To Count or Not Count the Days

[Gardener]

Just looking for opinions on this subject;

On my first quit, which was 07-01-13 to 08-03-13, I counted every day and posted on the roll call religiously.

I've started over after a relapse and now I am so reluctant to count. Seemed like a trigger for me was reaching that amazing 30 DAYS!!!!! I was on top of the world, and felt somewhat arrogant about my success. For me, it made me feel like I had conquered the demon and could control it if I wanted, hey I made it to 30 days! Biiiiig mistake! It took me about 2 weeks to get back to the right frame of mind again.

This time, I'm not counting, I'm just doing. I want every day to be AF whether it's 100 days, 5 years or 1 week. Every day is the same for me now. I feel a sense of calmness about that just now.

Do I make sense. I notice there's a lot of you that don't count, not judging or anything, but feel it wasn't helpful for me in that it gave me a false sense of pride.

[Samstone]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Gardener
glad you posted this... tomorrow is my 100th and doing the roll call I've asked myself "should I be adding my name because for me now it does not feel necessary". When I first joined MWO it was a way for me to break the ice of my fear of posting. It also helped me be accountable to myself in the beginning. For awhile there was a time when I made sure I posted first thing in the morning which kept me committed to the process of staying AF. It really helped me stay honest with myself. So I've not really come to any conclusion other than do as I need.
Sam

[NoSugar]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Hi, Gardener

It isn't for everyone but I used it as a tool for 100 days, posting on roll call most days. It was good to see the numbers increase and the bigger they got, the surer I was I didn't want to return to #1. It also gave me an acute awareness of how much time was passing - how very long it had been since I had consumed alcohol.

After 100 days, it seemed unnecessary. On day 3, the increase to day 4 is 33% while on day 100, it is 1%, so not too exciting :H. Now I notice the months. (And just think, someday we will count our sobriety time in years !)

:hNS

[Byrdlady]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Every addict knows his/her quit date. I am of the school that you can't manage what you can't measure. So counting days (at least at first) I think, shows commitment. Maybe rather than avoiding the count, you can address what really made you relapse? Maybe you were posting less? Or had something stressful, or even as NoSugar has recently pointed out, JOYFUL, that made it happen? Addressing the trigger rather than the day count might be the better option. I find that people who don't take their day count seriously, sort of don't take their quit seriously. either. Once you have a big investment in your quit days, it makes you think HARDER before you might take that first drink. That's just MY take I'm not trying to offend anyone. I don't know my exact day count now, but I know I will reach 1000 days on Oct 15. I know at the beginning of the month what my count is. Again, this is just me and the observations I've made in my 4 years coming to this site. (But I put the A in Anal, so take it for what it's worth!). When I was losing to AL, I didn't want to count, but when I was winning, I did~! Byrdie

[witts end]

To Count or Not Count the Days

I found counting days very good as it made me more commited because i didnt want to go back to day 1 and still don't
Byrdlady ...i quiet agree ......it helps you to stay focused ..... thou i have to admit while on hols have lost count but will be back on track to-morrow

af since may 31 2013

[broken halo]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Hi Gardener, so glad to see you back on track again.

I found counting the days useful, especially early on. This quit I was determined from day 1 I was never doing alcohol again, like you, I want every day of the rest of my life to be AL free. I used it as a tool though. Every single day sober made me stronger and more certain that I can achieve my goal of permanent and lifelong sobriety. I didn't see my 30 days as proving that I could control alcohol, I saw it as a sign that I CAN successfully abstain from alcohol without any regret or sense of loss.

Sam also made a really good point about some people being quite shy of posting generally and using the roll call as a tool to overcome that.

Having said all that, everyone is different. It's good to see what you are doing is working for you. Stay strong x

[Darkest Diamond]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Once I have got 30 days under my belt I will really start counting,recently have had so many ups and downs I'd rather do it ODAAT (but with the full intention of stopping forever) if that makes sense!

[Kairos]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Actually I think counting the days is good for a number of reasons.
Hardly anyone manages to keep going first time around! This is my 3rd day-count. I've learned something different each time. The first time I got to 130 days or so, like Gardner, I thought I had it licked. Ha Ha! and so I stopped counting. Mistake-back to drinking habit I fought so hard to quit. The second time I got about 78 days and then the boredom of the routine got to me and I stopped. Within 2 weeks I was back to booze. What I learned from that was I needed something else to keep me posting here - maybe I should have joined long term abstainers for some extra help and motivation. This time I intend to keep posting steadily and surely and keep admitting my need to be here. I'll be looking out for my arrogance and/or boredom setting in and making sure I do something positive if any of those feelings get to me.
K

[NoSugar]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Hi, Kairos

I think counting days is a very good tool but I would think long-term success would be tough if it were the only or main MWO tool used. Establishing relationships and actively engaging has been critical for me. It is rewarding and definitely not boring! It sounds like you are on the right track this time ! NS

[halfway content]

To Count or Not Count the Days

I stopped counting after my 30 day mark. I am not really sure why. Those first 30 were so all consuming that I needed a break, I guess. Now I have lost track of the days, weeks and even months, but I remember the date- March 11.

[Irie]

To Count or Not Count the Days

NoSugar;1545846 wrote: Hi, Gardener

After 100 days, it seemed unnecessary. On day 3, the increase to day 4 is 33% while on day 100, it is 1%, so not too exciting :H. Now I notice the months. (And just think, someday we will count our sobriety time in years !)

:hNS

Since I am on Day 3 today, I certainly agree. At this point every single day I can add to my count is a victory. I will jump for joy when I count in months or years!

[Gardener]

To Count or Not Count the Days

There were a lot of really good responses here. I think I've learned something valuable,;

Samstone - Great points and CONGRATULATIONS on 100 days, keep "doing as you need", it's working!

Nosugar - Good to think of counting as using yet another tool, we need all the tools we can get here, and noted your second comment, don't let that be the only tool you use.

Wittsend - Glad to know it made you more focused and committed.

BrokenHalo - Thank you, it's good to be back, I felt lost these past couple of weeks. Counting helps you to stay focused too, I'm feeling grateful now for living AF, and truthfully, this is the first time I don't long for it, I know it's still early, but I didn't feel that the first quit.

Darkest Diamond - That sounds like a plan there, I wish you all the success in getting to your thirty days. Rooting for you!!!

Kairos - I really understand what you are saying. you sound a lot like me. Keep up the count, it's working for you!

Irie - We're pretty close in quit times, I want to be jumping for joy with you!

Byrdie - Saved you for last, you make a hell of a lot of sense. You pretty much zeroed in on my mentally blaming the count for the relapse, and my thinking that if I didn't count this time it would be better.

I thought about your post all night, when I first read your response, I thought, wha....., then I felt defensive and irritated with you... and then I started really thinking. There was a big trigger, one I was trying to sweep under the rug, it was a loss of control issue. So I think by ordering that glass of wine, I was taking back some of the control in my life, although it was destructive. Hmmmm. Sure as hell don't want to do that again.

I'm going to try this again, Hello my name is Gardener, I'm so glad to have found this forum, I'm trying to be AF. Day 2

[sanchez]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Counting is helping me to be accountable especially now in the very early stages (13 days today). I don't relish the thought of coming back here one day, with ears drooping and tail between my legs and admitting that I have to start over with day one. So I think for now, I'll continue to count. The day I quit will be forever etched in my brain. So will the day before....and believe me, I don't ever want to go back there.

But at some point, further down the line and not sure what day that will be, but I'd like to lose track and be able to say, I quit drinking over three months ago, or over a year ago. As my mom is one of my support team, she said to me the other day, I think it's been over a year now that I quit drinking. She's right, and it's actually been longer.

That would be quite nice to say as well IMHO.

[Elvis]

To Count or Not Count the Days

The first week, I counted and knew my numbers. Around two weeks or so I started forgetting and would have to count backwards to find out my number. Now I know roughly when the milestones are coming up so as the time gets closer to them, I will pay more attention to the numbers.

[Neddy Merrill]

To Count or Not Count the Days

Hi Folks, I have stopped counting. If I wanted to I could trawl back through here and find out, but really I am only interested in today. In the past I have counted and thought, "That's it. I deserve a drink" or some other sh*t like that. I am taking it one day at a time and finding that this levels things for me - any man can fight the battle of one day (to paraphrase AA).