I thought I could moderate. I worked aggressively on a moderation plan, and after 6 months, I was mostly drinking moderately. I still had my times when I went over my allocated drink limit, or my BAC was too high, but I made such incredible progress I was sure I was cured. I even had a stretch where I went 30 days and another stretch where I went 45 straight days without drinking.
By January 2012, I had gotten complacent and stopped counting and caring. I would relax my guidelines, allow a little more here and there, a few extra sips, a few extra beers, a few extra shots. Soon I was back to heavy levels of daily drinking.
By Demember I had decided that I would quit entirely starting January 2013. By the end of December, I had done enough research to realize I wasn't ready and it wasn't going to be that easy for me. I came up with an alternate plan that would gradually lower my drinking days. Depending on the month, I would drink that fewer number of days that week. So, for example, in January, I would pick one day per week not to drink. In February, two days per week not to drink, etc. By July, I would not drink seven days a week, or effectively be full-time sober.
I faithfully stuck to this plan until June, and things started to fall apart again and I had a pretty bad month. The thought of never drinking again scared me and I handled it by drinking. July started out well and the first 12 days I had no alcohol. Then on day 13 I started drinking again.
That leads me to today. My number one reason for quitting is that I am scared that if I don't stop I will die. That is crazy, I am 39 years old, I should not be worried about having health issues or dying. The thought of not being here with my wife and for my cats scare me.
I realize my error is that I was doing this on my own, even though everything I read says you will be more successful with some kind of support system in place. I guess I was too stubborn to ask. I will sit down with my wife tonight and ask for her support. I will also reach out on here, because the posts by those who remain sober are encouraging.
I know there's a long journey ahead of me still, but I'm tired of drinking. I'm tired of hiding alcohol and lying to my wife. I'm tired of lying to my family and hiding my drinking problem from everyone. I'm tired of the hangovers and withdrawals, and I'm tired of not being productive at work, and ruining my health. Drinking is no longer fun.
So, thank you for hearing me out. It is nice to be able to share my story with people who understand.
inkele: :applause2: :yay:
We are all human and this is a nasty addiction. Sometimes we fail, but we never give up trying. This place is wonderful and everyone is very supportive. I have been here for years. I stay here because I want to never, ever drink again. Best of luck to you. We are here for you, friend.
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