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    #1

    High Functioning Alcoholics?

    The phrase "high functioning" has interested me as over the years this was the sort of alcoholic I considered myself!

    Last night my neighbour and his boyfriend had a heavy drinking session, they do every weekend. They don't consider themselves alcoholics but recognise that they drink heavily. (I like them a lot and we have talked openly about drinking).

    They both have beautiful homes,and lovely gardens, hold down responsible, interesting and high earning jobs, have five holidays a year, have many beautiful possessions. They are "characters", I enjoy talking with them as they are funny, witty etc (and interesting on some occassions).

    Last night was interesting for me as they were out in their garden partying (very late and loudly) while I was in bed reading "Sober for Good" ! they got louder and louder so did their two guests, so did the music. I would never fault them as I have behaved like this in the past too (although in more recent years I isolated). At the end (2.30am) it was rather sad as two of them had fallen asleep, the other two were having a very intense and personal conversation but at such a loud level I could hear every word.

    All this made me very reflective as with past boyfriends I too behaved in this way. Everything I did with them revolved round drink, it is the same with my neighbour and his boyfriend, even when they are out gardening they drink beer all day. Whenever they are together they drink.... so how do they really know each other?

    I have been single for quite a long time now and that is Ok but it has made me think, if I do ever get into another relationship I would want to be with someone who does not drink or drinks very little.

    Also for me drinking at the end spoilt lots of potentially glamorous occassions, like I would be watching a play at the theatre and having to sit with one eye shut as I was seeing double, another time I was on a boat trip looking at historic buildings, this could have been fascinating .... but I drank so much it was hard not to throw up! Recently I did this trip sober and loved it.

    Have a lovely alcohol free Sunday everyone,
    DD
    New life started on 1st May 2014, One day at a time I will work at continuing it forever!
    Tags: None
    #2
    High Functioning Alcoholics?

    Actually I think the 'highly functional' thing is quite interesting.
    Most highly functional alcoholics would never dream of allowing themselves to be thought of as needing help in any way and would certainly would deplore the 'powerlessness' tag that AA uses. You can literally go through life as a functioning alcoholic and die that way.
    But I think so many heavy drinkers of the highly functional type exist because lots of people with drink problems are quite greedy individuals. Greedy for booze, greedy for food, greedy for experience, greedy for life! Many highly functional drinkers are very bright, savvy, generalists with a love of the good life. The do excess very well, but not moderation! And yes, I suspect I too could describe myself that way-at least in the past. I am learning to surrender though, the more self knowledge I amass the better at sobriety I am getting, though I fully understand that the process is ongoing.
    Sobriety is its own reward

    Comment

      #3
      High Functioning Alcoholics?

      I always wondered about label....as though it id different from non-functional. This I think is loosely defined. Sure I functioned....like the Walking Dead. Deep down someone I think knows they have a problem....its just what do they define "problem" as.

      I am grateful that my hubby is not a big drinker and never drinks around me. I would find it hard to be in a relationship with a consistent drinker. I think our values change getting sober...and that is what you need to look for in one if you get into a relationship.

      Good luck!

      Comment

        #4
        High Functioning Alcoholics?

        I definitely think it's valid to point out the "gray area" that exists here. I think most people would have termed me as "high functioning." I teach at a college, I actively practice the profession I teach, I own a house and a vacation house, drive a nice car, support the arts and occasionally go on nice holidays. I've also been to jail twice (including once having been severely beaten by the police - I didn't pursue it to keep my "good" name out of the media), have been to an emergency room for alcohol poisoning multiple times, have been nearly kicked off of multiple modes of transport for picking fights and arguments with people while drunk, missed work for being drunk or hungover, etc. When you take into account the flip side of the coin, the term "high functioning" doesn't seem to mean as much, does it? While I managed to keep it together enough to present a facade of respectability, I had just as much in common with whom most people would term as the "non-functional" alcoholic that isn't employed and/or considered in any way "respectable."
        In the middle of my life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood, as I had lost the straight path. It is a difficult thing to speak about, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood is. Just thinking about it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death, but in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there. --Dante, paraphrased

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          #5
          High Functioning Alcoholics?

          In response to Alky

          I totally see what you are getting at Alky.

          I haven't had police or hospital situations, not yet, I could see how they could happen if I carried on. I haven't been violent,not physically, but in the past with words was rather cutting, said things I regretted.

          Even if the common definition of me was "high functioning alcoholic" I know that in my own mind I was not. I might have had a home,job,car etc hardly ever missed a day of work blah blah blah............ but inwardly I was lost ... the last couple of years was beginning to isolate each eve after work. I did not cut myself off from my family or my closest friends, but stopped seeing a lot of people and doing interesting things as I wanted to devote time at weekend and in eves to drinking .....my world was getting smaller and smaller and in my head more and more chaotic. I can see I was not really "high functioning" although I might have been perceived that way , I was sinking deeper and deeper into despair.
          New life started on 1st May 2014, One day at a time I will work at continuing it forever!

          Comment

            #6
            High Functioning Alcoholics?

            I would consider myself a high functioning alcoholic. I own a home, have a great job, kids, going back to school, take vacations, etc.....but I spent much of my days at work trying to function with a hangover. I have missed days of work from a hangover, have spent a whole Sunday in bed recovering from a hangover....I guess I would call it barley functioning instead of high functioning.
            Miley

            "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
            [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14

            Comment

              #7
              High Functioning Alcoholics?

              Kairos;1545232 wrote: Actually I think the 'highly functional' thing is quite interesting.
              Most highly functional alcoholics would never dream of allowing themselves to be thought of as needing help in any way and would certainly would deplore the 'powerlessness' tag that AA uses. You can literally go through life as a functioning alcoholic and die that way.
              But I think so many heavy drinkers of the highly functional type exist because lots of people with drink problems are quite greedy individuals. Greedy for booze, greedy for food, greedy for experience, greedy for life! Many highly functional drinkers are very bright, savvy, generalists with a love of the good life. The do excess very well, but not moderation! And yes, I suspect I too could describe myself that way-at least in the past. I am learning to surrender though, the more self knowledge I amass the better at sobriety I am getting, though I fully understand that the process is ongoing.
              Why Kairos, I think you may have hit the nail on the head for me. Great insight, Thank you.

              Comment

                #8
                High Functioning Alcoholics?

                It is amazingly true to me how well I can justify my drinking because I have always thought I still took care of the important stuff. In reality I am not taking care of me or believe I am important. Sad

                Comment

                  #9
                  High Functioning Alcoholics?

                  steppingstone48;1545453 wrote: It is amazingly true to me how well I can justify my drinking because I have always thought I still took care of the important stuff. In reality I am not taking care of me or believe I am important. Sad
                  Another great insight Steppingstone. Thanks

                  Comment

                    #10
                    High Functioning Alcoholics?

                    Originally Posted by steppingstone48 View Post

                    It is amazingly true to me how well I can justify my drinking because I have always thought I still took care of the important stuff. In reality I am not taking care of me or believe I am important. Sad
                    Don't end that with the 'sad' word. You have made great progress to get to that realisation. Be happy, not sad.
                    K
                    Sobriety is its own reward

                    Comment

                      #11
                      High Functioning Alcoholics?

                      Interesting post. My stbx-husband loved the term "high-functioning." When I would become concerned about our drinking, or would try to stop, he would always assure me that we weren't really alcoholics - after all, we had good jobs, a nice home, and lots of friends (who also drank a lot!!). Yes, I suppose we were "high-functioning." We were also greedy and self-involved. (good insight, Kairos).

                      But fast forward just a few short years, and it all came crashing down. He lost his job - not officially for drinking, but in my opinion, because of his drinking. We lost our home, our sons' respect (only now earning that back), and finally our marriage. It took decades to build our life together (always with a drink in our hand), and we threw it all away. We hit bottom. It was a huge wake-up call for me. Thankfully I managed to hang on to my job so I have been able to slowly start rebuilding my life.

                      So I am very leery of the term, "high-functioning alcoholic." It's an oxymoron and an unsustainable lifestyle.
                      Everything is going to be amazing

                      Comment

                        #12
                        High Functioning Alcoholics?

                        Hey MossRose

                        I like that expression-"unsustainable lifestyle." I suppose it's sustainable until you die.
                        When I read that I was thinking about a man who lives with my sister. He drinks a LOT every day. This situation has been "sustainable" for a long time-over 20 years.

                        I often wonder when the other shoe is going to drop for him. She does not have what it takes to get out, and the deterioration of their house and everything else is of course directly proportional to his escalating disease.

                        The two people I knew who died due to alcoholism were 44 and 45 years old. This guy is about 53 or so. A phone call about his death would be neither surprising or good news though he is a horrible person otherwise as well.

                        I must admit I don't get (physiologically) how he has dodged that bullet for so long. SO in his case-it's "sustainable." If you call that living.

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