I am hopeless.

[Determinator]

I am hopeless.

good job MossRose! not long ago I thought I was hopeless, then found just a little bit of strength. just enough to start making changes. hard at first, then easier. it really does get better I promise!

[spiderwoman]

I am hopeless.

Hang in there MossRose, the fact you're here shows how much strength you have, its a horrible habit to kick :l

[3June2013]

I am hopeless.

Go talk to your son, tell him how hard you're trying and that you're not done. Show him you're serious.

[Buggirl]

I am hopeless.

Moss rose. The fact that you are posting means you want to change . . . That is hopeful...not hopeless! As Stevie wonder says..."keep on trying til we reach the highest good!"

And don't you dare stop welcoming anyone!

[Kradle123]

I am hopeless.

Sweet MR, :l

There aren't a 'finite' number of chances...every trip - every fall, as long as we get up, gets us closer to ourselves...you are in there and no way are you an idiot!!!!

When your ready tomorrow just sit quietly and think why you went back. And Junes right. Go talk to your son and show him how hard your are fighting

I adore your avatar. The girls bring those puzzles home all the time and I remember loving them SO MUCH as a kid...I keep meaning to make one with your words of wisdom and power.

Walking with you too. :h

[yellow cayenne]

I am hopeless.

Hey Moss, you welcomed me yesterday. Just want you to know that most of us have had to keep starting over. Frustrating as it is. What is important is to keep trying. You are a great person and you care about others. You can do this!

[Kradle123]

I am hopeless.

And your encouragement to the Newbies is NOT hypocrital..it's REAL & HONEST & RAW...just what we all need...new here or not... :l

[chimpy]

I am hopeless.

It's not hypocritical at all! We're all in this battle and you helped me feel welcome

[sanchez]

I am hopeless.

Moss- like guitarista said " get back on that horse and show him who's boss"! You are in control- you can do it again. Like all have said, because you came back to MWO shows you are still ready and willing to do this. And, your honesty exemplifies this as well. We are all here for you.
You are not stupid! You are human and this is hard. Go easy on yourself.
Xo

[NoSugar]

I am hopeless.

Hopefully you are sleeping well right now, MossRose.

A month or so ago, you decided to drink and then you stayed away from MWO for awhile. Today, you came here right after realizing you had made a mistake. Maybe you came here wanting to be told to stop. And you did stop! It is so hard to do this alone but not quite so hard when you have friends. You didn't quite have the strength to conquer AL yourself but you called our version of 911. Look how many people came!

I think you did just the right thing tonight, MossRose, and I am so happy that you trusted your friends here enough to call on us.

:l NS

[Samstone]

I am hopeless.

Moss Rose
please understand, it is not because we are weak people when this happens, and it can happen to any of us at any time, the lure of "the feeling" that is a very sinister foe.

It is funny you mention welcoming people, I've often wondered if I slipped, would I have the nerve to post again, So to me you are not weak, but actually very strong and so when you are welcoming people this next time, you are aware perhaps on an even more knowledgeable level of the bastard we're dealing with. We're all here for each other.
Sam

[Wine-no!]

I am hopeless.

I know how you're feeling as I feel the same. We wouldn't have come back here if we weren't determined to do this, would we? You are stronger than you think and can do this xx

[TheSunFlower]

I am hopeless.

As long as you are alive....you are not hopeless. It amazes me how long I kept on trying. And as long as I am alive....I have to keep a watchful eye. Be good to yourself.

[MossRose]

I am hopeless.

I was just sitting outside, drinking coffee and watching the sun come up. It's my favorite time of the day, and when I do my best thinking. And I sure have a lot to think about.

I posted last night that I would regret telling you all the truth, but I was wrong. I am so glad that I did. I have read through your responses several times, and can't ever thank all of you enough for your loving support and advice. I posted a cry for help, and the cavalry arrived. Thank you!!! I'm dealing with a ton of shame today, but I know it could have been worse. Thanks NS, for giving me the gentle shove I needed to pour the rest of that poison down the drain. I was about half a bottle in when I posted. Then, I took the unopened bottle of wine (yes - I was prepared) down to the trash compactor and tossed it. I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't posted.

I have no excuse and no defense - I deliberately chose to buy the wine yesterday. It was my last stop on a long list of errands. I was buying groceries and I found myself wandering down the wine aisle. I knew I was in trouble right then and there. I normally avoid that section of the store. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. Inside I was screaming NO, but I picked up two bottles of wine and put them my cart. It felt like everything was in slow-motion. I'm sure that sounds weird. I was actually shaking as I was paying for it. So many chances to stop myself, yet I didn't.

As I said, I have no excuse. I do know what triggered it though. My divorce is final tomorrow and I am dreading it. I have been posting a bit about the failure of my marriage lately. I'm still struggling to make sense of it all. I know this is for the best. But there are days when I desperately miss him, and the dream of what could have been. Yesterday, he sent me many texts - all very kind and loving. Funny, because he wasn't always that nice when we were still together. Anyway, I got nostalgic. And started feeling very lonely. I realize that there is no going back. He is still drinking and has no desire to stop. But my emotions are all over the place right now.

So I was having a pity party and had just poured my second glass of wine, when my son dropped by for a visit. I wasn't drunk, but the look on his face said it all. I was horrified and ashamed. He only stayed a few minutes. The damage was done.

Sorry for the long, rambling post. Again, I can't tell you all thank you enough. You saved me from myself last night. Blessings and love to you all.

[3June2013]

I am hopeless.

Moss you caught it early and you fixed it. I hope you can talk to your son and tell him what you just told us. I am sure he wants to be part of your healing. Please look forward, life changes constantly and in no time you'll be feeling better. I'm so proud of you for coming here and fessing up. Look how quickly you turned it around and now that little blip is history. If you can learn from it that makes it even more worthwhile going through it!