Well, That Didn't Take Long

[Quest for the key]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Unwasted;1550918 wrote: Quest, wow, that's a lot of liquor for keeping up with 4 kids and a job. Amazing. You must be absolutely exhausted.

June, you're doing so well - I don't think you've relapsed at all. I appreciate your input.......and thanks for posting about your experience here.

ML, our paths are so similar. I wish we could keep each other on track. Here is a question for you. Do you think posting on MWO helps you put together chunks of AF time? Neither of us has made that mental leap from deprivation to gratitude and we've both been on the site a long time. I think Free and Alls have. Why haven't we? I'm just wondering if I should take a break from MWO, then come back, say, monthly and post "yes" or "no" on my success.

Thoughts anyone? I'm just trying to think of something different to do. It seems like posting here isn't getting results for me. But, then would NOT posting help or hurt? Just trying to think outside the box.

Having said all that, though,..........Lifechange, I would stay here if it helped anyone else. But I can't possibly post advice when I'm not able to keep my own shit together if ya know what I mean

Open to suggestion..............

Hi - I don't know you well but what I've read that youve posted has been very helpful and insightful. I think you'd be very sorely missed. But I also think that you know what's best for yourself - just don't make any hasty decisions

[free at last]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hi UN, might I say that maybe you are in a funk -- the move is stressful, leaving a house you love brings out certain emotions, making new friends is never easy, and you recently retired, which requires a change in thinking. Can I suggest that you read your earlier thread "Seven Months of Sobriety Blown" and maybe that will give you some insights into what is going on. And, by the way, I loved that thread!

My Life, I remember our Sept 2011 exchanges on MWO. I was miserable then, couldn't seem to rack up any days without alcohol. But in the past two years, alcohol has taken more brain cells, self-respect, joy from me. Not giving it any more power over me.

I would not say I have completely made the switch from deprivation to gratitude. But, I know that praciting gratitude -- really thinking about what I am I grateful for today-- is helping me with transition.

I hope you both stay engaged -- I enjoy your perspectives.

[lifechange]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Good morning Unwasted and everbody!!
UN, your posts have been some of the most thoughtful and inquisitive that I've read on this site. Questioning and searching for solutions, your writing definately helps others. That isn't your job, of course, but in your search to be well and with your ability to express yourself, you help. I only know for myself, but in the past 2 years, when I've been ready to hit this full force, it has helped to come to this site.
Sometimes I get annoyed with certain posts, but I try to ignore them--otherwise, for me, it's usually a sign of trouble if I start to think about not checking in. Looking back, it always meant I wanted to drink. I never made it past 2 months, so I don't know what it's like to be here longer..?
Anyway, just wanted to say that I like having you here.

[mylife]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Good morning everyone!

FAL - I also remember our exchanges - and I have to say I think we've both made real progress since then. I agree with UN - you really seem to have turned a corner in your thinking, that must be a great feeling!

3June - I originally came to this site as a way to moderate as well. I was a bit surprised that no one here really stresses moderation as the original book MWO was all about moderating! And, over time, I did realize that moderation was not going to work for me. Unfortunately, knowing and doing don't seem to be lining up for me!

UN - I hear and feel your frustration. But I really think we need to hang in there and we can be successful at this if that's what we choose. As far as posting here - I fee you have really had good success with this site. You put together over 7 months of sobriety while posting here and another 70+ days recently. I'm not sure what life was like for you re alcohol when you weren't posting - but it seems to me you've really made strides while posting here - so please give yourself some credit for that! I also enjoy your posts as they are very thoughtful and full of insight!

Lifechange - good morning! I like your name - I'm now reading a book called "Changing for Good" about overcoming and changing bad habits. We can do this!

As for me, I have to keep in mind that as long as I keep trying, ultimately I feel I will succeed. As with many other things in my life, it doesn't always happen on the timeline that I would have chosen, but eventually it will happen.

Have a great AF day everyone.

[mylife]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

PS - Great post by Sunflower for those of you who haven't seen it...

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ml#post1550031

[NoSugar]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Good morning. It is great to see the thread-regulars and friends that are new to this one .

The posts in this thread from yesterday have been on my mind ever since I read them last evening.

UN, I thought of all sorts of rationale, evidenced-based arguments for not drinking, even "moderately", to post but I know you are aware of all that and believe it. For me, that knowledge is part of why I'm pretty sure I would never be able to "enjoy" drinking anymore, either. My ignorance about what I was doing was in some ways deliberate and it did allow what turned out to be inauthentic bliss.

The other thing is that logical arguments do nothing to diminish fear and it sounds to me like maybe you are afraid of being a non drinker - particularly in social situations. Does that sound possible? If it is, is it the whole evening drinking something AF that bothers you or is it that moment of saying "No thanks, I don't drink"? For me, that moment of declaring myself was the hardest part and my heart still speeds up as the waitress goes around the table taking drink orders and I'm waiting my turn to order an AF drink. Maybe someday even the ordering won't be a big deal but for now, I just suck it up and then enjoy a feeling of victory and pride after I do it and have found the rest of the evening is fine (until I get bored if others are drinking too much).

Anyway, maybe if you can identify what specifically is worrying you, there will be a way to target that. That feeling of dread about not drinking again might not be as overwhelming or all-encompassing as it feels right now.

Talk to you guys later today.

:h NS

[NoSugar]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Guess I made it back before you guys did .

We cross-posted earlier, MyLife. I'm so glad to see you back on this thread. I think you are right - when you really want something, never giving up is the key. Every failure is a learning experience (unless like me before coming to MWO, you do the exact same thing over and over without changing any variables - I clearly was learning nothing at that point).

You mentioned backing off of posting on MWO as a possible change you could make, UN. In a thread other than the one ML referred to earlier (which is a great one!), Sunflower mentioned some TED talks and in particular, one about success. The speaker said that once most people achieve their goal, they tend to back away from that thing that made them successful. This came at a perfect time for me because I was having doubts about my role here even though I know participating on MWO is the reason I have not consumed alcohol for over 7 months. So, I'm not leaving .

Anyway, I've been thinking about posting and how it works. I most enjoy conversations like we have here and in the previous thread you started, UN. I was thrilled when I realized you were interested in all the addiction science stuff like I am and that Pinecone was also trying to get a meditation practice going and that like me, Free has a brain that can get going and not stop thinking -- it is great to find people with similar interests and challenges.

But - I think the posting that has helped bring to the point I am (and don't worry, I realize I am still in early days and have not 'beat' this thing), are the posts that I've written to newbies and people who are struggling with something I think I can relate to. I try to make my posts logical (really !), and the thinking, organizing, and typing of suggestions about becoming or remaining AF reinforces my commitment to this lifestyle. When I try to communicate as clearly as I can to others, I am first and foremost speaking to myself. And if I'm going to be so presumptuous as to suggest to others what they should do, I'm certainly going to do everything I can to live that way myself. That kind of repetitive, positive, goal-oriented, 'visualization of a possible outcome' posting does the "brain changing" that we read about and I think, require for success.

So, maybe instead of not posting, you could add to your posts here more frequent posts in the Newbies Nest or those started by a scared person who is timidly putting themselves out here, trying to figure out what MWO is all about. Your experiences of being sober for various fairly long periods and choosing to drink provides you with an important perspective that could really benefit others.

:h NS

(UN, Although I truly mean what I just wrote, I also really really don't want you to leave again :l! )

[Pinecone]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Unwasted;1550918 wrote: But I can't possibly post advice when I'm not able to keep my own shit together if ya know what I mean.

Open to suggestion..............

Un, I admire you so much for that sentiment. I also disagree with it.

We have to lean on each other here. I was having a good conversation with a sobriety colleague on here and we were attempting to deal with our engagement here on the forums when we aren't feeling 100%.

It's not resolved for me, but I'm thinking about a lot of stuff because of it. I'm not sure why, but I think staying engaged here is important. This is a scary condition to have because we can be doing well and then have thoughts start to creep in or get a sudden urge. Then because we perceive that we are supposed to be over it, we come here and act like its not happening, which isn't totally honest. I think we are all guilty if this at least once, I know I am.

[Unwasted]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hi Everyone,

NS, I took your suggestion and posted in the Nest. Thank you - I think it's a good idea.

Regarding the dinner party question.....I'm not completely sure, but my first reaction is that it's the initial "offering" time that bugs me. But, because I've been really unsocial for months, I haven't been put in situations I perceive are going to be difficult for me so I really can't say. It's just that I've literally never been in that kind of setting without drinking. I haven't been in many settings at all without drinking when you get down to it.

Your point from Ted Talks is a good one - about backing away when you're starting to be successful at something. I have to keep in mind that I've made great strides while posting here, and there must be something to that. At least this is a connection to people who understand.

Also, you point about moderating is where my thinking is too. The curtain has been pulled back and I can no longer believe that alcohol is good for me in any way - even in small amounts. All of these falls I've taken have put another nail in the coffin. It's keeping this at the forefront of my mind that will count in the future, though, and what I don't seem to be doing. I'm going to try a couple of techniques I just read about (one called EFT). I'll post more about it later but am thinking it might be something I can employ when in a tricky situation like the dinner party.

Free, I appreciate your pointing out what a stressful time this is for me. It truly is, no matter how much I'm looking forward to my new place. I'm leaving some things here that kind of break my heart, but I know that going is the right thing. I've made it through tougher situations without drinking though (like being at my dad's bedside as he died), so I know I can be successful.

My Life, I've been reading that link and it's a great one. Thanks for posting it here. And thanks for reminding me that I have made a lot of progress here regardless of the falls. When I stopped posting for that time I was drinking daily - but at that time I didn't want to quit. Now I do.

Quest, thank you for your encouraging words - I hope you'll continue to post on this thread.

Lifechange, can you talk a bit about what triggers your drinking? 2 months is a long go of it and I'm just wondering if you know what trips you up. I know you said that when you don't post you tend to get back to drinking, but what's at the crux of things? Thanks for your post and telling me that I am of help. Well, we can learn from my mistakes of late anyway.

Pinecone, thank you for that post. I think it's good to know that even long-timers have periodic days of an errant drinking thought - or just where they don't feel up and encouraging. You're human too after all. I think it might be even more beneficial for others to see that struggle and then to know you actually overcame it. Again, it lends hope to show that it can be done and that you're not perfect. I know there are times I'm feeling negative for whatever reason, yet I post something happy and positive because I don't want to bring anyone down. But we should be able to be honest. And, I think you're right, there is just something valuable and important about being here. Your comment is so right on about how scary this whole thing is. I still can't believe I choose to drink when I know I don't want it any more. It's like being possessed. But I see others winning, and I just know I'm going to be able to do it.

Thanks for the posts everyone. I think there were some points made here that I didn't get to but want to address. Running out of time, but I'll try to stop back later. Hope this wasn't too disjointed.

xx,
UN :lilheart:

[Running4life]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hi Folks:
Finally decided to jump in and post after reading back through all of yours. I can totally relate to all of them. UN, we were AF and running neck and neck for about 5 months until I caved. I was impressed that you were able to keep going. I was seeing an addiction specialist at the time and he wanted me to leave my crazy life and go to a program for a few weeks.. Unfortunately I had too many crazy responsibilities so I said no. We parted ways with him telling me that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it would just get worse.
I used to drink three to four glasses of wine a few nights a week and sometimes more on weekends. It has now progressed to almost every night. I still stick to three glasses and know when to stop but I feel like crap in the morning and I feel that is is going to cost me my health in the long run. I enjoy running, biking and physical activity but it is hard to get up and get moving when you are hung over.
I have tried antibuse but I keep playing with it. I let it wear off and the whole cycle starts again.
Over the last few years I have been dealing with difficult issues in my marriage, worrying about the kids relationships and I have a son who is addicted to alcohol, gambling and cocaine. I really need to get a grip on my own issues so I can be strong for them.
I have been attending NAR ANON which is a group that teaches you to look after your own issues and not to keep saving the addicts in your life. I find that it has been very helpful and is giving me some insight into my own addiction.
September 1 was supposed to be my day one but we went out with friends so I had a glass of beer and a glass of wine. So September 2nd is my day one ( again). I am hopeful that I can achieve sobriety but I know the road will be a tough one.
UN, please keep posting as you have inspired many people who use this forum. I used to post more but slipped back to lerking because I knew that I was not able to stay af. I now realize that posting will help me stay accountable so I am committed to posting at least once a day. I plan on taking my antibuse right after I finish posting and I look forward to waking up tomorrow bright and early with no hangover and going for a workout with my personal trainer. He makes me work hard but it is good for me.
Thanks so much to all who post here.
R4L

[NoSugar]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Pinecone;1551158 wrote:
It's not resolved for me, but I'm thinking about a lot of stuff because of it. I'm not sure why, but I think staying engaged here is important. This is a scary condition to have because we can be doing well and then have thoughts start to creep in or get a sudden urge. Then because we perceive that we are supposed to be over it, we come here and act like its not happening, which isn't totally honest. I think we are all guilty if this at least once, I know I am.
Unwasted;1551164 wrote:


I think it's good to know that even long-timers have periodic days of an errant drinking thought - or just where they don't feel up and encouraging. You're human too after all. I think it might be even more beneficial for others to see that struggle and then to know you actually overcame it. Again, it lends hope to show that it can be done and that you're not perfect. I know there are times I'm feeling negative for whatever reason, yet I post something happy and positive because I don't want to bring anyone down. But we should be able to be honest. And, I think you're right, there is just something valuable and important about being here. Your comment is so right on about how scary this whole thing is. I still can't believe I choose to drink when I know I don't want it any more. It's like being possessed. But I see others winning, and I just know I'm going to be able to do it.
:

It is weird how we can be sailing along AF, supposedly 'over it' and then something knocks us off course a bit and we need to have the resources right at hand to make the necessary corrections. I've realized that would be one risk of backing off from MWO for me --- the connections with and commitment to people here have been intact when I needed them. I don't want to take those relationships for granted or let them fade.

I am going to try to be more open about the day-to-day minor challenges and occasional bigger things that make living AF not entirely easy. I know a racing heart before ordering an AF drink is no big deal in the greater scheme of things but I guess I would have thought that after 7 months, I would have no reaction at all and it would be easy and normal.

Well, I do have a racing heart. Every time. So, maybe you will, too, but you can say to yourself -- no problem, that happens, I've heard about that and it is nothing to worry about. And a temporary racing heart certainly isn't a reason to cave in and drink or not attend a social function!

Last week when I was feeling down, I really didn't know where to go with that. If I had caved in and decided to drink, I could have started a thread all about me. But, a "NoSugar is in a Funk" thread sounds a bit self-involved and off-putting to say the least :H!

I was thinking that there shouldn't be a disconnect between encouraging posts and personal doubts/fears but really, most of life involves balancing competing interests or feelings and being personally unsettled or afraid at a particular time doesn't negate or diminish anything a person has to say about the upside of living an AF life. Actually, a person who has relapsed probably has the most authority about the benefits of not drinking.

Trying to be perfect is a big part of what landed me here so it clearly is not a good approach. So, I'm going to mention more often my own AF struggles even when to me they seem trivial and to pale in comparison to what others are going through or to be no big deal that I can handle. Because as this addiction as taught me, I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. We need one another.

:h NS

[NoSugar]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Running4life;1551166 wrote: Hi Folks:
Finally decided to jump in and post after reading back through all of yours. I can totally relate to all of them. UN, we were AF and running neck and neck for about 5 months until I caved. I was impressed that you were able to keep going. I was seeing an addiction specialist at the time and he wanted me to leave my crazy life and go to a program for a few weeks.. Unfortunately I had too many crazy responsibilities so I said no. We parted ways with him telling me that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it would just get worse.
I used to drink three to four glasses of wine a few nights a week and sometimes more on weekends. It has now progressed to almost every night. I still stick to three glasses and know when to stop but I feel like crap in the morning and I feel that is is going to cost me my health in the long run. I enjoy running, biking and physical activity but it is hard to get up and get moving when you are hung over.
I have tried antibuse but I keep playing with it. I let it wear off and the whole cycle starts again.
Over the last few years I have been dealing with difficult issues in my marriage, worrying about the kids relationships and I have a son who is addicted to alcohol, gambling and cocaine. I really need to get a grip on my own issues so I can be strong for them.
I have been attending NAR ANON which is a group that teaches you to look after your own issues and not to keep saving the addicts in your life. I find that it has been very helpful and is giving me some insight into my own addiction.
September 1 was supposed to be my day one but we went out with friends so I had a glass of beer and a glass of wine. So September 2nd is my day one ( again). I am hopeful that I can achieve sobriety but I know the road will be a tough one.
UN, please keep posting as you have inspired many people who use this forum. I used to post more but slipped back to lerking because I knew that I was not able to stay af. I now realize that posting will help me stay accountable so I am committed to posting at least once a day. I plan on taking my antibuse right after I finish posting and I look forward to waking up tomorrow bright and early with no hangover and going for a workout with my personal trainer. He makes me work hard but it is good for me.
Thanks so much to all who post here.
R4L

Welcome back, R4L

I don't think we've met but since I've decided to spill my guts all over this thread today I guess you've been introduced to me .

Getting really involved in MWO made a huge difference for me. Even though you aren't totally new, you might want to post in the Newbies Nest and Roll Call or the September AF thread, also, just to get those first 30 days done in a group with a common goal.

I hope you continue to post here, too!

:h NS

[lifechange]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

wow! This is really good stuff, you all!
I love the honesty and openness here. In the past I've at times also been afraid to tell the whole truth so as not to bring others down. It's so helpful though to hear what others are experiencing. Every post written here has brought me some sort of insight, given me hope for this journey. I want to write in more detail but I'm on a computer where I can't seem to figure out where to write a new document to copy and paste-- and it's always stressful to write with this automatic logout threat--
so I wish you all a wonderful evening and look forward to reading more.

[Unwasted]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

R4, it's so good to see you here again. It's been a while, but I remember you well. First, let me say that I'm so jealous that you have a personal trainer. I think I might treat myself to something like that once I get relocated. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with you son's drug problem. That's got to be extraordinarily difficult. I watched my mom do it for years with my brother. It was terrible, and really caused heartache for her. Please post more about it here so we can be your sounding board. I deeply hope your son can find his way out of his hell. None of us want to be addicted - it happens and then we have to deal with the fallout. I'm glad, though, that you're able to glean something helpful from the Nar-Anon information. Please share anything you're comfortable talking about. I hope this is your quit and that posting here will help in some way.

No Sugar, it would honor us here if you could open up and we could help you. Please don't think you always have to be the strong one. I can relate to the having to be perfect issue. Both my sister and brother made my mother's life a living hell. I was the baby and always felt like I had to be her saving grace because they caused her so much grief. It's bad because then when we fail at something it's so hard to admit it because we still have that idea in our heads that we must be infallible. Thanks for talking about your racing heart and letting us know that you have moments too.

Lifechange, we will look forward to learning more about you when you get to a different computer. One thing I do (and I never get timed out), is click preview post periodically as I'm writing. I think that "saves" what you've written. Not sure if it would help, but you can try it.

Off to try to pull something together for dinner everyone. Have a good evening.

xx,
UN :lilheart:

[mylife]

Well, That Didn't Take Long

Hello All,

Just wanted to pop in and say I've really enjoyed reading all the posts today. It's so nice to know we're not alone in this battle.

Running4 - I remember you, too. I also keep in the back of my mind this disease is progressive and that's been one of my main motivators. I don't want my life to get worse - better would be much nicer!!

NS - I agree - it's as important to post on the problem days as the good ones. We're all just trying to figure this thing out!

Hope you all have a great AF evening.