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    #1

    Back to the start- AGAIN!!

    So I celebrated 2 whole months of not drinking with a bottle of wine. As usual I convinced myself I had it under control this time and I could drink sensibly...I always know that it's not true but I had to find out. Again. I'm wondering if my life will go on in this cycle forever. I've never gotten past 3 months, there's a devil and an angel in my head and I know who's the strongest.
    I've been on it again for 3 weeks, and don't want to have to reach that low point again before I stop.
    My life is going so well at the moment in other areas, I've not been this happy for years. I only hope I don't go and ruin it all with the drinking.....one of these days I will get it right!
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    #2
    Back to the start- AGAIN!!

    Downunder it isn't about hope, it's about resolve. Can you think about what you were feeling when you made the decision to have a drink after 2 months AF? Remember how you felt the day before? Learning about our triggers is important. Why not make today your last day one?
    Newbies Nest
    Toolbox
    My accountability thread

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      #3
      Back to the start- AGAIN!!

      Sadly no trigger, just 2 months of craving come to a head. Sometimes it' hard to stay strong

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        #4
        Back to the start- AGAIN!!

        I think reading here and posting as much as you can helps. Have you been over to the newbies nest? Lots if support there. Also the toolbox is full of good ideas for staying AF. I try to plan ahead for events that might be more difficult. Family and social events are hard for me, but I find another AF person and latch on. I usually make it my job to provide the AF drink of the day. I also try to stay busy, boredom is a trigger for me.
        Newbies Nest
        Toolbox
        My accountability thread

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          #5
          Back to the start- AGAIN!!

          I come on here every time I try again. The problem is I steer clear everytime I'm about to fail, because I don't really want anyone to talk me out of it. The best thing I could do is to be honest when I am feeling like drinking again, but I know for now that's just not going to happen.

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            #6
            Back to the start- AGAIN!!

            Maybe the reason you fail is really you don't want to quit.....because you are already saying your going to fail

            I know it's hard to quit but you have to want to......really want to

            Sorry but it's a choice we all make .......whether to drink or not ....

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              #7
              Back to the start- AGAIN!!

              downunder;1540233 wrote: So I celebrated 2 whole months of not drinking with a bottle of wine. As usual I convinced myself I had it under control this time and I could drink sensibly...I always know that it's not true but I had to find out. Again.
              We are masters of self-deception, I can always convince myself it's what I "need" or want to do even though I know the eventual outcome. Just make sure you use the experience as a lesson and not to beat yourself up and start to think it's impossible. This last couple years has been a huge lesson for me because I've probably been more successful in controlling my drinking than ever before, yet I still end up on my ass wondering what happened, eventually.

              downunder;1540233 wrote: The problem is I steer clear everytime I'm about to fail, because I don't really want anyone to talk me out of it. The best thing I could do is to be honest when I am feeling like drinking again, but I know for now that's just not going to happen.
              I do exactly this as well. For me, what's worked best is never getting that deep into the struggle, I have to stay vigilant. If I've already been struggling with it for weeks, avoiding people in recovery, lying about wanting to drink then I'm pretty much screwed.

              downunder;1540233 wrote:               .....one of these days I will get it right!
              How? Do you have a plan for this next try? I know for me that no plan at all is a plan to drink.
              Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

              You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. - Jim Rohn

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                #8
                Back to the start- AGAIN!!

                down under - set an alarm on your phone RIGHT now for the 2 month mark. Today write yourself a letter about what it's like to START OVER - and why you know one drink will just lead you to START OVER. I don't know for sure if this will work - but I know it's what I've done in anticipation for the 3 week mark (a trigger for me) and the 7 month mark. I set mine for 5 in the morning so it really makes an impact. I'm going to get up at that time and read my letter to myself.

                A friend Sober for 20 years gave me this tip. I'd try it if I were you. You will forget about the alarm, but it just might wake you up in time to keep your sobriety!!
                Put your hands over your heart - and tell yourself that you are going to guard this essence of who you are with everything. Alcohol opens us up to darkness and depression instantly. You choose love today. Guard it by keeping the poison out of your body. It IS poison.



                NF - May 2, 2013 (cig free Jan. 25, 2013)
                AF - July 31, 2013
                :lordhelpme:

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                  #9
                  Back to the start- AGAIN!!

                  Thanks for the tips. I had such a hard time with the recovery last time and I said I never wanted to go through it again. I was absolutely certain that it would be the last time I go through it. But of course it has been forgotten, or pushed away.
                  I'm still drinking now. I don't feel like I'm really at the point to stop again just yet, but I'll keep checking this site for inspiration. I have so many mental lists of reasons not to drink, perhaps it is time I put them down on paper and look at them every day.

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                    #10
                    Back to the start- AGAIN!!

                    RitaNow;1540565 wrote: down under - set an alarm on your phone RIGHT now for the 2 month mark. Today write yourself a letter about what it's like to START OVER - and why you know one drink will just lead you to START OVER. I don't know for sure if this will work - but I know it's what I've done in anticipation for the 3 week mark (a trigger for me) and the 7 month mark. I set mine for 5 in the morning so it really makes an impact. I'm going to get up at that time and read my letter to myself.

                    A friend Sober for 20 years gave me this tip. I'd try it if I were you. You will forget about the alarm, but it just might wake you up in time to keep your sobriety!!
                    I like this idea! Interestingly enough, I put an entry in my calendar for doing a re-evaluation of the job I had for one year from the day I put it in. LOL, it popped up about 2 weeks ago, I had of course completely forgotten about it, and I had been quite unhappy for the last six months at my job, been drunk alot recently and gotten fired from it a few weeks before anyway! I think I will do this with my sobriety, set a few reminders for like a month, 3 months, 6 months etc. I'll put in the calendar entry to check myself before I wreck myself , be really honest and see if I need to get back on track. Thanks for the tip!
                    Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

                    You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. - Jim Rohn

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                      #11
                      Back to the start- AGAIN!!

                      Hello Downunder - I am right here with you. Had 3 fabulous AF months and then blew it following a car accident in July and have been drinking since. I woke up this morning and thought 'this has to stop - today' I want to be free of this fog and depression that AL gives me. So today is Day 1 again for me.

                      I also like the idea of the alarm - I'm going to put some of those into my phone today.
                      Never put off to tomorrow what you can achieve today!

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                        #12
                        Back to the start- AGAIN!!

                        Snapdragon;1540603 wrote: Hello Downunder - I am right here with you. Had 3 fabulous AF months and then blew it following a car accident in July and have been drinking since. I woke up this morning and thought 'this has to stop - today' I want to be free of this fog and depression that AL gives me. So today is Day 1 again for me.

                        I also like the idea of the alarm - I'm going to put some of those into my phone today.
                        Hey, Snap

                        Come on back to the nest :l! It was so great to hang out there with you and it seemed like it helped you gain those 3 months.

                        Miss you! :h NS

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                          #13
                          Back to the start- AGAIN!!

                          Welcome back snap

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