Day 1 again

[Joemero]

I relapsed Sunday and yesterday. Wife went on a short out of town trip to drop off my kids at a friends cabin, and the craving and curiosity were too much for me to handle. Plus she was not going to be around to see it right? WRONG. Feel pretty bad about myself, but I think this helped to convince myself that I do have a problem and that it will never be OK to drink, not even a little. So day 1 again today, feeling like crap, but that's the price we pay.

[GMS]

Day 1 again

Day I again and again

Hi Joemero

I'm back here after several goes. I had lost my past username and password so I've started afresh. Whilst lurking for the past few days I saw a post from someone which said this is a journey and not an event. That's a good way to look at this. Instead of feeling like crap you seem to have picked yourself up and learnt to grow a little. Ironically Sunday was my chosen day to go AF since I got 60 days under my belt back in March this year. For me it's all been a big learning curve. At first I couldn't even go a day let alone a week and each attempt has been a bit more focused. For a few years I was misleading myself that I could mod but alas that not in my makeup. So I'm here on day 3 and instantly related to your post. Hopefully I can join you on that journey for a little while. Good luck my friend. GMS

Day 3 done
Day 7
Day 30
Day60

[girly wirly]

Day 1 again

Good luck honey. Its my day one too. Im going to make it. I do not deserve what im doing to my body and neither do you.

[paulywogg]

Day 1 again

darn joe you were breezing along so good,i totally understand though,been there,done it,use it as a learning tool,drinking sucks it hasnt changed in the time we were sober,good for you for dusting off and getting back up,onward you go

[Wine-no!]

Day 1 again

I thought I could mod after 50 days AF - I could not - or should I say it was too much like hard work...

I have to say, I don't regret it though as I have finally learnt that there is no way of moderating for me... So I have finally quit and will do everything I can to make it stick!

All the best.

[NoSugar]

Day 1 again

Joemero;1543224 wrote: I relapsed Sunday and yesterday. Wife went on a short out of town trip to drop off my kids at a friends cabin, and the craving and curiosity were too much for me to handle. Plus she was not going to be around to see it right? WRONG. Feel pretty bad about myself, but I think this helped to convince myself that I do have a problem and that it will never be OK to drink, not even a little. So day 1 again today, feeling like crap, but that's the price we pay.

Hi, Joermo -- I'm curious about what you were curious about. One thing I have known for a long time is the outcome of my having one drink: I have more and more.

Did you want to see if it would be different this time? You have probably, like most of us here, conducted that failed experiment many times over. Please give it up. And don't even try experimenting again using a new protocol such as a different beverage or a new location. Learn from all the failures at moderation you see documented all over MWO -- you cannot control AL while it is controlling you and the only way to win, in my opinion, is to cut it out entirely.

"Cravings" can be dealt with - there is advice all over MWO, including in the toolbox. They don't kill you or even do you any harm. Satisfying this one can do both.

It may not seem this way to you right now but it really is so much easier not to drink.

All the best to you, NS

[Samstone]

Day 1 again

Joe
I know it must feel like old hat but I'm glad you keep coming back to being sober. Never give up.

[Joemero]

Day 1 again

NoSugar;1543247 wrote: Hi, Joermo -- I'm curious about what you were curious about. One thing I have known for a long time is the outcome of my having one drink: I have more and more.

Did you want to see if it would be different this time? You have probably, like most of us

I think I was curious to see if I could mod, and to see if the effect would be any different after 42 days. Of course the outcome is exactly the same...going on a binge and offending people around me. I feel terrible about that, and now my wife said she's leaving, even if I get back on the wagon which I have. She says she can't risk seeing me relapse again. :helpme:

[Wine-no!]

Day 1 again

Joemero;1543265 wrote: I think I was curious to see if I could mod, and to see if the effect would be any different after 42 days. Of course the outcome is exactly the same...going on a binge and offending people around me. I feel terrible about that, and now my wife said she's leaving, even if I get back on the wagon which I have. She says she can't risk seeing me relapse again. :helpme:

:l So sorry. Maybe she is threatening you to help you to quit? I sure hope she won't really go through with it. This gives you even more reason to stay strong and get this bastard drink out of your life :l

[GMS]

Day 1 again

Better to have tried

Joe

As the old saying goes, "better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all"

It's hard for me to give you advise here as it must be very traumatic right now. All I can say is if it were me I would talk to my wife and try and explain the journey!!!!!! Or send a card or write a note but try and keep communicating. God knows its hard enough without the added pressures. Whatever do this for yourself.

[moni]

Day 1 again

I'm 9 months AF tomorrow and I truly believe the only reason I haven't gone on a binge is because I haven't touched a drop. I've been tempted, there's no doubt. It would be a lot easier to drink alcohol than deliberately have to seek out places that sell AF alternatives. I treat myself to AF beer and wine but it is hard to comeby and recently I even considered buying a bottle of very low alcohol wine but stopped myself. I just know that I'm on a slippery slope once that first drop passes my lips.
Get back on track and stay strong. It is achievable.

[Samstone]

Day 1 again

Joe
whoa! did not make the connection wife is leaving... I hope it can work out, definitely a shake up and hopefully a wake up. The worst you can do now is use this as an excuse to drink again.

[K9Lover]

Day 1 again

Welcome back Joe!

We all had to "try". Believe me, I tried everything I could think of to keep drinking. I finally realized that there was no safe in-between for me, and the experiment was over. I hope your wife can be understanding. Stick close and let us know how things are going.

K9

[Joemero]

Day 1 again

Thanks everyone...

[Joemero]

Day 1 again

Heading to see my counselor in an hour, feeling kind of crummy...