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    #1

    one week a lifetime to go

    I have been a highly functioning alcoholic for nearly 25 years. I've gone from binge drinking on weekends to, as of a week ago, upwards of a fifth of vodka a day. I never drink during the work day so I drank all of that booze in about 5 hours. I am not public about my drinking nor have I ever openly drank unless at a social function. This meant years of hiding a bottle and sneaking it into whatever I was drinking, usually a diet coke. I have lied to my family, my docter and myself.
    I have gone cold turkey a dozen times and the longest I've gone is 3 months. Kindling isnt a myth, with each withdrawal the symptons get worse. With each attempt I always told myself that I was only quitting so I could return as a "social drinker" Well folks that is a crock...I lack the cutoff switch.
    Last week after a particullary heavy weekend of drinking I had enough. It's been a week and the symptoms have been as tough as ever. I dont get DT's but the anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, stomach cramps et al have been everpresent. Folks, those of you with more courage see a doctor!
    The cravings come at the same time, 5 pm but they pass quickly, mostly I remember the reason why this time is for real. Part of that determination is the reason why I've posted. I could use the support.
    Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing.

    William Butler Yeats
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    #2
    one week a lifetime to go

    Welcome TJAF! You have come to the right place, you will find many of us here don't have a cut off switch either, and wouldn't know what to with one if we did! It sounds as though you've come through the worst of your withdrawals, aren't they horrible? Please stick around. Join us in the Newbies Nest and keep reading and posting. Someone less lazy than I will post the links to the Nest and the Toolbox. You are notalone TJAF, well done on your first week!
    Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe

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      #3
      one week a lifetime to go

      Welcome TJAF. The people on MWO have been a good support for me. Read lots and ask about whatever is bothering you. You'll find folks on here who have the lifestyle that you want. Read their back posts to see how it went for them. PM them. You can find your way out.

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        #4
        one week a lifetime to go

        TJAF;1540336 wrote: I have been a highly functioning alcoholic for nearly 25 years. I've gone from binge drinking on weekends to, as of a week ago, upwards of a fifth of vodka a day. I never drink during the work day so I drank all of that booze in about 5 hours. I am not public about my drinking nor have I ever openly drank unless at a social function. This meant years of hiding a bottle and sneaking it into whatever I was drinking, usually a diet coke. I have lied to my family, my docter and myself.
        I have gone cold turkey a dozen times and the longest I've gone is 3 months. Kindling isnt a myth, with each withdrawal the symptons get worse. With each attempt I always told myself that I was only quitting so I could return as a "social drinker" Well folks that is a crock...I lack the cutoff switch.
        Last week after a particullary heavy weekend of drinking I had enough. It's been a week and the symptoms have been as tough as ever. I dont get DT's but the anxiety, fatigue, insomnia, stomach cramps et al have been everpresent. Folks, those of you with more courage see a doctor!
        The cravings come at the same time, 5 pm but they pass quickly, mostly I remember the reason why this time is for real. Part of that determination is the reason why I've posted. I could use the support.
        :welcome: TJAF! Congratulations on giving up alcohol for a week! As you know since you've quit before, some of the worst of the physical problems are over. Now you just need to get your head in the right place and you've found a great site to get that done .

        Just about everyone here lacks that off switch -- things go much better once we realize it and give up the dream of moderation. It sounds like you've made it to that point already!

        The Newbies Nest (link below) is a great place to hang out in the beginning - there are people there at all stages of this process. There are many good ideas in the Toolbox -- both for getting off and importantly, staying off, alcohol.

        Hope to see you over in the Nest!

        Comment

          #5
          one week a lifetime to go

          Welcome TJAF! Glad you stopped in and made a decision to end the cycle. I relate to every bit of what you posted...the progression, the lies...

          TJAF;1540336 wrote: I have been a highly functioning alcoholic for nearly 25 years. I've gone from binge drinking on weekends to, as of a week ago, upwards of a fifth of vodka a day. I never drink during the work day so I drank all of that booze in about 5 hours.
          Sounds very familiar. I never drank during the work day either, except for maybe on a couple occasions where the coworkers would go have a boozey lunch. I did however start drinking during the day on the weekends, and this was one of many lines I crossed that led to worse drinking.

          TJAF;1540336 wrote: Kindling isnt a myth, with each withdrawal the symptons get worse.
          It sure ain't a myth. Each time the withdrawal symptoms came back worse. The part I didn't understand at first was, it took me years to get to the point of being physically dependent, but even after months of being sober, when I would go back I would get physically dependent again very quickly. If I drank for more than 3 days or so I would start to get the shakes again, etc.

          TJAF;1540336 wrote:           With each attempt I always told myself that I was only quitting so I could return as a "social drinker" Well folks that is a crock...I lack the cutoff switch.
          I've tried this 1000 times. Trying to drink moderately, drink only on the weekends, only with friends, the list goes on, and this is one of the baffling aspects of problem drinking. Every time I started again, I'd eventually end up back where I started. It could take 3 days, it could take 3 months, I just never knew. I have never had a cutoff switch.

          Again, glad you are here, and remember that you can do this and have a great sober life!
          Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

          You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. - Jim Rohn

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            #6
            one week a lifetime to go

            You have to realise that 1 is 1 2 many

            It' something we have to accept .......we can't have even 1

            Hope you succeed this time .......stay tuned in regardless ......one day it will click

            Comment

              #7
              one week a lifetime to go

              Hi TJAF and welcome,

              I've quit so many times my head can spin but when you mention 5 pm being when the cravings hit I'm thinking there might be something else other than the usual time to start drinking after work that kicks that craving in and that's low blood sugar levels. Did you ever notice you don't crave alcohol after you've had something to eat? Did you ever notice how much you crave alcohol if you've skipped a meal? 5pm is that perfect storm hour where we're hungry and stressed about work, rush hour etc, and the time when we usually pick up a drink to "relax". Having the blood sugar levels even throughout the day has worked wonders. For me it's eating 5 regular meals, the 3 normal and two snacks and not skipping a meal ever. Just a thought.
              2023 - focus, getting it done, and living the way it should be and being the person I need to be.

              Comment

                #8
                one week a lifetime to go

                Welcome to your new life TJAF!

                I myself I'm on day 7 today - so I know exactly where you are coming from Each time I quit, the really tough days stretch out longer and longer. I worry with each withdrawal if I will have a seizure or something horrible happen. The truth is - if we don't quit - eventually that WILL happen. The truth is - eventually we will die in our drunk state, or during withdrawal. So now is the time to move out of this hell hole and never look back, except with a shout for joy that we got out before the unthinkable happened.

                Hang in here with us - and we'll all walk this journey together. The good, the bad and the ugly. That's what it takes.

                :goodjob: and buckle up for week two! You can do it. It will feel better and better each day.
                Put your hands over your heart - and tell yourself that you are going to guard this essence of who you are with everything. Alcohol opens us up to darkness and depression instantly. You choose love today. Guard it by keeping the poison out of your body. It IS poison.



                NF - May 2, 2013 (cig free Jan. 25, 2013)
                AF - July 31, 2013
                :lordhelpme:

                Comment

                  #9
                  one week a lifetime to go

                  Thank you all. Day 8. Still pretty fuzzy headed. Does any one else have stomach problems? I have wrecked havoc with my stomach lining. Indigestion has been an issue as well the last few days. As for suppliments I'm taking Milk Thistle, a B complex, DMAE, vitamin D and a multi -vitamin. Any other suggestions?
                  Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing.

                  William Butler Yeats

                  Comment

                    #10
                    one week a lifetime to go

                    I definitely have stomach issues for some time when I get sober. Prior to ever trying to get sober (about 12 years of heavy drinking), I think I used to have ulcers or some other horrid gastro problem. Sometimes I'd just double over in pain when I took the first drink or tried to eat something acidic. If it was on a drinking occasion I'd just keep chugging and it would go away, healthy! I'm on day two and have definite indigestion and gas. I tend to drink milk with my meals so I think that helps, and in general just try to keep the meals light but substantial.
                    Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

                    You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. - Jim Rohn

                    Comment

                      #11
                      one week a lifetime to go

                      RitaNow;1540568 wrote: I worry with each withdrawal if I will have a seizure or something horrible happen.
                      I've had a few seizures after serious benders and they are awful. They happened after going only 4 or 5 hours without a drink. If anyone reads this and is a 'round the clock drinker or starts to feel very shaky or your heart starts racing when you stop drinking, I seriously recommend you get a medical detox. One of them was a grand mal and I could have died, fortunately my friend was there to call the paramedics. They can and will happen to anyone that drinks long and hard enough and then withdraws.
                      Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. - Jim Rohn

                      You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. - Jim Rohn

                      Comment

                        #12
                        one week a lifetime to go

                        “Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.”
                        ― Craig Ferguson
                        Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing.

                        William Butler Yeats

                        Comment

                          #13
                          one week a lifetime to go

                          Day 9. How you doing Ritanow
                          Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing.

                          William Butler Yeats

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                            #14
                            one week a lifetime to go

                            Going on two weeks now. Yesterday was a doozy. Woke up with what felt like a really bad hangover. Bad thing about PAWS is whether or not you're actually sick or still getting wacked by that jerk alcohol. Feeling only slightly better today. Here's hoping for a better two week anniversary tomorrow. Anyone have some thoughts on making these kind of days tolerable.
                            Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing.

                            William Butler Yeats

                            Comment

                              #15
                              one week a lifetime to go

                              good for you tjaf! remeber its still pretty early in your sobriety,just take it easy like you did in the first week,try and stay full,take your vits,drink your water,by next week youll feel way better,keep going
                              I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                              I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                              Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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