Living in the present

[Darkest Diamond]

I feel so sad at the moment, for all the years I have wasted. Feel weighed down. The last two have been truely horrible, just working each day, then drinking each eve and isolating from nearly all my friends and family.

I need to forgive myself and really truely start living again.

Each day is a new beginning but so is each hour and each minute, life will be beautiful again even though right now I am finding it tough! I do believe that without alcohol I can get to be closer to the person I want to be.

Sending loving thoughts to anyone else who feels guilty about the past.

[Londoner]

Living in the present

DD - keep those thoughts in the front of your mind. They will help you get through the lows. Your success will depend on, not how good the highs are, but more on how well you cope with the lows.

Living in the present and mindful awareness is the way to go. Savour the moment. Enjoy life. Every second that passes is one that you can never relive. The future is the thing that is under your full control. Make it exceptional

[broken halo]

Living in the present

Hiya DD.

I have a lot of regrets and bad memories from my drinking too. Such wastefulness is sad, and I won't forget. I can't go back and change anything. But I have a golden opportunity now to make amends to myself and others as much as I can. By being sober, I am creating new memories for myself and the people close to me.

We have to face up to the past and deal with it as best we can or we can never move forward.

You are right, life can be beautiful again. Sadness and guilt have their place, but so do hope, determination and belief in yourself. The more you seperate yourself from AL the stronger those feelings of hope and belief become. I hope your day gets brighter, starting this very moment! :l

[Darkest Diamond]

Living in the present

Well BH I am sober and was yesterday (stopped drinking about 7.00am yesterday morning) so this is a good start, will get out in the sun!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Living in the present

Hi DD... I feel for you, totally! My therapist helped me realize that I obsess TOO much with the past and with things that I could never go back and change. Some AL related of course. I completely understand that it's not easy, but this is also something that you have to learn to control. I'm still learning that myself. LOL. Keep in mind that grabbing a bottle of booze and lamenting the past will only make you feel worse.

Much love and strength to you. :l

[daisy45]

Living in the present

This discussion reminded me of a book I read, 'The power of your subconscious mind' by Joseph Murphy. I hoked it out just now and went to the chapter on alcoholism.
'If you have a keen desire to free yourself from any destructive habit, you are already 51 per cent healed. When your desire to give up the bad habit is greater than your need to continue it, you will be amazed to discover that complete freedom is but a step away.
Whatever thought you anchor the mind upon, the mind magnifies. Engage the mind on the concept of freedom (that is, freedom from the destructive habit) and peace of mind. Keep it focused on this new direction of attention. In doing so, you generate feelings that gradually pervade the concept of freedom and peace. Whatever idea you emotionalize in this way is accepted by your subconscious and brought to pass.
The real cause of alcoholism is negative and destructive thinking; for 'as humans think, so are they.'
The alcoholic has a deep sense of inferiority, inadequacy, frustration, and defeat. Often these are accompanied by a deep inner hostility. He or she has countless alibis to explain his or her drinking, but in reality the sole reason is in the person's 'thought life.'
3 Magic Steps:
1. Get still; quiet the wheels of the mind. Enter into a sleepy, drowsy state. In this relaxed, peaceful, receptive state, you are preparing for the second step.
2. Take a brief phrase that can be graven readily on the memory and repeat it over and over as a lullaby. Use the phrase "Sobriety and peace of mind are mine now, and I give thanks." To prevent the mind from wandering, repeat it aloud or sketch its pronunciation with the lips and tongue as you say it mentally. This helps its entry into the subconscious mind. Do this for 5 minutes or more. You will find a deep emotional response.
3. Just before going to sleep, practice what Johann von Goethe, the great German poet, used to do. Imagine a friend or loved one with you. Your eyes are closed, you are relaxed and at peace. The loved one or friend is subjectively present, and is saying to you, "Congratulations!"
You see the smile; you hear the voice. You mentally touch the hand; all is real and vivid. The word congratulations implies complete freedom. Hear it over and over until you get the subconscious reaction that satisfies.'

I read this a long time ago and found it so helpful. Time to practice it again. Hope it helps you too.
'Keep on, persevere, until the day breaks, and the shadows flee away.'

[Miley]

Living in the present

DD....I think it's normal to feel this way. It happens to me also and sometimes when I least expect it....it's like a slap in the face. I am in counseling, trying to change the way that I think about the past because I am afraid it will bring me to keep relapsing.

Daisy....A big thank you for sharing what you read. I am going to try this when I get home.

[Neddy Merrill]

Living in the present

DD, I know exactly how you feel. At times in the past when I have quit I have punished myself for the way I treated and behaved towards other people. I've been thinking about this long and hard lately because the thoughts came flooding back recently. What I have done differently this time is separate the behaviour of the drunken Neddy from the sober Neddy. Alcohol stimulates in me an absolutely negative change. It takes away my real values and makes my behaviour unacceptable. But I have realised it is the alcohol, not the real me. When I take a drink the drink takes me and I have no choice in what happens. I know some people will say that you always have a choice, but I really believe that for me, when alcohol enters my system, I have none. Drinking and driving, stealing, lying, cheating, not giving my employers what they deserve from me and the children I teach are all absolutely abhorrent to me yet if I take alcohol that is exactly what will happen. I am currently trying to make amends to people who I have hurt - not by confessing my sins and saying sorry, but by being nice and doing nice things. This has helped me no end. Anyway, I am rattling on.

Daisy, I am going to try your methods - they sound right up my street.

BH, your wisdom is quite wonderful, surpassed though by your kindness and beautiful spirit. x

[NoSugar]

Living in the present

Darkest Diamond;1545956 wrote: I feel so sad at the moment, for all the years I have wasted. Feel weighed down. The last two have been truely horrible, just working each day, then drinking each eve and isolating from nearly all my friends and family.

I need to forgive myself and really truely start living again.

Each day is a new beginning but so is each hour and each minute, life will be beautiful again even though right now I am finding it tough! I do believe that without alcohol I can get to be closer to the person I want to be.

Sending loving thoughts to anyone else who feels guilty about the past.

Hi, DD

Self-forgiveness was probably one of my biggest obstacles when I first joined MWO. I just could not believe what I had done. The more I learned about the biological and psychological aspects of addiction, the more I was able to handle it. I guess being in science, I needed data to explain how this happened. And - it is all out there - perfectionist personality issues... societal pressures ... mechanisms of alcohol's actions on the brain... It doesn't make all of this ok but understanding what happened and why can help you forgive yourself. I'm not sure I've made it all the way yet, but each day is better than the one before.

There is no point in blaming yourself for what has happened in the past (I'm talking to both of us !). Learn from it and most importantly, take responsibility for getting yourself free of this addiction. Now that I better understand what is going on, I am quite sure I would really be hard on myself if I went backwards despite knowing what I know now. Knowledge is part of my armor.

All the best to you, NS

[NoSugar]

Living in the present

Neddy Merrill;1546084 wrote: DD, I know exactly how you feel. At times in the past when I have quit I have punished myself for the way I treated and behaved towards other people. I've been thinking about this long and hard lately because the thoughts came flooding back recently. What I have done differently this time is separate the behaviour of the drunken Neddy from the sober Neddy. Alcohol stimulates in me an absolutely negative change. It takes away my real values and makes my behaviour unacceptable. But I have realised it is the alcohol, not the real me. When I take a drink the drink takes me and I have no choice in what happens. I know some people will say that you always have a choice, but I really believe that for me, when alcohol enters my system, I have none. Drinking and driving, stealing, lying, cheating, not giving my employers what they deserve from me and the children I teach are all absolutely abhorrent to me yet if I take alcohol that is exactly what will happen. I am currently trying to make amends to people who I have hurt - not by confessing my sins and saying sorry, but by being nice and doing nice things. This has helped me no end. Anyway, I am rattling on.

Daisy, I am going to try your methods - they sound right up my street.

BH, your wisdom is quite wonderful, surpassed though by your kindness and beautiful spirit. x

Neddy,

It sounds like you have figured out things about yourself that will help you make this your final quit. I think the Neddy we know here is the real you - and he is a great guy!

:h NS

[broken halo]

Living in the present

daisy45;1545991 wrote: This discussion reminded me of a book I read, 'The power of your subconscious mind' by Joseph Murphy. I hoked it out just now and went to the chapter on alcoholism.
'If you have a keen desire to free yourself from any destructive habit, you are already 51 per cent healed. When your desire to give up the bad habit is greater than your need to continue it, you will be amazed to discover that complete freedom is but a step away.
Whatever thought you anchor the mind upon, the mind magnifies. Engage the mind on the concept of freedom (that is, freedom from the destructive habit) and peace of mind. Keep it focused on this new direction of attention. In doing so, you generate feelings that gradually pervade the concept of freedom and peace. Whatever idea you emotionalize in this way is accepted by your subconscious and brought to pass.
The real cause of alcoholism is negative and destructive thinking; for 'as humans think, so are they.'
The alcoholic has a deep sense of inferiority, inadequacy, frustration, and defeat. Often these are accompanied by a deep inner hostility. He or she has countless alibis to explain his or her drinking, but in reality the sole reason is in the person's 'thought life.'
3 Magic Steps:
1. Get still; quiet the wheels of the mind. Enter into a sleepy, drowsy state. In this relaxed, peaceful, receptive state, you are preparing for the second step.
2. Take a brief phrase that can be graven readily on the memory and repeat it over and over as a lullaby. Use the phrase "Sobriety and peace of mind are mine now, and I give thanks." To prevent the mind from wandering, repeat it aloud or sketch its pronunciation with the lips and tongue as you say it mentally. This helps its entry into the subconscious mind. Do this for 5 minutes or more. You will find a deep emotional response.
3. Just before going to sleep, practice what Johann von Goethe, the great German poet, used to do. Imagine a friend or loved one with you. Your eyes are closed, you are relaxed and at peace. The loved one or friend is subjectively present, and is saying to you, "Congratulations!"
You see the smile; you hear the voice. You mentally touch the hand; all is real and vivid. The word congratulations implies complete freedom. Hear it over and over until you get the subconscious reaction that satisfies.'

I read this a long time ago and found it so helpful. Time to practice it again. Hope it helps you too.
'Keep on, persevere, until the day breaks, and the shadows flee away.'
Daisy, I absolutely love this and have been practising similar things since I gave up AL. I believe very firmly in the power of the mind, and this

The real cause of alcoholism is negative and destructive thinking; for 'as humans think, so are they.'

Out with negative and destructive thinking, time for a bit of self esteem, self belief and recognition of what we are truly capable of when we want something badly.

What I have done differently this time is separate the behaviour of the drunken Neddy from the sober Neddy.

I think this is absolutely right Neddy, you would never dream of doing any of those things sober, never in a million years. That is drunken Neddy's behaviour, not yours. :l


I needed data to explain how this happened. And - it is all out there - perfectionist personality issues... societal pressures ... mechanisms of alcohol's actions on the brain... It doesn't make all of this ok but understanding what happened and why can help you forgive yourself. I'm not sure I've made it all the way yet, but each day is better than the one before

Great post NS. I was reading up on the effects on mood, anxiety and depression yesterday, very interesting stuff.

Congrats on your day 2 DD, hope the sunshine helped too!

[sanchez]

Living in the present

Hi Daisy45 -
I like the three magic steps. Printing them out to keep bedside as a reminder to practice this.
This in particular describes how I've felt over the last decade:

"The alcoholic has a deep sense of inferiority, inadequacy, frustration, and defeat. Often these are accompanied by a deep inner hostility. He or she has countless alibis to explain his or her drinking, but in reality the sole reason is in the person's 'thought life."

Still trying to figure what was really driving my inner hostility. Lots of contributing factors over the years that al magnified but there has to be a root cause. Yes/No? Hoping my counselor can help me there.

Thank you for this insight.

[MossRose]

Living in the present

DD - I know for certain that my main deterrent to staying sober in the past was my inability to forgive myself. I can be a very obnoxious drunk. Ugh!! So rather than deal with the overwhelming feelings of shame, I would just pour myself another glass of wine, and try to forget. Of course, it would only work for a short time, and then I would repeat the same old pattern. I get very sad and remorseful too about the past, but as the others have said, all we can do now is try to be the very best person we can be. Like Abraham Lincoln said..."When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad..." That's my new mantra.

[Suesue]

Living in the present

That's very true I don't take a drink it takes me. That's a nice piece daisy45
Hard not to feel pain and guilt over the past. Is there anywhere I can look up a link re alcohol addiction and the biochemistry of addiction? I'm still at a stage of self loathing. Feeling quite low and vulnerable at the mo. I do have moments of positivity but I know this is a lifelong battle one I intend to win tho

[NoSugar]

Living in the present

Suesue;1546449 wrote: That's very true I don't take a drink it takes me. That's a nice piece daisy45
Hard not to feel pain and guilt over the past. Is there anywhere I can look up a link re alcohol addiction and the biochemistry of addiction? I'm still at a stage of self loathing. Feeling quite low and vulnerable at the mo. I do have moments of positivity but I know this is a lifelong battle one I intend to win tho

Hi, Suesue

There are some links in this thread re: the biochemistry:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...own-77115.html

All the best, NS