Day to day

[broken halo]

Day to day

ford;1539611 wrote: Wow this is great, I want to think everyone for your responses.
Not to sure where to begin in response. My number one focus right now is myself. If there is one thing I have learned to this point, I have to get myself straightened out first. The problem started here and the solution needs to as well. If I don't get that done then I can't expect to fix anything else or get any different or better results.
If I don't have the confidence and respect for myself, how can I think that anyone else around me will or can.

It feels really good to break that vicious cycle that we talked about. I'm thinking clearer then I have in a long long time. Remembering things from the day before. I can't remember the last time I felt I had this much energy to get things done. I wake up and I'm actually ready to get up and get going with my day. I've spent more quality time with my boys in the past couple of weeks then I probably had sadly in the last couple of months.
BH the JOY is coming around more and more.

Still a long road to pave ahead of me, and probably some tougher challenges as well.
I'm at least in better shape now then I was a couple of weeks ago to handle them.

Thanks again everyone and I will continue to forward to your thoughts and stories.

It's all about the joy Ford, AL only brings misery. I bet your sons are chuffed to bits that you are spending so much time with them. It's good to see you over in the Nest too.

[3June2013]

Day to day

I think you're right in that we fix ourselves first then we see where that takes us. In time, when you've been AF long enough, you'll win back the trust of those you love. Keep it up. Make a list of what you like about being AF. Make a plan to get you through the tough times and the cravings. Check out the toolbox it's full of good info.

[Mr Vervill]

Day to day

Welcome Ford. Stick close to the nest.
a few words about selfishness.
Quote:My number one focus right now is myself. If there is one thing I have learned to this point, I have to get myself straightened out first. The problem started here and the solution needs to as well.

Yes, now is the time to be a little bit selfish. Even though most of us, through our drinking, have been soooo selfish, ignoring our our work, families and relationships, to satisfy our need to drink.
Another week to focus on ourselves is needed. Then the real business of recovery starts. It takes a lot of work, and soon, it's not just about you.
Don't mean to sound preachy here, just honest and straightforward.
You have to prove yourself to your loved ones.

[RitaNow]

Day to day

Welcome Ford! :welcome:

:goodjob: on your fantastic start with your AF life!

Just 2 thoughts for you and then I need to get sleep ...

1. You are very fortunate that your wife loves you so much that she can't sit by watching you bring down your entire marriage. Honestly it's going to be a life saver for you. When you live with a co dependent person who refuses to admit the obvious ... it just adds to everyone's suffering - only to end up letting you eventually destroy yourself - and her. So, as hard as this part is - your going to thank her.

2. Be very aware that right around 3 weeks sober, you will start to forget how BAD it was, and start playing games in your mind that "maybe it wasn't all that bad". You are at a HIGH risk at this point to tempt fate and have a drink. You may even be able to control it that first day (somewhat) and think .. "I've beat this ... I can moderate". PLEASE hear me when I tell you - YOU MUST NOT let this mind game enter in. This is the addictive voice trying it's best to bring you back into the pit.

Right at these 3 weeks, you actually start to feel good, focused and relieved that you lived through withdrawal. The brain has an amazing way of forgetting horror. Women wouldn't have more than 1 baby if this wasn't the case ... :H But it is true.

So - awareness is key. Take it from me - right at that 3 weeks I fell and I now know EXACTLY what happened. I am now back on day 5 and wiser, but running to catch up to where I was. Humpf .... I don't want you to have to start again!

[spiderwoman]

Day to day

Hi Ford, well done on what must be 14 days now! I joined here within the first month of being AF and it has really kept me going. My partner had also had enough of the booze, he's never drunk and never minded a couple of glasses but when that turned into 2 -3 bottles every night he'd had it with me. Its taken until now, 8 months down the line until he's beginning to trust me again so hang in there, it really does get much, much better.

The others are so right, be selfish, you need to be to get through the first few months and do whatever it takes, in my case it was loads of chocolate which I never used to eat and try not to make any more radical lifestyle changes for a while. You'll be amazed how quickly the days rack up and how you fill the time you spent drinking.

Enjoy your new freedom

Sylv

[ford]

Day to day

HL, you've great! Congrats on your 30 days, that is awesome.
Yes my sons and I have had a great time lately. They are getting into fishing, one of my passions and it's great. We've gone to the movies, swimming pool, shooting BB guns. Again as I have mentioned, you don't see how much AL takes any for yourself and more probably for those who are by your side.

Mr Vervill, your are right. On one hand you hate to be selfish as I have already done to much of that with my AL, but on the other hand it's has to be that way for myself.

RitaNow, thanks for your thoughts. It's tough and sad that I have put her in this position. I wish(as we all do) that I could turn back time. What I have done to myself I can accept(not liking it) but I can deal with it. The real hit for me is seeing how the ones that you love, you have hurt the most. I and thank her every day for at least to this point, for sticking around.
Thanks for the heads up on the 3 week period. I know it's going to come at some point.

spiderwoman, Thanks for your support as well. I'm using the strength of holding onto my family to keep me going at this point.

Yesterday was a little weird, it was my 40th birthday. It seems like one of those birthdays that should stand out. One of those times that normal people might celebrate with a few drinks. As I have had many years of AL and daily celebrations if you will, it was just odd that this day was one is which I wouldn't be drinking. Still a good day, went to the pool and out to dinner with the family.

[cynthialynne]

Day to day

Happy birthday, Ford!!

I just turned 40 in December, and really tied one on. I barely remember it. I would rather of had it AF.
Isn't better to remember so a monumental event in your life, and to spend it with family. Nothing better than that.

Anyway, I did send you a private message yesterday. Keep up the good work, Friend!

[broken halo]

Day to day

Happy Birthday Ford! They say life begins at 40, how appropriate in your case. Well done Ford I am so happy to read about all the quality time you are spending with the family. That's real joy Ford, not the false kind that comes from a bottle. You are doing great!

[ford]

Day to day

cynthialynne, hey great to here from ya. It was a great day spent with family. Thanks.

Yes I got your message, and again my reply didn't go through. I'm going to figure this out.
I will send another one here in a little while(sorry). I wondered why you hadn't replied yet.



BH, again you are so right. There was no love lose of the bottle. The joy of my family was what it is all about.

Hope you guys had a great day.

[ford]

Day to day

Day 16 feelin just super. Worked out again yesterday. Lifted weights and rode my bike.
I've lost about 25 lbs. I'm feeling really good about myself.

[woofer]

Day to day

So sorry to hear of your troubles with the wife. My drinking pushed everyone out of my life, I was left with no friends, my family could barely stand me, and certainly no woman would have me. This is what happens to problem drinkers like us, eventually it just robs us of everything worthwhile in life.

ford;1539245 wrote: I have appointments set with my doctor so I have that resource and aid, along with the help of a psychotherapist I have started to see.

This is a great start! Seeing your doctor is a good thing to do which most people forego. Have you also considered checking out any recovery groups? They can be a great help, especially when you are first getting started. Although being sober is ultimately our own responsibility, meeting and hanging with some people who've been what you've been through and gotten sober can be vital. I personally go to SMART recovery, as I found it's rational approach to getting sober makes the most sense to me. I attended AA for several years and don't go anymore, but it helps tons of people. Even if you don't want to attend any meetings, just about every program has free resources you can check online to help you out.

Best of luck to you (actually there is no luck involved, only work and determination) and glad you are here! WTG on day 16, and so glad you are feeling super!

[ford]

Day to day

Hey woofer, great to here from you. Its really crazy that we can let something control our lives to that level. But hey past is past now, let's focus on the future.

I haven't ruled out going to a group setting, just a little reserved about it. You make it sound a little more interesting. I should check more into it.

Thanks for the "luck" I will take it.
Hope you got to feeling better, I know its tough but you can get through it.
Hang in there.