Glad to be back

[MossRose]

I haven't visited here in over a week, and I've really missed everyone. I'm so glad to see that many of you are still doing so well. I need to be honest. I have fallen down twice recently. I was just too ashamed to post. I can make a million excuses, but I know it's all on me. I made the decision to drink. My trigger this time was that my divorce will be final on Aug 13th. Two decades just swept away, or so it seems. He is calling daily, making promises, but I know in my heart that it's no different than AL - all talk, no follow-through. The pleasure is never worth the misery. But he can be very seductive. So can wine. So I fell. But the pity party is over. I'm 2 days AF again, and plan to stay that way. I'm so glad to be back.

[NoSugar]

Glad to be back

Glad you returned, MossRose .

I'm sorry you have the stress and sadness of your divorce right now. It must be very difficult even if you know it is the right thing to do.

You probably realized that alcohol didn't make any of it better. It is so good that you are back on day 2.

Please don't ever be embarrassed to come here and post - that is not what this place is about and no one here is in a position to cast stones.

The next couple weeks will be tough but you can do it. Please come here when you need support.

:h NS

[woofer]

Glad to be back

Welcome back and congrats on two days! You know what the best part of Day 2 is? It's not day 1! Day 1 always sucks for me cause I'm so hungover and depressed, usually coming off of a really bad episode. Like NoSugar said, please don't be embarassed to post or talk about lapses. They don't have to be a part of getting sober but they are for so many of us, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I had two days shy of being a year sober, and over the last couple years since it's been very hard for me to put together much time.

This may or may not be a perspective that works for you, but it does for me. My sobriety is not quantified by length of time. It is quantified by trying my hardest to be AF and what benefits I can get from being so, by how much better the quality of life can be for me and my loved ones if I don't drink. I know people who focus too much on the time and not enough on just living sober. Just my 2c, and again, glad you are back.

[RitaNow]

Glad to be back

Moss Rose

So so glad your back. This is where you need to be. I understand all to well that feeling. I fell hard after the 4th of July and stayed away from here because I felt to ashamed. But the truth is - this is a journey that needs to be shared with those who have the same brain malfunctions. I have no judgement here - as all 4 fingers just point back at me.
Keep coming back here and posting. No matter what. We're here for you.

I'm so sorry about the divorce. As you close the chapter in your life, this may open a door to a brand new start. It's okay to grieve the loss. Just keep telling yourself that NOW is the time to take very good care of YOU. :l

[witts end]

Glad to be back

I'm glad your back .....did miss you
Maybe now the divorce is finished you will be able to put all your concentration on being af.....
....but if you slip don't stay away or be embarrassed.....we have all been there done that
Congrats for day 2-3 hope it goes well this time for you

[Miley]

Glad to be back

Glad to see you back Moss! Don't worry about what happened, just get back up and keep on trying. I was in the same boat....seems we are on this journey together!

I am so sorry about your divorce. I know how hard it can be. My ex and I were married for 17 years when we got divorced and so that begain my downward spiral with AL. The good thing is that you are already ahead of the game by being a part of this group. Let us support you. Hang in there my friend...we are here for you!

[3June2013]

Glad to be back

Moss hi there and welcome back. When you share your story you remind us that there will be triggers, emotional crises, all sorts of reasons why any one of us could be tempted to reach for a drink. You also remind us that it didn't help. So please keep sharing, we all learn, and we don't judge. I'm happy to see you. Sorry about your divorce but as one door closes it often opens another. This single life may be your chance to look after you.

[MossRose]

Glad to be back

Thank you everyone!! It was so nice to start my day reading your words of support. I feel strong again. Can't chat right now because I am at work, but I wanted you to know how much your kindness means to me.

[K9Lover]

Glad to be back

Hi Moss!
Please don't ever be ashamed or embarrassed to post honestly here. If anyone understands, it's us! We've all had our ups and downs. The important thing is that you came right back, and I'm glad! I have yet to read a post that says "I went back to drinking and it was great!"....yeah...that's not gonna happen for us. The good thing is we learn a new lesson each time, and it makes us stronger. Stick close to us ya hear?? :h

K9

[NoSugar]

Glad to be back

Hi, MossRose

How are you doing? I hope you are still feeling strong and not letting AL back it.
It will be good to hear from you.

:h NS

[MossRose]

Glad to be back

NS, I wish I could tell you that I have been strong and am doing well, but that would be a lie. I feel like I'm tumbling down the rabbit hole. I have been drinking, but not like I used to. In the past, I would have been proud that I had limits - never alone, only a couple, never when driving, etc. Now, I am so damn disappointed in myself. I know how dangerous this is. It's only a matter of time. It's a slippery slope and I'm hanging on by my fingertips. I used to be afraid to admit this to all of you, but now I realize that maybe I need a smack upside the head. I know you would all only do it out of love. xo

[free at last]

Glad to be back

Dear Moss Rose,
I have been on that slippery slope and I know you don't want to be there. Here's the "slap upside the head." Start now back on the journey to an AF life -- you have tasted this life, you know how good it can be, and you can do this. We are all in this together and are pulling for you. You know the drill, read, post, and post some more. We are here for you.

[Miley]

Glad to be back

Moss - I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I know what it feels like, as do most everyone else here. I think it is good that you are being honest about where you are at. It takes courage to be honest. Just keep trying one day at a time and please keep posting.

[NoSugar]

Glad to be back

Hi, MossRose

I'm glad you posted again .

Two of my 'MWO rules' at the beginning were that I would post everyday and that I would always tell the truth. Those rules, which I stuck with much better than I had my ridiculous and unsuccessful moderate drinking rules, kind of forced me to make choices so that the truth would be something I wanted to post. I was so tired of disappointing myself and I didn't want to let down the people here who had helped me so much. It helped to finally be thinking beyond myself. After I started trying to help others, I became even more committed because I didn't want to be a hypocrite. So - put yourself out there and help others - then strive to live up to your own words. Make this bigger than the very limited, small world we inhabit when we drink. You deserve so much more and there are so many here ready and eager to support you.

Perhaps even a commitment that you will come here every day and do something like post a specific account of what you drank the night before and why you made that choice would help you. I just know you would love to post Zero - Because I don't drink anymore !

Here is an article about kindling that was posted several months ago that had a great effect on many who were not taking the dangers of repeated bouts of abstinence and the drinking seriously:
http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...22-1/25-34.pdf. Reading this can be a wake-up call to what we are really dealing with.

We are here to support one another but I don't think any of us should suggest that going on and off AL is no big deal - it is a very big deal that is a progressive disease with each round being more difficult and more dangerous.

I hope you are ready to get back where you were and move forward from there. I'm glad it hasn't gotten out of control but as you said, it is a slippery slope. There is no reason to wait until you hit the bottom and have to also deal with whatever happens there.

Let us know how we can help you, ok?

:h NS

[MossRose]

Glad to be back

Thank you all for the support. I am feeling better already. Telling the truth, even when it's ugly, is so much better than the lies I tell myself and others when I'm drinking. I've already managed to do some incredibly stupid things in the past couple of weeks. Embarrassing, and harmful. No Sugar said it best. My world which was just recently opening up and becoming a sane and tranquil place, has started to become small and limited again.

I realize that moderating is not an option for me. I just got lazy - stopped taking care of myself nutritionally, emotionally and spiritually. I started isolating myself again, which is my normal, unhealthy response to messy emotional situations. Of course, it didn't take long for the cravings to return and soon I was making "ridiculous and unsuccessful" moderate drinking rules to dampen my shame. I am so tired of being self-absorbed. It's exhausting and not who I want to be anymore. So you are right. It's time for me to get out of my head and start helping others - here and in my daily life.

I read the study. Scary stuff and something to really think about. This must be my last quit. I already long for the peace I felt living AF, even if it was just for a brief time, and I'm working to get back to that good place starting today.