I REALLY need to change!

[nwhillsman]

I'm new here, like many others I've read. I bought the book and intend on going to see a shrink to work on this with therapy and probably the drug (forgot the name). I've been a secret problem drinker for a long time now. Everyone knows I drink, but not exactly how much and when. I hide it very well, but lately I've begun to get really loaded almost every day, and it's only a matter of time before I screw up and get busted by my wife or someone else. I always considered myself to be a highly functional problem drinker, until recently that is. I can see that it's really become a serious problem for me. The worst part is the guilt and shame I feel about my wife and kids. It breaks my heart to think that I could be hurting them. I have the cutest kids, the best wife...and this is how I treat them? I feel weak and broken because I can't "suck it up, act like a man and stop drinking." I just can't stop. I've tried many times, and now I can only go a couple of days if I have told myself that I have "really decided to do it this time." And I really worry about my health, too, and how that could affect my family.

It's gotten so bad that I can't even really imagine that anything will ever work for me.

Can anyone tell me where to start, and what I can do before I go in to see a doc and get the prescription (if that's what I choose)? Do the herbal supplements really work? The hypno-cd's?

[Java]

I REALLY need to change!

I havent tried to the CD's, but i did the supps and the topamax, and it works very well for me. A lot of others are the same way, look around on the forums, you will find different things work for different people, you just jave to find the combo thats right for your situation and timing. Hope this helps.

Victoria

[Breez]

I REALLY need to change!

Hi NW
and Welcome!

Develop a goal & plan & never give up.

I am on my 2nd time around with Topa. No cravings and 100+ days AF. The first time I failed on it b/c I wasn't ready to quit. I just went thru the motions wanting to quit but not taking the extra step and actually quiting. This time I'm ready for the battle-mind, body & soul. You just have to want it badly enough.

Most everybody has tweaked the program. I personally have only gotten up to 100 mg Topa & am fine at this dosage & don't take any supps. You can get a lot of info on Topa at the thread Topamax, Campral, Naltrexone, Baclofen, other meds . I haven't done the CD's yet but will if I need to.

Poke around & you'll find what you need. Glad you found us!

[Mags]

I REALLY need to change!

NW

I am so glad that you have decided to join us. We all share this struggle. As for suggestions, I suggest first of all that you not try to do this difficult but wonderful thing alone. Share every day with your friends here and let us help. From now on, you are never alone.

I have never taken the Topamax, but think the Kudzu and the other supplements are great. I have also benefitted greatly from the CD's. We all have our own individual plans -that's what's so great about MWO. I suggest you download RJ's book and read it and take the Kudzu at least. I think the CD's are good also, but you can do those when you feel like it.

Welcome aboard. You and your wife and your kids will be so glad you joined us.

:welcome:

[kitkatsue]

I REALLY need to change!

NW Hi!
The only thing I can say is there is no quick fix, I would suggest being open with your wife about your concern you maybe surprised about the support you will receive. She may see your being concerned as a good thing plus just tell your doctor you drink and that you are concerned no need for shame in that.

I am no one to give advice as I am still working on it but I would rather work at improving than not work at all.

You take care!

[eustacia]

I REALLY need to change!

:welcome: Welcome!

Your post especially touched me because we have many of the same concerns and it sounds like our drinking that led each of us to this site was at about the same level.

I can tell you that this program works if you work with it. My typical drinking is now a little under a glass of wine per day. I have never tried Topamax, and so I rely on other parts of the program, especially the wonderful people I've met at MWO. If I neglect the supplements (e.g., forget to pack them for a trip) my drinking will increase somewhat. Also, if I neglect exercise, I feel a little depressed and more inclined to drink. I am currently recovered from a trip related slip (double entendre intentional) and while it is humbling, I know that within a few weeks of concerted effort I'll be fine again.

I haven't made as much use of the CDs as some others but I find the subliminal one quite soothing. This CD has another name that escapes me, but I am referring to the CD that is just nature sounds with a subliminal message.

Believe in yourself, NW:l. And come back often.

:heart: Eustacia

[tea]

I REALLY need to change!

Hi NW and welcome. You will find all the support and advice here from experienced and genuine members. Look forward to seeing more of you. It is very early here in Scotland so am just on my first coffee of the day and looking forward to the rest of it. Will prob post more later when the waking up fuzzies have gone.

Lorna xx

[SKendall]

I REALLY need to change!

Hi NW, welcome. You are no longer alone in your struggle.

This site was started by RJ and I believe it to be the best way to follow her book. She did it with months and now years of research.

A lot of us have funky brain wiring and some of us are hypoglycemic - craving sugar and alcohol that is different from other normals.

Please try it the way she has suggested it, and if you run into problems you can tweak your program and we will be here in case you fall. Topomax isn't for everyone, but if you read the Meds forum, you will find help there.

Good Luck. You have just made many new friends:h

[Popeye]

I REALLY need to change!

Hello nwhillsman.
Glad you're here.

[betty boop]

I REALLY need to change!

Hello & :welcome:

You have come to the right place, well done!!!!

Read as much as you can on here, so many people do different things so i'm sure that you will find something that works for you.

All the best

[rudemama]

I REALLY need to change!

Welcome, come here feel safe, find strength . MWO is a wonderful haven that scaffolds our day to day life. :welcome: rucemama

[tea]

I REALLY need to change!

Hi Hillsman, welcome. As all who have posted above please know you are not alone, not ever... I have wasted so many weekends, why then did I so look forward to Friday night when soon as the first glass hit my lips it was Monday morning, feeling like crap, wondering where the weekend went... there are so many stories here you will relate to, all from genuine, caring people, all who share so generously their stories. I am quite new here but can say with my whole heart that I have found the place for me. I look in most days, I don;t always post, I don;t always feel that I have to, that is the beauty of this site, just do what you want when you want to BUT I always read the posts, sometime laughing sometime crying. Glad you found us.

Lorna

[nwhillsman]

I REALLY need to change!

Thanks for the support!

I want to thank everyone who replied to my initial post. Since I've been very secret about this problem, I've had to carry the load alone. Not a good feeling. Just being able to write some of it down, and know that someone out there has read it, is a good feeling.

I read the book and I've ordered the supplements. My next step is to find a psychiatrist who can help me out with this. I feel like I've done a whole lot of emotional damage to myself over the years, and that it will take some pretty aggressive treatment to put it behind me. An objective ear to bend is always a good thing.

Thanks again. It means very much to me.