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    #1

    I Hate This!

    I really hate to have to post this but I made a choice to drink AL last night. I have been reflecting on what happened and have come to the following conclusion. Yesterday, I went to my counseling appointment and we started digging deep into my past. It was very painful. Instead of allowing myself to feel the pain and deal with it, I chose to drink and deal with it the old way. Needless to say that I am very upset with myself at the moment and almost didn't come here and post but decided that I will never get better if I don't keep on trying. It didn't solve anything and actuall made things worse.

    I am sorry to all of those that I have let down and this will be the last time that I come on here and post that I am back to Day 1 again. I plan on having no more Day 1's again.
    Miley

    "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
    [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14
    Tags: None
    #2
    I Hate This!

    Dear Miley,

    We are all with you ... We will help you make it to several more days without alcohol. Please fell free to share your pain ... What was so painful about your past ? I am listening ... Come quickly to the nest ...
    Rahul
    --------------------------------------------
    Rewiring my brain ... done ...
    Updating brain "attitude" firmware ... done ...
    Rebooting ... done ...
    Restarted program called "Life" ... started successfully ...

    Comment

      #3
      I Hate This!

      Hi miley , i have had so many "day 1s" , its ridiculous . But the fact you ve come back straight after 1 day shows you really want to stay Af . I have often had a 6 month slip . Each time it has got tougher . Best wishes in staying sober . I am back in early stages of sobriety and i too hope i will never another day1 .
      Good luck
      Damo in dublin
      Still trying !!!
      AF 25th June2014

      Comment

        #4
        I Hate This!

        Thanks for the support Rahul and Damo.....I needed it!
        Miley

        "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
        [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14

        Comment

          #5
          I Hate This!

          Hi, Miley

          I wrote to you in the nest before I saw this thread. I'm sorry about yesterday and that you are feeling bad today.

          You have what it takes to beat this - you are not afraid to seek help from many places, not afraid to dig into your past, and not afraid to come back to MWO today. You are strong - maybe stronger than you think .

          Love, NS

          Comment

            #6
            I Hate This!

            Thanks NS....I don't know what I would do without you (and everyone else here, as well).
            Miley

            "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
            [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14

            Comment

              #7
              I Hate This!

              miley,dust your self off,get back up and go for it,i know you feel bad about drinking last nite,but at least it was just one nite,you recognized it,now your gonna deal with it,no more day 1's for us
              I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

              I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
              Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

              Comment

                #8
                I Hate This!

                Thanks Pauly...No more Day 1's for us....ever!
                Miley

                "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
                [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14

                Comment

                  #9
                  I Hate This!

                  Miley I have had more day ones than I want admit to! I am now on day 5 Again and hope its my last one! Good luck and hang in there. kdog
                  Reflect upon your present blessingings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I Hate This!

                    Thanks KDog and congrats on 5 days!
                    Miley

                    "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
                    [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I Hate This!

                      Miley hey there don't be too hard on yourself ok? You learned young how to protect yourself from pain and discomfort. Now that you're older you can learn new tools. It takes a lot of courage to open up old wounds, be sure to talk to your counsellor about how you reacted and maybe together you can come up with healthier options.
                      Newbies Nest
                      Toolbox
                      My accountability thread

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I Hate This!

                        Miley: I too have had many day 1's. I then got serious & stayed sober for 3 years. I then relapsed (last summer) & had yet another day 1 (Oct. 3, 2012). I too plan on never having a day 1, but I would never give up on sobriety. It is devastating to relapse, but all we can do is pick ourselves up & go at it again. Thank goodness you came back here & are willing to come clean & resume your program. I am determined to continue w/my sober life, because it works best for me. I know you will be fine. Good luck. Mary
                        Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                        October 3, 2012

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                          #13
                          I Hate This!

                          Miley....I think a lot of us rack up days 1s as we are on this journey. It is painful and I am not sure how much time you had before this. Eventually, it becomes easier to just suck up bad emotions. The brief time that al gave you relief from your problems is such an evil illusion. There they are in the morning....but, now I have a hangover.

                          I still joke that I have so many day ones, that I have years of sobriety.....just not consecutive

                          Never ever give up.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I Hate This!

                            Mary...thank you for the encouragement. I can't imagine what my life would look like if I gave up, so I will keep on trying.

                            SF.....you crack me up with the year of sobriety...I am probably in the same boat!

                            Thanks for the support everyone. I am on Day 2, tired today but feel good about my decision to eliminate AL from my life for good. No more toying around with the idea that I can have just one because we all know that is a big lie!
                            Miley

                            "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
                            [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I Hate This!

                              Hi Miley,
                              Glad to see you using this thread as a daily checkin. We are all pulling for you.
                              Warmest,
                              Free at Last
                              "What you seek is seeking you." -- Rumi

                              Highly recommend this video
                              http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

                              July 19, 2013 -- the beginning of being Free at Last

                              Comment

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