Realisation

[chimpy]

Hi, new here

I say realisation but in reality I've known I've had a problem with drinking for a good few years.

Despite being only 22 I've lost my driving license twice and been in hospital for weeks at a time 3 times in the last year alone with pancreatitis from my drinking.

At my worst I was drinking a litre of vodka a day and ended up off work for four months on the sick with anxiety/panic attacks related to the drinking.

Having only got out of hospital a week ago i've already started drinking again, not heavily, but I find myself craving it badly. I get incredibly bored when i've not had a drink and I enjoy drinking by myself a lot.

I don't know where to go from here, docs have warned the pancreatitis could become life threatening if I don't kick the drink but I'm not sure I have the complete motivation for it. The longest i've gone without drinking since I was about 15 is a month, while I was on the sick from work.

Any advice on how to go about sorting this out would be hugely appreciated, at my wits end here.

[MossRose]

Realisation

Welcome!! I am so glad you are here. Chimpy, you are only 22 and have already been hospitalized with pancreatitis 3 times in a year. Please, please stop drinking today. We will help. We will be here for you. I know it's hard - the boredom, the anxiety - but you can do this. I promise you that there is a great AF life waiting for you.

I watched my brother struggle with bouts of pancreatitis over the years and he's an end-stage alcoholic, and much older than you. Chimpy, I'm not trying to scare you. but as you know, this is extremely serious. My brother has ended up comatose twice due to it. He pulled through, but the damage to his body (and brain) was extensive. So I am terribly concerned for you. I don't mean to sound harsh or judgmental. That would be a wee bit hypocritical of me, don't you think? Please believe me, I am speaking out of concern. So promise me that you will keep reading, and posting.

Did your doctors offer you any help or guidance? If not, find a doctor to work with you. There are also many threads dealing with holistic ways to fight the addiction. Maybe a combination would help. Again, I'm so glad you joined MWO and I wish you the very best. Hope to hear from you very soon.

[Kradle123]

Realisation

Welcome Chimpy!:welcome:
22 and you've had the realization! That is wonderful!
I am 51 and didn't take the hint for.... well..way after 22 that's for sure ...slow learner this one!

The first order of business is for you to read, read, read and then READ as much as you can take here on MWO. You will see SO MUCH of yourelf here; it's spooky...but really it's just like coming home.

Don't worry about posting. Head over to the Newbie nest (if you haven't already) and take a look at the Tool Box Thread. You can click on the link in my signature below and you will be there instantly.

Stay close to us, Chimpy. :l So glad you're here.

[chimpy]

Realisation

Wow, was not expecting such a warm welcome thankyou guys.

The worst feeling I have right now about it all is having realised fairly young I have a problem that I'm always going to struggle with this, seems like such a hard road ahead, as I do enjoy drinking so much, I just can't really imagine my life without it.

Is it a case of complete abstinence? Or is there hope of ever being able to control it and enjoy a drink in moderation?

Thanks again for such an accepting and warm welcome, feel at home already

[Unwasted]

Realisation

Hey Chimpy,

So glad you found MWO - it's a great place full of supportive, understanding people. I can't add much to what's been said, but from what I've read, once we've crossed the line into addiction (which you have), there is no going back to moderating - ever.

What you can't imagine now (and none of us could at the beginning) is that life is actually better once you give up alcohol completely. It's a struggle, and your brain is going to tell you to go back to it. But, if you can start racking up some chunks of AF time, you will (over a period of time) begin to retrain your brain into realizing that the pain of drinking is not even close to worth it.

Hang out in the nest and accumulate some days. Read and post. Talk things out, and spend as much time here as you possibly can. It really helps.

Best to you,

UN :lilheart:

[witts end]

Realisation

hello chimpy and welcome
sorry but i dont think moderation works might for 2 days or a week but you slowly end up back where you were ..... I find af is the only way to go .......go back to your doctor he should be able to help you quit

glad your here

[Wine-no!]

Realisation

Hi Chimpy
Wow! You've had a tough time health-wise. I am glad you are OK.
You know what you have to do here.. You must quit.. You have had some warnings - by your body and from the doctors and now you must act.
I know it seems scary and as if life will never be the same again without booze, I felt the same, but all I can say is that is the addiction talking to you, trying to convince you to continue at any cost...
Once you get past the first few days, you will start to realise this yourself - you will feel so much better after a very short time...
From what you say, the doctors are aware of your drinking. Can they refer you to some medical help to assist you to quit?
We are all here to support you. Please come back and tell us how you are getting on.

[broken halo]

Realisation

Hello Chimpy and welcome! I am so glad you recognise that you have a problem and want some help to overcome it.

Alcohol has put you through the mill already at such a young age. You say at your worse you were drinking a litre of vodka a day. You say you 'enjoyed' drinking, but I can't imagine there's much to enjoy about that. Give yourself some sober time to reflect on what AL really does to you and how it really makes you feel.

I don't know much about pancreatitis but MossRose is clearly speaking from the heart and from her experience with her brother.

There is life after alcohol, give yourself a chance to see it and experience it. And stay close to this place, you can't go wrong here. :l

[K9Lover]

Realisation

chimpy;1545868 wrote: seems like such a hard road ahead, as I do enjoy drinking so much, I just can't really imagine my life without it.

Hi Chimpy and Welcome!

So...what is it about drinking that you enjoy "so much"? The hospitalization (3 times)? The loss of your drivers license (twice)? The time off work due to anxiety? I'm waiting to hear the "enjoyable" part. Please keep posting so we can get to know you!

Again, welcome!

K9

[chimpy]

Realisation

Thankyou all for the warm welcome.

At this moment in time I haven't stopped drinking, I feel like I'm trying to find a good enough reason to do it.

Since I posted a couple of days ago I've drank solidly and I feel like crap. I've cancelled stuff I had planned like going to play squash with a good friend because I just don't think I'll be able to hack it.

How depressing. Don't worry I know self loathing isn't good for the soul but I needed a good moan.

[MossRose]

Realisation

Hi Chimpy. Glad you came back. It takes most of us a few good tries to finally make it to the other side. And I won't lie to you, even then it takes true commitment. But it is so worth it!! If you stop drinking now, you will have decades of good times ahead of you. You'll want to play squash again. You won't feel like crap all the time. I wasn't that smart, and I regret it terribly. I wasted decades of my life.

The self-loathing you feel is due to AL. It's that simple. There are a few threads here that speak to that exact issue. The more you drink - the more self-loathing and shame you will feel. And it won't stop until you do. Think about it, ok?

Since you came back and posted, I know deep down inside, you want this pain to end. So lean on us. We understand. And we are rooting for you.

Moss

[Unwasted]

Realisation

Chimpy,

Just wanted you to know we are here to listen if you want to talk more! Really hoping you can make some changes in your life in order to be AF. You health isn't going to hold up to the same old pattern from the sound of it.

Can you post daily in the nest, you know, accumulate some AF time? We're here to help if we can. Maybe you could devise a new plan to change up your routine?

xx,
UN

[little beagle]

Realisation

Chimpy I know it seems like you are losing a really good friend, but in reality your friend is robbing you. Taking everything from you. Your health, your joy in living, and eventually alcohol will take your life.
When I stopped drinking I found all of those things and I got my pride back.
Mwo can change your life if you read,take offered advice, post at least once a day, and work through your problems. It sounds like a lot of work, but it is a lot less time consuming then drinking. Trust me. So many wise people here have been down this same road and they know all the twists and turns.
Keep reading and posting.

[Samstone]

Realisation

Hello Chimpy and welcome

"I feel like I'm trying to find a good enough reason to do it."

after reading your original post and the above from a later post, I got to agree with K9, ask yourself what good is booze really doing for you here. I'd have to think that being hospitalized would be a real wake up call.

Keep checking in here and take a cyber walk to the Newbie Nest. There are folks there at all stages and there's lots to learn. Hope to hear from you soon.

Sam

[K9Lover]

Realisation

Hi Chimpy!
Just wanted to say that I'm glad you came back and see how you're doing today. Do you have any plans for this weekend? Stick around ok? We really do understand!