Day to day

[ford]

Hello, I'm a first timer in to all of this. I've been an alcoholic for many years and wanted to and tried several times to stop. As of now it as taken my wife saying she is done with it all including our marriage. I haven't drink in 12 days using the strength of not losing everything I worked to build over the past years. Day to day hoping I can make another without alcohol.

[broken halo]

Day to day

ford;1539065 wrote: Hello, I'm a first timer in to all of this. I've been an alcoholic for many years and wanted to and tried several times to stop. As of now it as taken my wife saying she is done with it all including our marriage. I haven't drink in 12 days using the strength of not losing everything I worked to build over the past years. Day to day hoping I can make another without alcohol.

Welcome ford! I am sorry to hear that your marriage is in trouble, hopefully things will work out now that the blinkers are off, so to speak. Congrats on your 12 days, how are you coping? What tools are you using, and do you have a plan in place? Please join us in the Newbies Nest, you will find loads of people there in the same boat as us. We are all here for the same thing, and you will be welcomed with open arms! :welcome:

[Neddy Merrill]

Day to day

Hi Ford, and welcome to MWO.

I, too, am very sorry to hear about your marriage being in trouble and I hope that you can get things sorted out. It sounds like you have a lot of determination and if you combine that with good tools and plenty of posting on this site then I am sure you are in with a fighting chance. I am rooting for you to turn this around!

[NoSugar]

Day to day

Hi, Ford

The link to the Newbies Nest is given below.

Cyn joined us there yesterday - her story is similar to yours. Maybe you could help one another.

:welcome::welcome::welcome:

NS

[ford]

Day to day

BH, hey thanks so much for response. It didn't expect a response back at that time of morning. Coping is a good way to put it, I'm really just trying to put all of my thoughts into creating a positive process of some kind. It's scary looking back in just this short time on how bitter and ugly of a person I had really become.
As you said joy, I have spent to many years thinking I was finding "joy" in my AL. That it was just a little time out of my day for me to step away from the daily stress tank life can bring us all. If I really think about how much time out of my life that little time is, I've lost years. It's not only the little time I thought that i spent each day drinking(2 to 3 hours) but all the time it took for my body to recover and all the energy I spent trying cover up my hangover before I was really ready to function as a normal person in a normal day. I would spent hours telling myself that this is so stupid and why do I keep going through this everyday. I'm going to stop and not do this again tonight. By the last couple of hours of my day I finally feeling decent and would think ah what hell just one drink tonight. Well a half bottle later and there we were again. Talk about one big dumb ass of a vicious cycle. The lack of energy it was taking from me being a good father, husband and friend to those around me. Anyway sorry to get off track with all that negative stuff.
I guess in short I'm realizing how much I've really lost to AL and it's sad. That is what I'm using as my strength to cope with my daily desires to drink. I want to gain back the love and respect for myself and everyone around me that deserves nothing less.
I'm also reaching out to other sources such as MWO to help. I have appointments set with my doctor so I have that resource and aid, along with the help of a psychotherapist I have started to see.
Thank you for your response and questions. Please let me know if you have any further thoughts as we pave our road to JOY!

Neddy, thanks you so such as well for your kind thoughts. It's good to here someone rooting for you and I look forward to your future postings and thoughts. I hope we all can and will find the Joy our lives deserve.

[Neddy Merrill]

Day to day

Hi Ford,

I recognise that vicious cycle only too well. Struggling to get out of bed, struggling to get through the day, struggling to be nice to people, struggling to be happy and then at the end of the day, "Do you know what would be a great idea? More alcohol!" It really is insanity. Try not to think of it as giving up alcohol. Think of it as giving up despair, guilt, shame, remorse, fear, anger, alienation and loneliness. Try to think of what you will gain: health, healing, restoration and general wellbeing, and a new spirit of happiness. As I said, I am rooting for you - as is everyone here - and I hope you let us know how things are going with the quit, the doctor and the therapist.

Best wishes, Neddy

[ford]

Day to day

NoSugar, thanks for your suggestions. I will check that out. I'm starting to figure out some of what this forum has to offer and it seems like a great tool.

[K9Lover]

Day to day

Welcome Ford!

I can sooo relate to that vicious cycle you described. I'd spend all day just trying to survive (not live...just survive) so that I could go home and start all over again. Yes, it truly IS insanity! A lot of my days were spent in a hungover haze that I can't even remember. I missed a lot of time with my daughter...oh sure I was physically there, but mentally I was somewhere else. Lots of times at work I was just trying to get through the day without throwing up. When that is your "goal" of the day, that's pretty pathetic.

Take it day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute. You can do this, and we can help. Stick close!

K9

[Byrdlady]

Day to day

Hey Ford! I, too, got the ultimatum from my husband. He had threatened it for years, but I didn't believe him....until he left, Jan 19, 2011. I had to make a decision of trying to save my marriage and my life, or just giving in to AL. Believe it or not, it was a HARD and unthinkable decision to have to make, but I'm so thankful he did that. He essentially saved my life. It wasn't me he didn't love, it was AL. With the help of this site and the Newbie's Nest, I've been sober ever since.

The heavy lifting is behind you....I found Day 13 to be a gamechanging day for me. That's the day that I realized this really IS something I can do for a lifetime....the magic is about to happen for you, and it will get much easier.

I'm so glad you're here...you are in very good company. Be sure to check out the Tool Box below....Byrdie

[little beagle]

Day to day

Ford I'm glad you found your way here. With all that hard work you are doing your wife should be impressed. But this is something you have to do for yourself. It will make your life so much better. Like coming out of a really dark, dank prison into the light. You really feel alive again.
Glad to share The experience with you. :welcome:

[3June2013]

Day to day

Hi Ford,

Congratulations on being AF 12 days! I know all too well what an accomplishment that is! I also found MWO after being AF for a short time(11 days) . At that point I didn't know if I could quit forever. I was afraid. The more I read and the more I posted the more I learned. I found out that the cravings become less physical and more psychological in time. I found that after you get the physical over with and start to feel a little more healthy (right about two weeks or so) the mind starts to play games. AL is seductive. I started to wonder if I could just be a moderate drinker. Luckily I am a quick study. What I found out (the easy way, reading) was that each time we quit our bodies are less tolerant of AL the next time. So each quit gets worse and each binge or drinking bout affects us worse. We really can't expect to poison our bodies and not encounter negative consequences.

I also found out that there are actually a lot more hours in the day than I thought! Sleep is now my friend. I can handle the stress at work and the gawd awful shifts. I am saving money.

Try not to dwell on the past, and focus on now and the future. Things will only get better!

[SoberSoul]

Day to day

Hi Ford and welcome. You are wise to stick around while quitting. This board can do wonders for one having a weak moment. They do blindside you when you least expect it. Stay close and good luck with your relationship. Worst case scenario is that your former partner was in your life to stop your self destructive path and, of course there's the hope she will reconsider. Whatever happens take care of yourself.

Xxx

[ford]

Day to day

Wow this is great, I want to think everyone for your responses.
Not to sure where to begin in response. My number one focus right now is myself. If there is one thing I have learned to this point, I have to get myself straightened out first. The problem started here and the solution needs to as well. If I don't get that done then I can't expect to fix anything else or get any different or better results.
If I don't have the confidence and respect for myself, how can I think that anyone else around me will or can.

It feels really good to break that vicious cycle that we talked about. I'm thinking clearer then I have in a long long time. Remembering things from the day before. I can't remember the last time I felt I had this much energy to get things done. I wake up and I'm actually ready to get up and get going with my day. I've spent more quality time with my boys in the past couple of weeks then I probably had sadly in the last couple of months.
BH the JOY is coming around more and more.

Still a long road to pave ahead of me, and probably some tougher challenges as well.
I'm at least in better shape now then I was a couple of weeks ago to handle them.

Thanks again everyone and I will continue to forward to your thoughts and stories.

[witts end]

Day to day

Welcome

It will take time with your wife but when she sees that you mean it .....and keep saying your sorry for the mess your marriage is in and that it's all your fault....and that you really want to change .......us girls all like to feel loved and special ......start courting her all over again

[ford]

Day to day

Thanks witts end. I need a lot of that advice. I'm trying to stay positive and do those things, but it gets a little tough when you don't get much back to build on. It's just like taking a punch and asking for another please.